Sarah Palin

Friday, January 13, 2012

There’s Irony, Then There’s DeMintery, Then There’s Defudgery (Now With Added Asshattery)

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“Hey, I lost my glove.”

From ABC News:

Republican Senator Jim DeMint of South Carolina, who has yet to endorse a GOP presidential candidate, said today he thinks Mitt Romney needs to work on his empathy.

DeMint dismissed attacks that portray Romney as a greedy capitalist, calling them “political talk” ...

And you can’t have political talk sullying the serious business of choosing a prospective president.

... but he told ABC News Romney needs to better explain layoffs that occurred while he ran Bain Capital and express empathy for those workers.

While we await an upgrade to Mittbot 2.1.1, the GOP frontrunner clown shoes pile-on continues, with Snooki following up Tawd’s lukewarm endorsement of Newt with her own challenge to the heir presumptive, and the WaPo’s laughably inaccurately named “Fact Checker” awarding Newt’s already infamous “King of Bain” ad four Pinnochios:

Romney may have opened the door to this kind of attack with his suspect job-creation claims, but that is no excuse for this highly misleading portrayal of Romney’s years at Bain Capital. Only one of the four case studies directly involves Romney and his decision-making, while at least two are completely off point. The manipulative way the interviews appeared to have been gathered for the UniMac segment alone discredits the entire film.

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Posted by YAFB on 01/13/12 at 12:59 PM
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Sunday, January 08, 2012

What this GOP campaign needs right now is an injection of common sense

I don’t want to be selfish and pick all the plums out of this Palin interview with Jeanine Pirro in case anyone else wants to join in, but if you can get beyond the gradual evolution into Cousin It, she’s not too screechy in this exchange (new meds?), and there’s plenty of fun as she tells the Republicans how to WIN against Obama. Because SARAH KNOWS JUST SHUT UP!!!! Sample:

Republicans are known for not being sheeple, and not just, um, going along to get along, but really wanting to duke it out in the arena of ideas, and healthy debate, and contested primaries, and that’s good, it’s a good process.

As opposed to, once in a while you see on the Democrat side, you know, you see an Anointed One, and they go forward and they don’t get vetted, and they don’t have to engage in the strong, aggressive debate that helps people understand who these people are, what their experience is, and what their intentions are in leading the country, so I don’t have a problem with aggressive campaigning as long as it’s fair campaigning.

Posted by YAFB on 01/08/12 at 01:54 PM
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Thursday, January 05, 2012

Another one rides the bus

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So you thought Herman Cain would go away after his humiliating retreat from the GOP presidential field due to multiple accusations of sexual harassment and the revelation that he was financially supporting a woman who claimed to be his long-term side salad? Haha—of course not!

He’s back with a bus tour, a brand-new website and a new slogan: “Cain’s Solutions Revolution.” I guess “bus tours” are the new “rehab”—a transitional activity between career phases for has-been politicians.

The point of the tour, according to the overview Cain provides on his site, is to spearhead a Grover Norquist-like quest to strong-arm politicians into signing pledges to enact the 9-9-9 plan and the other laughably unworkable and simplistic “solutions” to complex problems that Cain touted during his brief moment in the sun.

That’s what he says. I suspect the whole thing is a ruse to escape the baleful gaze of Mrs. Cain.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 01/05/12 at 06:47 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Friday, December 30, 2011

Crackpottery Barn

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The good folks at Balloon Juice have been righteously mocking Andrew Sullivan and other professional contrarians who rashly jumped on the Ron Paul bandwagon when the old kook’s campaign suddenly gained a pulse in Iowa. Sully walked back his endorsement after being hammered for issuing it to a candidate with such a troubling history of publishing racist, homophobic rants. But he’s still lamely attempting a post-hoc justification by citing random un-offended black folk and posting inane Paul supporter comments such as this one linked by Mr. Cole:

“I voted for Obama in 2008 but we need a change. Dr Paul is consistent and honest, which is very hard to find. He is not just telling us what we have heard before,” - Samantha Dunn, a 28-year-old teacher in Iowa, to the Daily Telegraph.

This is the kind of shit that makes me want to snort Wild Turkey with a Neti pot. It’s not just the sheer tonnage of stupid packed into those three sentences; it’s the horrific realization that these are the people who will decide the 2012 election.

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/30/11 at 04:13 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaElection '12MittensNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryPUMAs

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Happy HOLIDAYS, goddamn it!

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Thers at Whiskey Fire detects a new smugness in seasonal mercantile greetings:

So this afternoon MollyI&I went to a diner, and as we were getting the check the waitress said “Merry Christmas.” Which was nice. But she said it kind of smugly, which was weird.

“Gosh,” I wondered, “did this woman genuinely wish us well, or did she say to us, ‘take THAT, SECULAR PROGRESSIVE ENEMY!’”

Either way, thanks, Fox News, for deliberately using Christmas to make Americans resentful and suspicious of each other over bullshit.

I’ve noticed this too. The cashiers at an ostentatiously Christian local grocery chain were wearing badges this week that declared, “It’s OKAY to say ‘Merry Christmas,” and some at that retail outlet as well as at other establishments delivered the greeting with an unnerving (and un-Baby-Jeebus-like) note of triumphalism.

I’m sure none suspected that they were addressing a godless proponent of militant secularism in me since I appear to be a garden-variety, middle-class Southern lady with all the cultural markers that implies. (Boy are people surprised when they get to know me!)

But Thers is right: The propaganda arm of the conservative movement is screwing up its audiences’ always absurd sense of victimization to lofty new sticking points this year. You’ll find no better example than self-appointed General of Christian Soldiers Sarah Palin, whose bizarre comments about President Obama’s holiday greeting card and follow-up in-yer-face-heathen-scum Facebook screed embody the true spirit of seasonal evangelical grievance-mongering.

Oh well. In the certainty that we will indeed “remain resentful and suspicious of each other over bullshit” into 2012 and beyond, I offer a hearty “Happy Holidays” to Palin and the rest of the Christian-supremacist crybabies. And I offer sincere season’s greetings and best wishes to the readers of this here humble blog. Dog bless us, every one!

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/24/11 at 08:24 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersSarah PalinOur Stupid Media

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Game Derange

Trailer for the upcoming HBO film “Game Change,” which is based on the book by John Heilemann and Mark “Dick” Halperin:

From that snippet, it appears Ed Harris pulls off McCain’s trademark peevish, constipated affect to a tee. Julianne Moore perhaps lacks the vocal range to accurately mimic Palin’s home fire alarm-speaking voice, but in that clip at least, she nails the verbal cadence, and kudos must go to the hair, wardrobe and make-up peeps.

I read the book when it came out a couple of years ago. The most revealing insights it provided were perhaps unintentional, as it was a window into the obsessive tabloid mindset with which our stupid media has so debased coverage of US politics. But for that reason, it’ll probably make an entertaining movie.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/22/11 at 07:25 AM
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Friday, December 09, 2011

World’s saddest stocking stuffer

$arahPAC is still flogging the departed moose:

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Just think—if you order 6, you’ll have a complete coaster set!

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/09/11 at 10:48 AM
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Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah Palin

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Is there a more useless—or corrupt—sheriff in the world than Joe Arpaio?

Maricopa County, AZ sheriff Joe Arpaio is a legend in his own mind, and notorious the world over. He also has an idiosyncratic view of what the priorities of a county sheriff should be.

Last year, he took time off from the day job to gift Sarah Palin (for those who’ve never heard of her, check out the tag below by that name for a detailed history) some pink underwear, resembling the items he forced prisoners in his charge to wear (though presumably a little less preworn than standard prison issue, but who knows?). Then, as we covered last November, a secret database was discovered and there was a big kerfuffle about an alleged $80 million misspend by his department.

As that all rattled on, with subpoenas and ongoing investigations and the like, ole Joe’s interest was piqued by birtherism. In October, he saw it as his public duty to investigate ways to bar President Obama from standing for reelection:

Now, America’s self-proclaimed “toughest sheriff” has some fresh bullshit good news for the “birther” crowd: “there could be a shock” when the sheriff’s “birther” posse finishes its investigation into Obama.

“I can’t tell you everything, but there could be a shock there somewhere that my guys came up with. I can’t talk too much about it. It’s in the process,” Arpaio told members of the Arizona Tea Party Tuesday night.

Arpaio then referenced Obama’s Social Security number, noting that “there are a couple of things you and nobody else here knows anything about yet that could be a little bit exciting.”

The excitement continued in November:

“I want to see the Microfiche,” Sheriff Joe Arpaio told a packed East Orlando Tea Party audience last week.  In explaining his Birther Posse activities, he said his group of 60 retired cops and attorneys should have a report for him as early as January or February because they are searching around the clock to find out where the President was born.

Delivering a keynote speech to his rapt listeners, Arpaio said the l961 microfiche holds the key to determining if Barack Hussein Obama was born in Hawaii or Kenya. “Twins were born before Barack Obama, and now we have to see if he was born the next day.”  But Sheriff Joe said he won’t be taking any bets on his posse getting the microfilm.  He expressed consternation that the regular media are just not talking about the Obama birth issue which is on people’s minds all across the country.

Arpaio, who has fifty years of law enforcement experience, said proudly, “I serve the Public; the Public is my Boss.”

Well, his Boss isn’t too pleased with him at the moment, as TPM reports.

Critics of notorious Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio say he inadequately investigated over 400 sex-crime investigations, according to a report by the Associated Press.

AP sources, including current and former police officers, say that over three years, ending in 2007, sex-crime cases were not properly investigated, or not investigated at all. In the city of El Mirage, for example, there were 32 child molestations reported — 26 of which had suspects — that were not thoroughly investigated. One former El Mirage police officer told the AP that in many of the cases, the victims were children of illegal immigrants.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 12/06/11 at 01:37 PM
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Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggerySkull Hampers

Friday, December 02, 2011

Dumb like me

GOP flame-out Rick Perry launches a Christine O’Donnell-like ad strategy designed to convince voters that he’s not a witch a slick debater but rather a regular paint chip-snacker just like the base:

I don’t think it will work. Sure, Perry is dumber than a coffee can of recycled Brillo pads, but if the Stupid-American community is seeking substantive representation in the wake of Sarah Palin’s demurral, they’ll go for the aggressive moronitude of Michele Bachmann, who announced this week that a Bachmann Administration would shutter the US Embassy in Iran. Truly we are living in the Golden Age of Stupid.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/02/11 at 06:36 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersElection '12NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryPolisnarkYouTubidity

Saturday, November 26, 2011

They Tried Sending Snooki a Carrier Pigeon, But It’s Now Nestling Next To The Mashed Potatoes

For one reason or another, we’ve turned our attention away from the loons at Conservatives4Palin since Snooki decided that presidentin’ wasn’t for her and she wanted to spend more time ... well, doing whatever it is that fills her time nowadays as she waits for a no longer enamored Roger Ailes to finally sack her from her lucrative but painfully pointless Fox gig.

You turn your back for a few weeks, and look what happens: arch holdout Palinbot Ian Lazaran has collected enough money from the still-willing dupes idling their lives away in his comments sections to encourage Snooki to come out of hiding and Run, Sarah, Run!!!! via a TV ad due to air by November 30, since there is apparently no other way for her remaining followers to reach her in her Alaskan fastness, or that Arizona hangout of hers, or wherever else she may be. Well, I guess she probably watches TV. But she may have trouble getting reception from Sioux City, Iowa.

We Now Have The Resources To Run The Palin Reconsider Television Ad In The Sioux City, Iowa Market Next Week

This is probably the weirdest Palin ad yet, and (perhaps wisely) doesn’t feature the famous screeched inanities that we’ve all grown to love and that send our critters cowering. In fact, you get no spoken words at all, just some gritty sound effects of a thousand Underpants Gnomes scratching their balls in unison, a burst of canned applause, followed by ultra-cheesy synth burbling transplanted from the 70s, and a taser sting to send you on your way.

What we do next after the television ad goes up is a more difficult question. If this ad is able to build some momentum for the Governor, the best way to keep that momentum going may be to commission a national GOP primary poll that includes the Governor as one of the options. We’ll see if it’s possible given our resources. We’re open to other ideas but the greatest challenge may be that time is running short for her to reconsider.

Like, I suspect, Ian Lazaran, I’ve no idea who they imagine that ad’s going to appeal to or what it’s going to achieve, but here’s some expert analysis from Smitty over at Stacy McCain’s dump (no link, you can Google the fecker), who’s wetting himself at the prospect of writing her name in, since she’s going to have trouble getting a slot on any caucus ballots at this late stage, let alone the Iowa one on January 3:

Theory: this is a little shot o’er the bow for the Dems, in case they hoist the Hillary flag.

That’s one way to get the first female president: both parties nominate a lady.

Posted by YAFB on 11/26/11 at 02:07 PM
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Thursday, November 10, 2011

The 1% speaks

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Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, poster-snob for the cognac-swirling, naval-gazing, canapé-grazing, manor-dwelling, Trans-Atlantic swells, has an Opinion on Something. I was going to excerpt it. But I just don’t have the heart at Wine Thirty. Here’s a shorter instead:

Tea Party and OWS movements should exchange saliva. Capitalism, good! Obama, bad! Clinton restoration!

Read it if you must. Or relive Lady Lynn’s moment of infamy instead.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/10/11 at 05:12 PM
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Clown car pile-up

In case you missed the GOP debate last night, here’s the Rick Perry implosion:

In a flagrant violation of one of the immutable laws of the universe—the one that decrees that there shall be no coherent, funny or sane comments posted on YouTube, ever—commenter bsphenom gets it about right:

This is the inevitable conclusion of the anti-intellectual and anti-government mentality of the modern Republican Party. We are literally down to complete morons who want to cut things they can’t even name, let alone understand. It’s a modern day version of angry cavemen who want to burn everything down. They have the cultural sophistication of ancient Mongol hordes.

Yep. Perry manages to make one nostalgic for the verbal acuity and intellectual rigor of Sarah H. Palin, who in her turn “made George W. Bush sound like Cicero,” as Republican god-botherer Rod Dreher was once honest enough to note. What happened to slow declines? When empires and great institutions crumble, isn’t it supposed to take awhile? 

Anyhoo, I expected to find the GOP debate depressing, and it certainly was disheartening to realize that one of the ignorant buffoons, pandering nitwits or crackpots on that stage will be seriously considered for the leadership of a nuclear-armed superpower. But on the other hand, it’s heartening to imagine any of those silly bastards taking on President Obama in a general election debate.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/10/11 at 06:33 AM
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Friday, November 04, 2011

Pre-Packaged Poison

Three news items converged late this week to shed some light on what’s up with the struggle for America’s soul. First, a tea party goon hopped up on birtherism and Matriarch of Mayhem videos interrupted Elizabeth Warren at a volunteer meeting to call the candidate a “socialist whore” with a “foreign-born” boss: 


Notice how he encounters a locked door when he tries to make a grand exit after hurling insults at a candidate who treated him graciously. Classy guy. Smart too!

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/04/11 at 10:40 AM
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Monday, October 31, 2011

Hanging on the telephone

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It’s tough times over at Conservatives4Palin. After telling every living soul they know that Sarah Palin was totally going to be the next president, after horking up the change in their sofa cushions to send to SarahPAC, after browbeating acquaintances about Palin’s dumb books and movies and posting 10,000 breathless speculations about her Big Announcement, they were made to look like fools when the object of their cult-like devotion offhandedly announced that she wasn’t running after all. To assuage that massive butthurt, this weekend they held a healing ceremony called Grizzly Fest to discuss next steps.

All week long they touted this event and hinted that they would be joined by a Very Special Guest. Well, once again, Palin ripped the bearskin rug right out from under them:

We just wanted everyone to know that Governor Palin tried really hard to call into the Grizzly Fest Summit today. Unfortunately, there is an issue with Blog Talk Radio that we didn’t know about previously. Alaskans cannot get through to Blog Talk Radio shows (which is the format we used for Grizzly Fest) using the normal line that those of us in the lower-48 use. Due to technical difficulties, Governor Palin was unable to join us but it wasn’t for lack of trying. As I said, she did try and for a long time I might add.

Huh. Palin doesn’t know anyone in the “Lower 48” who could have conferenced her in? She couldn’t type a question about the alleged “Alaska Only” line into the chat window?

Oh, but she could have totally managed the financial crisis and complex geopolitical landmines as president, you betcha. God, this is even funnier / dumber than the PUMAPAC crew’s inability to orchestrate a pizza delivery back in 2008.

But you know, the sad truth is probably that Palin didn’t really want to talk to the losers she grifted anyway. They didn’t even merit a Facebook or Twitter shout-out. It would be sad if they weren’t such demented, self-deluding troglodytes.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/31/11 at 10:18 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '08Election '12NuttersSarah Palin

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Your Creepy, Stalking Sarah Palin Fan-Flick Of The Day

Stop lying to yourself, Sarah. We had something special. Something bigger than the pyramids, more irresistible than destiny. Don’t you remember that day in Madison, when you said “Game on!” and we pledged ourselves to each other for all eternity? Do you really think you can just turn your back and walk away from that? WELL, DO YOU? BECAUSE I’M NOT READY TO LET YOU GO.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 10/25/11 at 12:04 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersSarah PalinYouTubidity

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