Ermagerd. Sworn off Palin for more than a few years, then two consecutive posts in a couple of days. The shame, the shame. What provoked this?

Well, on Saturday we saw La Diva Loca give her all in a TMI style to a CPAC rabble desperate for distraction from its own endless misery, and inevitably we focused on her Bloomberg big guvmint-bashing Big Gulpaloser, like just about everybody else who was near a keyboard. Perhaps predictably, where some of us—perhaps, let’s be hopeful here, the vast majority of humanity and possibly any eavesdropping aliens—saw teeheehee juvenile pathos and completely unintentional self-parody (and responded with our own juvenilia, because that’s how we roll), her fans saw A HEROIC STAND AGAINST THE MAN!!!!

A few spinoff memes among those with access to Photoshop and way too much time on their hands could be expected, but a full-on IRL movement? Oh yeah. Heeeeere’s Twitchy:

Awesome: Sarah Palin sips Big Gulp during CPAC speech; ‘Bloomberg’s not around’ [pics and video]

Now, I should warn you of a couple of things. First, that headline is no lie, and if you click it, there are indeed pics and video, and it ain’t pretty; and second, if you’ve never visited malevolent douchesquirrel Michelle Malkin’s Twitchy before, its sole raison d’être, other than mobilizing twittering zombie hordes to relentlessly harass anybody who catches Malkin’s eye and ire, is generally to drag a bunch of rabid derp off the twittersphere and blend it with even more rabid derp in its comment stream, I guess in the hopes that a singularity of derp will be triggered that will engulf the entire universe and beyond in a tidal wave of megaderp—thus fulfilling those apocalyptic predictions of peak wingnut and the wingularity ta-DA!

The ingredients on this occasion range from the pedestrian

Cynthia Yockey @conservativelez

Palin at CPAC: He’s got the rifle, I’ve got the rack (of husband Todd and their Xmas gifts to one another.) Then sips Big Gulp.

to the arguably ill-advised

Michelle Malkin ✔ @michellemalkin

CPAC podiums need to be stocked with 32-oz Big Gulps, not teeny water bottles.

to the marginally more excitable!!!

Roel Marasigan @HeadsWillRoel

Classic Sarah Palin giving nanny Bloomberg a jab at #CPAC!!!

So far, so lame. I’ll kick you off with the first comment over there, then after that you’re on your own if you’re wingnutcurious enough to get off the boat, and don’t say you haven’t been warned, as it gets worse from here on in (though there is some evidence of sedition). Behold the yawning sinkhole in perception:

nc • 2 days ago

Her comedic timing was dead-on perfect! She tells the “rack” joke with a dead pan straight face, then immediately reaches for the Super Big Gulp to deflect any sense of impropriety. Comic genius!

This would be tragic and humorous in a relatively mundane way (“dead pan straight face” *snork*) in itself, but as Wonkette reports, we’re now headed back into the realms of full-on icon-worship again, as the old fanbase at Conservatives4Palin apparently hasn’t entirely been reduced to living under bridges and toasting pigeons on curtain rails through over-donating to The Palin Family and Friends Holiday and Meth Fund SarahPAC, or if it has, it seems to have access to Obamaphones and the Internet down there. Venture after the fold if you dare/can be arsed.

This is what greets you at C4P:


Not without homespun charm, not entirely undisturbing. Quite pleasantly ironic from a bunch who throw around epithets like “The One” and “Obots” and “Dear Leader” (and far worse, obviously). But a cheap ‘shop isn’t enough. You’re not a true devotee of Her Palinness unless you put your butt on the line. And butts there are aplenty. They’re calling it ...

The Palin Liberty Pose!


It even has its own hashtag—#PalinLibertyPose—where “Patriotic Americans” like this plucky feller are following C4P’s rallying cry: “taking a stand,” and what’s more “(and drive the LSM bat-crap crazy?!),” and also too, “Do the #PalinLibertyPose and send the permanent political class a message!”


Are you feeling the bat-crap crazy yet?!

And yes, in case you were wondering, this movement has the blessing of Lady Gargle-ga herself:

Sarah Palin ✔ @SarahPalinUSA

Here’s to liberty! MT @TwitchyTeam Out: Tebowing and Eastwooding: In: #PalinLibertyPose

In 2008, this woman was a few million votes away from being a heartbeat away from the presidency, and numerous very serious pundits who still have jobs thought she was a credible VP candidate. Sleep well, America. Sleep well, world.

Envoi: And yes, yes, I could have perhaps spent your and my time and our server resources more productively by blogging about something more germane, like, oh I don’t know, the BBC’s confirmation at this late stage that Tony Blair was lying through his lying teeth about WMD in Iraq, but a whole post taken up with bellows of “WE FUCKING TOLD YOU THAT AT THE TIME, YOU USELESS FLAMING BAGS OF DOGPOO!!!” and head-meets-desk sound effects might not have served as a relaxing nightcap.

Posted by YAFB on 03/18/13 at 09:38 PM • Permalink

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More Big Gulps mean these folks’ arteries seize up sooner and they die sooner.  And the problem with that is what exactly?

It’ll take too long?

Sorry, I’m grasping here.

If I may may attempt a tortured but potentially nerve-soothing metaphor: the fans love a mascot but they don’t let it play ball. Sure, wars are being fought all over the globe for the god-given right to guzzle carbonated HFCS-laced fluids, but I’m pretty sure if you asked her—

“Think fast! Your thoughts on Syria?” you’d probably lose her at “Think fast!”

More Big Gulps mean these folks’ arteries seize up sooner and they die sooner.  And the problem with that is what exactly?

They’ll end up on Medicaid and linger for years, fighting for the Freedumb to Contract Type 2 Diabetes!

Sorry, but ten is not a few, it is even more than a few few, or a couple severals, or even several couples. I’m just happy the popular vote differential was as large as it was, that way there was no chance the Republicans could have ever claimed voting irregularities, tieing up the country for weeks on end.

Her comedic timing was dead-on perfect! She tells the “rack” joke with a dead pan straight face, then immediately reaches for the Super Big Gulp to deflect any sense of impropriety. Comic genius!

Indeed.  Her transformation from politician to stand up clown is complete.

Stand up clown indeed; though one with a ‘rack’ that apparently has the GOP fanboyz proclaiming her sainthood with one hand, and working the starbursts factory with the other*. 

I was still trying to reconcile ‘rack’ with “Christian Goddess” until I ran facefirst into a pile if IOKIYAR.

Humor, like science and art, have no meaning for Repiglickin’s.  They just don’t get it.

I was still trying to reconcile ‘rack’ with “Christian Goddess” until I ran facefirst into a pile if IOKIYAR.

Yeah, Rich Lowry made that pretty clear with his famous “starbursts” post.  Palin has never for one second been serious about politics or governance - she has never been anything but an opportunist fortunate enough to have the good looks that made her marks happy to keep worshiping her.  Now she is down to buying her clothes at Forever 21 and telling tits and Big Gulp jokes but they still want to believe she’s their savior.  Man I just don’t get Rethuglicans.

From what little I was able to stomach of Palin’s CPAC performance, the impression she conveyed was that of an aging prom queen who went to the class reunion so she could try to re-live her glory days, back when she was the star of the in-crowd and everyone (who counted) loved her. In the context of the event, I suppose she succeeded. To the rest of us, however, she only reaffirmed what a washed-up, pathetic has-been she’s become. Or is she more of a washed-up, pathetic never-was?

I dunno, she still serves a purpose. This has morphed into more GOP internecine fighting:

Tucker: ‘I’m Not Clear What Sarah Palin Does’

353 comments and counting ...

353 comments and counting ...

I never get out of the boat, but I did this time. Read about 20 comments, so far my favorite bit is the insistence that she has bravely faced much risk in her political career.

Well, this is pretty choice, too:

If I was going to take a hill, and had my pick of three people to hand guns to and go with me, TWO of them would be named Palin and the third would be Nugent….

So far no one has pointed out Nugent’s draft-dodgeriness.

Anyway, it is heartening to see all these brave, brave Palin-posers bravely Palin-posing as they fight to lift the yoke of tyranny from the necks of straight white Christian conservatives, who have been brutally held down for so long…

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