Values Voters Nadir
The GOP’s Little Engine That Could, hurtling toward inevitable wreckage, pulled into its final stop yesterday to pick up a few last passengers bound for glory. Turns out there was a sort of Harmonic Convergence of ultra-conservatism shaping up this weekend that brought together the illuminati of the far right. There were truckers and Sarah and veterans—oh my!
The Values Voters were in town to renew their vows to God, Guns and Glory, and to select this year’s homecoming king who turned out to be that paragon of conservative values and Christian soldiery, Ted Cruz. Now it just so happened that “our vets,” as Caribou Barbie calls them, were planning a civil protest to make the point that they should always have access to their memorials.
The veterans laid no blame on political parties involved in the government shutdown, they simply wanted to make the point that they feel that these memorials should never be inaccessible to veterans and the public who wish to honor them.
Unfortunately, the Values Voters, all pumped up on a weekend of conservative purity and American Exceptionalism decided that this was a terrific opportunity to flip Obama the bird and get their pictures in the news being patriots again, just like in the 2009 Glory Days.
Well, nobody knows how to hijack an event like inside-the-Beltway TEA Partiers. And so it is that they rousted the local patriots, eager to rub elbows and say the pledge with Sarah and Cap’n Cruz, whereupon a totally ginned up mob of about 200 les misérables, under a huge confederate flag, marched themselves to the off-limits Lincoln Memorial, confiscating “barry-cades” as they went, to pile up in front of the White House gates whilst hurling racial insults at the White House guards and the Commander-in-Chief.
Jesus wept. And a good time was had by Values Voters.
The veterans, stand-up humans and brave to boot, promptly disowned the whole embarrassing circus and posted a long apology to their countrymen on the event organizer’s website and Facebook Page.
The Yahoos, meanwhile, saluted each other for the rest of the afternoon, congratulating themselves on a totally awesome finale for the Values Voters Summit and gave statements to the courtier press about what a “gamechanger” the day had been.
Evidently, this is what conservatives do as a morale booster when their approval ratings are in the toilet. Sometimes, like these, when the whole world is watching, it’s just plain embarrassing to be an American.