Thursday, December 06, 2007

This is a quick reminder guide for my fellow Big Applets:

• Williamsburg: Go to the Rwanda Reporting benefit tonight at Supreme Trading featuring a performance by Francis and the Lights, free hard-to-find Rwandan food and an hour’s worth of complimentary Bass beer. The donation is a measly $20.
  
• Manhattan: Go to see the wonderful and unique documentary Billy the Kid that opened last night at the IFC Center for a limited engagement.  I haven’t had time to finish my review, but you can read some of the raves at Metacritic.
  
• Manhattan: Go to see the long-awaited Holy Modal Rounders documentary Bound to Lose (and accompanying live music bonuses) at the Anthology during its one-week run (starts this Friday).
  

UPDATE: In comments the delightful and reliable Robin from oh. you. again. recommends buying tix for Au Revoir Parapluie (Farewell, Umbrella) at BAM in downtown Brooklyn. I’m doing that right now.

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/06/07 at 09:56 AM
Trackbacks (0) • Permalink

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Recently I was cleaning off some of the detritus that we have magnetized (magneted?) to the fridge when I got a chance to reread something my wife and I had torn off a bag of Newman’s Own popcorn.  This is really what it said (image below the fold):

LEGEND: I’ll tell you how bad it is.  Nobody gets trusted with popcorn - except me. That includes the FBI, the IRS, Tiffany’s and concessionaires of any ilk.  A good flick arrives on the local screen, you see ol’ Newman scuttling across the lobby with a greasy brown paper bag of this homemade popcorn in one hand and—you guessed it—a machete in the other.  Who’s who lists a lot of one-armed people in my hometown.  They got caught trying to muscle their way into my greasy brown paper bag.  The way I feel—they got off easy. They should have been strung up.

Col. P.L. “Pops” Newman

“[Y]ou guessed it—a machete”? Are you fucking kidding me?  Who would guess that Paul Newman would be “scuttling across the lobby” with “a greasy brown paper bag” and a fucking machete? And since when did “who’s who” start keeping tabs of amputees in any town, let alone the town where a deranged Paul Newman is running around wildly hacking people’s arms off? And why isn’t he under arrest for this crime or locked up in a mental ward?  He owns the company that makes the popcorn and, instead of offering people free samples, HE LOBS OF THEIR LIMBS WITH A MACHETE if they try to eat any! And then, in case you don’t think his out-of-control sharing issues were batshit crazy enough, he has to add that all of these poor, sans-arms bastards are lucky because HE SHOULD HAVE KILLED THEM.

What does it say on the side of his salsa jars?  That if you take any from him he’ll slowly peel off your skin and wear it like a suit? That he’ll jam your open mouth over a curb and ram his boot into the back of your head? If you sneak a sip of his lemonade will he tear the legs off of your children and make coffee tables using their tiny appendages?

I don’t even want to think about what he’ll do if you try to use any of his steak sauce because it probably involves guillotines, mass genocide and skull fucking.

read the whole post »

Posted by Kevin K. on 12/04/07 at 01:31 PM
Permalink

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

There’s a coffee shop for sale in Maspeth, NY:

Listing Description

Low Rent $2000 5 year lease - Landlord willing to extend Basement No other restaurant nearby. Busy commercial area. Schools, offices, retail, lodging and industrial all nearby. Large Irish, Italian and Hispanic base. High breakfast/lunch traffic. Full inventory included. Ready to go! Smooth transition. Currently open at 8am, close at 7pm six days. Increase earning potential by adding pork products such as ham. Also beers. Motivated seller. Please call to schedule appointment. SERIOUS INQUIRES ONLY.

(Thanks for the tip, Colin!)

UPDATE: I guess we were driving a little too much traffic to the listing because Restaurants For Sale Online has pulled it.  Or, I guess, someone with an excess of pork pouring out of their pockets might have bought it. You can view the Google cache here or check out our screencap.

Posted by Kevin K. on 11/27/07 at 07:20 AM
Trackbacks (0) • Permalink

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

My dear pal Amy has put together a benefit to support the making of Rwanda Reporting, a documentary she’s producing. I encourage all of you Big Applets to attend this worthwhile event (I certainly will). It will feature free beer, Rwandan food and the music of Francis and the Lights, who are rumored to be amazing live.  I’ll let Amy take it away from here:

In January 2008, I will travel to Rwanda to spend a month following four journalism students - two Rwandan genocide survivors and two exchange students from Carleton University. The film will document their struggle to cover post-genocide Rwanda, thirteen years after the news media fueled the horrific violence and killings.

A portion of the funds generated from the completed film will be used to create a scholarship fund for journalism students at the National University in Butare. Your support at our fundraising event will help make this project and trip a success!

Details:

read the whole post »

Posted by Kevin K. on 11/20/07 at 02:37 PM
Trackbacks (0) • Permalink

Friday, November 16, 2007

In this case, “WTF?” = “What the fortune?”  This is what was inside of the fortune cookie that my wife got with her Chinese food last night:

The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go drown myself in a huge vat of lo mein.

Posted by Kevin K. on 11/16/07 at 11:33 AM
Trackbacks (0) • Permalink

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

In honor of Election Day (and because I love the hell outta this recipe), I’m making a batch of Taxpayers’ Chicken Chili.  Won’t you join me?

actual horrible photo of today’s batch

Ingredients:
2 pounds ground chicken

3 large onions, coarsely chopped
8 garlic cloves, minced
2 jalapeño chilies, minced
1/4 cup chili powder
3 tablespoons ground cumin
1 tablespoon dried oregano
2 teaspoons ground coriander (or dried cilantro)
1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes in purée
1 or 2 12-ounce bottles of beer
1 14 1/2-ounce can chicken broth (add about an extra 3/4 can if you only use one beer)

1 15 1/4-ounce cans red kidney beans, rinsed, drained
1 15 1/4-ounce cans black beans, rinsed, drained

read the whole post »

Posted by Kevin K. on 11/06/07 at 02:41 PM
Trackbacks (0) • Permalink

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I’m a little late to this, but Slice has an interesting writeup on the last episode of The Office (viewable here—episode 405) that featured the kidnapping of a pizza delivery teen.  The episode, which was the best episode so far in a lackluster season, featured one of the funniest lines in the history of sitcoms:

Kevin Malone [talking about pizza from fictional Scranton, PA establishment Pizza by Alfredo]: “Oh no, it’s bad. It’s real bad. It’s like eating a hot circle of garbage.”

The interesting fact that Slice unveiled is that the competing (and preferred) pizzeria named in the episode, Alfredo’s Pizza Cafe, is actually a real business in Scranton.

Posted by Kevin K. on 10/16/07 at 10:16 AM
Trackbacks (0) • Permalink

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

My pal Amy has a great post up at her food blog Cakehead called Essential Williamsburg, Brooklyn Culinary Experiences.  She’s a wonderful writer and knows her stuff about morsels, so check it out if you’re planning on dining in Williamsburg in the near future.

Posted by Kevin K. on 10/09/07 at 05:59 AM
Trackbacks (0) • Permalink

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

If you’ve got some time to kill, local public radio station WNYC is asking NYers how much they’re getting gouged in their neighborhood for a six of Budweiser, a head of iceberg lettuce, and a quart of milk. Kinda interesting and somewhat depressing after that cruel, deranged woman from Columbus, OH lays out her local pricing. Bitch.

Posted by Kevin K. on 09/26/07 at 09:39 AM
Trackbacks (0) • Permalink

Friday, September 21, 2007

I can go to things like the Brooklyn Botanical Garden’s Chile Pepper Fiesta on Sunday, September 30th, if, ya know, I didn’t already have plans that day.  But I sure as hell would go if I were you because chile peppers fucking rule the world (unless they’re “Red Hot” and named Anthony) and, jesus christ, look at the size of the pots of chili in this video. I’d swim deeply through that shit if my eyeballs wouldn’t burn out of my head.

And, fortunately, I don’t have any plans this Sunday, so I can go check out the Budos Band (“the un-heralded emperors of Instrumental Staten Island Afro-Soul” proclaims their label, hopefully with tongue severing cheek) & Cibo Matto’s Miho Hatori laying down some thick grooves by the Gowanus Canal at the Starry Eyed Festival. And, no, for the record, I wouldn’t swim deeply through the Gowanus Canal. I’m a big fan of my appendages. (via FREEpigfucker)

MP3:
The Budos Band—“Chicago Falcon” (The Budos Band II —2007)

Posted by Kevin K. on 09/21/07 at 12:30 PM
Trackbacks (0) • Permalink