Monday, March 15, 2010

To GQ.

And then loses it over the fact that GQ actually published the trashy pics  that she posed for.

Oh, and along the way managed to get her claws into Elizabeth Edwards every opportunity she got.  MEEEOWW!!

So when will Rielle’s Tell-All book be coming out?  Because I really want to not read it.

Posted by marindenver on 03/15/10 at 06:02 PM
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Sunday, March 14, 2010

I have no idea what I clicked to get here, but now I can’t contain my excitement at the prospect of looking this professional and empowered, for only a penny-per-month more than the cost of a Glenn Beck-style Survival Seed Garden.

Plus, who could fail to be ensnared by compelling, hypnotic ad copy like this?:

A professional website design establishes you as a serious contender, and catches the eye of your supporters (and, likely, your opponents). More importantly, it gives you credibility. You know you are running a professional campaign, but the world needs to know it too.

Yes, by God, I AM serious…and the world MUST know who I am! Where do I sign…and does this deal include that Tweetie thing?

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 03/14/10 at 06:01 PM
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Thursday, March 11, 2010

This time the culprit is, wait for it, salt!

Assemblyman Felix Ortiz, D-Brooklyn, has introduced a bill that would completely ban the use of salt in restaurant cooking.

“No owner or operator of a restaurant in this state shall use salt in any form in the preparation of any food for consumption by customers of such restaurant, including food prepared to be consumed on the premises of such restaurant or off of such premises,” the bill,  A. 10129 , states in part.

The bill proposes a $1,000 fine on restaurants for each violation.

Give me, oh PULEEZ, give me a break here.  First of all even the Mayo Clinic doesn’t recommend a completely salt free diet.  Salt, after all, is needed by our bodies for essential functions.  And second, many dishes simply can’t be prepared correctly or flavorfully without the use of some salt.  If this law is enacted say goodbye to pickles, kimchee, sauerkraut and any other pickled dishes; soy sauce, worcestershire sauce and many other condiments; and most importantly FLAVOR! 

New York has an incredibly vibrant restaurant industry.  This heavy handed attempt to impose unnecessary dietary restrictions on anyone choosing to eat out would have a very dampening effect on the business of many restaurants for no apparent public benefit.  I realize it’s not likely to pass but, jeebus, don’t those assembly peeps have anything better to do with their time?

If you think the food police are getting a little too aggressive here’s a website where you can sound off.

Posted by marindenver on 03/11/10 at 02:38 PM
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Friday, March 05, 2010

Those of us following the antics of ex-half-governor (H/T Strange) Sharpie are trying not to enjoy the utterly predictable news that she and her entourage somehow sniffed out the Oscar swag suite, fell upon it, and cleaned it out, as one horrified vendor said, “like locusts.”

How this was arranged is baffling, but E! online reports that the pillaged goods were to be donated to charity, but as yet, no move has been made to transfer the wealth. How Palin’s daughter’s new designer haircut is going to be given will be a mystery up there with whatever happened to the crumpled designer schmattes lent to Palin by the RNC, which, as far as anybody knows, are still in the “belly of the plane.”

By now, that is one enciente aircraft.
         

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 03/05/10 at 11:52 AM
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Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Flushed with success from helping RINO Rick Perry defeat one Tea Party candidate and two women, conservative confection Sarah Palin tried out some schtick and her new, extra-Bumpitty hairstyle on Jay Leno’s Late-Nite Corn Opera.         

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 03/03/10 at 12:06 PM
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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

This is getting fucking snowdiculous:

The same storm that brought a gentle snowfall across Texas on Tuesday will reach the Northeast in the form of an atmospheric monster with damaging winds, blinding snow, torrential rain, huge waves and flooding.

In the hardest-hit areas, it will seem more like a “snowacane,” as a mere blizzard may not adequately describe conditions of this soon-to-be powerful nor’easter.

Massive Rumproast Bonus Points to anyone who comes up with something better than “Snowtorious B.I.G.” from the last storm in the comments.

Posted by Kevin K. on 02/24/10 at 01:44 PM
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Sure, it’s eight bucks a roll if you buy it, and it’s going to be hard as hell to steal after sundown. But it’s the realization of one of mankind’s oldest dreams…although I don’t remember precisely which one. 

Truly, we live in wondrous times.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/24/10 at 12:42 AM
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Thursday, February 18, 2010

Thank the lordy for those ultra observant tea baggers hanging out in Washington right now!  While taking a tour of the White House Rob from Say Anything Blog spied THIS compelling evidence of a SOSHULIST presence in the White House, that presence being none other than the FIRST LADY!!!

Egads!  Practically a whole Marxist library.  Placed there by (according to the tour guide) none other than Michelle Obama.  WHO KNEW!!

Except that, by later update Rob tells us that he has been informed the books were placed in the library by, um, er, Jackie Kennedy.  Damn!  She was a soshulist too?

Posted by marindenver on 02/18/10 at 06:41 PM
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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Combover gone wild.

It’s been snowing on the East Coast this winter so we should strip Al Gore of his Nobel prize!  Cuz the Chinese are laughing at us or something.

Donald does not offer up an explanation for why there is hardly ANY snow in Vancouver this year and the Olympic athletes are skiing on top of hay bales covered with trucked in snow.*

Maybe somebody could explain the difference between *weather* and *climate*  to Mr. Chumpy.

*Colorado and Montana snowpack below average this year too.

Posted by marindenver on 02/16/10 at 07:41 PM
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Sunday, February 14, 2010

Where else can a person go for funny that stays with you all day, with real nutritional content?  Not to mention unequalled bonhomie, from the most delightful collection of snarkologists anywhere.

Try getting that from a cupcake.

To all of my fellow Roasters, and especially Kevin K! Thank you so much, KK, for creating the ultimate Safe Space for Snark.         

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 02/14/10 at 07:09 AM
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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Whiteout NYC 2010

The snow’s been coming down at a steady clip for a couple of hours here in NYC, the wind’s really starting to kick in, and Biscuit, once again, just brought her special version of hell down upon us, so we’re going to run outside and play in the beautiful, beautiful snow. I know a lot of our staff and readers are in the line of today’s blizzard, so here’s an open thread to discuss what’s going on in your neck of the woods. 

Posted by Kevin K. on 02/10/10 at 02:53 PM
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Tuesday, February 09, 2010

We’ve yet to hear from God’s Mouthpiece Pat Robertson on just why He (that is, God) decided to spare the Big Apple while coming down so hard on Washington and points west, which are actually going to be smacked again. Look, God, it was funny the first time (well, actually, it wasn’t). But now it’s just getting stale.
         
X-posted at “my, those paddles tickle!” newly undead Snarkopolitan.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 02/09/10 at 02:58 AM
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Saturday, February 06, 2010

If you’re snowed in and looking for a good read Thers has a great suggestion.

Goldberg’s sputtering response to the smackdown of Liberal Fascism and everything he says in it by actual, you know, historians, is priceless.  Shorter Goldberg:  Why can’t fascism just mean whatever I want it to mean?  *whine*.

Posted by marindenver on 02/06/10 at 05:31 PM
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Friday, February 05, 2010

We were just talking on the phone and the conversation shifted to tag sales and my wife Chris came up with the term “scraps of sadness.”  And then this happened:

“Ummm, excuse me, but how much do the scraps of sadness cost?”
“Hi, I was wondering if you’re only selling the scraps of sadness as a set or if you’re willing to sell them individually?”
“Do you have any idea how old this scrap of sadness is?”
“Can you give me a deal if I buy all of the scraps of sadness and the speck of despair?”
“Is this scrap of sadness in working order?”

Feel free to riff further on this in the comments.

Posted by Kevin K. on 02/05/10 at 12:58 PM
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Saturday, January 30, 2010

This is a band that used to play gigs in my home town [name withheld for security reasons], eons before I found my niche in subliminal opinion marketing. A whack tune with a curiously timely message, and the same T-shirt Obama’s been wearing ever since the night of the SOTU.

Mother Nature blighted me, she shorted on the peach
All the women laughed at me while reaching in the sheets

Now I’ve got
Steel Grapes
All the man that you can handle,
Steel Grapes
More than you can chew,
Steel Grapes
You’re burning both ends of the candle
Now it’s up to you

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 01/30/10 at 09:57 PM
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