Thursday, September 02, 2010

But holy fuck, she makes Palin sound like Cicero. If you can watch this short clip without cringing in vicarious shame for a flailing fellow human being—even if she is a crooked, divisive cow—you’re made of sterner stuff than I am:

[H/T: Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/02/10 at 12:08 PM
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A newly designated protected class, “T-Party Americans,” got a Snowflake Snooki shout-out for being praised by a wingnut radio talk show host. Truly it is a remarkable thing when an objective, disinterested, nonpartisan figure like Levin recognizes the contributions of a patriotic, grassroots, nonpartisan group like “T-Party Americans.”

Kinda puts that whole “Nobel Peace Prize” thing into perspective, huh?

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/02/10 at 08:36 AM
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Wednesday, September 01, 2010

...by way of Wall of Voodoo’s inestimable Stan Ridgway.

There’s always a good reason for war. Or, conversely—Who needed a reason in The New American Century?

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/01/10 at 11:23 AM
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During his speech last night, your preznit showed insufficient gratitude to Bush for his role in our Excellent Iraqi Adventure. Sensing that this would be the case even before the speech was delivered, prominent wingnuts preemptively dialed the Butt-Hurt Advisory Level up to Red.

However, the color-coded warning system reached unprecedented Throbbing Purple status once the last frame of the speech was viewed and the bunch who spent eight years polishing Bush’s knob realized that the Kenyan really, really, really wasn’t going admit the Sun Tzu of Crawford was Right About The Surge.

But fear not, wingnuts: Last night, Rachel Maddow gave Bush and his enablers the full measure of credit they deserve:

I’m left wondering how on earth Republicans haul their ginormous stones around without the assistance of extra-large wheelbarrows.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/01/10 at 10:38 AM
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This isn’t nearly as funny as Betty’s video...but, man, is it fucked-up.

I’m still not sure what you win at the end of the 40 days…but I get the impression that if you don’t do what Glenn says, God will kill you.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/01/10 at 09:56 AM
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It lolls around on folding chairs and gibbers incoherently about scary Muslins and uppity black men:

The stupid have always been with us, of course. But such a concentrated mass isn’t often seen. A well-timed asteroid strike could have raised the average IQ in the US by at least 10 points. Thanks for nothing, God!

[H/T: Tbogg]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/01/10 at 09:04 AM
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Monday, August 30, 2010

I’ve seen a number of critiques of the Beck-Palin phenomenon lately that attribute The Rise of the Silver Slurpers to a simple longing for leadership in these tumultuous times. There was this NYT op-ed over the weekend by Anna Holmes and Rebecca Traister, lefty feminists pining for “A Palin of Our Own.”

Since the 2008 election, progressive leaders have done little to address the obvious national appetite for female leadership. And despite (or because of) their continuing obsession with Ms. Palin, they have done nothing to stop an anti-choice, pro-abstinence, socialist-bashing Tea Party enthusiast from becoming the 21st century symbol of American women in politics.

The left’s failure to nurture and celebrate female politicians has had a significant effect on its policies. In recent years, Democratic majorities and progressive legislation seem to have been built on steady trade-offs of reproductive rights, culminating this year when the first female speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, was forced to push through health care reform with a compromise on abortion financing.

An older generation of female Democrats, including Mrs. Clinton and Ms. Pelosi, are about as eager to mount a Palin-style girl-powered campaign as they are to wear a miniskirt on the House floor. For them, proudly or aggressively touting one’s feminist credentials (if you’re actually a feminist, that is) is taboo. It’s considered too, well, female.

I call bullshit on this. First of all, let’s look at the examples they cited:  Clinton, Pelosi and Palin. Hillary Clinton is arguably the most powerful woman on the planet, busily running the foreign policy apparatus of the world’s only super power. Nancy Pelosi is the only female Speaker of the House—ever—and a highly effective legislator in that role by any objective measure. And Sarah Palin is…an occasional Fox News contributor, a former second-fiddle on a losing presidential ticket and a half-term governor who quit every important job she ever held.

Sorry, ladies, but I’ll match our record up with the GOP’s on women’s leadership any day of the week. Sure, Palin has a creepily devoted fan base and scads of Facebook friends. So does Lady Gaga. And Lady Gaga has more progressive policy chops.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/30/10 at 07:09 PM
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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Is it me, or did the focus of today’s shindig seem ... to not exist?

Off the top of my head, here’s a list of things Beck crammed into his lengthy and very public wank session*:

1. The Troops.
2. Honor
3. God & Son, Inc.
4. Teabaggin’.
5. Abraham Lincoln.
6. The Sarah Palin Starburst Experience.

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 08/28/10 at 08:30 PM
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Hopefully the mouseovers are intact.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 08/28/10 at 02:39 PM
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The Kwittin’ Image swooped in for a cameo, the Weeping Hamster thrilled to his own voice while conferring Wingnut Decorations upon some Rotary Club presidents, and there were more black entertainment acts than the Stax 50th anniversary concert. The Special Ops Warriors Foundation gets a boatload of money in exchange for providing cover for the Cuddly Savonarola, and everybody’s happy! Isn’t that what counts?

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 08/28/10 at 12:27 PM
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Thursday, August 26, 2010

The NIH has issued a public health advisory about yet another outbreak of the persistent opportunistic contagious inflammatory disease quitterrhea among vulnerable populations.

The etiology of quitterrhea is well understood. The causative bacterium, Wackaloonia me-me-memensis McCain, is spread by contact with exudate from an agent infected with Twitterrhea. This can be exacerbated by repeated exposure to the closely associated logorrhea.

If untreated, it may lead to relatively shortlived, unfocused outbreaks of blogorrhea, which can be remedied successfully by liberal application of topical preparations.

Researchers continue to track the disease vectors, and there is evidence of a buildup of resistance among those subject to prolonged exposure.

In an informal briefing, an NIH spokesperson reported yesterday: “We’d be more worried, but all the evidence is that this strain of Wackaloonia has one fatal flaw in its genetic makeup. Its half-life among the general population is relatively short.”

When asked to clarify this in lay terms, she said: “Well, at a certain point in the development of each episode, it just seems to give up and go dormant until it moves on to its next set of victims.”

Unrelated: Brainerd diarrhea.

Posted by YAFB on 08/26/10 at 07:40 AM
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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Sweet foot-tappin’ Jeebus playing “I’ll Fly Away” on a banjo, check out CNN’s wingnut affirmative action hire, Erick Son of Erick, on the topic of Franklin Son of Billy:

Much has been made this week of Franklin Graham’s comments both about the Ground Zero Mosque and Barack Obama’s religion. It has been more than hilarious to watch all the news networks, newspapers, and pundits try to explain Graham’s comments.

All of those who have been talking about his comments have talked about them from a political point of view.

Franklin Graham could care less. I could care less. What Franklin Graham said is dead on.

Specifically, this week Graham noted that Barack Obama was born a muslim.

“I think the president’s problem is that he was born a Muslim, his father was a Muslim. The seed of Islam is passed through the father like the seed of Judaism is passed through the mother. He was born a Muslim, his father gave him an Islamic name,” Graham told CNN’s John King in a televised interview that aired Thursday night.

Firstly, it’s COULDN’T care less, you noxious twit. If you and Franklin COULD care less, that means you care a little, even if only a teensy bit. See how that works?

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/24/10 at 10:52 AM
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Monday, August 23, 2010

Bottom line: This was your Joe-Basic Tea Party rally, minus most of the Gadsden flags and plus EXTRA anger and different costumery.  It was, shall we say, intimate; there were fewer people, it seemed, than the last Tea Party rally in Manhattan, and that one didn’t fill up the space allotted it, either.  The rain was only sporadic until after Pamela Gellar’s Mosquetastic Hyster-0-Rama exploitation fantasy concluded, so the unimpressive crowd can’t be blamed on that.

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 08/23/10 at 03:04 AM
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Sunday, August 22, 2010

After seeing ReaLAMEricans driven to a frenzy by the combination of brown skin and an Under Armour beanie, it occurred to me it’s going to be a busy week for the leading lice of the fReichtard movement.

They will of course say something about this footage. And if you think it will be “Oh my God, I’m so ashamed that I ever had anything to do with these people,” you have not been paying attention.

So, in the interest of saving time, here are 13 pre-shorters of the shit the fRighties will fling over the next few days.

They are both 100% the product of my imagination and 100% accurate:

1. The fact that this gentleman denied he’s a Muslim when no one asked if he was a Muslim proves he’s a Muslim.

2. Saaay, what’s a brown guy doing in New York City, anyway?

3. It’s a shame the Muslims insist on inciting ReaLAMEricans to attack random brown people who probably don’t deserve it.

4. Once again the Democrat-controlled LameStreamMedia seeks to stifle our rights by not editing out the bits of this tape we don’t want people to see.

5. I didn’t watch the film but based on what a friend told me about it liberals are once again making a big deal about nothing.

6. It’s obvious the one or two people who appear to be misbehaving, and the man they appear to be harassing are all liberal moles.

7. Dear Brown People: We’re angry and upset so you’ll have to stay indoors until we calm down. P.S. We’re not racist.

8. I felt sorry for the man until he used the “F” word. He’s lucky he wasn’t killed by those brave patriots.

9. What did he expect? He’s brown and wearing a weird hat.

10. Check his counter tops!!

11. For all the protesters knew the guy was lying when he said he isn’t Muslim, so it was their duty to go after him.

12. Once upon a time the Democratic party was full of racists so the stuff that happens in this tape doesn’t count.

13. LOL, libtards are sooooo sensitive. They should sack up like us manly studs on the right. P.S. Stop the Ground 0 911 Mosque, it hurts my feewings.1 Mosque, it hurts my feewings.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 08/22/10 at 08:48 PM
Comments (1) • Permalink

Saturday, August 21, 2010

You can’t live on Slim Jims indefinitely. As the food pyramid illustrates, good nutrition depends on consuming foods from multiple categories.

Similarly, a balanced GOP electoral strategy requires playing upon a wide range of fears. Fortunately, “the other” comes in colors besides basic black. Why, it even comes in rainbow!

[H/T: Stephen1947 for identifying key block previously missing.]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/21/10 at 07:18 AM
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