What’s Not To Love About Wayne’s World?

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Ordnance-obssessed* yokels, the NRA has a jobs program for you, and it’s the gubmint what’ll bring it, for the sake of the cheeeeldrin! Put down your Gadsden flags and march yourselves right over to the nearest Board Of Education, and apply for the enormous new KiddieShield Jobs Program, which not only will pay you to skulk about your toddler’s school hallways with the firearm of your dreams, but will pay NRA instructors to train you in operation of same! Everybody wins! Not a single pedagogical center should be unsecured by this nation’s Nimrods, not if we care for our most precious resource—uh, kids.

Pity poor Wayne LaPierre: he cannot comprehend the lack of imagination displayed by the wayward lefty press, who cannot, for a moment, even picture how Sandy Hook might have been even a little bit less tragic if Adam Lanza had encountered a hail of gunfire from QuickDraw McArmedGuards like the ones who didn’t prevent Columbine. He also cannot comprehend the nation’s fervid imaginings of how very much less tragic Sandy Hook might have been if Adam Lanza didn’t have access to a gun that burps 6 bullets a second.

*correct spelling of “ordnance” h/t Quaker in a Basement….I missed my NRA Ballistics Terminology Seminar, because I wasn’t Raised Right.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 12/21/12 at 12:50 PM • Permalink

Categories: NewsPoliticsNuttersTeabaggerySkull Hampers

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I think you probably mean “ordnance-obsessed,” not “ordinance-obsessed.”

This has been a spelling pedantry announcement. We return you to your regularly scheduled blog post.

Thanks, QitB, I was gonna point out the same thing but because I love and respect Mrs. P in way that is probably illegal in Utah and would make Mr. Polly all grenade-y and stuff, I refrained from doing so and now you must deal with your coal-black soul for calling out Mrs. P.

Thanks, QitB and HB. Correction made. And now, back to my Jane’s.

I watched the Wayne LaPierre Insanity Show in real time and am still a bit gobsmacked by it. I wasn’t foolish enough to hope for an admission of culpability or actual constructive input. But I was kind of surprised that he proposed an NRA-sponsored police state. Or at least, that’s the logical progression of what he proposed since mass shootings don’t always happen at schools. Also2, I was unclear on if this is supposed to be a paid or volunteer army of heat-packers.

Pity poor Wayne LaPierre

Um, no, super sorry.  Santa can give me coal and switches if he must, but seeing as how that farce was rendered tragedy even before the curtain fell, all of my available pity is fully spoken for.

Comment by Lowkey on 12/21/12 at 02:34 PM

And because the NRA’s message isn’t dark enough, Henri adds his own special angsty-angst.

Comment by HumboldtBlue on 12/21/12 at 02:57 PM

Here’s the thing: I don’t want the person who’s teaching my children to be able to shoot someone. I want my police officers and my soldiers to be able to do it, but I recognize that the type of training required to be able to shoot someone changes something in you.

And I don’t want teachers or principals or cafeteria workers to be that person.

Fuck LaPierre, and he can keep that bullshit smugness and sanctimonious attitude and shove it all right up his ass. This country is going to move ahead and find ways to get rid of the worst weapons and then we’re going to figure out how to help kids who are bullied and outsiders and make the angry young white man obsolete. We can do it, over the shriveling corpse of the NRA.

Sorry, but this just burns me up.

I hope you’re right, Donnah. But as long as there are loathsome creatures like LaPierre and Charlotte Fucking Allen in positions of influence, it will be a tough slog to change anything.

If 20 dead first graders and six dead teachers and administrators aren’t enough to light a fire under our asses, there is no hope. Praise be to the FSM for Mr. Obama’s reelection. That craven fuck Romney would have probably created a Department of Gun-Fondling Fuckheads today and put LaPierre in charge of it. Dodged a bullet there. Perhaps literally.

Well, if it was easy, we would have figured it out by now. I read comments in the local newspaper and shudder to think how many total loons are living next door, figuratively speaking. But if not now, then when? If we don’t tell LaPierre to shove it now, it will take another mass murder to remind everyone.

I think people don’t understand that we don’t have to win the entire war on guns, we just have to win a battle at a time. Assault weapons, ridiculously large magazines, identifying and helping angry young white males, licensing and background checks; trying to do it all is too much. But we can do it in bits, I really think we can. And if it takes time, at least you’re making progress instead of remaining idle.

Something’s got to give. And Wayne LaPierre can go fuck himself.

The “arm everybody” yahoos like LaPierre want us all to live our lives as though there were a gun-wielding maniac lurking around every corner.

They seem not to realize that if they got their way, there would be a gun-wielding maniac lurking around every corner.

How can you people not understand that Wayne LaPierre is only acting on behalf of the Job Creators, of which, at $1.38 million per, he is himself one of who?

Lead smelters and funeral directors have to eat too, you know.

Lead smelters and funeral directors have to eat too, you know.

They eat lobster and filets.  We eat lead.

Sorry, my snark is not as fluffy as usual.

I want to commend Wayne LaPierre for reminding us that ““The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”

How ya gonna refute that, loony libs?

@BBBB: Since this guy here didn’t have a gun, he must not have been such a good guy. /NRA logic

@BBBB: Since this guy here didn’t have a gun, he must not have been such a good guy. /NRA logic

In the real world, it seems that the shooters are rarely stopped by “good guys with guns”, at least not civilian good guys.

I think Acorn and the New Black Panthers should be allowed to get in on the gravy train of gov funded security in schools. Or would that idea get shot down? (See what I did.?)

HAR HAR, Randy. You are quite the wit, and if only ACORN hadn’t been forced out of existence in 2010 by the fraudulent antics of scheevy sexual harasser and convicted criminal James O’Keefe in 2010, you could join them as the gun-nuttiest little ACORN of them all!

See what I did there?

Also2, I was unclear on if this is supposed to be a paid or volunteer army of heat-packers.

XE Services aka Blackwater recently acquired a new alias—Academi.  Who’s ahead of the wave or what? 

Not to mention the fact that Academi operates and markets its own armored personnel carrier, the Grizzly APC—just paint ‘em yellow and—Voila—Grizzly school buses. (school taxes may go up in some areas).

I feel safer already!

Well, if it was easy, we would have figured it out by now. I read comments in the local newspaper and shudder to think how many total loons are living next door, figuratively speaking. But if not now, then when? If we don’t tell LaPierre to shove it now, it will take another mass murder to remind everyone.
I think people don’t understand that we don’t have to win the entire war on guns, we just have to win a battle at a time. Assault weapons, ridiculously large magazines, identifying and helping angry young white males, licensing and background checks; trying to do it all is too much. But we can do it in bits, I really think we can. And if it takes time, at least you’re making progress instead of remaining idle.

Something’s got to give. And Wayne LaPierre can go fuck himself.

Couldn’t have said it better myself…Kudos, donnah.  I agree 1000%

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