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I’m gil, and I read the Daily Caller.

(wait for response)

I could either deal head-on with the massive self-loathing that causes me to do such things, or I could distract myself from same by making you fight for my amusement. Guess which way I’m leaning! That’s right, it’s time for yet another commenter contest with nebulous rules, imaginary prizes, and a curious reticence on the issue of who exactly is doing the judging and how.

Okay, now, me, if I’m plunking down $2500 on a dinner with a couple of former 60s radicals, I’m going in with pretty high expectations; that meal damn well better include a course of weapons-grade pot brownies. I’m talking THC content so off-the-charts that I’ll be giggling uncontrollably at Adult Swim well into 2013. Also, live entertainment provided by a reanimated Phil Ochs, not so much because I’m a fan of his music but because that stupid “Love Me I’m a Liberal” song gets hauled out whenever there’s an internecine squabble on the left—no, seriously, that happens sometimes—and I want him to work off that bad karma by playing an acoustic set in which he takes my every request. I’m thinking heavy on the nu-metal rap-rock, and just to be clear, this is more about punishing him than rewarding myself.

COMMENTER DEATHMATCH CHALLENGE: If you were the one ponying up $2500, what had that meal damn well better include?

1st prize: Dinner with Wavy Gravy. If he’s dead or busy, just regular gravy.

2nd prize: Eric Stoltz’s Rocky Dennis prosthetics from Mask, which, timeline be damned, I’m pretty sure they’re each wearing parts of in that B&W photo, not to be mean or anything.

3rd prize is you’re banned.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/13/11 at 08:24 PM • Permalink

Categories: Geek Speak • Food • Politics •

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I’m gil, and I read the Daily Caller

Hello, gil.

It better include a live concert by Van Morrison. And a chance to punch A. Breitbart, Tucker Carlson, Plush Slimebough, etc. in the neck.

Comment by arguingwithsignposts on 12/13/11 at 08:32 PM

Why, a chance to see the original manuscript of “Audacity of Hope,” of course!

Comment by Quaker in a Basement on 12/13/11 at 08:44 PM

If Angela Davis aint included you can just fuck off.

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 12/13/11 at 08:58 PM

Mashed potatos by God

Comment by Scratch on 12/13/11 at 10:20 PM

I don’t have anything relevant to say, just that for some reason yesterday both “Love Me, I’m a Liberal” and Eric Stoltz’s Rocky Dennis prosthetics from Mask popped into my thoughts for no reason at all. What kind of weird precog-telepathy weirditude is this?

Comment by Xecky Gilchrist on 12/14/11 at 12:30 AM

Aw man, I bet if there was some sort of governing body and, like, criteria, somebody would be the one to beat. Somebody… in a basement maybe? In a basement in Humboldt County scratching his back with a signpost?

Actually no, fuck it, I’m subverting this faceless unaccountable system and giving the lead to Scratch. But hey, even if he or she maintains that standing, you’re all winners. At something at some point, like you beat another kid at Galage or whatever.

Xecky, especially the part about not having anything relevant to say—we’ve got a psychic link or something! You are fucking with me though, right? Because that would certainly count as weird weirditude.

Comment by gil mann on 12/14/11 at 12:40 AM

Of course I mean Galaga, a galage is what a fancy French Asian person calls a car-hole.

Comment by gil mann on 12/14/11 at 12:48 AM

I would say the meal had to include arugula and latte for dessert. Even if arugula is not that outre in a common mixto salad, such as even TGI Friday’s might sell, and lattes are even available in US convenience stores, not just being the morning beverage of choice for Italian toddlers. But since the PTB (powers that be) of the RW commentariat have a kvetch against arugula and lattes, apparently arugula must be munched and lattes must be sipped, possibly at an oak table and definitely with some Grey Poupon.

Comment by Vixen Strangely on 12/14/11 at 01:33 AM

I would expect an out of body experience while listening to Subterranean Homesick Blues and smoking the good shit out of a hookah.

Comment by Glix on 12/14/11 at 03:05 AM

You are fucking with me though, right?

No, those things really did stir up in my thoughts. From here let’s take the programmer approach and, instead of trying to figure out what’s going on, wait and see if it happens again.