Thursday, August 11, 2011

Deep-Fried GOP Iowa Debate LiveBlog

Batter Dipped

Yes, I forgot Pawlenty. Who hasn’t?

Watch the cornfest livestream at America’s Center for Ijitprop.  Will Gary Johnson’s charisma suck all the vitality out of Huntsman? Please submit a list of phrases to get drunk by, since going through this sober would work nerves I haven’t used since I was the bouncer for a drag queen’s dressing room.

Weigel Iowa Hilarity also, too. TPM has a line-up, and actual information, you know. That’s not why you come here, though is it?

Two big noises are, of course, conspicuously absent. And how the Sarahnoid Griftophrenics love it!

Festivities begin at 8:45 EST. Corndogs at attention, troops!

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 08/11/11 at 07:29 PM

Categories: BoozeImagesMessylaneousNewsPoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Wile E. Coyote of Burglars

Remember the World’s Saddest Beer Run? This is even sadder!

If only there were a FAIL Olympics…

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/28/11 at 09:01 AM

Categories: BoozeYouTubidity

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Click on the link to make your life perfect forever

Charlie Sheen shares a number of characteristics with the common house cat. Both creatures are attractive, don’t always relieve themselves in the appropriate receptacle and will give you massive amounts of attitude before, during and after they wreck up your shit. Remorse is not in them; That would mean less room for the crazy.*

Sadly, mankind has been deprived of a total melding of the Felix Domesticus/Sheen experience.

Rejoice, for our suffering ends now!

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 02/26/11 at 10:03 PM

Categories: BoozeCritters

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

And Don’t Forget to Try Our Waco Taco. It’s “Muy Caliente”!

Somewhere, there’s a quirky, autocratic, Galt-like CEO who thought this was a good idea, but he’ll fire the agency for giving him what he wanted.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse, I clicked on their Web page.

And, yes. there seems to be a weird Jim Jones/Waco synchronicity thing going on today. but fuck if I can explain it.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 02/22/11 at 05:41 PM

Categories: BoozeNewsSkull Hampers

Saturday, January 01, 2011

A New Year’s Tale

This really happened. One year, right after Christmas, my mom decided to drive herself, my little sister and me up to North Carolina to see snow. As native Floridians, my sister and I had never seen snow before. We complained bitterly about this fact, especially during the holidays when all the TV specials featured snowmen, sleigh rides, etc.

This was a very long time ago, back when people drove ugly green station wagons with fake wood paneling. Anyhoo, we had a little dog—a poodle mix of some sort. He was a kind of goldish color, so we named him Butterscotch. But we all called him Scotch.

We couldn’t take Scotch with us since we were staying with dog-phobic relatives in North Carolina. So my mom asked her younger sister to housesit and watch after Scotch. Auntie agreed to do this for us and promised to take good care of our beloved pet:


read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 01/01/11 at 12:22 PM

Categories: BoozeCritters

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Happy Feast of St. Stephen!

Today is known as “Boxing Day” in Great Britain, because it is the one day of the year when sewer workers ask the public to place their leftover fat drippings in a box, instead of drizzling them into the kitchen sink or flushing them down the loo.

In Wales, 26 December is observed as “Gŵyl San Steffan,” which celebrates St. Stephen in his traditional role as an itinerant missionary from the Eastern Orthodox Church who converted the Celts to Socialized Medicine and drove the vowels out of Western England.

In the New Testament’s Book of Acts, Stephen is portrayed as the first Prophet of Christ with a Waspy name to be stoned to death by the Jews—which seems pretty much par for the course these days, but was actually rather a novelty in its time.

I apologize for any lapses or ellipses in my description of this venerable British holiday, but this post is my half-assed Christmas present to co-blogger YAFB, and any errors or omissions should be credited to another uniquely Anglo tradition—the “Drop o’ the Craythur”—which is both my Best Friend and my Everlasting Ruin.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/26/10 at 12:11 PM

Categories: BoozeRelijunYouTubidity

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Have you, at long last, no decency?


After seeing how viciously Kevin K was attacked for posting a Christmas-themed video, I wondered how a holiday-related cross-stitch would fare. Go on, do your worst, godless heathens—make Baby Jesus cry!

Alternatively, we could share cookie recipes. My sister and I are having our annual martini-drinking and cookie-baking party this weekend, which generally starts well but ends in slurred speech and smoke alarms. If you have any recipes that call for fire extinguisher-foam icing, bring ‘em on!

Posted by Betty Cracker on 12/14/10 at 01:55 PM

Categories: BoozeFoodRelijun

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Malt does more than Milton can ...

If you can complete the quote, you haven’t being getting into the [ahem] spirit of Repeal Day.

The 21st Amendment
Ratified December 5, 1933

Section 1. The eighteenth article of amendment to the Constitution of the United States is hereby repealed.

Section 2. The transportation or importation into any State, Territory, or possession of the United States for delivery or use there in of intoxicating liquors, in violation of the laws thereof, is hereby prohibited.

Section 3. This article shall be inoperative unless it shall have been ratified as an amendment to the Constitution by conventions in the several States, as provided in the Constitution, within seven years from the date of the submission hereof to the States by the Congress.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 12/05/10 at 07:40 PM

Categories: BoozePoliticsNutters

Saturday, December 04, 2010

This Is Your Brain on Stoli

In Russia, drunks don’t get the DTs…the DTs get them.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/04/10 at 07:26 PM

Categories: BoozeCrittersTelevision

Monday, November 01, 2010

Add the fine detail, as an afterthought

Flame On!

Shorter ABC: You mean the man is a repulsive liar all of the time? Goodness, I thought he just did it to grind the faces of the little people!

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 11/01/10 at 10:52 PM

Categories: BoozePoliticsElection '10NuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Ladies And Gentleman, The TeaPublican Candidate For Governor of New York

Hamsher Didn't Photoshop This!

    NOT a Jane Hamquist Production!

Carl Paladino is not a career politician; he just is determined to reenact every self-destructive 30’s movie thug cliché he can squeeze into one campaign season. Here he embraces underage drinkers AND a doofus in blackface, and effortlessly out-Zombies the Halloween revelers at the Buffalo dive where he obviously hoisted more than just his usual own petard.

If there is any comfort to be had tomorrow, it will be waiting for the incomparable concession speech; will it be from the top of a flaming gas tank, or will he pitch headlong into the vast concrete plaza while trying to bat away buzzbombing biplanes of the Fourth Estate? Bonus NSFCFWASD (Civilized Folks With A Sense Of Decency) Tale From The Carl Side Below The Fold!         

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 11/01/10 at 04:39 PM

Monday, October 25, 2010

Corkscrews: Is there anything they can’t do?

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/25/10 at 05:30 AM

Categories: BoozeYouTubidity

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

“Beer and a cell, no big deal…”

“ and a phone, underpants gnomes.”

Did Ginni Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, drunk-dial old confirmation hearing adversary Anita Hill? It sounds like it. Teabaggers do the darndest things.


Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/20/10 at 08:40 AM

Categories: BoozePoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggery

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Happy Where The F*** Did I Leave My Pants? Day!

So the three day weekend is over. And due to certain decisions you don’t recall making, you can’t go to the gym until that bite mark fades. Sorry. Bite marks. Jesus, did you go swimming with snapping turtles or something?

But though your social reputation is now as bruised as your ass (seriously, you don’t remember anything?) these wise old owls know exactly how you feel [h/t Oblomova].

Pick the strigidae who best expresses the deep sense of nausea and/or doom and/or shame you’re feeling today. And drink lots of water.

And call everyone you know.

And apologize.

No, don’t ask me why, they’ll tell you why. Especially Tom. Tom is pissed.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 09/07/10 at 08:30 AM

Categories: BoozeCrittersImagesKnee Slappers

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Sunday Brunch Music: Matt Glaser and the Wayfaring Strangers-When I Was A Cowboy

Tracy Bonham, Ruth Ungar And Aoife O’donovan, vocals.
Would it be a good idea to put a bacon-salt rim on a Bloody Mary? Or perhaps throw in a little bit of chipotle? What would be the garnish, a couple of chilis? Come-a cow cow yippee-eye-ay!

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 07/18/10 at 10:04 AM

Categories: BoozeMusicMusic VideosSunday SelectorYouTubidity

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