Wednesday, July 23, 2014
GOP Launches Stealth Attack In War On Women: Bachmann For President!
If you think you have it hard, consider what a bad couple of years Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) has had. After that one great day in 2011 when she won the Ames, IA straw poll, poor Michele hasn’t been able to buy a break . . . not that she didn’t try.
If it’s not the FBI, DoJ and Office of Congressional Ethics poking their noses into her business and saying mean things about her leadership skills, it’s the danged homos making the bottom fall out of the Gay Reparative market. Now Marcus is out of a
scam job and it’s all down to Michele, who—Criminy—just retired from the House. Book sales aren’t nearly covering the legal fees so it’s no time to be out of work.
But when the going gets tough, the tough get going . . . so Rep. Michele Bachmann, looking to her strengths, has decided that another run at the Oval Office might be just the thing!
The only thing that the media has speculated on is that it’s going to be various men that are running. They haven’t speculated, for instance, that I’m going to run. What if I decide to run? And there’s a chance I could run.
Like with anything else, practice makes perfect. “And I think if a person has gone through the process—for instance, I had gone through 15 presidential debates—it’s easy to see a person’s improvement going through that.
I haven’t made a decision one way or another if I’m going to run again, but I think the organization is probably the key. To have an organization and people who surround you who are loyal, who are highly competent, who know how to be able to run the ball down the field in state after state—because now I think the primary process will be very different this time. It will tighten up; it will be a much shorter run than it was before.
Translation: that last group of F*k ups threw me under the bus when they weren’t smart enough to cover their tracks.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 07/23/14 at 12:03 PM
Wednesday, July 02, 2014
The Upstaging of Judge Gowdy
(h/t Democratic Underground)
I have to tell you, Roasters, that I am more than a little sad that Judge Gowdy’s Benghazi! BENGHAZI!! Select Committee is shaping up to be one of this season’s more spectacular entertainment duds.
Since early May, I have been looking forward to a summer of popcorn and microbrews by the pool and daily doses of Judge Gowdy on the YouTube; but now it looks like I’m going to be stuck with Speaker Boehner’s Impeachment Tort or reruns of the McCarthy Hearings.
So much has happened since those heady days in May—Speaker Boehner’s bold announcement that he was appointing a Select Committee to re-re-re-re-reinvestigate the tragedy at Benghazi; Nancy Pelosi’s tough decision to boycott the committee or not; the formation of the Benghazi Truth Pac . . .
That last item—The Benghazi Truth PAC—was just the kind of Republican sideshow that suckered me into believing that we were about to witness the Greatest Show on Earth with a ringside seat in Judge Gowdy’s Kangaroo Kourt.
The BT PAC was the brainchild of Buzz Jacobs, a Bush White House operative and 2008 McCain Campaign manager currently realizing the American Dream of small business ownership. Buzz’s biz, which is essentially raising-money-for-republicans, is something called Strategic Storytelling Company.
And Mr Jacobs has selflessly appointed himself to protect Judge Gowdy and his select committee colleagues from the inevitable smear campaigns that Liberals are bound to launch because . . . Libruls!
We are preparing to help defend them from unfair and untrue attacks.
There will be teams of people looking into their backgrounds and pulling things out of context and making major issues out of them and there needs to be some balance to that.
Jacobs said he fears Democrats loyal to former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton will try and “smear” the Republicans on the committee in order to protect Clinton.
He said he bases his concern on critical comments from Democrats after the special committee was created, and historically, how independent counsel Kenneth Starr was criticized during his investigation of former President Bill Clinton’s administration.
Jacobs fears that:
When we find out how disconnected the government was . . . it will not reflect well on Hillary Clinton. The left will try to distract from it and attack the messenger.
Gowdy, the object of Jacobs “strategic storytelling” said:
This investigation isn’t about my political career or anyone else’s. I do not approve of this PAC’s involvement nor do I desire to have their help in defending against attacks.
Oh DC! it isn’t really pretty what a town without pity can do. Nevertheless, Jacobs, unbowed by adversity and politically resilient said he respects Gowdy’s view on the super PAC.
If I was in his position, I would approach my job in the same way.
However, as a private citizen with White House-level national security experience, I am interested in doing what I can, within the law, to educate people about the truth and to defend those seeking the truth.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 07/02/14 at 11:53 AM
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Flipping Nothingburgers at Karl’s All American Cafe
Karl Rove is not a doctor but he is quite an accomplished liar, concern troll and waster of other peoples’ money, ergo it was less than surprising when Karl Rove, appearing before a conference audience with Robert Gibbs and author, Dan Raviv, revealed that Hillary Clinton might possibly be suffering from a touch of traumatic brain injury.
Rove based his diagnosis on, well, nothing . . . outside of his mad political operative deductive skills.
The sane version of this story is that Hillary Clinton caught the flu one day in 2012. The Secretary of State didn’t have time to be sick, so she kept on truckin’, got dizzy, tripped and hit her head. She was taken to a hospital, got a Cabinet member level going over [by real doctors], went home and got well.
Dr. Rove, however, says not so fast—“the woman spent 30 days in the hospital” and was released wearing “glasses that are only for people who have traumatic brain injury.”
“The woman” actually spent 3 days in the hospital and left wearing glasses instead of her contact lenses. But none of that matters to Karl Rove. Karl Rove only cares about the weird calculus that will link that illness to Benghazi-Gate, thus keeping both alive in the fever dreams of the Republican base.
When this event occurred, during one of the GOPs Benghazi-Gate inquisitions, Republicans jumped on the opportunity to paint Secretary Clinton as a malingerer, looking for an excuse to get out of testifying. But now, it’s more useful that something grave might have happened, back then, and voila! Clinton’s walking around with brain damage, poor dear.
Make up your minds, guys.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 05/13/14 at 01:18 PM
Thursday, May 08, 2014
Release The KRAKEN!!
What’s it been now? almost a week since Speaker Boehner decided to Release the Kraken! and, already, I suspect he’s black and blue from excessive #facepalm-ing.
Meanwhile, Judge Gawdy (R-SC) is powdering his wig and spreading himself thin in a pre-game talkathon about what a regular - nay, totally unremarkable and unassuming - hero he is, who just happens to be sitting on a shock-and-awe-ful pile of
bullpuckey evidence that has eluded his well-meaning but bumbling colleagues who just don’t fully grasp how the criminal mind operates.
Yep. A week into it and this latest chapter of Benghazi!Benghazi!BENGHAZI!! is about to take a serious turn toward the absurd, as only conservatives know how to turn things.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 05/08/14 at 09:27 AM
Wednesday, May 07, 2014
Will my world never be free of Cheney’s? Every time one of them goes under the knife, starts a family feud or drops out of a Senate race, I think, there now! perhaps they’ll finally retire from public life. But, alas no, they somehow just keep Cheney-ing on down the road.
I have to admit that when Monica Lewinsky popped up this week, my very first thought was “Now, that’s curious!?”
But then she explained why:
It’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress.
I think I’d have done that about 19 years ago, but that’s just me.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 05/07/14 at 02:18 PM
Saturday, May 03, 2014
How Special Is This?
Well, it appears that conservatives have a new lease on life now that Mister Speaker has finally caved and decided to let the Daydream Believers Caucus play Special Committee to re-investigate Benghazi! Benghazi! BENGHAZI!!
Playing the part of Matthew McConaughey will be Rep. Harold Watson Gowdy III . . . but you can call him Trey.
Someday, I’m sure, the various House investigations into the Benghazi attack will go down in the annals as the Congressional investigation uncovering more smoking unloaded guns than any other [excepting, perhaps, the illustrious efforts of Sen. Joseph McCarthy who may, ultimately, have the Benghazi crowd beat, but they’re not done yet, so we’ll have to wait for the final tally].
The White House has turned over 25,000+ pages of documents and five different House Committees (Armed Services, Foreign Affairs, Intelligence, Judiciary, and Oversight and Government Reform) have burned through millions of dollars and collected hundreds of hours of testimony, to no particular avail.
Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) has resisted pressure to convene a “Watergate-like special investigative committee” for over a year and a half but recent events have evidently changed his mind.
The smoking gun, this time around, happens to be an email that, if you’re Republican, proves that the White House is directly responsible for covering up something about the Benghazi attack because a White House media consultant was discovered consulting with the WH on media.
Just you never mind that the smoking-hot! email evidence dovetails nicely into the timeline of Things We Already Know About Benghazi and supports the conclusions that were drawn from exhaustively poring over the same for a year and a half.
The thing that appears to excite Republicans the most about this latest “find” is that it did not turn up before this, with the other 25,000 docs, ergo it must have been “vanished” by WH spooks. [That’s the logical equivalent of Terri Lynn Land telling us there’s no Republican War on Women because she’s a Republican woman.]
Evidently these folks have never made FOIA requests of bureaucrats, in the past, or their expectations might have been a little lower. Or, perhaps they are as half-assed about filling out FOIA requests as they are about other things? or GIGO, we used to say.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 05/03/14 at 11:19 AM
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Nope-Got No Sole
Okay—that title is lifted from a tweet from Jonathan Capehart, who documents the silliness of the “Shoe Truthers” with a trace of the exasperation any sane person might feel when examining the actual serious thought processes of people who might be a wee bit paranoid a lot.
I’m kind of an uptight thinker who seldom strays into the fanciful except to atomize a yet-more out-there notion—so let me boringly put a damper on this thing: there is obviously no way for any person to aim a shoe that they were wearing at a public figure and then hobble off scot-free. They are certain to be apprehended—any fancy of flight would prove, well, bootless. Any collusion to plant a person in an audience to launch a shoe would involve some connecting factor, because once charged with a federal offense (and a savvy lawyer like Hillary Clinton would have known this much) any stooge paid off to, for some kind of reason, launch a shoe at her, would roll like the mighty Mississippi. Who would bargain away their freedom for X-untraceable amount of funds for a PR scheme? The sane folks who’d go for that are few and far between, and there are many limiting factors involved in employing someone who would not be classified as mentally fit.
And let’s consider the PR downsides, which are numerous. Getting smacked upside the old bean with a sneaker would be ungraceful, so one might study to avoid head to tennie contact. Ducking is, itself, a kind of submissive posture. The actual fact of anyone launching an athletic shoe at one implies unpopularity—there is no good reason anyone would want to portray that level of unpopularity. A “lone shoe-er” is a poor representative of anything like a “vast, right-wing conspiracy”, so activating sympathetic historical memes is out…leaving what exactly? A footwear fetish?
So fine, you are left with the spectacle of a former First Lady, US Senator, and Secretary of State ducking and covering from a podalic projectile because that’s the way she likes it. Uh huh? Uh huh. That is some serious stupid. I do not know what to make of anyone who would stupid that hard.
(X-posted at Strangely Blogged.)
Posted by Vixen Strangely on 04/15/14 at 11:37 PM
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Lose, Reince, Repeat
I have to hand it to Reince Priebus, the guy is no quitter.
Despite the fact that his party’s candidates turned the 2012 presidential campaign into an internationally acclaimed political farce and handily lost an election that they believed they had in the bag, Reince was undaunted. The RNC chairman spent his entire post-election Christmas vacation pounding out 100 pages of extreme makeover ideas for the GOP, some of which were pretty good ones. Ultimately, all of them were cavalierly dismissed or completely ignored by the rank and file.
So that was one year down the tubes. Now we’re heading into mid-term elections which, if current GOP trends prevail, will surely prove to be a farcical free-for-all in search of America’s Biggest Extremist. Karoli over at Crooks and Liars has astutely observed the usual Republican establishment’s pre-election jitters surfacing already:
It must be an election year, because there’s no other reason for wingers who never do anything about their crazies to react to the backlash over Austin Ruse’s statement that “liberal professors should just be taken out and shot.
We’re bound to see more such organizational hand-wringing before November but, let’s face it, Reince doesn’t really have a prayer of keeping that many congressional races sane, so that’ll be another year shot.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 03/16/14 at 12:14 PM
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Sister Boogie Woman Rising
Republicans are quite vexed, in this pre-election period, that they have been smeared with the dastardly War on Women rep. And who could blame them? Without getting into the nits and gnats of the history of misogyny and sexism, they certainly didn’t invent such a thing [although they did invite the Church People into their tent and, I think it’s fair to say, the Church People did have a hand in inventing it].
Be that as it may, Republicans certainly never have gone out of their way to actually help or encourage or empower women, either. And now, before the GOP has had a couple of decades to recover from the first Black president, they are being forced to mobilize against the spectral notion of a first female president.
The Republican Party is scared to death of Hillary Clinton because Hillary Clinton has “Boogie.”
Let’s let Lily Tomlin, her own self, remind us why that’s so frightening . . .
So. Let the hilarity ensue because it’s awfully hard to fight against something you can’t fathom.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 02/12/14 at 10:44 AM
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Looks Like Hillary Clinton Is Going to Run After All
I was one of maybe five people who didn’t think Hillary Clinton was going to run for president in 2016. Looks like I was wrong (via the NYT):
The largest liberal “super PAC” in the country has begun raising money to elect Hillary Rodham Clinton president, formally aligning itself with Mrs. Clinton’s undeclared presidential ambitions more than two years away from the election.
The group, Priorities USA Action, which played a pivotal role in helping re-elect President Obama, also named new directors to steer the organization, appointments that will both cement the group’s pro-Clinton tilt and thrust veterans of Mr. Obama’s political and fund-raising operation into the center of the post-Obama Democratic Party.
Derp. There’s no way dialed-in folks like Jim Messina, et al, are out there shaking high-dollar donors down on behalf of HRC if she’s not running. So she’s running.
I’m not sure how to feel about that. I’ll definitely vote for her if she wins the nomination, and considering that the Republicans will hork up some psycho who will pledge to slash the social safety net and roll back rights for women, gays and minorities to disguise the party’s machinations on behalf of the plutocrat class, I’ll not only vote for her, I’ll donate to her campaign and work my ass off locally to get her elected.
But I’m far from convinced she’s the right candidate for all sorts of reasons. What do you guys think?
[X-posted at Balloon Juice]
Posted by Betty Cracker on 01/23/14 at 11:16 AM
Friday, September 20, 2013
The Real “L” Word: Hillary Clinton Episode
Forging ever onward on his earthly mission, Bryan Fischer, Dude-of-all-Trades for the American Family Association, has outed Hillary Clinton lest she try to get her hands on the the helm of our rickety ship of state sometime in the near future.
Fischer, who has his very own sheltered workshop on talk radio, made his blockbuster announcement thusly:
“. . . the bottom line is that if Hillary Clinton becomes president in 2016 she will not only be our first female president she could be our first lesbian president.”
The authoritative source for Fischer’s scoop is none other than Gennifer Flowers, award-winning expert on the sex lives of the Clintons, who told a Daily Mail interviewer, [the UK’s National Enquirer wannabe], that the Secretary of Explaining Things told her, his own self, that Hill is bisexual.
[Obviously, Fischer believes that “lesbian” = “bisexual.” It’s all just one big disgusting orgy.]
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 09/20/13 at 09:18 AM
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Widespread Outbreak of Impeachment Fever Plagues Red States
Well. It’s now almost a year since the GOP continued its losing streak of four out of the last six presidential elections, not including the Supreme Court intervention in 2000 that accounted for one of the two wins.
Despite the brief euphoria of the 2010 House invasion, the Republican party is bitterly staggering its way through the Five Stages of Grief only to arrive at the looming death star called Hillary. Having spent quite a lot of time in the Denial Stage and then basking in the energizing glow of the Anger Stage, punch-drunk Republicans arrived at the Bargaining Stage just in time for the long Dog Days Recess.
Unfortunately, this “stage” is not following the script, and feckless legislators are not even safe in their own Town Hall meetings which are being disrupted by hecklers from the Left and the Right. Several Republicans have been caught flat-footed by constituents who want to know “what’s so bad about Obamacare?” on one side alongside rabble-rousers who want their representatives to “shut down the government like a man!”
It’s a minefield out there . . . of their own making.
So it is that recently some creative party geniuses have revived that old crowd-pleasing favorite “Impeachment” from the GOP playbook. I guess because it’s always worked so well for them . . . ?
Since Obamacare has gotten to be pretty moldy “red meat,” impeachment serves as a tasty, home-cooked comfort food for the disgruntled base. Plus, it covers a multitude of grievances: hate Obama’s policies—foreign and domestic—impeach him! hate that Obama is an uppity foreign, socialist, gay-loving, culture war-instigating oligarch? impeach him! hate Obama for having the temerity to be a black man in the White House? impeach him! hate Obama’s wife, his kids, his vacation plans? impeach his ass!!1!!
See how that works? Don’t tamp down the anger and hate—redirect it.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 08/24/13 at 08:10 AM
Friday, August 16, 2013
RNC Votes Unanimously To Cut Off Nose; Spite Face
(illustration h/t the very talented Mario Piperni)
Well, it’s official, the Republican National committee is carrying out its threatened punishment of CNN and NBC over the networks’ plans to air a movie on imaginary 2016 Democratic presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton. After getting wind of the film project, the RNC’s Prince Rebus sent protest letters to the heads of both networks, followed up by a protracted media-blitz pout.
Here’s a taste of the letters:
[A]s American citizens, certainly you recognize why many are astounded at your actions, which appear to be a major network’s thinly-veiled attempt at putting a thumb on the scales of the 2016 presidential election.
And the “unkindest cut of all”:
If you have not agreed to pull this programming prior to the start of the RNC’s Summer Meeting on August 14[, 2013], I will seek a binding vote of the RNC stating that the committee will neither partner with you in 2016 primary debates nor sanction primary debates which you sponsor.
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 08/16/13 at 11:39 AM
Tuesday, August 06, 2013
Gohmert Speaks: Real Men Don’t Close Embassies . . . HOO-rah!
Well, as I mentioned yesterday, it’s Silly Season which means lots of open-mic time for politicians aiming to make an impression on the American electorate. So it is that Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Planet Xanax) subbed for Sean Hannity on his newly-divorced-from-Cumulus radio program, yesterday.
Gohmert opened with a shout out to the blogging community:
All of you on the left coast, the left bloggers that … you couldn’t find your rear-end with both hands, well listen: I know you monitor every word I say,” he said. “Well, grab some popcorn, we’re going to have a fun three hours.
And things deteriorated from there . . .
read the whole post »
Posted by Bette Noir on 08/06/13 at 09:06 AM
Monday, August 05, 2013
RNC Forfeits 2016 Presidential Election Because UNFAIR LIBERALS!!!
Prince Rebus of the Republican National Committee officially kicked off the 2013 “silly season” with a theatrical tantrum and ultra-silly threat to TV broadcasters CNN and NBC. NBC recently announced signing actress Diane Lane to portray Hillary Clinton in a 4-part mini-series covering Hillary’s life and times since 1998 [which she, and we, might remember as a low point in the Clinton saga] all the way up to the fabulous here-and-now.
Upon hearing that news, multitudes of Republican strategist’s, already working boiler room hours to destroy an undeclared candidate, spontaneously combusted, culminating in Priebus’ coup de grace—a Republican boycott of the 2016 presidential debates broadcasts on NBC and CNN [OUCH!].
Now, I know it’s an utterly “lib-tard” thing to do, but let’s go over a few facts here:
1) Hillary Clinton is not running for president. IF she decides to do that, then might be the time to rekindle one’s hair and scream foul, equal time, etc (if it even applies, in such a case??);
2) Clinton, herself, has not given her blessing to the project and is probably hoping for it to go away almost as much as Prince Rebus. The period, 1998 - 2013 covers a lot of material that Clinton might be happy to leave behind, like a brutal primary and losing the Democratic nomination, Clinton’s defense of Huma Abedin, who has only become a greater liability, of late, and, of course, Benghazi-gate. Why would anyone assume that a mini-series will be a laudatory piece of hero-worship?
3) IF Clinton runs, as we, the GOP and Reince Priebus know, she doesn’t need a mini-series (or an Academy Award-winning feature film) to clean their clock.
So. To review . . . it is in no way shocking, or appalling, un-American, or unfair or any of the other words Priebus used, to express his overheated faux outrage at the thought of a ratings-challenged broadcaster trying to attract some viewers with a mini-series on a wildly popular, recently retired Washington insider. If Hillary does run, no 3-year-old mini-series, no presidential debate coverage, no nothing is going to alter the GOP’s abysmal losing streak in national elections. Republicans know how to beat the odds and lose, when they’re favored to win.
But, the important thing here, from a Republican perspective, is that the base will just gobble this up and whip themselves into an anti-Democratic frenzy. FOX, the Breitbartlets, Drudge and the TEA Party howlers will flog this story for all it’s worth for at least two weeks of the recess, handily diverting attention from Congress’ abysmal performance and the delusional “defund Obamacare” campaign that seems to be all they’ve got.
Exhibit A: the Twittersphere is already lighting up faster than Michelle Malkin can twitch. What fun!
Even better, when Republicans lose the 2016 presidential election they’ll be able to blame that danged Hillary mini-series. And the FIRST AMENDMENT!!1!
Posted by Bette Noir on 08/05/13 at 02:14 PM