Veepstakes 2012:  Rock Stars!

I don’t know what the deal is with calling non-musical people “rock stars” these days, but this is apparently the pundits’ way of saying “crowd-pleaser” in a hip and with-it kind of way. In other words, “rock star” is the new “bee’s knees”. Ann Romney has been called a rock star, recently. I would think Mrs. Mitt is a tolerable pop act, tops.  But no, if people genuinely applaud things you say, and not in a “you stopped talking, I must mark the lacuna” way, you too, could be a rock star.

But you’re not going to be like the GOP’s heavy hitters. The “Rock Star”, ideally, is a person who brings the sizzle. Sadly, where there is sizzle, there is not always steak. There isn’t even fried onions, sometimes. I guess one can’t discuss the rock star phenomenon without discussing Sarah Palin. You may have seen her in such venues as the Today show just recently, being an intentional caricature of her persona, or her reality show, being an unintentional caricature of her persona, or her tour de force role as a VP candidate in the ready-for-cable 2008 presidential election. As easy to photograph as her sentences are hard to diagram, she somehow succeeds in working a liberal’s last nerve like a Flying Wallenda crossing a tightrope between two very large buildings, and inspires fierce loyalty among folks who think with their endocrine systems. She gives “star bursts” and possibly other hard candies.  Does she know what the hell she’s talking about?

She’s a rock star. Please. Is it possible that Romney could try to catch lightning in a bottle for the second unsuccessful time?

Unlikely. I think the aforementioned cable movie probably sunk her practical chances for good, if real life hadn’t already.

Now, what about Paul Ryan? I don’t even get the whole Paul Ryan thing. I think his budget is pants and kind of have major issues with Randroids. Although, from a purely aesthetic POV, that would be one easy on the eyes pairing.  If one cared for that kind of thing. I don’t. No. Stop looking at me like that. I don’t.  Anyway, Obama is going hard against that kind of “eat the poor” economics, and I think Romney should recognize it as a trap—also Ryan probably is better off maintaining his “bright boy” role in the House.

I don’t know why people keep bringing up John Thune on the VP list. Is this a thing? Am I missing a train here? I keep reading people saying he’s exciting or attractive or something, but I just keep seeing a barber college hairstyle and the Bible camp counselor we all stayed clear of on general principles, No, I’m kidding. I never went to Bible camp.  But really—once again—le rock star? Mais, non.

And Donald Trump.  He certainly has tried to influence this race, but with diminishing returns. It doesn’t really matter if your cracker is a Ritz once the cheese has done slipped off it, and I do believe his recent opinions on vaccinations and so forth tend to make no one except really confused people want to take him seriously—so who would that leave?

I think the answer is clear—Mitt Romney needs someone with the courage to stand.

That’s right.  I’m talking about former MN Gov. Tim Pawlenty. But wha?, you may interject:  He’s no rock star!

Exactly. He’s so Pat Boone he makes Mitt look like Elvis in comparison. Or to translate for the kids—he’s so Jonas Brothers he makes Mitt look like, oh screw it. I’m trying to say that when T-Paw says stuff like “My smoking hot wife”, suddenly Romney looks so much less corny and forced. I’m of the opinion that a VP pick should be like a nice opening act—who doesn’t upstage the actual presidential candidate.  From the moment Pawlenty refused to repeat his “Obamneycare” slight during a debate, I knew he’d already made his mind up. That might not be a rock star decision—but it did show an understanding of show business.

Mitt doesn’t need a rock star—he needs a second fiddle, and Pawlenty has had a bow rosined and ready since McCain’s short-list.

And with that—I’m all Veepstaked-out.

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 04/03/12 at 10:14 PM • Permalink

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Thune looks like an insurance salesman. On the other hand, he does have the obligatory Republican haircut and fake smile.

Pawlenty is bland but more charming than Romney and seems like a nice guy. They’ll never pick him.

I guess Bobby Jindal eighty-sixed any chances he had with his regrettable State of the Union response.  That and his “not from around here” appearance . . .

Personally, I wish Romney could pick an earlier version of himself. Just think of all the exciting possibilities!

I’m of the opinion that a VP pick should be like a nice opening act—who doesn’t upstage the actual presidential candidate.

Maybe Dan Quayle could do a repeat? I can’t think of any other reason why he was ever picked.

I think Pawlenty is a good choice because he’s just as anti-tax as Ryan but has gone the extra step of actually having people die from it.

Personally, I wish Romney could pick an earlier version of himself.

I don’t think that’d be allowed under the 12th Amendment - wasn’t that designed to keep the ticket from being a pair of competitors?

I think Pawlenty is a good choice because he’s just as anti-tax as Ryan but has gone the extra step of actually having people die from it.

Indeed, this shows T-Paw’s level of commitment to the Cause, in a bacon rather than egg sort of way.

Xecky, he could always go with Quayle’s son who was elected to the house from Arizona.

Mitt doesn’t need a rock star—he needs a second fiddle

Donald “Never Met a Conspiracy Theory He Wouldn’t Embrace and Bray About” Trump definitely wouldn’t fit that bill.  Maybe this will be Pawlenty’s turn at the veep slot.  He wouldn’t help the ticket much but he couldn’t hurt it too badly either.  And they are kind of in that rock v. hard place position here.  Assuming most people don’t have the same reaction to him that I do which is to giggle uncontrollably.

If mittbot is within the MOE polling into the convention, he may pick a safe bet like Pawlenty. Should the cyborg find himslef behind by like 10 points in Tampa, well, he’s gonna need to shake it up. A lot. He will need a firebreathing bagger-type to bring the pain, so mittbot himself can remain above the fray looking all presidential and shit.

Biggest question in my mind is which Obama surrogates bring up the undefensible, anti-American views of the LDS religion and how well does it stick with the MSM memes?

The media will be all “We cant look at religion in this race”, thereby condoning the mormon churchs desire to overthrow the US government.

Looking over someone’s shoulder on the train this morning (bad habit, I know - compulsive reader), I saw Condoleeza Rice mentioned as a potential VP candidate.  That choice comes closer to GOP rock star than anyone mentioned so far: well-dressed, nice shoes, pro-war and acquainted with the English language and the workings of government.  Also comes with lady parts and ethnicity (Look! we’re not misogynists or racists!).  Downside is association with Bush the Lesser, who Mitt and the GOP presumably want to keep invisible.

You may be on to something here. Pawlenty is on the record articulating bizarre violence fantasies regarding government reform, suggesting at the 2010 CPAC that the GOP should follow the example of Tiger Woods’s wife: “take a nine iron and smash the window out of big government in this country.” Since that’s precisely the sort of imagery that makes the wingnuts’ pants get shorter, maybe he’d have a shot.

For some reason, I just can’t take Gov. Jindal seriously. I’ve tried. I keep getting Kenneth the Page, and I think just about everyone else does, too. Condi Rice I actually do take seriously, but I definitely think she would sit this year out. (Also,  she might just want to lay low and not have to rehash the Bush years, you know?)

It might be hard to have Condi on the ticket; Veeps sometimes travel to other countries and Condi is war crime tribunal-bait.

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