YAFB’s 2012 Rumproast Roundup, Part 2
Vixen kicked off April Fool’s Day by highlighting Romney’s weakness on foreign policy, which ended up forming a fetching matching set with his weaknesses on just about everything else. YAFB, having previously startled himself and most of his readers by covering the Republican sap rising in the form of Ann Romney threatening to unzip Mitt, Ricky Santorum bemoaning the Republican Party’s insistence that voters “need Mitt Romney shoved down their throats,” and the overgenerous offer by The Donald to flash Gloria Allred, channeled a comedy masterclass from Pajamas Media’s Laffmeister-in-Chief Frank J. Fleming, whose thesis boiled down to “liberals aren’t funny,” supplemented by worked examples to show how it should be done. Betty looked forward to the GOP Convention in Tampa, FL, “during the height of hurricane season.” “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?” she mused, also revealing that Super Soakers would be banned from the city streets, but yer actual firearms would be just dandy. Having earlier flirted with Liz Cheney, Vixen continued to scan the Republican horizon for likely VP candidates, advising against picking Paul Ryan because:
Obama is going hard against that kind of ‘eat the poor’ economics, and I think Romney should recognize it as a trap ....
The concensus among Roasters was that Tim Pawlenty would be a handy choice. If only Mittens read Rumproast, how differently 2012 might have panned out. Spurred on by the public implosion and firing of NRO’s John Derbyshire, Betty then reported on an alternative version of “The Talk,” this time liberal mother—Dixie daughter. This heralded a run of posts taking on puffed-up luminaries, with AltHippo focusing on an old Rumproast favorite, the WaPo factmangler, while Vixen spitroasted Victor David Hanson for his wrongheaded (and as D Johnson pointed out in the comments, blatantly recycled) exploration of racial issues in the Trayvon Martin case. The tears were barely dry after Vixen mourned the passing of the Santorum dream before YAFB explored how the Republican remnants and base were revolting. Betty, having caught Mitt sucking up to the NRA with the Drudge-hyped claim that “OBAMA COMING FOR GUNS,” then covered an early attempt by the Romney campaign to humanize Mitt, introducing us to his hitherto unnoticed sons “Snotleigh, Tagamet, Cumberbund, Fontleroy and Snoodle.” Not to be left out, YAFB wearily followed the pack and revisited SeamusGate, and teamed up with Vixen to wonder why Ted Nugent’s rantings were acceptable public discourse whereas Hilary Rosen’s weren’t. We were by now knee-deep in Primary Mittmentum, and piled on en masse, with Betty offering sympathy to Mrs. Mitt, Vixen boggling at Mitt’s winning ways with people and food, and YAFB beginning what would become a full-time hobby of cataloging the Romney campaign’s many screw-ups. That post revealed that it’s not just the Rumproast frontpagers who can be prescient, Xecky Gilchrist observing in the comments about Citizens United and the superPACs:
When there’s that much money floating around, especially among conservatives, someone or several hundred someones will show up to ‘consult’, deliver a crappy (and here, plagiarized) product, and line their own pockets. There is no honor among thieves.
Spooky! Almost as spooky as AltHippo‘s revelation that “Paul Ryan is the Devil,” but we were now galloping hell-for-leather toward the decisive set of Republican primaries that saw Mitt Romney become the de facto presumptive nominee, once all the other candidates eventually bowed to the inevitable. His tenure didn’t begin well, as witnessed by marindenver‘s observation that Ann Romney was about to be unleashed Kraken-like on America’s women while Mitt’s campaign surrogates wharrgarbled on about the “Soviet” threat to “the free world.”
Headline of the Month Nominee
Betty‘s first post of the month covered Scott Brown and The Borg’s attempts to smear Elizabeth Warren as wrongly claiming Native American ancestry, while YAFB was firmly on home turf, revealing the contemptuous hackery behind Toby Harnden of the Daily Mail‘s clickbaiting contribution to efforts to swiftboat Obama for allegedly stealing the SEALs’ thunder over the Bin Laden killing. Vixen delved into the firing of misogynist Twitter loudmouth Richard Grenell from the Romney campaign for the crime of wingnutting while gay, before breaking the sad news that Newt’s presidential run, if not his entire career, was entering the twilight zone, the bitter parting exchange between him and the Romney camp leading Fox News’s Shep Smith to the belated realization that “Politics is weird … and creepy, and now I know lacks even the loosest attachment to anything like reality.” YAFB expanded on the striking parallels between the 2012 Republican primaries and the 2008 Democratic race, while Vixen focused on the flailing mendacious contrarian opportunism that would be such a prominent feature of Mittens’ entire run. YAFB celebrated Karl Rove’s birthday by reporting on the official launch of the Obama 2012 campaign with a rally in Ohio. Aside from the devastating tactic of parking a campaign bus near any Obama gathering, the Romney camp chose to tweet a misleading photo of a relatively empty arena snapped before the rally’d even begun, prompting YAFB to observe:
This campaign season, it’s apparent we’re going to be playing the numbers game, comparing enthusiasm for President Obama’s 2012 campaign—unfavorably wherever possible—with that of 2008, if the wingnutariat, ably abetted by sectors of the MSM, gets its way.
Betty was bemused by Asshole Assholeson’s griping about the awkward courtship between Mittens and The Borg which was supposed to be SUPER SEKRIT, but some blabbermouth bloggers had chosen to brag about to HuffPo. Vixen caught Mittens yet again bravely failing to rebut seditious outbursts among his audiences, whereas YAFB was more preoccupied by his virtuoso abilities as a flipflopping fantasist. Where would Mitt’s flights of fancy take him next, we all wondered. We had no option but to stay tuned. It fell to Betty to inform us about Ricky’s ringing endorsement of Mitt, which she boiled down to: “Well, at least the Obamacare-inspiring heretic isn’t a blah person.” Betty was also the bearer of the glad tidings that Obama had finally, in the words of Rush Limbaugh, “declared war on traditional marriage” by affirming that same-sex couples should be able to get married, which was YAFB‘s cue to delve into Mittens’ flipfloppy record on that issue and gay rights in general. Betty‘s piece on Ann Romney’s latest revelation that yes, she was the matriarch of a seriously dysfunctional family, and proud of it, served as an appetizer for Vixen‘s ruminations on Mitt’s bullyboy past. Betty picked up the baton to cover the Romney camp’s halfhearted “He is not so a bully” pushback, while YAFB explored the grievous tensions and skullduggery between the various Republican contenders’ supporters, most notably fisticuffs between acolytes of Ron Paul and Romney, and looked forward to a lively GOP Convention. Vixen, meanwhile, was still trying to find a running mate for Mitt, this time throwing Rand Paul’s and Mike Huckabee’s hats into the ring. If only Mitt read Rumproast, how different ... oh nevermind. Betty, on the other hand, couldn’t pass up another opportunity to deliver a wedgie to PolitiFact for judging the latest in Mitt’s unending torrent of fibs “MOSTLY TRUE.” YAFB detoured to remind himself of the existence of self-proclaimed “Energizer Bunny on steroids” Orly Taitz, now hopping hopefully toward a California US Senate seat, and Vixen continued the birther theme with a smorgasbord menu of dimwittery, and in particular the Breitbartlets’ latest Gotcha! about the Kenyan usurper’s shady roots, The Donald‘s fervent wish to have you for dinner, and Mittens’ release for no particular reason at all, obviously, of what he claimed was his Certificate of Live Birth, but was really just a collection of pixels. As the month staggered to its close, Betty was more preoccupied by FL Governor Rick Scott’s drive to purge non-Republicans from the voter rolls, while lazy old YAFB was just happy that Politico had written his lede for him:
The Romneys are silly rich, move in rarefied and exotic circles, and are perhaps a tad shady.
Headline of the Month Nominee
Vixen began the month by reluctantly covering the latest O’Keefesque deceptively edited wingnut “sting” video from Live Action’s Lila Rose, whereas YAFB was more preoccupied with the Romney camp’s attempts to warp Bill Clinton’s words in the Wisconsin Scott Walker recall election to take Bain off the table as a campaign issue. “Bill Clinton Basically Endorses Mitt Romney,” claimed Rush Limbaugh, “basically” in this case translating as “not at all.” YAFB then reveled in the irony of a TPM headline, “Romney Camp Defends Poor Jobs Record: He Inherited A Bad Situation,” with John Bolton, of all people, pointing out that yes, the President had indeed inherited a clusterfuck, and there was no electoral point in quibbling about precisely how much cluck had fustered. Vixen then turned her attention to the Walker recall, where an 8 to 1 spending advantage by the Republicans showed just how much money they were prepared to splash around this year. Betty, meanwhile, cataloged the latest in the Breitbartlets’ Envettening series, this time resurrecting the old Ayers/Dohrn/Obama smears. Vixen pointed out the long shadow of Palin’s failin’ cast over the Romney campaign, a theme we would return to in various guises later in the election, while Betty looked forward again to the hurricane season GOP Convention, revealing that plans were afoot to construct a weather-flouting Tube O’Wingnut to safeguard The Donald’s toop and Mittens’ do. Vixen was suffering from Santorum withdrawal symptoms by this stage, so it was with some relief she reported on Ricky’s new pantshaking initiative, Patriot
Vices Voices, which I probably don’t need to tell you had a profound impact on the election, before she was driven to subject Ross Douthat to the latest of our pundit-savagings, but was soon diverted by the latest episode in Mittens’ Unfortunate Encounters With Plebs and the Weird Things They Eat. YAFB was similarly overjoyed that Mittens was now taking his show on the road, and especially that he was kicking off his surprisingly secretive grand tour at the heavily state-subsidized Scamman Farm, and continued to bear tidings of the high jinks between Mittens and his press entourage and his increasingly paranoia-wracked campaign team, while Betty spoilt everyone’s afternoon tea by graphically comparing Gov. Rick Scott to Voldemort (Voldemort emerging the winner in the looks and morality stakes by a country mile) and Vixen turned her attention to the boorishness of shambling drunken hack Neil Munro of the Daily Caller. It should have been obvious by now that YAFB had the hots for Ron Paul and was praying daily for full-scale internecine civil war among the Republicans, hence his handy roundup of the many ways the Paulmas were revolting, though he wasn’t so distracted that he ignored the latest despatches from Mitt’s tour. Then GAH! Betty treated us to another image of the disappearing Rick Scott, and marindenver delved into the neocons’ roles and influence on Mittens’ mysterious foreign policy stances. Betty finally waded in on the “Fast and Furious” would-be scandal that so many of The Borg had spent so much time hopefully ginning up into an impeachable offense, which was YAFB‘s cue to revisit his abiding mancrush for Darrell Issa, while Betty focused on Rafalca, Kathleen Parker, and the Romneys, and mused on how successful the superPACs’ efforts would be in the Fall before moving on to yet more revelations from Mittens’ tearaway scofflaw youth. Marindenver was more taken with what Mitt was up to nowadays, the major campaign tactic emerging so far being to have a bus circumnavigate any Obama gathering honking its horn, which mar saw as a metaphor for just about every other aspect of Mitt’s campaign. Vixen had some stern words for shrink-the-government government employee Rand Paul, the main one being “Ermahgerd.” YAFB took on a grab-bag of the latest idiocy to emerge from the Romney camp, most notably its sensitivity to accusations of offshoring/outsourcing during Mitt’s tenure at Bain and its failed attempt to strongarm the WaPo to buckle under, with a side order of Issa/F&F followed by a cheeseboard of Biden to take away the taste. It fell to marindenver to break the tension and let us know that against many expectations, SCOTUS had upheld the constitutionality of the ACA mandate. This was a major blow to Mittens and Republicans in Congress, driving them to cover their disappointment by voting to cite Eric Holder for alleged contempt of Congress in the F&F affair. YAFB finished off the month by revealing just how much of Mittens’ social media campaign had been outsourced to the Breitbartlets and The Borg, casting doubt on the campaigning chops and bona fides of Mitt’s Digital Director Zac Moffatt and the wisdom of Mitt’s continued lack of focus on ground game. It didn’t take a Nostradamus to predict:
Meanwhile, if you lie down with Drudge, let alone the Breitbartlets, you’re very likely to end up with cooties.
If only Mittens read ... aw heck, see you in Part 3.
Headline of the Month Nominee