Tuesday, July 26, 2011

But can he or she read?

Screw all this maddening political crap. Open thread.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/26/11 at 10:41 AM
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Saturday, July 23, 2011

As regular Rumproast readers know, I’ve been subjected to several surprise attacks by tree frogs living on my property. Is this froggy living in the bromeliads one of my attackers?

I don’t know. It certainly looks just like the frog that leapt up out of my toilet, pounced from the folds of the shower curtain, launched at me from the mailbox and hurled itself at my face from the trash can lid. But in this warm, humid swamp, there are a lot of frogs.

It would be unfair to jump to conclusions about this particular one.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/23/11 at 07:58 AM
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Friday, July 15, 2011

The Citrus County (Florida) Tea Party Patriots oppose year-round restrictions on boat speeds designed to protect manatees:

Tea Party Patriot Edna Mattos is right, you know: You won’t find a single mention of manatees in the US Constitution. On the other hand, the Founders were well-known for racing their boats at breakneck speeds—year round!—across placid Florida springs.

Moreover, the so-called “Florida” Manatee, although designated the state’s official marine mammal, is actually a subspecies of the West Indian Manatee. So they’re not even Americans.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/15/11 at 06:18 AM
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Tuesday, July 05, 2011

This is how one of my dogs “rests” during road trips: She wedges her head between the two front seats:

And actually sleeps like that. Open thread, pet share, etc.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/05/11 at 07:29 AM
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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

So, this happened yesterday. But even after the screening of Triumph of the Will The Undefeated, all the lamestream media can talk about today is Michele, Michele, Michele! Because of sexism!

[H/T: Commenter Janicket for letting slip the honey badgers of war]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/29/11 at 07:28 AM
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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Another wildlife episode narrated by the Honey Badger guy:

NatGeo needs to sign this Randall dude to a long-term contract.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/23/11 at 06:04 AM
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Monday, June 20, 2011

Am I the only one who hasn’t already seen this? The honey badger is one bad-ass critter!

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/20/11 at 06:20 AM
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Sunday, June 19, 2011

This won’t be funny unless you’re familiar with the scads of “Hitler reacts” parodies on YouTube using the bunker scene from the movie Downfall. And perhaps not even then. But I got nothin’ else:

Happy Father’s Day?

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/19/11 at 08:05 AM
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Saturday, June 18, 2011

A lazy Saturday is a good time to reflect on events of the past week. One relatively uncovered development was Mrs. O’s hilariously despicable decision to mark Anthony Weiner’s resignation by erecting a “climbing wall” that bears a close and startling resemblance to The Fantastic 4’s The Thing’s, er, thing* right there on the White House lawn, and to have paid stooges add insult to injury all week by enacting an infamous scene from Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask) while yodeling “Every Sperm Is Sacred.” Hardball.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 06/18/11 at 07:05 AM
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Saturday, June 11, 2011

Some days, all you need is a bowl of kibble, a cocktail, and dreams of Carmen Miranda as your fandango partner.

You got links? Weather being weird where you are? Have any more GOP presidential (not-quite-yet) candidates or horny pols set about each other with umbrellas or embarrassed you, their party, the country, but most of all themselves? Something silly or earthshattering happen in your household or locality?

Go ahead. Make our day.

Posted by YAFB on 06/11/11 at 06:17 AM
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Wednesday, June 01, 2011

This is a pile of wet carpet and floor padding. It smells like a goat that lives in a pet grooming complex dumpster. So why is it stinking up my carport?

Glad you asked! It’s currently oozing liquefied dog dander in the carport because this morning at approximately 2 a.m., a hose that was designed to deliver hot water to my dishwasher exploded, pumping many gallons of water into the kitchen, dining area and living room.

My dogs (for once actually useful creatures!) alerted us to this calamity by emitting high-pitched whines at the sight of their dog dishes being engulfed by our rapidly filling new indoor pool.

The kitchen and dining area were fairly simple to clean up since those floors are tiled. However, after shop-vaccing buckets and buckets of water from the living room carpet without seeming to affect its sodden state, the mister and I decided today would be a great day to rip out that carpet and put down laminate flooring.

The End.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/01/11 at 12:30 PM
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Sunday, May 15, 2011

Well, MY plan, at least, was to get the bulk of my garden in today since the forecast a couple of days ago was for 70 degrees.  As usual Mother Nature laughed at the pretensions of Rocky Mountain front range weather forecasters and gave us an overcast, low 40’s, drizzly, yuck day so there goes the plan.  Instead I’ll hop on the “post a picture of your pet” bandwagon and share the indenver menagerie with you guys.  In order of age (but not necessarily relative dominance ;-) ):

Larry the beaufarie:

OK, he’s actually a mutt.  But he looks like he should be something and people are always asking me what that is.  So the hubbie invented “beaufarie” (pronounced bo-fair-ee).  Its origin?  “Larry, Larry, bo barry; banana, fanna, fo, farry, fee, fie, mo, marry; Larry!” 

We actually did genetic testing on him a couple of years ago (when the prices finally came down enough that you would even consider such a thing!) and learned that he’s about 40% chow chow; 20% each golden retriever and bearded collie and the rest a mix with a nice dose of chihuahua in there!  That was some gutsy chihuahua to mate with any of those other dogs and definitely accounts for some of his personality traits.  But all in all he’s a very energetic 12 year old sweetheart of a beaufarie.

More below the fold.

read the whole post »

Posted by marindenver on 05/15/11 at 11:14 AM
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Saturday, May 14, 2011

As regular readers of this blog know, godless commie Cuban tree frogs have waged an unrelenting campaign of demeaning physical attacks and public humiliation against me for the better part of a decade. For no good reason.

It happened again this morning. Just after dawn, I heard the distant rumble of garbage trucks, looked out the window and realized that Mr. Cracker forgot to set out the garbage can (which is totally his job) before he went to work.

I also remembered that I cleaned out the fridge last night, a chore I don’t perform nearly often enough, so the garbage can had some stuff in it that was going to get rank fairly quickly in the 90-degree heat. Still in my flannel jammies, I rushed to put on a pair of flip-flops and drag the rubbish bin to the curb.

So I was attempting to muscle this extremely heavy garbage can down the drive and to the curb…oh hell, I’ll just draw a picture:

[Saga continues below the fold]

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 05/14/11 at 10:30 AM
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Friday, May 13, 2011

Daisy is as active as ever:

Open thread, pet share, etc.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 05/13/11 at 10:30 AM
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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Serial lecher Newt Gingrich announced his candidacy for president today. It’s hard to believe a gigantic, leaky douchebag like Newt Gingrich could be a serious contender for a major party nomination, but this is America. We can buy and sell anything. All it takes is some marketing finesse.

So far, the Newt campaign hasn’t shown much. Do they really think they can pass off the Queen of the Cream Cheese People (Trophy Wife #3, who snatched her highly dubious prize from the matrimonial clutches of Trophy Wife #2) as a “character witness”?

Come the fuck on. To counter the Marianas Trench of loathsomeness that is Newt Gingrich, a Mount Everest of cuteness is required. Newt needs some weapons-grade cute—now. Below the fold are some creatures who are so adorable they almost balance Newt’s physical and moral hideousness. They should therefore be considered possible running mates.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 05/11/11 at 06:30 PM
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