Guest Post: Why I’m Seeking the Endorsement of the New Progressive Alliance

by Larry “Buzz” Dymaxion

Destiny is a funny thing. Even though it’s written in advance, Googling it gets you nowhere and its still unavailable on Kindle, much like my own unpublished novel, Robot Dragon-Racers of Floon. Yet, when it’s time to rise up out of your Aeron chair and primary a sitting President whose criminal inversion of Liberal principles makes you want to gnaw the hair off your own ass, somehow you just know.

And, today, what I “just know” is that answering the NPA’s cattle-call for a steely, uncompromising human sacrifice to challenge Mr. Obama’s otherwise-unobstructed crypto-Wilsonian March of Malfeasance is the right thing to do.

Of course, “knowing” isn’t enough. I have “reasons,” as well. Because, if you can’t cite authoritative justifications for your opinions, you shouldn’t be on Twitter:

1. I saw your ad on Craigslist, which always has great deals and happens to be the same place I totally pillaged this still-in-the-box Aeron chair from a Social Media startup bankruptcy sale.

2. I’m over 35, but mostly in the face, where it helps.

3. I’m a “natural US citizen,” although I believe that “nurture” is the primary determinant in these matters, and I’m still on the fence about the whole “structure vs. agency” thing. 

4. While I intentionally cultivate the public persona of a self-indulgent fop, I have studied many styles of martial arts, as well as chemistry, mechanics and all the physical sciences. Were I unable to defeat Obama in the primaries, I could still be valuable to the NPA as a like-minded and sympathetic Secretary of Creative Crime-Fighting.

5. I am currently single and unemployed, not by choice but because of TARP.

As a results-oriented self-starting quick-study who manages tasks adaptively and is equally at home in either collaborative group or peer-to-peer settings, I feel that I could bring dynamism, fresh vision and significant value-added to an aggressive, forward-facing organization like yours. I’m confident that the enclosed curriculum vitae will convince you as well, and I look forward to discussing your terms of employment by phone, hopefully before Verizon pulls the plug on my Blackberry.

PS: I don’t own a car, but I know where I can get one. Ad astra!

[hat tip brad]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/23/11 at 01:36 PM • Permalink

Categories: PoliticsManic Progressives

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He’s got a better grasp of the issues than Hamsher does. (shrug) He’s got my vote!

Yes, and he owns an Aeron chair.

PS: I don’t own a car, but I know where I can get one.

The car is of secondary importance. They main thing is to keep your tags current.

Thank goodness the NRA has at last found a worthy candidate to put an end to the reign of Ozero in Larry “Buzz” Dymaxion, or at least a candidate who is aware that they are nominating him.

I for one welcome Larry “Buzz” Dymaxion to the rough-and-tumble of electoral politics, and to at least one of the two different bumperstickers (and membership card!) I shall get as a supporting member of the NRA

—-What? N P A? And how many are there?

Wow. I haven’t been this embarrassed since the whole running shoe debacle of aught eight.

Larry “Buzz” Dymaxion is WAY too self-aware to be a true NPA candidate.  Sorry!  Call us when you can say all that without the smirk in your voice.

I fell outta my chair laughing before I even read this hilarious post.

I just *knew.* LOL!

Remember that racist FDL diarist that wanted to “educate” “Afro-Americans” on how Obama has betrayed them? S/he has linked to this post from GOS. The silliness is here. In comments, metamars wants to know what’s racist about wanting to “educate” black people on what’s good for them. Heh.

NPA:  Fail wrapped around PUMA wrapped around TNA wrapped around emoprogs.

I may enjoy 2012 after all.

gimme, it’s a Fauxgressive jawbreaker!

They really ought to read a book by some guy called Glenn Greenwald. It’s called, “A Tragic Legacy: How a Good vs. Evil Mentality Destroyed the Bush Presidency.”

Amazing stuff!

Sorry, Cynthia McKinney clearly wants it more.

Comment by Angry Geometer on 05/23/11 at 08:20 PM

So the whole point of this bizarre exercise is to blow up the Democratic Party ‘cause they don’t like Democratic Party policies?  Why don’t they just, y’know, join another party?

Liberal third parties have always been more about revenge than anything else, so it’s important to be able to say “Look! You hurt me so bad it made me form a new party just to hurt you back!”

That’s sort of the problem when it’s all about OUTRAGE and BETRAYAL instead of about what policies or political philosophy one supports.  I haven’t been a Democrat for many years because I realized I was way out of line ideologically.  There’s two rational possibilities if you don’t like where you think the party’s headed: you can try changing it from within (I don’t think this works, but you can certainly make an argument for it) or you can leave.  Trying to pull the whole thing down around your ears doesn’t make any sense at all.

Trying to pull the whole thing down around your ears doesn’t make any sense at all.

Yes, but it’s less work than joining the Peace Corps or forming an NGO to help victims of global political oppression, which are the available channels for practical idealism.

Yes, but it’s less work than joining the Peace Corps or forming an NGO to help victims of global political oppression

Is it really though? I think we can agree this people are clearly expecting so. I’m guessing that at any point this gets NPA has to achieve one goal that can’t be done wholly through typing things on the internet, this whole endeavor gets dropped.

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