Thursday, July 31, 2014

Ala-Freakin-Bama

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Twinkle Andress Cavanaugh is one of those very special people in our midst who is a God-mind-reader.  Such people are obviously invaluable to the rest of us, who are not similarly gifted, because they are in the unique position of being able to tell us what God wants us to do.  God wisely planted Twinkle on the Alabama Public Services Commission so He could guide Alabama’s energy choices.

And, so it is that the president of Alabama’s utility-regulation commission advised citizens to pray for the failure of a proposed EPA crackdown on coal pollution in order to preserve Alabama’s “way of life.” 

I will not back down. We will not stand for what they’re trying to do to our way of life.  I hope all the citizens of Alabama will be in prayer that the right thing will be done.

Clearly God hates the EPA and love’s Alabama’s coal-burning lifestyle.  And, I guess that we should be grateful that Twinkle appears to have gotten over opening PSC meetings with “pray away the gay” sessions.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/31/14 at 11:45 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersRelijun

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Gone Girls!

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To paraphrase Charlie Crist, running against Rick Scott for governor of Florida, “I’m not a shrink but I can use my brain and talk to one” and mine prescribed a few days of R&R from my peculiar, soul-sucking fixation on American politics.

So it is that I’m unplugging, packing up my lovely bride and striking out for the territories in the All-American pursuit of happiness known as the VACAY!

Mind you, we’re only talking three days here, in which I’ll endeavor to clear my brain and heal my soul with gut-busting quantities of artisanal beer and otherwise forbidden fruit of the deep fried and sugar-laden variety.  I’m hoping that a severely time-limited period of indulgence will prevent me from ending up like this:


In the words of Church Lady:  Isn’t that special?

Ta, Roasters.  Back Thursday—when the House Oversight Committee’s “Senator Joseph R. McCarthy Memorial Truth Pond” should be fully operational.  Meanwhile, snark amongst yourselves . . .

Posted by Bette Noir on 07/27/14 at 07:40 AM
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Categories: FoodLGBT

Friday, July 25, 2014

House Republican Caucus: The Gang That Couldn’t Think Straight

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Well, Speaker Boehner Sues the President is officially a thing now.  The House Rules Committee, the gatekeeper for legislation and resolutions to get to a floor vote, ruled yesterday, along partisan lines, to allow it.  Personally, I’m all for it because, lately, the GOP’s flair for far-fetched, stagy political tactics is the “gift that keeps on giving” for Democratic fund-raising.

And House Democrats certainly made the most of the amendment process, yesterday, to press that advantage.  Nobody covered that quite as well as Rachel Maddow and David Corn, last night . . .

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/25/14 at 12:36 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaBedwettersBqhatevwr

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

GOP Launches Stealth Attack In War On Women: Bachmann For President!

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If you think you have it hard, consider what a bad couple of years Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) has had.  After that one great day in 2011 when she won the Ames, IA straw poll, poor Michele hasn’t been able to buy a break . . . not that she didn’t try.

If it’s not the FBI, DoJ and Office of Congressional Ethics poking their noses into her business and saying mean things about her leadership skills, it’s the danged homos making the bottom fall out of the Gay Reparative market.  Now Marcus is out of a scam job and it’s all down to Michele, who—Criminy—just retired from the House.  Book sales aren’t nearly covering the legal fees so it’s no time to be out of work.

But when the going gets tough, the tough get going . . . so Rep. Michele Bachmann, looking to her strengths, has decided that another run at the Oval Office might be just the thing!

The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running. They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run.

Like with anything else, practice makes perfect. “And I think if a person has gone through the process—for instance, I had gone through 15 presidential debates—it’s easy to see a person’s improvement going through that.

I haven’t made a decision one way or another if I’m going to run again, but I think the organization is probably the key.  To have an organization and people who surround you who are loyal, who are highly competent, who know how to be able to run the ball down the field in state after state—because now I think the primary process will be very different this time. It will tighten up; it will be a much shorter run than it was before.

Translation: that last group of F*k ups threw me under the bus when they weren’t smart enough to cover their tracks.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/23/14 at 12:03 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '16Hillary ClintonNuttersTeabaggeryWar On WomenRelijun

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

BAMF Commander Perry Deploys Texas National Guard To Scare Children Away

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Texas Governor Rick Perry, feeling especially presidential after a weekend trip to his new favorite destination—Iowa—came out swinging on Monday, determined to show our current lawless, weak tyrant of a president a thing or two about manly decisiveness and leadership.

Perry told Republicans in Iowa . . . “if the federal government won’t secure the border, Texas will.”

Forthwith, Perry ordered the Texas National Guard to round up 1,000 of its scariest troops to go play boogeyman on the border.

Since President Obama, himself, declined to send the troops on such a misguided mission . . .

President Obama maintains that the child-migrant crisis is not a border enforcement issue, hence he has rejected calls from Republicans – and the Texas governor – to send National Guard troops south. Children are turning themselves in to the border patrol, not running away from them, administration officials emphasize, though they allow that the border patrol is working overtime and has its hands full.

. . . Perry took matters into his own hands but warned Obama that he will be sending him the $15 million/month bill. 

On the other hand, Perry’s office explained to edgy Texas legislators that, for the time being:

. . . the money will come from “non critical” areas, such as health care or transportation.

Non-critical if you’re not sick, I guess.

Gov Perry seems confident that his bold move to secure Fortress America will be met with nationwide popular support and will definitely polish his presidential timber.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/22/14 at 01:22 PM
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Sunday, July 20, 2014

The Hack-tacular Dick Morris Makes A Prediction

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Dick Morris, for those of you who are blissfully unaware of his existence, is a chronic scab on the scrofulous rump of the American body politic. 

Morris got his start in politics, back in the ‘70s working for Bill Clinton’s Arkansas gubernatorial campaign.  He continued to work with the Clintons, in various capacities—campaign consultant, political strategist—and, finally, as campaign manager during Clinton’s 1996 presidential campaign.

That job came to an abrupt end in August, 1996 when the Washington Post reported that Morris was involved with a DC prostitute, Sherry Rowlands.  Seriously?? So what?  But tabloids went further, alleging that Morris was in the habit of impressing Ms Rowlands by allowing her to “listen in” on his conversations with the President.  That news hit during the Democratic Convention and Dick Morris resigned forthwith delivering a grandiose resignation speech during which he credited himself with helping Clinton “come back from being buried in a landslide” and ended with Morris comparing himself to Robert Kennedy.

Almost simultaneously, Morris launched his revenge-fueled Clinton-bashing cottage industry.  Aided by his publisher wife, Eileen McGann of Harper Collins, Morris has been churning out a steady stream of anti-Clinton yellow journalism for close to 20 years now.  He supplements that enterprise by acting as a political consultant to aspiring leaders of banana republics and theatrically delivering political prognostications so absurdly off the mark that his name has become a punchline among the pundit class.  Indeed, blogger Andrew Sullivan has named an annual award after Morris, given for “stunningly wrong political, social and cultural predictions.”

Here is just a sampling of his greatest hits:

Romney Will Win By A Very Large Margin—A Landslide If You Will.

Republicans Will Win 10 Seats In The Senate In 2012

It’s Very Possible That Obama Won’t Run For Re-Election Because His Numbers Are So Bad.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/20/14 at 11:10 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '14NuttersOur Stupid Media

Thursday, July 17, 2014

GOP Rep. Ellmers’ Promises Women Voters Nicer Tone And No More Pie Charts

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Rep. Renee Ellmers (R-NC) stepped in it, last Friday and managed to get more on her when she tried to wipe it off.  And it just shouldn’t have happened. 

It happened at an under-advertised Friday afternoon panel put on by the Republican Study Committee, the House’s conservative caucus.  It didn’t even make it to the RSC website.

Only one reporter was in attendance and that was Ashe Schow of the Washington Examiner who was covering a panel discussion on the Republican Party’s outreach effort for women voters.  The GOP has entrusted that job to Rep. Renee Ellmers who heads up the Republican Women’s Policy Committee . . . a move that they might want to reconsider.

When Ashe Schow filed her report on Sunday, in an article about why the Republicans’ women’ narrative needs work, she cited, among many other things, Rep. Ellmers’ prescription that Republican men need to bring their policy discussions “down to a woman’s level” to get more female votes.

Whereupon, Rep. Ellmers responded with a statement containing the standard charge that Schow was a “liberal woman reporter” who had taken Rep. Ellmers’ words “completely out of context.” 

And, furthermore:

It is a shame that such an important moment for addressing solutions and empowering women was used to attack the open exchange of ideas. In answering a question regarding how Republicans can improve their messaging, I took the opportunity to note that everyone comes from different backgrounds and experiences - and our messaging should do the same.

If there is a problem, who is perpetuating it? Was it a room full of women laughing, bonding and sharing solutions - or a liberal woman reporter attacking the event and taking it to a dark place that does not exist?

Harrrumph!

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/17/14 at 01:51 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '14Election '16NuttersWar On Women

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Ron Fournier Surveys Disenchanted Democrats

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Ron Fournier knows more disenchanted Democrats than anyone I know.  He trips over them in airports, and finds them in malls, ice cream shops and dumpsters, wherever he wanders.  He’s like a sniffer dog for Democratic disenchantment.  Not to mention that, uncanny as it seems, the ones that he finds? always happen to fluff-up Mr Fournier’s own arguments most eloquently.

His most recent sighting is, of course, no exception.  Fournier happened to be vacationing in Michigan where he had the opportunity to observe the Disenchanted Democrat, in it’s natural habitat, just outside Detroit.  Fournier came away from that encounter with the profound insight that President Obama is much too self-centered.

An insight that Mr Fournier has shared with the rest of us under the inspired title: Mr. ‘I, Me, My’: Obama Oughta Know He’s Not the Hero.  Struggling Americans are the “real” heroes as we learn in the subtitle:  A successful White House crafts its narrative around the struggles of Americans, not the president.

I’m not sure what Fournier considers the benchmark for successful White House narratives but, to hear him tell it, I have to assume that Mr Fournier, by his own secret gauge, does not feel that the White House measures up.  He’s not alone in that assessment, of course, but I’m not convinced that semantics are at the heart of the matter.

Fournier seems to believe that Americans are pretty miserable in this fifth year of Obama and that they might feel a lot better if the White House sounded more “successful,” instead of:

What do these folks hear from the White House and the rest of Washington? Whining, mostly. Obama and his GOP rivals can’t seem to tell the story of America without casting themselves as the protagonists.

[Fournier is one of the media’s most obsessive and accomplished practitioners of “both sides do it,” usually dressed with a sly dollop of false equivalence.  You’ll soon see what I mean . . .]

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/16/14 at 03:42 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaOur Stupid Media

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Coming Soon To A Kingdom Near You

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Something truly hinky happened in The Heartland yesterday.  Not that we weren’t forewarned . . . there was that little media dust-devil that arose, back in April, when Gov. Terry Branstad (R) released an official gubernatorial proclamation entreating Iowans to pray, fast and repent for the good of Iowa and the nation . . .

To wit:

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Terry E Branstad, as Governor of the State of Iowa, do hereby invite all Iowans who choose to join in the thoughtful prayer and humble repentance according to II Chronicles 7:14 in favor of our state and nation to come together on July 14, 2014.

  [read the whole freaking thing, which sounds David Barton-ish, here].

Well, July 14th arrived and, suddenly, the separation between church and state on the Capitol grounds of the Hawkeye State was only the thickness of a revival tent-flap where hundreds of Children of the Corn gathered for 11 hours of “non-denominational” prayer and repentance of a King James nature—from 7:14 am to 7:14 pm.

You see this was never meant to be your garden-variety non-denominational feel-good praying—it’s specifically prescribed to be according to II Chronicles 7:14, a favorite bible verse of Bob Vander Plaats, who has written a book entitled If 7:14If the name Vander Plaats sounds vaguely familiar that might be because when Vd-P isn’t writing religious manifestos, he likes to run for governor of Iowa.  At least in the Republican primaries for governor, he’s never quite made it beyond there in 2002, 2006 or 2010.

You also might remember Vd-P as the guy with the pitchfork at the head of the mob who successfully ran off the three justices on the Iowa Supreme Court who voted to overturn Iowa’s Defense of Marriage Act in Varnum v. Brien.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/15/14 at 02:59 PM
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Monday, July 14, 2014

Sen. Rubio’s Ready To Be President, Bless His Heart!

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Sen. Marco Rubio has been clamoring for our attention, lately, so I’ve decided to give him some.  That shouldn’t take long because the man has only been a senator for two less-than-illustrious years.  Prior to that he served in the Florida House of Representatives for eight years, including two as Speaker, but he’d probably just as soon we don’t delve too deeply into that period and the events that very likely rendered him unsuitable for the Romney veep job in 2012.

Nevertheless, TIME magazine went ahead and anointed him The Republican Savior in early 2013, not so much for his leadership skills or actual achievements.  Apparently, it was just because they liked the “cut of his jib” i.e., telegenic, young, Christian Latino.  Rubio had a bit of a rough year after that, though, when he allowed his heart to rule his GOP lizard brain, and figured out a way to give 12 million immigrants false hope of a bipartisan nature.  The House of Representatives cured him of that fever dream.

Young Rubio has recently resurfaced, though, and evidently still believes the Republican Savior hype.  As a result he has declared that he’s ready for the Oval Office and is confident he’d eat Hillary Clinton’s lunch . . . if she runs. If he runs . . .

And, in the process, Rubio proves Josh Karp‘s point that:

No one looks less presidential than the guy trying to look presidential.

Karp, is communications director for the Florida Democratic Party.

Al Cardenas, chairman of the American Conservative Union and a former chairman of the Florida Republican Party, said

. . . it is unfair to judge Mr. Rubio’s every move through the prism of presidential politics. Instead of being seen as an effective senator, Mr. Cardenas said, Mr. Rubio is often gauged as whether he can be the “savior of the Republican Party,” as Time magazine dubbed him last year.

It’s not been his performance that we’ve been judging; it’s the impossible set of expectations that were thrust upon him.

So, I guess it’s only fair to take a look at Sen. Rubio’s half-time record in the Senate . . .

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/14/14 at 03:04 PM
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Friday, July 11, 2014

GOP Case Against Obama: A Few Charges Short Of An Indictment

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Late yesterday afternoon House Speaker John Boehner announced to the White House, and any American with an IQ above room temperature, that his lawsuit decrying the lawless “king-like” presidency of Barack Obama is, indeed, a nothingburger.  And that’s a nothinburger “hold the bun, cheese and special sauce, please.”

Boehner opened this particular gambit with the rather unorthodox legal maneuver of announcing that he intended to sue the President for numerous constitutional abuses . . . TBD:

. . . [o]n matters ranging from health care and energy to foreign policy and education, President Obama has repeatedly run an end-around on the American people and their elected legislators, straining the boundaries of the solemn oath he took on Inauguration Day.

That’s clear as mud . . .  Imagine your co-worker puts a Post-it on your desk that says “Planning to sue you, just not sure what about yet . . . stay tuned.” 

Nevertheless, Mr Boehner floated the idea to his caucus in a memo, leaked it to the press, and defended it in a CNN Op-Ed, all within about 2 weeks time which, these days, is warp speed for anything House-related.  He’s under time pressure, you see, because he wants to draft a resolution and vote on it before the end of July recess, because . . . the Constitution can’t wait!

After months of feverish Right-eous rhetoric over the tyrannical lawlessness and over-reach of Obama, and days of media speculation over how sweeping the lawsuit might be, we now have a “Draft” resolution

And, from the looks of it, Republicans were able to boil down the huge laundry list of Obama’s five years of historically egregious assaults on the Constitution to one slightly ink-stained white button-down shirt with French cuffs worn for the signing of the Affordable Care Act.

Something tells me this isn’t going to sit well with the torches and pitchforks set and judging by Boehner’s uncharacteristic tetchiness this week, I suspect he knows that.  His mission, since he chose to accept it, was to satisfy the bloodlust of the Crazy Caucus without committing political hara-kiri—a balancing act which is getting nearly impossible to pull off.

And, I don’t suppose that the deliriously good news about Obamacare, breaking at the same time, made Boehner feel particularly confident in his options.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/11/14 at 12:07 PM
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Wednesday, July 09, 2014

GOP Shooting Blanks In The War On Poverty

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Today, Rep. Todd Rokita (R-IN) submitted a post to RealClearPolitics.com entitled “Why the War on Poverty Failed & How We Can Win It.”  Let me spare you any undue excitement—he never really got around to detailing either.

Evidently. Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) has stepped away from his somewhat embarrassing stint as front-man for the GOP’s “50 Years of Fail” concern trolling over the fact that, despite the War On Poverty program there are still poor people.  That leaves the position open for some newbie back-benchers to cut their teeth on.

Whatever . . . Rokita has picked up the torch but appears to be having a little trouble keeping it lit.  As we know from past encounters, Rep. Rokita is a bit of a wag—you might remember him as the chauvinist swashbuckler who reprimanded CNN journalist Carol Costello about her barbed questions during last Fall’s government shutdown, saying “Carol, you’re beautiful, but you have to be honest as well.”

Or that time, in 2007, when, while encouraging Republicans to appeal to more African-American voters, Rokita cited the statistic that 90% of African-Americans vote Democratic then asked:

How can that be? Ninety to ten. Who’s the master and who’s the slave in that relationship? How can that be healthy?

You get the picture . . . so Todd starts out waggish:

Fine, I admit it, you caught us red-handed—the Republican Party is the party of the “rich.”

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/09/14 at 01:48 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBqhatevwrElection '14NuttersTeabaggeryPaul RyanRelijun

Monday, July 07, 2014

House of Representatives: Special Victims Unit

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What today’s GOP lacks in strategic success it more than makes up for with chutzpah and an apparent imperviousness to embarrassment.

Allow me to explain . . .

Make Obama a one-term president.  FAIL
Repeal Obamacare.  FAIL
Rehab the GOP for future electoral success.  FAIL
Create JOBS!JOBS!JOBS!  FAIL
Sabotage economic recovery.  FAIL
Maintain Perma-War status.  FAIL
Prove that the White House covered up its role in Benghazi.  FAIL
Prove that the White House unfairly targeted conservatives via IRS.  FAIL
Defend DOMA and prevent Marriage Equality.  FAIL

See what I mean?  These people are like the Eveready Bunnies of headbanging.

Their latest cry for attention is to sue the president for going about the business of presidenting in the hope that some justice-challenged judge will try to send President Obama to time-out . . . or something.

Right before the July 4th break, Speaker Boehner announced this fiendishly clever plan so that representatives of the fringier fringe could go home without being pelted with rotten tomatoes by the IMPEACH!!!OBUMMER!! faction.  You see, unfortunately, far too many clueless “Washington outsiders” were sent to the Capitol, in 2010, based on wild-eyed promises to repeal Obamacare and/or impeach the president for assorted crimes against TEA Party sensibilities.

Now the natives are getting restless and wondering what the hell is taking so loooooong? USA?

So it is that the GOP is feeding this new Impeachment Lite meme to distract the hordes from their now maggoty dead horse issues—OBAMACARE! IRS! BENGHAZI!—which will soon have to be buried for public health reasons.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/07/14 at 10:09 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaBqhatevwrElection '14NuttersTeabaggery

Saturday, July 05, 2014

Immigration - Texas Two-Step Style

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Normally, Texas governor “Crotch” Perry doesn’t venture too far off the reservation.  Texans apparently “get him,” the rest of us, not so much.  But this week his buddies on the House Homeland Security Committee transported themselves to Texas for something they call a “field hearing” titled “Crisis on the Texas Border: Surge of Unaccompanied Minors.”

The backstory:

The Department of Health and Human Services’ Administration for Children and Families recently announced that the U.S. had apprehended 24,668 unattended youths at the border in fiscal 2013, and officials expect the annual number to reach nearly 60,000 by the end of 2014.

House Homeland Security Committee Chairman Mike McCaul (R-Texas) said this week that more than 50,000 unaccompanied children have crossed into the U.S. from Mexico, with nearly two-thirds of them traveling through the Rio Grande Valley in Texas.

The discussion comes days after Obama signaled he has lost all hope of Congress overhauling the nation’s immigration laws this year. He announced Monday that he will redirect more resources to the border for enforcement efforts, adding that he would use executive actions to “fix as much of our immigration system as we can.”

The governor, of course, was invited to testify during this “field hearing” and plunged right into the deep end without his swimmies.

Currently Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) is leading the government’s response to the influx of unattended children, with housing, medical treatment, transportation and other forms of assistance.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/05/14 at 10:54 AM
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Friday, July 04, 2014

Mittmentum or Tilting At Oval Offices

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My dream, for this Independence Day 2014, is a dream of sweet freedom from the Republican Party in its current psychopathic incarnation.  And, for once, it looks like maybe dreams do come true!

Anyone who doubts that the 21st Century GOP is lumbering inexorably toward the tarpits of history should go, posthaste, to DraftMitt.org and savor the sweet reek of FAIL.

In an era of frantic Republican rejiggering, nothing quite says political desperation like the notion of trotting out Willard M Romney’s empty suit for yet another rackety run at the Oval Office.  To me, this move says more about the dearth of talent in the Republican party and its donors’ apparent reluctance to throw good money after bad, than it does about any flimsy case that could be made regarding Mr Romney’s presidential qualifications.

One month after it’s debut, DraftMitt.org has racked up just under 29K supporters—short of a groundswell, as they say in politics.  So far, no one is actually taking credit for this swell idea.  The website prominently displays a disclaimer that Romney has not bankrolled it—actually it’s such a nondescript little canned site that my paperboy could have funded it.  There are no RNC or other traces of GOP branding, just Mitt and Ronnie Reagan playing bookends.

Also, too, there’s the banner link using the 2012 campaign coinage retread “Mittmentum.” Ask Karl Rove about “mittmentum.”  At any rate, that link takes us to the now notorious Washington Times poll that proves, at least in the echo chamber, that: “Hands down, Obama is the worst president since WWII” and that most Americans now regret not having voted for Romney in 2012.

Really?  who recycles embarrassing reminders of a failed attempt?  Even #DraftMitt is a recycled Twitter tag that takes one to a 2013 page tagged with “Because MA needs Mitt Romney in the Senate” with 3 tweets and 10 followers.

I could be wrong but I’m starting to get a sense of Tagg Romney, Campaign Manager, behind the scenes, here.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/04/14 at 10:31 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaBqhatevwrElection '12MittensElection '16

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