Thanks to alert Balloon Juice commenter WereBear, I learned that Rush Limbaugh was possibly caught on film picking his snoot in Patriot owner Robert Kraft’s booth during last night’s Super Bowl. There is much speculation about it on the Google: Did he or didn’t he shove his finger knuckle-deep into his nostril in full view of all the swells in the skybox, including Steven Tyler?
Deadspin has a pretty definitive photo here. However, some wingnut site called the “Daily Rushbo” gives the clip the Zapruder treatment and concludes that no nose-picking occurred. Not content to rely on the analysis of someone daft enough to run a Limbaugh fan site, I used advanced digital still analysis techniques and found that the truth is far worse than the original rumor.
First, here’s the Deadspin still:
And here’s a detailed view of Limbaugh in mid-pick—the enhanced image clearly shows a viscous, green glob of mucus dangling from his index finger:
And a couple of frames later, the horrible truth is revealed: Not only did Limbaugh extract a slimy, revolting booger from his snout, he disposed of it by wiping it on the back of his host, Mr. Kraft.
Jesus, that’s disgusting. But it kind of puts the NFL ownership’s rejection of Limbaugh’s bid to join their little club in a new light, doesn’t it? It’s not that the owners were put off by Limbaugh’s constant race-baiting and misogyny; it’s just that he’s one crass motherfucker.
The occupant of today’s ducking stool is a post by Erick Erickson that is entitled—I shit you not—“The Perversion of the Words of Our Lord Jesus Christ by the Sinner Barack H. Obama.” CottonMather CottonMatherson waxes theological for 1,500 words or so, returning to variations on the word “pervert” with such alarming frequency as to inspire concern for Georgia’s dairy goat population.
The post is such a textbook demonstration of moral obtuseness, ignorance and conceit that to put it through the Ensnarkerator seems superfluous. Instead, I’ll turn the analysis of Preacher SonOfAPreacherman over to Emily J. Brontë, who described a similar (but harder-working) character thusly:
He was, and is yet most likely, the wearisomest self-righteous Pharisee that ever ransacked a Bible to rake the promises to himself and fling the curses to his neighbours.
Speaking of assholes, we’ve got our own low-rent version of Sarah Palin in the Florida legislature: State Senator Ronda Storms. She just introduced a bill to ban welfare recipients from using food stamps to purchase cakes, cookies, Jello and potato chips. Is it because she’s concerned about good nutrition? Hell no. Storms wants to make sure a struggling single mom can’t buy her child an Oreo because Storms is a self-righteous, sanctimonious jackass.
And naturally, Storms is another tiresome god-botherer who would make Jesus, if he existed, puke his holy guts out. Her continued existence, unsmited, is all the evidence I need that Bill Maher has it right in the clip down yonder.
As a lead-in to this weekend’s major sporting fixture, the GOP have laid on a little entertainment in Nevada.
Who will win the thing isn’t an issue, the main interest of the evening lying in seeing whether Ron Paul can upset Newt even more than normal by pipping him for second place, and how far down the can Santorum will go.
One minor cliffhanger that might have enlivened proceedings was headed off earlier in the day when it was revealed that Newt was not going to repeat his self-parodic bravura performance from January 31 in Florida by going postal at his concession speech, but would instead hold a press conference to enable him to berate and insult the media to their yellow faces. A ripple ran round various outlets that he might be going to announce the suspension of his campaign. Alas—or YAY!—depending on your perspective, that prospect now seems a non-starter.
Wingnuts quickly settled on a meme in the wake of the Komen Kinda Kave: The Pink Peeps fell prey to leftist gangsterism! According to the squealing pusscakes on the right, an innocent, nonpartisan charity was mau-maued by hairy-legged, Birkenstock-shod lesbian bullies who demand government funds to forcibly dismember precious snowflake babies, probably for some satanic blood ritual that occurs in an Oregon forest within a circle of Subaru Outbacks.
K-Lo’s Kornerites were busily honing this meme shortly after the news broke, blustering about the depravity of dragging filthy politics into the realm of philanthropy. But, as usual, Sister Inviolatta herself was unclear on the concept and dropped this nugget into the Korner Katbox:
K-Lo’s colleagues must have caught up with her in the break room and explained that she was fucking up the narrative, because she performed a partial scoop a bit later:
John is right: We know who the real gangsters, bullies, liars and hypocrites are, and there is no reasoning with them. There is only their defeat and our victory.
No, this is not a flight of fancy. As I buried in another post, you really can buy a Susan B. Komen gun. What you choose to bury is entirely your business. I’m not saying a thing.
Yes, the Ambassador would like us to know she means to preserve as many of us as she can~~but the sacred bio-essence passing through these portals must be preserved! A number of us may have to be sacrificed, but the bio-essence must be maintained! Come to Pink, children. Want Pink. Don’t turn from Pink. You… need…Pink.
Or, not. So glad I never went for the Pink Kitchen-Aid Mixer. Bundling that thing up and shipping it off to almost-Governor Handel wouldn’t have been a satisfying protest, but not buying it sure is!
Update: did I say Kitchen-Aid Mixer? Pah! Komen be Barnhardtin’! *
“There are some things that you just can’t imagine happening in your life. This is one of them.”—Willard Mitt Romney
Here’s something Mitt may wish he left in Vegas: the clammy handshake and smoked-brass endorsement of a Quality Birtherloon Fiberglass Fun Figure who’s famous for the phrase “YOU’RE FIRED.”
The S.S. Grandiose, having sprung a leak too soon this morning, had little to say about the desertion of this particular rat.
UPDATE: The DNC press release about the Trump endorsement was simply the original Romney email, which, the DNC felt, spoke volumes just by itself.
But I thought it needed just one little detail adjusted:
Hard are the privations suffered by those in the fight to stem the Brown Tide threatening to overflow this great land of ours. Here we see Governor Jan “Bulwark” Brewer, putting the funds she raised to fight illegal immigration to good use, investigating appalling rumors of theivery and beheadings at the Waldorf-Astoria in Orlando, Florida.
Before her recent triumphal tour as an advocate for chutzpah-awareness, Governor Brewer’s JAN-PAC had amassed a grand 22K, three quarters of which is still safely banked. The rest went for the above fact-finding, um, night—$625, and the remainder, (pardon the expression, Governor) to buying the Governor’s own book, Breakfast For Scorpions, sorry, Scorpions For Breakfast.
Well, it wasn’t failure to launch, because Newt’s launched everything he can. Watch and wait with us, if you can bear the suspense. As usual, TPM has the goods, with their delightful interactive map.
Ooooh, I’m just on tenterhooks, aren’t you?
Update: Know what’s fun? Comparing the results with Betty’s map. So far, two might-as-well-be-Alabama counties are going for Newt, as per her prediction.
Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer has issues, of that there is no doubt. The fact that they go beyond the political will come as no surprise. Let’s compare the billet doux she presented to President Obama during that infamous Tantrum on the Tarmac last week (the text of Brewer’s letter is in bold below), in the light of the appeal now published on her PAC’s website (in italics), and no doubt landing with a needy squelch in inboxes around AZ.
Welcome to Arizona!
When I met President Obama this week, I really wasn’t pointing at him. I was telling him, “You have ONE more year!” The President needs to be reminded that he is the President of the FEDERAL REPUBLIC and not a KING lording over state governors.
You’ve arrived in a state at the forefront of America’s recovery—and her future. We were at the brink. We were at the bottom of the list in job creation. Today, we have a balanced budget and we’re in the top 10 for job creation.
I’m proud of that hard-won recovery—the result of many tough decisions, courage and perseverance.
While I wanted to talk to him about jobs, our economy and visiting our border, President Obama criticized my book, Scorpions for Breakfast, and then walked away from me.
My hope is while you are here you will have a chance to see our tremendous results first hand.
We both love this great country, but we fundamentally disagree on how to best make America grow & prosper once again. I’d love an opportunity to share with you how we’ve been able to turn Arizona around with hard choices that turned out to be the right ones.
We deserve results over rhetoric, ...
And, of course, my offer to visit the border—and buy lunch—still stands!
... but this is a President who had the audacity to sue me and Arizona in my efforts to protect our country from illegal immigration!
With respect,
Donate today to Jan PAC and help me stop President Obama in 2012 and others like him who are taking our country down the wrong path.
Via the Atlantic, What Half-Been is running into a Wall of Opposition from unhappy Teahadist supporters seemingly unmoved by her ghosted scrivelings, right on her own own FB page? The disrespect! And look how she was treated on upstart FOX pundint Jeanine Pirro’s show:
Now no fingerpointing! It’s not as if the Governor is the first Arizona Tealoon to turn a tidy profit on her untidy relationship with the truth. So the Governor has managed to massage her encounter with the President into sales: “Scorpions for Breakfast,” her hilarious political fabulation-a-clef, has zoomed on Amazon from 343,222 to 7. (Thanks TPM) Shall we deny an author the fruits of the sweat of her tongue?
But now to the news I know Roastafarians have been on tenterhooks waiting for: the winner of the Kaption This Kaptious Kook Contest and the valuable, one-of-a-kind Jan Brewer Souvenir Hospitality Bottle Cap:
U.S. Rep. Allen West of Florida rivals even Rep. Joe Walsh, R-Deadbeat Dad, in personal and political assholery. Having been booted out of the Army for a harsh interrogation incident in Iraq, West went on to win a House seat during the 2010 election.
Since then, he has consistently hit every wingnut pleasure center, comparing Democrats to Joseph Goebbels, styling himself a modern-day Harriet Tubman sent to lead African Americans off the liberal plantation and accusing President Obama of playing the race card while speculating that a prospective Democratic opponent “likes running against black guys.” Here’s Rep. West, R-Plantation (honest to god!), last night telling President Obama, Nancy Smash, et al, to “get the hell out of the United States of America.”
The teahadists eat that sort of thing up with a spoon, naturally. But the Florida GOP, which has a supermajority in the state legislature and is headed up by GOP Governor Rick “Voldemort” Scott, has undertaken a project to redraw the state’s districts—after being compelled to do so by votes on a ballot initiative in 2010. And it looks like Mr. West might be headed south.
Who would rob the nation of such a fiery demagogue? Wingnuts can’t pin this one on the Dems, who are pretty much powerless in Florida. But Colonel Mustard has a clue:
One of the rising stars of the Tea Party is about to be sacrificed by the Republican establishment in Florida, led by someone spinning for Mitt Romney.
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
It was Will Weatherford in the Conservatory with a wrench! Well, the truth is, West was in some trouble with voters anyway. I don’t live in his district, but from what I understand, voting in a certified loon like West was something of an aberration for that area, and it’s possible they find West’s constant grandstanding a bit embarrassing.
Also, the state GOP had to be prepared to shed a few seats while still stacking the deck in their own favor. So, tough luck, West. The extent to which this develops into a Tea Party-Establishment flap is just warm, rich, savory gravy.
You know it. I know it. And Rick Santorum knows it: the ivy-covered walls of academe are lousy with Obama’s minions, all busily installing Saulinsky chips in the soft malleable brains of the Young. The propensity of these institutions to publish scholarship clearly controverting the received wisdom of the Only Textbook That Counts. This Liberal-tainted “scholarship” only proves their allegiance to Obama and Lucifer the Lightbringer, which is why we must dismiss it and stick to the wisdom of the bravely Judeo-Christian experts who have set up a parallel world of unaccredited universities and peerless (as in non-peer-reviewed) research.
