Election '12

Monday, November 21, 2011

Are Republicans Now Writing “President Gingrich” on Their Doodle Pads?


Because this bloated, corrupt old wind bag, on his third wife, a Stepford card carrying member of the Cream Cheese People*, with his $300k Tiffany’s bill and lobbying fortune who was drummed out of his Speaker position on ethics charges, has suddenly become the new “Not Willard”.

Now, full disclosure here, a part of me would looooooove to see Gingrich actually get the nomination.  I mean Willard’s got some baggage to play around with but the Newtster?  He’s the Samsonite king.  And I guess the only part of me that wouldn’t like to see it is the part that still believes that 50% of our country has not gone seriously insane enough to believe this has-been loon could really be a viable candidate for president.

That said, keep up the good work Republicans!  You’ll keep David Frum very busy.

And assuming Newt’s surge is brief, which is probably a good assumption, who will be the object of their next crush?  Will Jon Huntsman finally catch on and start polling above the margin of error?  Or will the Pauliacs finally convince people that a Mars based gold standard really is the way to go?

Stay tooned!  (As if we had any choice.)

*Cream Cheese People via Betty Cracker

Posted by marindenver on 11/21/11 at 08:08 PM

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersElection '12MittensNuttersTeabaggery

Monday, November 14, 2011

These turds merely lack sufficient polish?


Mr. John Cole nails it regarding this “flawed analysis” by Niall Stanage, who would have us believe that a grueling debate schedule is what’s keeping the 2012 GOP presidential candidates from building sufficient breakout support:

Televised debates have had an outsize impact on this year’s Republican presidential race. But the demands of the debating schedule — Saturday’s event in South Carolina was the eleventh major clash — is taking its toll on the candidates, who find themselves constantly preparing for primetime.

The frequency of the debates cuts back on the time available for retail politicking in Iowa and other early-voting states. Even seasoned campaign veterans are now beginning to ask: How many debates are too many?

Nope. None of the Republican candidates can seal the deal because they accurately reflect what has become the core of the party: crackpots and plutocratic shills. As proof, look no further than the debate audiences and the machinations of those who control the money and public opinion outlets.

So far, the crackpot GOP debate audiences have barked and clapped like trained seals for executions, letting the uninsured die, discrimination against gay soldiers and torture. They represent the worst of this country, our counterpart to hate-and-religion-fueled troglodytes like the Taliban and Iranian mullahs, and while their views are unnervingly widespread, they do not, thankfully, represent the sentiments of the country at large.

Meanwhile, the moneyed interests and their media mouthpieces are busily greasing the skids for Romney, who can be counted upon to follow the long Republican tradition of catering to the needs of the few at the expense of the many. This has jackshit to do with the debate schedule.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/14/11 at 09:18 AM

Categories: PoliticsBushCoElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Saturday, November 12, 2011

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a GOP debate clogging up the airwaves…Forever

By the way, the 18,905th GOP Debate is going on now. Unless it has already ended. Perhaps some brave soul will check.

The rest of us chickens will be using this as an open thread.

Update: Choosy Christians Choose Torture!

On waterboarding, Herman Cain and Rep. Michele Bachmann both said they would reinstate the technique designed to simulate drowning.

No word on whether the audience applauded or if they just started masturbating right there in the studio.

Cain went one step further…

Of course he did.

...adding that he would leave it up to military leaders — rather than their civilian superiors — to decide what forms of interrogation amount to torture, which he said he opposes.

See? It isn’t torture if you call it something else.

Also too, Mitt will throw his magical underwear at Iran if they attempt to build the bomb:

“If we re-elect Barack Obama, Iran will have a nuclear weapon. And if you elect Mitt Romney, Iran will not have a nuclear weapon,” vowed the former Massachusetts governor.

Whatever, you Nixonian crap nugget.

And this 3rd person shit is doing the Foxtrot on my last nerve. Fuck these people. (HTP + 2)

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 11/12/11 at 08:34 PM

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersElection '12Nutters

Elohim LOL

God enjoys a laugh as much as we do [via USAToady]:

In a speech Saturday to a national meeting of young Republicans, Cain said the Lord persuaded him after much prayer.

“That’s when I prayed and prayed and prayed. I’m a man of faith — I had to do a lot of praying for this one, more praying than I’ve ever done before in my life,” Cain said. “And when I finally realized that it was God saying that this is what I needed to do, I was like Moses. ‘You’ve got the wrong man, Lord. Are you sure?’”


Cain isn’t the first to say God prodded him toward a campaign. Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s wife, Anita, has said she felt God was speaking to her about the race, adding that her husband needed to see a “burning bush*,” a Biblical reference to God’s first appearance to Moses.

Personally, I think God prodded all of those clowns to run. He threw Huntsman in there just to the GOP one last chance to prove it isn’t 110% Grade A Bat Shit.

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 11/12/11 at 05:42 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

Friday, November 11, 2011

Mitt Minderbinder


If they’re familiar with Joseph Heller, future historians may one day summarize the 2012 GOP presidential field’s terrible dilemma thusly:

There was only one catch and that was Catch-12, which specified that a tendency to rationally analyze the country’s many real and immediate dangers and propose realistic solutions was the process of a rational mind and thus disqualified the candidate in the eyes of the crazy base but made him or her viable among the general electorate. Cain, Perry, Bachmann, Paul, Gingrich and Santorum were crazy and were thus qualified in the eyes of the base but disqualified by the country at large. They had to be crazy to succeed in the primary race and sane to be taken seriously in the general. If they ran successfully in the primary, they were crazy and weren’t qualified for the general; but if they acknowledged they were babbling nonsense to the base, they were sane and thus disqualified to win the primary. The American people were moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-12 and let out a respectful whistle.

Romney is the only frontrunner who fully grasps this dilemma. His solution is to try to keep one foot in Camp Crazy and the other in Camp Coherent, which is why he cannot crack 25% support even after running for president continuously for five fucking years. It’s a hell of a catch, that Catch-12.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/11/11 at 07:46 AM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12MittensNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The 1% speaks


Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild, poster-snob for the cognac-swirling, naval-gazing, canapé-grazing, manor-dwelling, Trans-Atlantic swells, has an Opinion on Something. I was going to excerpt it. But I just don’t have the heart at Wine Thirty. Here’s a shorter instead:

Tea Party and OWS movements should exchange saliva. Capitalism, good! Obama, bad! Clinton restoration!

Read it if you must. Or relive Lady Lynn’s moment of infamy instead.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/10/11 at 05:12 PM

Clown car pile-up

In case you missed the GOP debate last night, here’s the Rick Perry implosion:

In a flagrant violation of one of the immutable laws of the universe—the one that decrees that there shall be no coherent, funny or sane comments posted on YouTube, ever—commenter bsphenom gets it about right:

This is the inevitable conclusion of the anti-intellectual and anti-government mentality of the modern Republican Party. We are literally down to complete morons who want to cut things they can’t even name, let alone understand. It’s a modern day version of angry cavemen who want to burn everything down. They have the cultural sophistication of ancient Mongol hordes.

Yep. Perry manages to make one nostalgic for the verbal acuity and intellectual rigor of Sarah H. Palin, who in her turn “made George W. Bush sound like Cicero,” as Republican god-botherer Rod Dreher was once honest enough to note. What happened to slow declines? When empires and great institutions crumble, isn’t it supposed to take awhile? 

Anyhoo, I expected to find the GOP debate depressing, and it certainly was disheartening to realize that one of the ignorant buffoons, pandering nitwits or crackpots on that stage will be seriously considered for the leadership of a nuclear-armed superpower. But on the other hand, it’s heartening to imagine any of those silly bastards taking on President Obama in a general election debate.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/10/11 at 06:33 AM

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Another Republican Debate Already? Getcher GOP Michigan Debate Liveblog Here!

So, can we get an over and under on how fast Cain’s sexual harassment transgressions get brought up?  Further discussion:  Will everyone pile on or will those for whom the shoe might also fit stay out of the fray *cough* Newt *cough*?

Debate open thread - go at it.

Posted by marindenver on 11/09/11 at 06:25 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Gingrich Doesn’t Like CBO Analysis of Health Care Reform - Proposes Shooting the Messenger

In case anyone didn’t pay much attention last Saturday night (like me) tthere was a debate between Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain which was billed as a Lincoln-Douglas type affair (no comment).  The topics of the debate were Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid and how fast can we get rid of them all (OK, I made up the last part but still . . .)

The Newster’s curious comparison of the health care industry to buying a burger at McD’s has already been reported on here.

It appears that one other comment by Newt stuck out a little on the crazy factor scale.  He doesn’t like the way the non-partisan CBO scored the health care reform act so he wants to just get rid of the CBO!  True.  Here is an actual quote:

“If you are serious about real health reform, you must abolish the Congressional Budget Office because it lies,” Gingrich said at a Saturday debate with embattled pizza entrepreneur Herman Cain. “Every hospital will tell you that if you get the family and patient involved, it is better and less expensive. The Congressional Budget Office refuses to see this as a savings. It wants more bureaucracy and less patient involvement.”

Disregarding the fact that most of this comment does not even make sense (every hospital will tell you that?) where the heck is he even going with the idea that if you don’t like what the score keeper says you just off the score keeper?

Cain/Gingrich 2012.  Doubly Not Ready for Prime Time.

Posted by marindenver on 11/09/11 at 06:08 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Teabag Rep serves a mug of STFU to constituents at “Cup of Joe with Joe” event

I know y’all will find this shocking, but deadbeat-dad IL (R) Congressman Joe Walsh is a total dick:

Shorter Walsh for those who won’t leave the boat: “The financial crisis happened because the government encouraged home ownership, so leave the banks aloooooonnnnneee! Because shut up, that’s why!”

Gyad, what a braying jackass. God knows the competition for Most Clueless Asshole in US Politics is mighty fierce, but Walsh certainly makes a strong case for his candidacy by shrieking at and threatening to remove perfectly civil constituents at his sparsely attended event. I hope his district has the good sense to toss him out on his ass at the very next opportunity.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/09/11 at 02:28 PM

Categories: PoliticsBedwettersElection '10Election '12NuttersTeabaggery

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Election Night Shocker: Americans prefer first responders and teachers to greedy Teahadists

Nice job Ohioans. Ohioites? Whatever. Now if you’ll just do something about that genital wart in the governor’s mansion I’ll take the state off my Nuke from Orbit list.

In a political blow to GOP Gov. John Kasich, voters handily rejected the law, which would have limited the bargaining abilities of 350,000 unionized public workers. With more than a quarter of the votes counted late Tuesday, 63 percent of votes were to reject the law.

Kasich congratulated his opponents and said he would spend time contemplating how best to take the state forward.

“I’ve heard their voices, I understand their decision and, frankly, I respect what people have to say in an effort like this,” he said. “And as a result of that, it requires me to take a deep breath, you know, and to spend some time reflecting on what happened here ^before I go back to sucking Koch.”

In other completely puzzling election news, voters in Maine said Give it back! to same-day voter registration. Those crazy Maineacs. Thanks to their puzzling obsession with this “voting” thing, the state will have to change its name to Kweertucky.

Finally, the people of Mississippi indicated they’re tired of all the ignorant hick jokes by saying No thanks, to a proposed 1 sperm + 1 egg = 1 Human Being law. Ya’ll need to select another sub-Mason/Dixon line state at which to cast your Dumb Sutherner scorn for a while.

In conclusion, the U.S.A. continues to suck a bit less than we are regularly tempted to believe.

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 11/08/11 at 11:11 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

Herman Cain’s “I never!” news conference scheduled for 3 PM ET


Well, this should be good:

“When I made the statement that I’m done talking about this, I’m talking about the firestorm last week,” Mr. Cain told Jimmy Kimmel on his late-night comedy show on ABC. “But no, we are gonna talk about this one and I am gonna talk about it at a press conference.”

And Mr. Cain said on the show that he now plans to address any future accusations that emerge.

“I will talk about any and all future firestorms, because here’s one thing people don’t know about Herman Cain: I’m in it to win it.” he said.

I love it when public figures refer to themselves in the third person. Will post updates of the conference in progress if feasible. In the meantime, please consider this an open thread.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/08/11 at 02:52 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Still mostly 50+, white Republicans.

An MSNBC reporter follows up on yesterday’s news, looking in on several tea partiers they profiled last year to witness the political evolution of the members of this totally spontaneous, diverse, non-Astroturfed group of heartland patriots. Surprisingly, they’re all still older, white Republicans!


Another startling development: They still don’t like President Obama. And they’re not too keen on those smelly Occupy hippies stealing their limelight either. I’m so glad MSNBC saw fit to run this item above the fold. You just can’t find that kind of hard-hitting feature anywhere else.

PS: Erick Son of Erick says that Mitt Romney will be the nominee, which means “conservatism dies and Barack Obama wins.” From your lips to God’s ears, Son of Erick!

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/08/11 at 10:22 AM

Monday, November 07, 2011

The McDoctor will see you now

McAsshole presents his McHealthcare McPlan [via Charles Pierce h/t BJ]:

Onstage Saturday, [Newt] Gingrich seized the opportunity to show off his mastery of policy matters. He spoke with ease about the intricacies of health policy, saying the nation’s health system should be less bureaucratic and more consumer-friendly.

“Think about going to McDonald’s,” Gingrich said.

Yep. That’s a direct quote from this McFucker. No one will blame you if you stop reading right now, watch this very odd little video and go about your business.

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 11/07/11 at 08:35 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersTeabaggery

Gloria Allred and 4th Cain sexual harassment victim hold 1:30 PM (ET) news conference—UPDATED x2

Another shoe drops. Luckily for Cain, the GOP has decided that sexual harassment is just a kooky theory, much like evolution and climate change.

UPDATED AND BUMPED: Just saw the conference. Wow. If what the accuser says is true—and she and Allred passed out sworn statements from corroborating witnesses—Cain is guilty of gross sexual harassment, not just an off-color joke. The woman alleges that Cain groped her, and when she objected, he said something to the effect of, “You want a job, don’t you?”

Sheesh. Will post vid when it’s available. One possible lucky break for Cain: a verdict was reached in the trial of Jacko’s quack doctor…

UPDATED X 2: A snippet of video:

Also too, the victim, Sharon Bialek, is a registered Republican and a tea party supporter. Of course, her political affiliation won’t stop Cain’s wingnut defenders from calling her a liberal slut. I hope her granite counters are tidy.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/07/11 at 01:11 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '12

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