When tree frogs attack…

As regular readers of this blog know, godless commie Cuban tree frogs have waged an unrelenting campaign of demeaning physical attacks and public humiliation against me for the better part of a decade. For no good reason.

It happened again this morning. Just after dawn, I heard the distant rumble of garbage trucks, looked out the window and realized that Mr. Cracker forgot to set out the garbage can (which is totally his job) before he went to work.

I also remembered that I cleaned out the fridge last night, a chore I don’t perform nearly often enough, so the garbage can had some stuff in it that was going to get rank fairly quickly in the 90-degree heat. Still in my flannel jammies, I rushed to put on a pair of flip-flops and drag the rubbish bin to the curb.

So I was attempting to muscle this extremely heavy garbage can down the drive and to the curb…oh hell, I’ll just draw a picture:

[Saga continues below the fold]

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My neighbors love me:

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And that’s when the creature made its move:

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It was like it was happening in slow motion:

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It landed on my face. If you were looking through my glasses, this is what you would have seen:

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And just as the Grinch on Mount Crumpet suddenly acquired superhuman strength, I found the strength of **ten** Crackers plus two and flung that 100-pound garbage can across the yard as if it weighed no more than a cotton ball, ripped my glasses off my face and threw them 20 yards in the opposite direction and ran away screaming. Which, in addition to contributing greatly to the amusement of the sanitation crew (naturally they arrived at that very moment), resulted in this:

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Fucking tree frogs. You do realize this means war.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 05/14/11 at 10:30 AM • Permalink

Categories: Critters

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OMFG! times eleventy

First of all, I’m laughing WITH you, not AT you because you can tell a great story. But I’m also cringeing at the thought of one of those little green goobers flinging itself in your face, because I would have needed a trip to the hospital after that.

Who knew you had to wear protective anti-frog gear just to take out the trash?

OMG, that was hilarious! And the pictures; I felt like I was there. With the sanitation workers. Pointing and laughing. (sorry)

I’m with Twinky, ‘cause I am pointing and laughing along with those fellas as well.

ROTFL

Love the pictures.

Also, for some reason, I am suddenly flashing on Bill Murray in Caddyshack.

See, this is why we need to build a fence to keep those illegal amphibians out of our country, dammit!

Holy moly, what if you weren’t wearing glasses?  I have to lie down now.  And try not to think of John Hurt.

Betty, thank you so much for this humorous tale with accompanying drawings.  Though I feel bad for it, I snorted at your discomfort.  And, I needed that snort.

When the garbage comes along, you must ribbit…

You do realize this means war.

That’s it, we’re calling ‘em “freedom fries” again.

Betty, be grateful you got off so lightly: this is just a foretaste of the plagues to be visited upon us in a week’s time.

But it’s not as if we Roastafarians weren’t forewarned! That’s just the kind of service you can expect from a deluxe access blog.

I still remember fondly your Open Letter to them.  Maybe this one just wanted to be near you.  In that romantic, dreamy way.  Is that so very wrong?

WTF?  Why is Judgement Day not the same as End of the World Day?  Scheduling conflicts?  Too many May brides because June was already full? 

I don’t want to laugh at your froggy pain, but the glasses/frog impact illustration is sublime!

Bravo, Mrs. Cracker.

Bravo.

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