Friday, June 24, 2011

Wishing he would get up and say, “Oh, by the way, there’s just one more thing…”

[H/T to Oblomova for the video clip. And right back atcha.]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/24/11 at 03:00 PM
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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

In brightest day, with biggest bucks, looks like this movie really sucks.

Oaite is officially the new Rearden Metal. Sounds like they should have gone with the original Green Lantern Rori Dag (below), a doo-woop score and the backup singers from Little Shop of Horrors.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/15/11 at 08:18 PM
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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Stephen K. Bannon loves the film he made about Sarah Palin. Sean Hannity loves the film Stephen K. Bannon made about his fellow Fox employee, Sarah Palin. Both of them barely escape devastating bukkake-inflicted facial injuries in this steamy exchange of hot Grizzly love.

Thanks to Betty Cracker and Dan Riehl for making Sarah-fapping the most exciting development in big-screen film enjoyment since the false-bottom popcorn bag.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/11/11 at 01:42 PM
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Friday, June 10, 2011

A new genre is born: Political fap film. Deranged wingnut blowhard Dan Riehl watches the new Palin hagiography, The Undefeated (and yes, that was the actual promo graphic!), over and over and over and over:

From my first viewing of a rough cut of “The Undefeated” over a week ago, to re-visiting the opening four times now…

Riehl gives the film four starbursts…literally, I’m afraid.

I’m damn glad I’m not the poor sap who has to wipe down the upholstery between screenings. Ewww.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/10/11 at 11:11 PM
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With its rivers, overlooks, funiculars, architecturally-distinctive ethnic neighborhoods and miniature-megalopolis skyline, Pittsburgh gets routinely tapped to serve as the cinematic stunt-double for other, more expensive locations. So it’s not totally surprising — but still kind of geeky-cool — that Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises will be filming some sequences here. We won’t be subbing for Gotham, but it’s satisfying enough just to be considered sufficiently strange to fit into Nolan’s idiosyncratic visual universe:

Pittsburgh is an old, oft-misrepresented, and deeply weird city. With its streets that twist about and dead-end without warning, the city’s organizing principle is nonsense. You don’t vacation in Pittsburgh unless you have family or friends there, and even then you need every breadcrumb trail at your disposal to navigate in the post-industrial cacophony of ethnicities and aesthetics.

Casting for extras begins tomorrow, but I’m not really enthused about my options:

Casting directors are looking for individuals to play prisoners/thugs, guards, police officers, business men and women and sports fans.

That pretty much limits me to “prisoner/thug” — which is right up my alley, sure. But it’s a popular look in this town, and there’s gonna be a hell of a lot of competition. 

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/10/11 at 09:05 PM
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Monday, June 06, 2011

Throughout cinematic history, there have been many movies that can properly be categorized as psychological thriller or horror.

And then there are movies that the production company classifies as psychological thriller or horror, when they ain’t. One current example is “The Life Zone.”

What is The Life Zone? You’re going to hate yourself for asking. To start, if I were going to classify it I’d file it under “Wank material for fetus fetishists who REALLY hate anyone who doesn’t have a dick & cause sane folk to wonder: ‘Who the Hell let these moist-palmed sociopaths out of the asylum and how do we get them back in?’.”

From the press release [via TPM]:

The controversial premise of THE LIFE ZONE: three women have been kidnapped from abortion clinics and are being held for seven months—until they all give birth. The film, which appears to cut right down the middle, examining the topic from both sides [Wait, shouldn’t the production company know whether or not it cuts down the middle? (The middle of what? Or who?) Or do they mean it appears to be a fair and balanced discussion of whether kidnapping women is a good idea (No.) until the end? How fucking sick are these people anyway? - ed.] offers a powerful, anti-abortion climactic twist [And when they say climatic, they really mean ... God these people are unwell - ed].

You can view the trailer and learn more about the greasy little mind behind it by following the link.

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 06/06/11 at 10:28 AM
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Friday, May 27, 2011

The barely awaited million-dollar Palin docuvertisement at which we’ve been laughing our socks off in anticipation looks like it’s going to hit a similar snag to the cult flop Atlas Shrugs unless there’s some devastatingly cunning strategy behind its release during the hastily cobbled together Tragical Blustery Tour.

It’s all very well producing a movie, but how do you get it before the eyes of an eager audience, let alone an unconvinced one? The Demoines Register isn’t encouraging:

“Typical political movies don’t do two cents at the box office,” said Brian Fridley, a co-owner of R.L Fridley Theatres Inc., which has 22 locations and 89 screens in Iowa. “No one cares but the Kool-Aid drinkers, whether they’re on the right or the left.”
...
Some Republicans in Iowa have said they’ve written off a Palin candidacy, partly because of her lack of activity here.

But volunteers not affiliated with Palin continue to feverishly organize support throughout the state on her behalf.
...
Denise Mahon, owner of the Varsity Theatre near Drake University in Des Moines, said no one has approached her about running the picture, and she has little interest in it. But out of curiosity, Mahon called her New York distributor today to try to track down details about where in Iowa the film will debut.

Fridley, who described himself as an independent-thinking Republican, said he hasn’t been asked to carry the film — and won’t unless film tracking surveys show it would be popular. “We give films priority as to what’s going to do business at the box office and what are good films we’d like the public to see that may have been looked over,” Fridley said.

Fridley said he personally finds Palin “annoying.”

“Why would you do a movie? Are you going to judge your candidacy on whether people want to see the movie or not?” he said. “I think she really shot herself in the foot when she couldn’t put up with the pressure as governor. How is she going to be as president? If she’s under pressure, is she just going to resign?”

Unless Fox makes the arguably illegal move of airing it, which given its length alone is pretty well out of the question, expect it to debut to the faithful few in some hastily hired venue yet to be announced, then probably go the samizdat route via Youtube before sinking without trace.

But the Register did manage to find one person who was enthusiastic:

Avowed Palin supporter Richard Rogers, 61, of West Des Moines said he was excited about the film.

“It’s likely to be helpful because I think a lot of people are confused or unaware what really was happening when she returned to Alaska after the 2008 campaign,” said Rogers, a professional pilot and regional director for Polk and Story counties for the national grassroots group Organize4Palin. “It will kind of be a second introduction.”

The people who’re most confused about what was happening when Palin returned to Alaska after being soundly trounced in the election are her remaining fans. If the media get behind it, it may gain some legs just because it’s Palin and stories about her always attract eyes, but it should also invite scrutiny of the many other threads that remain as yet unraveled from the heaping pile of fail that was Palin’s half-term as semi-detached governor, a number of which are dozing dogs she might be better advised to let lie.

h/t Politicususa

Posted by YAFB on 05/27/11 at 10:29 AM
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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

First, there were the “books.” Then, the “reality” show. But brace for impact, America: it’s Sarah Palin, the Movie! Filmed in secrecy and Alaska, the two-hour Grand Delusion helmed AND funded to the tune of a cool million by conservaloon Stephen K. Bannon (of Generation Zero er, fame) should be hitting the screens in June, Fox willing and the projectors don’t mysteriously shut down after the first hour.

But why bother with the rest of the news of the day, or going on with your life, when you could be alarming your friends and frightening your co-workers by howling at John Cole’s Balloon Juice thread of threads? Go.  I’m sorry about your sides, but they’ll stop aching in a few weeks.(H/T YAFB)
**UPDATED WITH EXTRA CHEEZY MOVIE POSTERS MAT-MAID JUST 4 U!***
**UPDATED AGAIN,  ALSO, TOO!**

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 05/25/11 at 12:00 PM
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Thursday, May 19, 2011

In March, I posted a piece on the Atlas Shrugged movie that opened with this line:

New scene from Atlas Shrugged: Part 1. Somewhere, there’s another hour and forty minutes of screen-searing didactic comic-book set-pieces just like this one, apparently all strung together into the world’s most expensive HR role-play training video.

Silly me. I thought I was kidding.

There’s more, if you’re interested. But I’m not sure if these actually count as Continuing Education Credits.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/19/11 at 07:55 PM
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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

[Above: Could a grainy, hand-held gore-fest of slack, unmotivated human body parts reanimate this rigored Randian tent-pole?]

Just when you thought it was safe to be an unoproductive mooch, Atlas Shrugged sparkplug John Aglialoro has shelved his plans to go “on strike” and announced that he will boldly defy his critics by producing the planned second and third installments of the trilogy after all, albeit with a heavier emphasis on marketing to a broader, non-cultmember audience.

Remember, this is the guy who originally conceived Part 3 as a musical, so God only knows what he’s got in mind. But, naturally, we have a few suggestions of our own, below the fold.

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 05/10/11 at 11:20 AM
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Wednesday, April 27, 2011

So let me get this straight: John Aglialoro spent $20 million to assemble a turgid, preachy morality play with the mass appeal of a Brazilian He-Wax, then tried to boostrap it into theaters by inciting a populist demand-side uprising among “Atlas” fans who don’t live within 45 miles of a cinema, and were perfectly happy to wait for the DVD. But it’s not his fault the film began to tank almost before the house lights came up on its opening weekend. No, that was the work of collectivist weaklings and social parasites like Roger Ebert and P. J. O’Rourke.

Oh, how very Randian.

Of course, you know what comes next. Because when the going gets Galt, the Galts get gone:

“Critics, you won,” said John Aglialoro, the businessman who spent 18 years and more than $20 million of his own money to make, distribute and market “Atlas Shrugged: Part 1,” which covers the first third of Rand’s dystopian novel. “I’m having deep second thoughts on why I should do Part 2.”

-snip-

“Why should I put up all of that money if the critics are coming in like lemmings?” Aglialoro said. “I’ll make my money back and I’ll make a profit, but do I wanna go and do two? Maybe I just wanna see my grandkids and go on strike.”

So maybe we won’t have Dagny Taggart to kick around any more, and maybe we’ll never get to see what John Galt looks like when he finally de-lurks. But we’ll always have poker.

Aglialoro, who is chief executive of the exercise equipment manufacturer Cybex, said he is not completely finished with Hollywood, however. An avid poker player who won the U.S. Poker Championship in 2004, he has a dramatic script called “Poker Room” in development. “Maybe the critics will be kinder to that one,” he said.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/27/11 at 06:22 PM
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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Star Wars for the terminally alienated. [H/T Topless Robot]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/26/11 at 09:39 PM
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Dagny Taggart’s Official Rearden Metal (i.e., “anodized aluminium alloy”) Bracelet will set you back US$159. But anyone with a hat and a raincoat — or, in a pinch, just the hat — can cosplay enigmatic inventor/playground flasher John Galt.

I’ve assmbled the best of the Chapeaued Shruggers from the “I Am John Galt” YouTube site, which we previously sampled here. I’m sure Roger L. Simon is in there somewhere, but I confess I didn’t have the strength to check out all 1,595 screen caps.

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/26/11 at 04:06 PM
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Thursday, April 21, 2011

Forget that this is a dumbshit anti-Obama mash-up of Atlas Shrugged vignettes and scary file footage assembled by Dick Armey’s corporate-owned, fake-grassroots “Tea Party” storefront for Big Money and Big Death. What struck me was the telling selection of mostly-unpreviewed scenes from the film — obviously chosen for their subliminal appeal to small-government Constitutionalists with footy pajamas, prostate problems and a fetish for red rubber ball-gags:   

00:19 — Red-hot pipe
00:28 — Dreamy New Zealand guy playing rich American patriot
00:31 — Dagny discovering Hank Rearden’s prototype Oscillating Anal Stimulator
00:41 — Star Trek: Deep Space Nine cast member in non-alien street clothes, and for once not quoting the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition
00:47 — Old Glory! Fuck, yeah!
00:48 — Evil foreigners, women and sub-races applauding something bad for America
00:49 — Gratuitous black extra with no lines— WINNING!
00:50 — Potentially creepy-cool hallway sexual encounter with John Galt
01:00 — Barney Frank
01:04 — “Supergenius” office desk with no visible Skoal tins, PowerBall tickets or Werther’s Butterscotch Candies
01:13 — Name-embossed rigid metal penis surrogate
01:19 — Unstoppable pointy thrusting thing
01:32 — Train-through-archway Freudian dream symbol
01:41 — Pre-coital staring
01:47 — Director’s nephew as “Man Pushing Roll-Cart”
02:04 — Shirtless hot New Zealand guy doing manly phone-things
02:08 — Clothes-on, missionary-style dry sex
02:09 — Screaming woman whose hopes have been dashed by some elitist fag whose ass you could probably kick, even without those million-volt stun-knuckles you saw at the Survivalist Expo

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/21/11 at 12:43 PM
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Friday, April 15, 2011

Meanwhile, Cal Thomas wishes Ayn Rand hadn’t hated God quite so much…and Grant Bowler wishes he were someplace else.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 04/15/11 at 04:48 PM
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