Waiting in the Wings: Dick Ryan

I’ve been taking some time out from blogging in this last week or so before the Poll To End All Polls.

This was partly out of deference to the savage storms whose aftermath some of you folks are going to have a hard enough time living through without some anonymous smartarse from Scotland looking out his window and muttering, “60 m.p.h. winds and horizontal rain—barbie weather!”

It also took a while for Ms. YAFB to rev up on the runway at Glasgow airport through one canceled flight and eventually jet stateside to visit her own version of Republican Mom/Lefty Daughter Hell, with Thanksgiving and eventual escape a long, LONG way away when you’ve the prospect of no heating, phone, Internet, or lights. She’s now safely landed, picked her way over of the NY State relics of the storm and people’s livelihoods and dreams, and miraculously somehow managed to have power restored to her mom’s house within an hour of arriving, so some of our Brit can-do stiff upper lip has obviously rubbed off over the years. If you get a GOTV phonebank call from an excitable jetlagged woman with a faint Scottish burr, a tendency to profanity, and a pathological distaste for Mitt Romney, treat her kindly.

I’ve also been wary of reenacting the Guardian‘s infamous Clark County Project of 2004. This predictably disastrous experiment in transatlantic diplomacy rallied well-meaning lefty readers to write to undecideds in Ohio in the hopes of drumming some British common sense into them along the lines of “Quit voting for Bush, WTH are you thinking?!”, garnering reactions ranging from “Have you not noticed that Americans don’t give two shits what Europeans think of us?” through “Please be advised that I have forwarded this to the CIA and FBI,” to “KEEP YOUR FUCKIN’ LIMEY HANDS OFF OUR ELECTION. HEY, SHITHEADS, REMEMBER THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR? REMEMBER THE WAR OF 1812? WE DIDN’T WANT YOU, OR YOUR POLITICS HERE, THAT’S WHY WE KICKED YOUR ASSES OUT. FOR THE 47% OF YOU WHO DON’T WANT PRESIDENT BUSH, I SAY THIS ... TOUGH SHIT!” and beyond.

Oh, I’ve still been keeping apace with what I can glean from various online resources, and from what I can see from that limited perspective, Mitt & Co. look like they’re resignedly scaling the first steps of the Kübler-Ross model. But a lot of what’s been cooked up in the way of late gamechangers from the Mittens camp and hangers-on is just desperate replays we already covered a month or more ago, like Fox news’s Benghazigate drive, all of which have been overshadowed by meteorology and President Obama opportunistically acting all presidential and competent and hanging out with his BFF Chris Christie. Indeed, other than a few flurries of stupidity that have leaked out from some public speeches, it looks like Romney and Ryan have largely been trying to keep their heads down, presumably for fear of forgetting which of the policy positions they once proclaimed they’re now abandoning because they’re running for election, for Pete’s sake.

In among all this, I’ve been marveling at what a total damp squib Ryan’s been on the stump, given the rapturous welcome that greeted his pick as the HAWTNESS on the ticket. Last I looked, even Free Republic was back to revolting against the Yoke of Mittness. With just a few longer-form interviews as support from his running mate, Mitt’s been driven to serve as his own attack dog throughout, slinging zingers and recycled lies from his windy vantage point on the roof, and ostentatiously dispatching stocks of his own hot Groundhog Day fudge to the needy in New Jersey and points west where echoes from his denunciation of FEMA are drowning out his recent sudden change of heart. If I compared being attacked by Ryan or Romney to being savaged by a dead sheep, I’d not only risk angering flyover country, I’d be underestimating the viciousness of zombie sheep (not to mention ripping off one Denis Healey).

It’s probably been a frustrating few months for Ryan, doomed to beta male groupie status and hampered by a near total lack of charisma in trying to shake off the utter rout that was his VP debate performance. He’s been seeking succor by doodling on napkins what the future might hold if his prayers are answered and he finally escapes the deadend daily drudgery of serving as the Republican Party’s fiscal boy wonder among the grizzled congressional rabble, as the gloriously named Trip Gabriel at the NYT managed to shake out of nameless gabby “aides” yesterday:

... if the Republican ticket prevails, Mr. Ryan plans to come back roaring, establishing an activist vice presidency that he said would look like Dick Cheney’s under President George W. Bush.

Now THAT’s what I call a lede! They’re going to be hiring White House caterers, by the sound of it:

Mr. Ryan would dedicate most evenings to dinners with senators and House members of both parties, aides said, as he steps into the role Mr. Romney promised: architect of a Romney administration’s drive to enact a budget that shrinks the government and overhauls programs like Medicare.

In Lundtspeak, of course, “shrink” translates as “render totally inoperable and thus irrelevant” and the “overhaul” is likely to resemble my babyhood tendency not to consider any toy truly played with till I’d reverse-engineered it into a messy pile of component parts destined for the trash. But where did that Dick Cheney comparison come from? Are we in HuffPo headline territory here?

The prospect of a deeply engaged vice president was described in interviews with campaign aides, close House colleagues and the few times Mr. Ryan has discussed his potential future job. Asked by a reporter last month if he expected the kind of broad responsibility for the economy that Mr. Cheney held for national security — as an aide suggested — Mr. Ryan said, “I do.”

OK, that’ll do. There you have it: If elected, Paul Ryan will do for the American economy what Dick Cheney did for America’s international relations and his pals’ pockets. What else do you need to know?

If you want, use this as an open thread to let us know what’s happening in your neck of the woods. Like your president, I’m all ears.

Posted by YAFB on 11/04/12 at 10:09 AM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsBushCoElection '12MittensVulture/Voucher 2012NuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid MediaPaul RyanWar In ErrorSkull Hampers

Share this post:  Share via Twitter   Share via BlinkList   Share via del.icio.us   Share via Digg   Share via Email   Share via Facebook   Share via Fark   Share via NewsVine   Share via Propeller   Share via Reddit   Share via StumbleUpon   Share via Technorati  

Paul Ryan is dreamy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTDRmQCHbys

Comment by halfcynic on 11/04/12 at 09:05 PM

If you get a GOTV phonebank call from an excitable jetlagged woman with a faint Scottish burr, a tendency to profanity, and a pathological distaste for Mitt Romney, treat her kindly.

You mean, Kelly MacDonald is going to call me?  OMG! OMG! OMG!

Comment by Big Bad Bald Bastard on 11/05/12 at 02:56 AM

YAFB, I love you for this essay. 

I never can be sure if I envy or pity people in Ms. YAFB’s position re: hardcore republican parents.  My own father is letting his Bircher freak flag fly now that he’s in his 80’s, and as usual election years mean he refuses to speak to me or conduct much more than the cursory email conversation. 

His greater love for Limpbaugh and O’Lielly than his kids used to irritate the shit outta me, but in some ways it saves me a lot of aggravation (and airfares).  I guess that means I’m coming down more on the “pity” side lately…

Sorry, BBBB, Kelly McDonald I wish I looked like but no chance by either description or age. However, if you’d like to meet up for a coffee or beer with me post-election, in between Eastchester and Yonkers, let me know. That is, if I haven’t committed Republican matricide, but I’m trying to be disciplined.

As for the rest of YAFB’s post, it’s very good - but I still can’t shut off the demons, esp. cause either Mom’s telly has got Fox or CNN on in the house all the time, and I really think it’s time someone put cement overshoes on Wolf Blitzer, for crimes of annoyance. I go for succour to NPR late at night, and it’s all repeats and how Obama and Romney are both trying hard in the last day or so. And dozens of robo-calls - in New York!! How do you people in Ohio survive this sh**??

Yrs, seeking sanity in the next day or so ...

Page 1 of 1 pages

Sorry, commenting is closed for this post.

<< Back to main