Veepstakes 2012: Rock Stars!
I don’t know what the deal is with calling non-musical people “rock stars” these days, but this is apparently the pundits’ way of saying “crowd-pleaser” in a hip and with-it kind of way. In other words, “rock star” is the new “bee’s knees”. Ann Romney has been called a rock star, recently. I would think Mrs. Mitt is a tolerable pop act, tops. But no, if people genuinely applaud things you say, and not in a “you stopped talking, I must mark the lacuna” way, you too, could be a rock star.
But you’re not going to be like the GOP’s heavy hitters. The “Rock Star”, ideally, is a person who brings the sizzle. Sadly, where there is sizzle, there is not always steak. There isn’t even fried onions, sometimes. I guess one can’t discuss the rock star phenomenon without discussing Sarah Palin. You may have seen her in such venues as the Today show just recently, being an intentional caricature of her persona, or her reality show, being an unintentional caricature of her persona, or her tour de force role as a VP candidate in the ready-for-cable 2008 presidential election. As easy to photograph as her sentences are hard to diagram, she somehow succeeds in working a liberal’s last nerve like a Flying Wallenda crossing a tightrope between two very large buildings, and inspires fierce loyalty among folks who think with their endocrine systems. She gives “star bursts” and possibly other hard candies. Does she know what the hell she’s talking about?
She’s a rock star. Please. Is it possible that Romney could try to catch lightning in a bottle for the second unsuccessful time?
Unlikely. I think the aforementioned cable movie probably sunk her practical chances for good, if real life hadn’t already.
Now, what about Paul Ryan? I don’t even get the whole Paul Ryan thing. I think his budget is pants and kind of have major issues with Randroids. Although, from a purely aesthetic POV, that would be one easy on the eyes pairing. If one cared for that kind of thing. I don’t. No. Stop looking at me like that. I don’t. Anyway, Obama is going hard against that kind of “eat the poor” economics, and I think Romney should recognize it as a trap—also Ryan probably is better off maintaining his “bright boy” role in the House.
I don’t know why people keep bringing up John Thune on the VP list. Is this a thing? Am I missing a train here? I keep reading people saying he’s exciting or attractive or something, but I just keep seeing a barber college hairstyle and the Bible camp counselor we all stayed clear of on general principles, No, I’m kidding. I never went to Bible camp. But really—once again—le rock star? Mais, non.
And Donald Trump. He certainly has tried to influence this race, but with diminishing returns. It doesn’t really matter if your cracker is a Ritz once the cheese has done slipped off it, and I do believe his recent opinions on vaccinations and so forth tend to make no one except really confused people want to take him seriously—so who would that leave?
I think the answer is clear—Mitt Romney needs someone with the courage to stand.
That’s right. I’m talking about former MN Gov. Tim Pawlenty. But wha?, you may interject: He’s no rock star!
Exactly. He’s so Pat Boone he makes Mitt look like Elvis in comparison. Or to translate for the kids—he’s so Jonas Brothers he makes Mitt look like, oh screw it. I’m trying to say that when T-Paw says stuff like “My smoking hot wife”, suddenly Romney looks so much less corny and forced. I’m of the opinion that a VP pick should be like a nice opening act—who doesn’t upstage the actual presidential candidate. From the moment Pawlenty refused to repeat his “Obamneycare” slight during a debate, I knew he’d already made his mind up. That might not be a rock star decision—but it did show an understanding of show business.
Mitt doesn’t need a rock star—he needs a second fiddle, and Pawlenty has had a bow rosined and ready since McCain’s short-list.
And with that—I’m all Veepstaked-out.