When a cartoonishly obvious super-villain is in charge
I was looking for an editorial cartoon I saw the other day lampooning FL Governor Rick Scott’s scheme to funnel money to his “wife’s”* chain of doc-in-a-box / drug-screening clinics by ordering all state workers and welfare recipients to piss in a cup. Found it.
But I also found a fascinating tumblr page maintained by a fellow Floridian who, like me, is still coming to grips with the fact that our state is in the clutches of a cartoonishly obvious super-villain. It got me thinking: Could I successfully convey what it’s like to be governed by a cartoonishly obvious super-villain?
There’s really no imagination required if you live here. Scott is doing monstrous things like gutting our already crappy public schools and cutting services to people with cerebral palsy so he can slash one of the nation’s lowest corporate tax rates to zero. The only question is whether “monstrous” is literal or figurative. So without further ado, this is what it’s like when your state is ruled by a cartoonishly obvious super-villain…
The super-villain establishes his lair in a building that sends laughably obvious clues about his psychological status:
The super-villain employs floridly crazy henchmen to accomplish simple tasks for him, such as directing traffic to the unveiling of the state’s budget in front of a Tea Party-only audience:
The super-villain insinuates himself into powerful circles, where fellow villains implore him not to be so goddamned obvious while the non-villainous gape in astonishment:
The super-villain forgets to write “MAINTAIN NORMAL HUMAN APPEARANCE IN PUBLIC” on his palm:
The super-villain forgets to put the safety on his eyeball-death-rays and incinerates an old lady from Boca. Again:
The super-villain struggles to contain the urge to morph into reptile form during moments of physical exertion:
The super-villain threatens and cajoles his minions:
So there you have it, folks. Welcome to hell. With palm trees.
* The scare quotes are not meant to cast doubt on whether or not Scott’s wife is really his legal spouse (although, come to think of it, he hasn’t released a long-form marriage license). Instead, they denote the absurdity of the notion that by transferring his $60M+ stake in the Solantic clinic chain to his socialite wife, Scott has no conflict of interest when he enacts policies that fatten his “wife’s” company.