Saturday, July 30, 2011

The blockbusting, world-changing Sarah Palin doco, The Undefeated, (sold out in Bugtussle, Texas!) opened at some lady’s house today. Really.

Just thought I’d share that while we’re waiting for the Economic Suicide Bombers to ‘splode.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/30/11 at 07:28 PM
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Friday, July 22, 2011

And just in case that didn’t satisfy your Cognitive Dissonance Quota for the day:

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/22/11 at 10:59 AM
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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Undefeated leaps from 10 theaters to 14 in its inexorable juggernaut course to becoming the most incrementally rolled-out summer blockbuster feel-good sleeper art-house niche-market celluloid experience since My Dinner with Batman and Aguirre, The Wrath of Khan.

Several of the opening day markets got the ax for lousy per-screen numbers that were harshing the average. Dallas, Houston, Denver and Orange stay. Phoenix and Atlanta get overflow screens. Second weekend adds Tucson, AZ; West Palm, FL; Milwaukee, WI; Charlotte, NC; and Ontario, CA. By all accounts, only America’s appalling lack of unused movie screens is holding back the latent breakout potential of this powerhouse film THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING, YOU SNIVELLING LIBTARDS!

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/19/11 at 10:25 AM
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Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Spring and Summer of not-quite-straight-to-video Conservative cult movies continues apace. 

Pretty good per-screen numbers for The Undefeated. That’s on a par with Atlas Shrugged, which tanked the week after it opened and never secured a wider release.

Question: What’s the Venn Diagram analysis of Sarah Fans and Atlas Fans? Total overlap, or does she have a broader base? And, if so, will her film have a more devastating impact on Christmas than Santa Claus Conquers the Martians?

[UPDATE:] Looks like The Undefeated will pull better than Atlas Shrugged for the full weekend, so I think we’re officially talking a Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla take in terms of total North American sales, rather than SCCTM. Cultural-impact-wise, I think we’re still well south of Death Race 2000, which is right where we want it to be.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/17/11 at 01:19 PM
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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Yeah, I forgot the Reality Show. But who hasn’t?

Anyway, I’m not laughing yet. By all accounts, this thing could be bigger than Beastmaster.

[UPDATE:] Harry Potter has a $91 million Friday. Sarah pulls in $29,000. We’re doomed.

[UPDATE:] While we’re waiting for news about today’s movie crowds, please enjoy this delightful musical interlude, below the fold:

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/16/11 at 03:36 PM
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Friday, July 15, 2011

She’s unconventional. She does things her own way. She doesn’t ask directions. She’s never read the Owner’s Manual. And, dammit, she’s so gosh-darn badass that if she blows a tire on the tour bus, she’ll wrap Chuck Norris around the rim and drive on him till he screams “Akirameru!” and explodes in a shower of Chuck-Norris-shaped hunks of rubber and nylon.

Today, her stealth campaign for President begins in earnest — for the umpteenth time — with the ten-city opening of The Undefeated, an independent film that promises to be the Atlas Shrugged: Part I of independent films about boring stuff other than railroads and greed, but with just as many interminable talky parts. 

Today, the world changes forever, for at least a week. And you know it in your heart, because you’re a fucking cockroach who can’t stand the light of Decency and Truth.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/15/11 at 10:00 AM
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Thursday, July 07, 2011

The Undefeated Teaser Trailer from Dain Valverde on Vimeo.

Don’t ask me why pancakes. Maybe it’s because Stephen Bannon’s documentary editing style is just as contrived and annoying as this. 

God have mercy on anyone who sits through TWO HOURS of this Tiger Beat fan-film.

[UPDATE:] Rumproast Blog Poll: Who’s more worship-worthy: Sarah Palin or All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku?

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 07/07/11 at 05:31 PM
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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

This is why I never go out to the movies anymore. Some loud asshole always talks overs the credits, yakking about how God gave us “land mass” and “work ethics” and good old Judeo-Christian Exceptionalism. You used to have to go to the Bus Station to hear that shit, but now they’re everywhere.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/29/11 at 08:36 AM
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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Those attending the premiere of 1/2 Gov. Snowflake’s cinematic hagiography at the Corn Syrup Dispensary in Pella tonight could be forgiven for “spending a penny” or two, if not from desperation as the film reached the ninety minute mark with no sign of wrapping up, then from anticipation of The Malign Sarah’s after-film remarks: where better for her to make The Announcement!

They were not disappointed, either: although the Grisly Mama walked back her eldest daughter’s earlier indiscretion (running? me? not so much) like a pro, she did thank people for working for her! Game Set, QED!

Well folks, THAT was your clue. She is definitely running for the Presidency. You don’t tell your grassroots people to go pound shoeleather, thank them for helping Bannon put on a nice production and organize for the Iowa Caucuses, then turn around and say, “.....NAAAAAAAH, I’M HAVING MY PERIOD”.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 06/28/11 at 09:03 PM
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Quiet — too quiet — so far. Expecting news reports to trickle in after 5:00 EST.

Let’s just hope they don’t corner the candidate in the Old Windmill, like last time.

[UPDATE:] Jeez Louise has arrived. Earlier today, she ate a large dog at Panera in Urbandale.

[UPDATE:] Hundreds of expectant hot-dog recipients join the scene.

[UPDATE:] Looking less and less epochal as time goes by.

[UPDATE:] Packed like sardines. The whole world must be there!

[UPDATE:] Like Woodstock, without the people!:

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/28/11 at 02:38 PM
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Friday, June 24, 2011

Wishing he would get up and say, “Oh, by the way, there’s just one more thing…”

[H/T to Oblomova for the video clip. And right back atcha.]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/24/11 at 02:00 PM
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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

In brightest day, with biggest bucks, looks like this movie really sucks.

Oaite is officially the new Rearden Metal. Sounds like they should have gone with the original Green Lantern Rori Dag (below), a doo-woop score and the backup singers from Little Shop of Horrors.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/15/11 at 07:18 PM
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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Stephen K. Bannon loves the film he made about Sarah Palin. Sean Hannity loves the film Stephen K. Bannon made about his fellow Fox employee, Sarah Palin. Both of them barely escape devastating bukkake-inflicted facial injuries in this steamy exchange of hot Grizzly love.

Thanks to Betty Cracker and Dan Riehl for making Sarah-fapping the most exciting development in big-screen film enjoyment since the false-bottom popcorn bag.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/11/11 at 12:42 PM
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Friday, June 10, 2011

A new genre is born: Political fap film. Deranged wingnut blowhard Dan Riehl watches the new Palin hagiography, The Undefeated (and yes, that was the actual promo graphic!), over and over and over and over:

From my first viewing of a rough cut of “The Undefeated” over a week ago, to re-visiting the opening four times now…

Riehl gives the film four starbursts…literally, I’m afraid.

I’m damn glad I’m not the poor sap who has to wipe down the upholstery between screenings. Ewww.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/10/11 at 10:11 PM
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With its rivers, overlooks, funiculars, architecturally-distinctive ethnic neighborhoods and miniature-megalopolis skyline, Pittsburgh gets routinely tapped to serve as the cinematic stunt-double for other, more expensive locations. So it’s not totally surprising — but still kind of geeky-cool — that Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises will be filming some sequences here. We won’t be subbing for Gotham, but it’s satisfying enough just to be considered sufficiently strange to fit into Nolan’s idiosyncratic visual universe:

Pittsburgh is an old, oft-misrepresented, and deeply weird city. With its streets that twist about and dead-end without warning, the city’s organizing principle is nonsense. You don’t vacation in Pittsburgh unless you have family or friends there, and even then you need every breadcrumb trail at your disposal to navigate in the post-industrial cacophony of ethnicities and aesthetics.

Casting for extras begins tomorrow, but I’m not really enthused about my options:

Casting directors are looking for individuals to play prisoners/thugs, guards, police officers, business men and women and sports fans.

That pretty much limits me to “prisoner/thug” — which is right up my alley, sure. But it’s a popular look in this town, and there’s gonna be a hell of a lot of competition. 

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 06/10/11 at 08:05 PM
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