What’s today’s date? No, I mean what YEAR.

Wha… what the hell happened? Why are my eyes so achey and bloodshot? How’d all these potato chip crumbs get on my shirt? And why are my thumbs so sore?

(tries to cross room, stumbles, steadies self) Whoa. That rules out sleepwalking, otherwise I’d have some circulation down there.

Jeez, it looks like the cats clawed right through the cabinet door to get to the food. How long was I out, man? Think, damn it, think.

Last thing I remember was the following conversation:

TOTAL STRANGER: Excuse me, do you live nearby?

ME: Yeah, just a couple blocks over.

TS: This might sound weird, but do you want a TV?

ME: Uh…

TS: It’s just, I’m moving today, and my friend was gonna take it, but now he can’t, and I hate to just throw it out.

ME: I um…

TS: It’s a 37” flat panel, only a year old.

ME: Wait, seriously?

TS: Yeah, you wanna come get it now?

ME: (pause) Yes. Yes I do.

Wait, I know! That must’ve been Sunday, because I remember thinking “Wow, this is what I’d be getting for Father’s Day if I had kids.”

I don’t recall anything after that though. All I know is, my dogs really need a walk.

(trips over Gamecube connector cable)

Hey, that jogs my memory a little. Maybe if I press this “start” button it’ll help me retrace my…

(is never heard from again)

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 06/25/09 at 10:23 PM • Permalink

Categories: Television •

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What is this Gamecube?

Is it like Timecube?

I am an old person with a weak heart, and cannot take the shock of losing another front-pager to the Matrix of ironic layering.

Comment by Mrs. Polly on 06/26/09 at 12:07 AM

Gamecube? Dude, it’s time to upgrade yourself since now you got A 37 INCH FLAT SCREEN! ~I totally hate you, you lucky bastard~

At least get a Wii.

Comment by jane on 06/26/09 at 01:11 AM

This post is quite awesome.

Comment by Hunger Tallest Palin on 06/26/09 at 05:56 AM

No, HTP, that guy I just happened to pass on the street is awesome, this is merely a tribute. I keep expecting to see his obituary in the paper from the day before, y’know what I mean?

Dude, it’s time to upgrade yourself

Truer words were ne’er spoke, but let’s get back to videogames for a sec.

You’re right in that last-gen games are mostly 4:3, so yeah, not much of an improvement over the set I had, but a couple of ‘em are in widescreen, and my TV room’s so cramped they take up my entire field of vision, like that wraparound movie theater at six flags.

I’m already in Lawnmower Man territory; a Wii would just be gilding the living shit out of the lily. Plus I try to stay a couple years behind the tech curve so’s not to pay retail.

Ah, who’m I kidding, I can’t be trusted with a Wii. I missed a subway stop playing pocket Tetris last week.