For the Bitterz:

I cannot wait for the voting to be over. Talk about grown men (and women) acting like children. Sheesh.

You have my vote, Kevin (as does Jon Swift, who just officially endorsed you), though next year I am taking the Blagojevich approach. You want my vote? What do I get for it. (And good luck getting Roland Burris to vote for your blog!)

You mean No Quarter is still around?  I thought they lost relevance after round three of rumored allegations about Obama from well-placed anonymous sources.

No offense, but if batshit crazy sites like NQ, Confluence, and Uppity Woman are candidates for any award this whole contest is stupid and should be fed to wolves.

Hmm, I can’t login from my home IP. I wonder if myiq2xu is hacking me.

There’s nothing those pumas CAN’T do, ya know.

Pumalicious—Yes, NQ yet lives, and is still the go-to source for thought-deadening column-filler like this:

Is puma the new jew - a people persecuted for their beliefs, and eventually for their failure to fall in line, and follow the chosen one?

Now, I am not saying that PUMAS have been subjected to the horrors of the holocaust, or the years and years of persecution, but I thought it was a snappy intro that might grab your attention.

Your morning cup of craZee, courtesy of Cinie at Effluence:

Barack Obama offends my sense of fair play.  From what I’ve been able to determine through my research of him, he has pushed the against “da roolz” envelope in every contested election he’s won.  Though he cannot be accused of outright cheating, he has built his entire pseudo-impressive career out of finding obscure loopholes to screw to his orgasm, thereby raping the process to his pleasure and advantage.

Subliminal or intentional? I report, you decide.

Kevin, congratulation for being ahead for Best Small Blog and thank you for endorsing Driftglass and Pajama Pundit here.

Sorry, tas. I didn’t mean to pre-empt you.

It’s OK, though. The PUMA-is-the-New-Jew meme has already been superseded by this unintentionally accurate logic-souffle from Darragh:

While I think comparing us to jews is hyperbole in the extreme — there IS something there. We dont have to look so far back though — just look at the past 8 years. Puma has become the new George W Bush. The screaming meemies who had absolutely NOTHING to do for 8 years except invent a million different ways to insult and ridicule W, now have no target.

Why not attack the Women!?? great idea! It’s not like there’s any cultural restraint in place to hold them back.

This is only half-wrong. No one opposes PUMAs out of boredom or spite; however, there’s no disputing that PUMAs have become, not the “new Bush,” but the New Bush Republicans.

Okay fuck it, I’m just gonna have to say this again:

If you use the term “rape” or “lynching” outside of any context but what those words actually fucking mean, you are a gigantic pus-covered Tool o’ Fail. Being sexually violated is NOT the same as someone finding a legal loophole that he or she works to his or her advantage. Being denied entrance to the U.S. Senate or the Supreme Court because of ethical concerns about the process and/or the candidate is definitely goddamn not the same thing as being burned alive and hung from a tree with your genitals stuffed in your own mouth.

Florence King (who gets my vote as one of the only genuinely funny conservatives in the world—P.J. O’Rourke used to be the other, but I haven’t read him lately, either), wrote a piece in “With Charity Toward None” years ago about how much she used to hate computers—until someone told her that computer failure was partly to blame for the 1987 stock market crash (not sure if that’s true, just reporting what Flo said she heard).

Anyway, she went on to write that, when she first mentioned her newfound love of computers in a local paper, the head of the local chapter of NOW wrote a letter in response saying “Erich Fromm described the most disturbing and extreme form of necrophilia as a fascination for machines rather than people? Can this explain Flo?”

Which, in turn, prompted King to deliver one of my favorite ripostes of all time: “When will feminists learn to think before they write? The most disturbing and extreme form of necrophilia is necrophilia. Be that as it may, the NOW cow belled me accurately.”

I cannot wait for the voting to be over. Talk about grown men (and women) acting like children. Sheesh.

I’m actually burning out on the stupidity. I wish these awards were over, like, today. If this blog is still around next year, please, whatever you do, don’t nominate this blog for anything.

PUMAs are the new W? I thought they were the new Ellen James.

I was directed here by Wonkette-well, only to vote but I wanted to see what you did. PUMAS are not liberal- and they are not the new Jews- I am a old, liberal Jew so I know. This person who thinks people had to look for reasons to insult or ridicule the very worst and stupidest president ever is no liberal and stupid herself.
I am voting for you at my two computers.

Oh, and this part of Darragh’s analysis needs to be addressed separately:

Why not attack the Women!?? great idea! It’s not like there’s any cultural restraint in place to hold them back.

I thought Darragh lived in Boston, not a Bangkok slave-brothel.

I hope she’s making decent money pimping victimhood to sad neurotics. Only a soulless monster would do it for free.

PUMAs are the new W? I thought they were the new Ellen James.

They ARE the new Ellen Jamesians , except they opted for frontal lobotomies instead of cutting out their tongues.

I am voting for you at my two computers.

Cheater!!!

Heh, no, thanks for stopping by.

I hope she’s making decent money pimping victimhood to sad neurotics. Only a soulless monster would do it for free.

How would we know? She’s still in trouble with the FEC and the IRS.

Kevin K.—Should RR win the Best Small Blog category, I strongly encourage you to decline the award in protest over the appalling absence of a male panelist on “The View.”

After all the noise and smoke and unpleasantness, I beg you to make this moment count.

Gack, I just read that NQ post. There are some days I just can’t take them anymore and I think this is one of those days. I think I’m going to go finally finish Kitchen Confidential.

Getting off the PUMAs for a minute (heh), it looks like Harry Reid stepped on his dick again:

But it was the same-old, same-old in the Senate on Wednesday, as the majority leader, Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, lashed out at Republican obstructionism and pledged to bring senators into work on Sunday – the first weekend of the new session – to vote on a public lands bill that includes protections for forests, rivers, trails, national parks and other wilderness sites.

Mr. Reid’s move amounts to a blunt warning to the diminished Republican minority: his patience has run out, and that he intends to use the broader Democratic control of the Senate to move aggressively to accomplish his party’s agenda. In response, the Republican leader, Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, chuckled. Mr. McConnell suggested that the public lands bill was hardly of such huge import given the grave economic problems facing the country.

When Mitch McConnell laughs at you, it’s time to retire.

Kevin K.—Should RR win the Best Small Blog category, I strongly encourage you to decline the award in protest over the appalling absence of a male panelist on “The View.”

Someone is over at the ~ synthesis ~ blog trying to get him to relinquish his award to Uppity Woman if he wins, even though his blog is a gazillion times better than hers. I’d copy and paste the comment, but it’s so over-the-top stupid I think my computer might flip to the blue screen of death as punishment for cramming that much bullshit onto its clipboard.

Great comment from synthesis:

Please ignore the PUMAs. They really, really, really don’t like losing voting contests to a male ethnic minority. It’s a long story.

Posted by: Harriet Christian | Jan 07, 2009 at 19:48

Off topic…

On the other hand, I think the dead horse comment is kind of descriptive of the actual cartoon too. :-)

Since we’re not endorsing anyone yet in the Best Comic Strip category, can I put in a plug for xkcd?

Just added it marin. Thank gosh Day by Day isn’t winning that category.  If you want to recommend anything else I didn’t cover, lemme know.

A shout out from Sadly, No!

I respek your autoritah of 101-200 (whatever the hell that is) and note you’re pulling an awesome 52% this a.m.

Kev, I think there’s a RR sympathizer commenting at Balloon Juice.  I’m speculating, but the name Flappy McScrotum does make me wonder.

Strange?  That you?

Ripley—Once again, I’m flattered to be accused of someone else’s good work, but no, that’s not me.

Oh, Kevin!

Carmelo Junior on December 6th, 2008 2:58 pm

Blacks males has been famous writers, scientists, politicians, presidents, saints….now a Half Kenyan is elected president of USA and we need to proclaim the second coming of Jesus…nonsense!

In another quotation this GENIUS of flesh and blood refers to Barry Hussain as a Muslim.

You are going to compare MLK with a man who said a baby is a “punishment” and “America is not longer a Christian nation” ?

I dont get it. But I think I’ll be spending more time on this puma08.com site. IT IS VERY INFORMATIVE. I DID NOT KNOW JEEBUS WOULD COME AGAIN AS A MOOSLIM.

Oh, and this award has an awards ceremony and everything!

The Weblog Awards ceremony will be held at the South by Southwest Interactive Festival in Austin, Texas, USA on Monday, March 16 at 12:30 PM EST (GMT-5) at the Trade Show Day Stage.

As is tradition with the Weblog Awards, the Weblog of the Year will receive 2,009 US cents (US$20.09).

South by Southwest Interactive offers Bloggie finalists a special discount to attend the ceremony in March.

As is tradition with the Weblog Awards, the Weblog of the Year will receive 2,009 US cents (US$20.09).

I keep my blog a secret but when the year 8,000,000,000,000 comes along I will do anything I can to be nominated. Until then, ain’t it the cutest thing?

A shout out from Sadly, No!

Bloggies are pretty major league.  Not a chance in hell we’d win there, but I appreciate the consideration.  Does that mean I can put up a badge or something? ;)

So THIS is the blog that’s “beating” Uppity Woman?

This smug little Fortress of Solipsism? This towel-snapping Boiz’ Club of flaccid snark and shoe-sniffing PUMA-fetishism?

Is there no “prize” so petty and insignificant that you aren’t willing to cheat to obtain it? Does your woman-hatred keep you warm in your empty beds at night? Do you sleep more soundly knowing that your days are spent doing nothing more productive than tearing down people who are actually DOING something to make our world, our country and our Democracy BETTER?

Do your MOTHERS know what you’re doing, down there in the basement?

If I were a man, your heads would be in a bowling bag.

Congratulations on your shitty Messiah and your crappy blog award. I hope they fill the howling void of your meaningless lives.

(PS: This post is intended for everyone here EXCEPT StrangeAppar8us. THAT cowboy can roll me over and ride me home!)

zzzzzzzzzz

Apologies. You’re “beating” Nice Deb. Uppity Woman is beating herself.

Otherwise, that last post stands.

Prayers up for Mother Ripley. She’s the real deal…and her kid’s OK, too.

Is there no “prize” so petty and insignificant that you aren’t willing to cheat to obtain it?

We’re men, we’re competitive. That’s why we rule the world.

Where’s my sammich?

crappity woman is gaining ground! must vote more…

Comment by SandyCooter on 01/08/09 at 01:12 PM

So THIS is the blog that’s “beating” Uppity Woman?

Uhhh I didn’t know we were in the best new blog category?

If I were a man, your heads would be in a bowling bag.

oh, your not a man? The facial hair kinda made me think otherwise.

Our new president was not only a party animal but a crack head, pot head, drunk, and there are rumors that he is bi…well the bi part has never been confirmed!

BI I TELL YOU. BI AND HE EATS BABIES WITH HIS BINESS.

Do you sleep more soundly knowing that your days are spent doing nothing more productive than tearing down people who are actually DOING something to make our world, our country and our Democracy BETTER?

What? We don’t publish anti-ACORN smears here!

Okay, HungerTallestPalin, you’ve got the PUMARTYR(all rights reserved)tone down perfectly, clever boi!

Thank You RR for another exciting PUMAsode head explosion.

Just a few days ago, ‘Chatting wi..’  ‘Barking at the Moon’ was the shoo-in for best small blog,

THEN…

Much growling prowling and roar-a-haka later, it’s RR with a landslide.

RR gets the Wonkette Bump, Effluvience gets the PUMA slump. Apparently PUMA’s flyingMonkey poll crashers only sling shit at unsuspecting zoo patrons like the rest of them

PUMA actually creates fail out of normal reality, then finishes it off by endorsing it.

When I saw Jennifer-for-Hillary it was the first time I felt pride in my city.

Are they the New Jews? Apparently they are more like the new Christians who constantly wail about being persecuted while the ruling majority.

I was at Monster Truck with the kids last week and was thinking how cool it would be to bring back the Christian vs Lion stadium entertainment.  Lions eat Pumas don’t they?

We could always dress them up like hyenas….
no

....wait

Hoo boy - go over to Effluence and check out Dak’s latest diatribe. See how many times you can count the word “rape”.

myiq2xu, on January 8th, 2009 at 1:45 pm Said:

gripatriot:

The Weblog Award poll is no big deal. We’re way smaller than most of our competitors, so them beating us is no surprise.

What’s sick and disturbing is the misogynistic stuff they said about PUMA at Wonkette.

The ultimate in trolling technology.

Mrs. Polly, how you wound me.

shortsshortsshorts—Why, Dakinikat informed us just last night that Effluence was the 800lb. gorilla in the Technorati ratings.

I’m so confused.

Sandy? That cooter smells like “Bitter” and “Fail” to me.

I too would like a sammich. As long as you’re up anyway.

PUMA’s are waaay smaller than everybody else, which is why they sell PUMA 18 million strong T-Shirts at their enormous gatherings at the back left hand side table in the Chucky Cheese party rooms throughout this Great Country’s Nation.

I am a blog retard and do not know what “Effluence” is other then the scientific definition, which I find strangely sexual.

O Strange, I ask a thousand pardons—- You know I’m shaky until I get that first whiskey in me.

Technorati ratings really don’t mean a hell of a lot since it only counts blogroll listings and post links. Because your blog is on a ton of blogrolls doesn’t mean that you get a lot of traffic from them (or get a lot of traffic in general). The only blogroll listings that matter when it comes to results are the a-list ones.  I get a lot of traffic from being on the Balloon Juice blogroll, for instance, but not much from any others.  I don’t doubt that Confluence gets more traffic than Rumproast, but their Technorati rating doesn’t matter considering most of their listings are probably on dead ass pro-Hillary/PUMA blogs that currently have tumbleweeds blowing through them.

Mrs. Polly: I was just endeavoring to demonstrate to Ripley that there is no point trying to detect me in another guise. I am like Ulysses in the throng of Penelope’s suitors.

The trick is not to fool strangers. It’s being able to walk undetected among your friends. ;->

Kerry—Please forgive me. “Sandy” was an experiment in stealth technology.

Your reply, however, was brilliant as usual…and edifying proof-of-concept.

Kerry, you are so stupendous in your glorious wrath, we should encourage Strange to set you off.

Kevin K.—My beef is that it’s the Technorati ratings that count when they try to bully you, but the Alexa stats that matter when they’re trying to rationalize why they’re getting their asses kicked.

Like scooter said, PUMAs are “18 million strong” when they’ve got a few mai-tais in them. Otherwise, they are the noble 300 standing against the overwhelming might of the Persians.

I wish they’d pick one and stick with it.

Well, Congress officially accepted the elector’s votes today.  No crazy-assed Congressperson stood up and objected. 

More PUMA epic fail.

Now I feel like a total shit. I kind of thought I “signed” that one in the last paragraph.

Never again. I will only use my super-powers off-blog, and in the name of Justice.

gimmeabreak; Great news. I forgot it was the 8th.

This is going to drive the Birthers nuts.

The time it took for this post to be removed from The Effluviance Liberal Blog

barkingPuma, on January 8th, 2009 at 2:09 pm Said:

Whomever wrote the lead article has confused Genghis Khan with Attila the Hun,. which is like confusing the Pope with Ned Flanders, it’s a pretty big difference.

1 minute 17 seconds

Apparently, they don’t like any version of history.

No NO Strange, That was a HUGE wink, and besides, it keeps our PUMATECTION reflexes honed. We are now muscled and sinewed in places we never knew could be muscled and sinewed, balancing on our toes, our steely-eyed gaze constantly sweeping the perimeter.

And “Sandy Cooter” should have given somebody a frisson other than just, you know, the usual frisson.

I am going to be laughing inappropriately all day long, AGAIN. They may come for me with the butterfly nets.

scooter—There were moments last night when Dakinikat seemed almost reasonable. But today’s post pretty much retires any lingering hope I might have had.

When a rowdy brushfire on the the Internet merits a “mythological” interpretation, comedy is indeed dead.

Mrs. Polly—I’m grateful for the undeserved slack.
But that really was akin to shouting “Cobra!” in a mongoose-pit.

On the other hand, “Sandy Cooter” is a keeper, if I do say so myself. I think I’ll give that a shakedown over at The Anchoress.

I in no way whatsoever endorse the tomfoolery that happened at Wonkette yesterday.

My Sword fell out of my stone !!  I’m surprised Zena did not make an appearance in that particular projectile word vomit legend splatter.

-moral of the Tale

Don’t complain about your dripping dragon if you got drunk at the Puma Toga Party and woke up smelling like Virginia Slims with your chest all scratched up.

It was time to swing by the clinic anyway.

PUMA HAKA H…hhha   Haka H HHaack /furball

Someone to rape and pillage for,
Someone to plunder a village for,
It’s not just any myth,
It’s just cause I am hith,
That character with all the buzz,
Who made the Crusades what they was,

Teh Precious! Don’t debunk him,
Chicago could have sunk him,
I’m tired of this elitist tome,
All I want is to go on home
As thrills run up the legacy of
Teh Precious.

justlen—No one does. It was an abomination in the eyes of God.

mantis - that was a wonderful synopsis.  Especially illuminating to learn that Barack only got into Harvard as a “legacy”.  Although I think RD has previously referred to him as an “affirmative action” candidate so she probably needs to re-read some of her stuff to keep her myths straight.

Many thanks, oh roaster of rumps!

Ripley, I hope your Mom is doing OK.  My thoughts are totally with her.  Nothing the PUMAs say should be taken to represent you, me, us or any member of our families whatsoever.  They are a sad collection of hate filled losers who blame the rest of the world for everything that goes wrong in their lives.  It’s why virtually every thing they do will ultimately result in another epic fail until they eventually spin themselves out and fall apart.  Nobody has any real empathy for them, including each other.  So eventually the small quarrels will get larger and more frequent until the factions are completely splintered.  With the election over I think we’re witnessing plenty of that already.

Many thanks, oh roaster of rumps!

Good luck to you, drifty!

Strange, I enjoyed your Cooter sock-puppet, but the reason most of us saw through Sandy was the impeccable grammar, spelling, apostrophization, and syntax of the post.  Most egregiously: Solipsism?  Breathes there a PUMA acquainted with the word, let alone its definition and spelling?

My efforts at PUMA disguise have likewise failed to achieve verisimilitude for the same reason.

mantis - You failed to mention that The Effluence’s resident scholar also managed to misspell “hordes” in the title of her dissertation.

Helpful hint, bikinikat: if you want to look “smart” in front of your even stupider girl-gang, try typing your treatises in Word and running spell-check before copying and pasting to the Web.

Thanks for the positive vibes, all.  Nothing conclusive to report but, man, is she going downhill fast.

I’ll keep that kind of thing off the boards in the future - I was just frustrated and exhausted last night.

You’re among friends, Rip.  And believe me a lot of us have gone through this kind of stuff with our parents and know how you feel.

Thanks for your endorsement in the military blog category! If I only wasn’t getting curb-stomped at the moment…

Thanks for the positive vibes, all.  Nothing conclusive to report but, man, is she going downhill fast.

Rip, lots of love, it’s just starting for my mom, a woman who I believe would have been fast friends with yours.

DougJ at Balloon Juice has a new, fun feature called “PUMA versus Wingnut”:

I’ve got an idea for a new feature here. Compare a really stupid statement/post from wingnuttia with a really stupid one from the PUMAsphere, then debate which is stupider.

His inaugural PUMA quote is the “new Jew” line from Sarah in Italy at No Quarter—however the Wingnut quote is no slouch either. Choosing the winner is a real challenge.

Medium Large for best comic.  It is hilarious.  Oh, and PUMAs suck.

DougJ at Balloon Juice has a new, fun feature called “PUMA versus Wingnut”:

Sort of like “Trump or Monkey?” without the cute little monkeys.

Thanks for your endorsement in the military blog category! If I only wasn’t getting curb-stomped at the moment…

Really like your blog, AoD. Hopefully we helped a little.  You’re definitely making a good showing considering the competition.

Thanks Kevin. I’m sure you guys helped a bit.

This is KC.

Hey KC, funny video.

Yeah, I think everyone’s pretty warn out after the last few days.  These web award things can take a toll on you.  Who knew?

A poster challenges John Cole:

myiq2xu

Are you absolutely sure you want to make this endorsement John?

No second thoughts?

You’ve thought about it, you’ve checked them out?

Let’s be clear, you are unequivocally endorsing Rumproast, no question, no mistake?

My stars, that fellow’s marks haven’t even faded from the many Wonkette birchings he received, and he’s applying for more from Mr. Cole?

Yeah, I saw that. Whatever. Is he that stupid that he thinks he’s going to be able to intimidate Cole?

Yes.

Sadly, that’s the answer.

My profound gratitude to all of you Rumproasters for your support for my blog!

Shafeen! It was my pleasure.  Love your blog and congrats. We’ll keep endorsing you right until the end.

That’s a nice guy right there, I tell ya. Seriously. I’m staying out of his comments because my mere presence would probably cause all hell to break loose and he doesn’t deserve it, but I plan on visiting after things calm down.

MyQ2—Effluence’s own pilotless drone.

Shafeen, it is truly a lovely blog and I’m happy to vote for you. BTW, I left a comment actually relating to one of the posts. The top post is all gummed up with PUMAGOO.

I just made a portmanteau word I really like.
Kevin, can you tell I might have had a largish glass of wine?

Kevin, can you tell I might have had a largish glass of wine?

I’m jealous.  We were going to drink some wine tonight, but thought better of it so that we can get our sorry asses to the gym again tomorrow. We’ve been pretty slack with the holidays and having my brother in town.

The gym, I might add, sucks after New Years because it’s packed with the Resolutionists. Even early in the morning.

MyQ2—Effluence’s own pilotless drone.

Bravo, btw.

I’m afraid to look at what’s going on at Wonkette since the you-know-whos haven’t figured out yet how clearly they’re outmatched.

Resolutionists of which I will be one of who. But really, do I have to say it? Do I? You know what I’m going to say.

Walk it off, Snack Fairy.

There.

Wonkette is having another Stupid Wonkette night, but I don’t think it will be as intense as the last one. We’re all punch-drunk now.

Did you ever in your high school days (this is when I encountered it) run across a book of Victorian pornography called the Pearl? There was quite a lot of birching in it. One story, which I think perfect as a setting for Myqwho, was called “Sub-Umbra, or, Life Among the She-Noodles.”

Walk it off, Snack Fairy.

I still can’t believe that line came from a commercial. That, right there, is the greatest moment in advertising history.

“Or SPORT among the She-Noodles”—even better!

The Snack Fairy is played by Colin Mochrie, too, and his brain is looped differently. I loved watching him on both versions of “Whose Line Is It Anyway?”

I don’t know, I’ve heard Wolf porn is pretty hot. And don’t tell me you didn’t have a fabulously debauched Rumspringen.

At Wonkette, it’s Deadpan vs Dead BrainPan, the Rematch!

Mrs. Polly, I have The Pearl! A friend gave it to me many years ago before I went to study in London for a semester. Oh yes . . .

Whoever thought of giving you a book devoted to English schoolgirls and boys gleefully switching each other’s rosy buttocks just before you went off to London was brilliant.

I don’t remember anything about the Pearl except for the continuous birching, birching, and more birching, some giggling, some petticoats, and of course, that fabulous title.

Myqwho’s She-Noodles aren’t nearly that much fun.

OMG ... I’ll leave you wonderful folks with this (with emphasis added):

The following are chapters in Larry Sinclair’s book to be released on January 16.
  Obama Idiots, Threats

  CHAPTERS IN THE UPCOMING BOOK
  The following are Chapter Titles in the Book BARACK OBAMA & LARRY SINCLAIR: Cocaine, Sex, Lies & Murder? The book will include pictures as well as full names of those involved.

  Who is Larry Sinclair?
  Early Adulthood Mistakes
  How Larry Met Barry (aka Barack Obama 1999)
  Realizing Who I Blew
  In Comes Donald Young
  Chicago Tribune & New York Times
  Parisi/Axelrod Polygraph Scam
  Obama Attacks
  Chicago Police & Detective McVickers
  DC Arrest & The Biden Connection
  The Physical Description

G’night!

Realizing Who I Blew

That deserves its own fucking book. Sinclair just went from pavement to ceiling again, like some unfettered Looney Toons cartoon figure. Absolutely memorable. Remember him when you worship Jesus tonight.

How Larry Met Barry—that scene at Katz’s was unforgettable.

Thank you and Good Night!

Remember the “satirical” Confluence interview with NY Senate wannabe Harriet Christian? Why, it’s the current top-post at her official campaign web site, harrietchristian.net.

Proving, once again, that satire—like ethics—is situational.

@Ripley (01/08/09 at 12:21 PM):

Belated thanks.

Wonkette has withdrawn its endorsement of TPM (which unwittingly publicly insulted Wonkette), and is now asking for readers to vote for itself.