Has anyone seen heavy-rotation promo spots on cable? What about shelf-headers or free-standing kiosks at Walmart? Billboards? Happy Meals?
So far, all I can find is this. And once you strip away all the obligatory PR fluff, it sounds like Sarah’s movie is getting the same treatment as Beastmaster 12 and Star Trek: The Musical:
After methodically analyzing the most effective ways to bring this galvanizing film to the widest audience as soon as possible we have determined that Video-on-Demand, Pay-Per-View and DVD sales will be the best modalities by which to deliver this film as widely and as quickly as possible.
Yeah, well, since it sucked air in theaters, I guess that’s all you got left, ain’t it? Duh.
OK, so New British Superman has no pants and a shield that that looks like it’s made out of Fruit Roll-Ups. I guess it won’t matter since we’ll all be too busy staring at his mighty Kryptonian cod.
(More images here, with better detail on his fish scales and Captain Marvel-style sleeve guards. Lovely.)
DougJ at Balloon Juice is ready for an extinction-level event to punish our civilization for bestowing accolades on a columnist capable of this level of banality:
Meanwhile, Mr. President, on a rainy day, rent the movie “Tin Cup.” There is a great scene where Dr. Molly Griswold is trying to help Roy “Tin Cup” McAvoy, the golf pro, rediscover his swing — and himself. She finally tells him: “Roy ... don’t try to be cool or smooth or whatever; just be honest and take a risk. And you know what, whatever happens, if you act from the heart, you can’t make a mistake.”
Can’t argue with DougJ’s sentiment. Friedman as always lacks insight. There is no “great scene” in “Tin Cup,” which is a thoroughly stupid movie. And the supposedly profound point—that “if you act from the heart, you can’t make a mistake”—is absurd.
But rather than think about the depressing state of politics and punditry, let’s focus instead on bad sports movies—the very worst. There are so many. And they are bad in so many ways.
What do you consider the worst sports movie of all time? My possibly controversial answer: “Rudy.” The mister and I argue about this all the time. He thinks it’s a great movie. I think it’s depressing and dumb.
I get that we’re supposed to be impressed with Rudy’s perseverance. But goddamnit, he’s bad at football! It’s not admirable that he persists at it after it becomes clear that he’s always going to suck—it’s pathetic.
Come to think of it, Rudy and Friedman have something in common: They’re both bad at what they do, and they both receive unwarranted accolades for contributing nothing of importance to their respective fields.
A quirk of tax law means that Scotland’s currently a good place for overseas film companies to make movies. A quirk of history means that some of Glasgow’s older architecture and grid street layout bears a striking resemblance to Philadelphia’s. A quirk of genetics, climate, and social engineering means that zombie extras apparently aren’t difficult to find.
All this made Glasgow city centre’s George Square and surrounding streets a shoo-in for the shoot of some key scenes from the upcoming movie of Max Brooks’s 2006 novel World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War, starring Brad Pitt.
There’s a slideshow of the shoot here, and the Daily What has a fun little quiz to see if you can tell the streets and buildings of Philadelphia from those of Glasgow when they haven’t been all gussied up for $ (I got 80%).
I haven’t ventured into the city during the shoot—the location’s cordoned off to the hoi polloi, and by the look of that pic above, not without good reason. I’ve also not read the book, but if they film the climax on a Saturday night after a Celtic—Rangers soccer match, my money’s on the zombies.
Rumproast’s Founder and Ur-Blogger Emeritus introduced us to the original, live-action Black Dynamite film. We may never know if he approves of the new, animated Adult Swim incarnation, but I think we can all agree that every Liberal heart leaps at a cartoon that unites White CIA agents with kung-fu-fighting Ghetto Heroes to kick rogue PBS puppet ass, the way the Founders intended.
The Undefeated leaps from 10 theaters to 14 in its inexorable juggernaut course to becoming the most incrementally rolled-out summer blockbuster feel-good sleeper art-house niche-market celluloid experience since My Dinner with Batman and Aguirre, The Wrath of Khan.
Several of the opening day markets got the ax for lousy per-screen numbers that were harshing the average. Dallas, Houston, Denver and Orange stay. Phoenix and Atlanta get overflow screens. Second weekend adds Tucson, AZ; West Palm, FL; Milwaukee, WI; Charlotte, NC; and Ontario, CA. By all accounts, only America’s appalling lack of unused movie screens is holding back the latent breakout potential of this powerhouse film THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING, YOU SNIVELLING LIBTARDS!
The Spring and Summer of not-quite-straight-to-video Conservative cult movies continues apace.
Pretty good per-screen numbers for The Undefeated. That’s on a par with Atlas Shrugged, which tanked the week after it opened and never secured a wider release.
Question: What’s the Venn Diagram analysis of Sarah Fans and Atlas Fans? Total overlap, or does she have a broader base? And, if so, will her film have a more devastating impact on Christmas than Santa Claus Conquers the Martians?
[UPDATE:] Looks like The Undefeated will pull better than Atlas Shrugged for the full weekend, so I think we’re officially talking a Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla take in terms of total North American sales, rather than SCCTM. Cultural-impact-wise, I think we’re still well south of Death Race 2000, which is right where we want it to be.
She’s unconventional. She does things her own way. She doesn’t ask directions. She’s never read the Owner’s Manual. And, dammit, she’s so gosh-darn badass that if she blows a tire on the tour bus, she’ll wrap Chuck Norris around the rim and drive on him till he screams “Akirameru!” and explodes in a shower of Chuck-Norris-shaped hunks of rubber and nylon.
Today, her stealth campaign for President begins in earnest — for the umpteenth time — with the ten-city opening of The Undefeated, an independent film that promises to be the Atlas Shrugged: Part I of independent films about boring stuff other than railroads and greed, but with just as many interminable talky parts.
This is why I never go out to the movies anymore. Some loud asshole always talks overs the credits, yakking about how God gave us “land mass” and “work ethics” and good old Judeo-Christian Exceptionalism. You used to have to go to the Bus Station to hear that shit, but now they’re everywhere.
Those attending the premiere of 1/2 Gov. Snowflake’s cinematic hagiography at the Corn Syrup Dispensary in Pella tonight could be forgiven for “spending a penny” or two, if not from desperation as the film reached the ninety minute mark with no sign of wrapping up, then from anticipation of The Malign Sarah’s after-film remarks: where better for her to make The Announcement!
They were not disappointed, either: although the Grisly Mama walked back her eldest daughter’s earlier indiscretion (running? me? not so much) like a pro, she did thank people for working for her! Game Set, QED!
Well folks, THAT was your clue. She is definitely running for the Presidency. You don’t tell your grassroots people to go pound shoeleather, thank them for helping Bannon put on a nice production and organize for the Iowa Caucuses, then turn around and say, “.....NAAAAAAAH, I’M HAVING MY PERIOD”.
