Joe Biden

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Mitt Romney: Your Recycling Candidate

Last night, Mittens was widely acclaimed as having sewn up the GOP nomination, winning all five primaries at stake. Again, turnout was extremely unenthusiastic. Not that you’d have gathered this from some of the adulatory press coverage that’s greeted his “A Better America Begins Tonight” victory speech in New Hampshire.

Taegan Goddard at Politicalwire awarded him a cherished plaudit:

Quote of the Day
“Everywhere I go, Americans are tired of being tired.”

—Mitt Romney, quoted by the New York Times, in a victory speech to supporters after winning five primaries.

The line reminds me of the apocryphal story that has Bono standing onstage, clapping his hands slowly and intoning, “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies,” only to be heckled: “Well, stop fucking doing it then!”

But like so much of the speech, if it sounds familiar—somewhat hopey and changey, in fact—you may have heard it before:

“Americans are tired of being tired,” Joe Biden said. “It’s clear that the American people have decided it’s time to get up. They’re tired of being told that we’re in a long, slow drift.”

What else you could hear of the speech (video after the fold—Teleprompters and all!) above Mittens’ hired bonehead chorus’s chanting in the closest approximation to enthusiasm money can buy was short on specifics and any tangible vision beyond reducing public employees to a level of penury to match that of the rest of the population in order to address “unfairness,” and long on criticism of President Obama’s inability to completely transform the American economy in the face of concerted Republican obstructionism. Not that the role of the GOP in failing to improve anyone’s lot—including their own—featured at all in Mittens’ mythology. Nope, it’s all down to the man in the White House:

“Is it easier to make ends meet? Is it easier to sell your home or buy a new one?” Mr. Romney asked, ticking through a litany of challenges facing Americans. He added, “If the answer were yes to those questions, then President Obama would be running for re-election based on his achievements and rightly so, but because he has failed, he will run a campaign of diversions and distractions and distortions.” 

Fair enough: after all, it can’t be anything to do with Mitt himself, since he hasn’t held down a job in living memory.

In the coming months, steel yourself for the reprise of old hits:

The Romney campaign is aggressively looking into all aspects of the Obama administration, with a plan to present the president as a nice and likable but unsuited to solving the country’s economic challenges.

While you’re doing that, beware of incoming:

Mr. Romney will also begin introducing himself to a wider audience of voters who have yet to focus on the general election. In addition to having him talk about his background and business experience, the campaign will increase the presence of his wife, Ann, and five sons on the trail.

On past form, what could possibly go wrong?

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Posted by YAFB on 04/25/12 at 07:59 AM
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Friday, March 16, 2012

An Org Chart. With Bombs.

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David Ignatius at WaPo released some tidbits from Osama bin Laden’s personal papers, which were seized after the SEAL team waxed the terror kingpin. I don’t know what I was expecting—a good old-fashioned Batman villain, maybe. But Osama comes across like the Brand Manager of the Sanitary Napkin Category at a backwater Koch Industries health and beauty products division. He fretted about consumer perceptions and brand equity, dispensed fancy titles like “Deputy Emir” to underlings and pulled together annual reports. The banality of evil still surprises.

After President Obama reversed Bush Administration policy and stopped using the phrase “Global War on Terror” to describe the twin clusterfucks in Iraq and Afghanistan and assorted US meddling worldwide, al Qaeda seriously contemplated a corporate identity overhaul in response. They felt that the more narrow focus on their own organization diluted the pan-Muslim jihadi image they were trying to project. It was like everyone was unfriending them on Facebook or something. Score one for President Obama, I suppose.

The big revelation: bin Laden wanted to assassinate President Obama because, according to bin Laden, “he is the head of infidelity and killing him automatically will make [Vice President] Biden take over the presidency… Biden is totally unprepared for that post, which will lead the U.S. into a crisis.” Somewhat hilariously, the papers also reveal that al Qaeda believes Fox News lacks “objectivity.”

The Wingnutosphere isn’t sure what to make of the first revelation. Some are all, “O’dumbo is teh most unpreparered o’neegro evar at leest O’biden is wite thx for nothing o’sama u r a looser!” To a man, they are gleeful that al Qaeda dissed Fox News because obviously it follows that Fox News is the only network that embodies Judeo-Christian values. Or something like that.

One hopes further document dumps don’t reveal Osama’s fondness for “Walker, Texas Ranger” or “WrestleMania” reruns; the resulting plummet in nunchuck and novelty singlet sales might endanger the fragile economic recovery. 

Here was my key takeaway from the Osama Papers: The Bearded Boogeyman who caused so much pain and suffering was, at heart, a middle-management marketing hack who happened to traffic in death and misery instead of cheap consumer goods. Had he possessed any true strategic acumen, bin Laden would have sent anonymous gift baskets to the Bush Administration and Fox News, who did more to check “Destroy America” off the al Qaeda to-do list than a thousand bumbling “Deputy Emirs.”

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 03/16/12 at 04:29 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenBushCoWar In Error

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Does not compute

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Is NYT columnist Maureen Dowd a real person? As far as I know, she is. But sometimes I suspect the real Ms. Dowd is lounging at a tiki bar in St. Thomas while a dusty old program rearranges the copy, inserts new names and buzzwords and cranks out the same tired old column she originally wrote in 1993.

In the Platonic Ideal of a Dowd column, Democratic men lactate, Democratic women possess testicles and conservatives or nominally Democratic conservative archetypes get to embody their actual genders and be regarded as tough hombres regardless of their activities away from the klieg lights. Actual events the column purports to analyze may occasionally require role switches to make some inane point, but all elements are accounted for in some configuration. Today’s column on the Ron Suskind book that alleges sexism in the White House is no exception:

It’s passing strange that a man who was raised by a strong single mother, who talks affectionately about the influence of the banker grandmother who helped raise him, who married a strong woman, who lives with his mother-in-law and who has two daughters he adores, could ever create an Oval man-cave where some women felt uncomfortable.

Or maybe after all that petting and pecking by women, he just wanted to macho it up at the office, bonding by talking sports, playing sports and watching SportsCenter. This president in particular, though, has to be careful to make sure he includes the feminine perspective, even if it’s from men who have a full complement of it, like Joe Biden and David Axelrod.

Biden and Axelrod are girls. Girly Obama must get his macho on. Only men watch SportsCenter. Given the binary nature of the Dowdian worldview, it’s fairly easy to replace her with a program.

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/21/11 at 08:52 AM
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Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Crybaby Nation

Nothing raises my hackles like a political conversation that starts with “both sides do…” because 999 times out of a thousand, what follows is pure, unadulterated bullshit. But here’s that one in a thousand case of true equivalency: Both sides do contain way more than their fair share of puling infants.

First there’s the right-wing freak-out over the identification of self-proclaimed Christian Anders Behring Breivik as a “Christian” and a fan of anti-Islam hate sites like Atlas Shrugs. Sorry, but that’s what he calls himself. And if you’ve spent the last decade shrieking “GLOBAL JIHAD” every time a Muslim jaywalks, you don’t get to yell “BLOOD LIBEL” when one of your fans takes your eliminationist rhetoric to its logical conclusion.

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/03/11 at 07:05 AM
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Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Uh-oh. Twitter Town Hall Open Thread And Biden Tweetwatch

VPology Yes, the Obama White House has been all into the Social Media from the very start, but perhaps President Obama might be reanalyzing the cost/benefit ratio now that Joe’s joined.

Gaffetweeting giggles aside, the Twitter Townhall starts at 2PM EST. The focus is the economy and jobs. If you want to twitter questions at the President, the hashtag is #askObama. The conversation will be viewable at that hashtag, until of course the eternal failwhale is hefted onto our screens. But we’ll still be able to watch it livestreamed from the WH, here.

And of course the Republicans are doing their best to obstruct proceedings in what is essentially a denial-of-service attack, because denial-of-service is what they do best.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 07/06/11 at 12:45 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenElection '12Our Stupid Media

Monday, May 09, 2011

Photoshopped awesome sauce

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I love this. Not because I think the president and his team are Super Friends—I just love the thought of how galling this Obama Administration competence is to the Bush dead-enders who spent eight years cheering for Chimpy McHalliburton and crew as they stepped on their own dicks at every turn and only managed to shoot an old lawyer in the face rather than Osama bin Laden. I’m petty that way.

[H/T: JasonM for a link to a link]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 05/09/11 at 02:27 PM
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Categories: ImagesNewsPoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenBushCoHillary Clinton

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The White House media strategy—now with visual aids!

As noted in this space in the past (via Jon Stewart), Fox & Friends’ Gretchen Carlson isn’t really dumber than a bag of frozen okra. It’s just her job to pretend to be an empty-headed dimwit so as to appeal to the network’s target audience—the slack-jawed, vacant-eyed yahoo demographic. And boy did Carlson ever fulfill that contractual obligation splendidly yesterday in a segment on President Obama’s deficit speech.

Instead of focusing on the content of the speech, the Fox crew pounced on a 30-second clip of VP Biden with his eyes closed. Was he in deep concentration? Suppressing a fart? Nodding off? Regardless, this is clearly a more fruitful line of inquiry than trying to parse dumb old budget numbers or evaluate competing visions of America’s future:

Carlson: See, now here’s my take on it: Had the president broken out graphs and charts like Paul Ryan did and maybe even did a little video insert like Paul Ryan did, he would have kept people’s attention.

Jesus H. God, Gretchen Carlson—you are good at your job, O Snark’s Sultry Slayer! Still, we who only sit and mock must soldier on as best we can…

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/14/11 at 08:14 AM
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Friday, August 27, 2010

My Treasured Denver Memories, Day 3-4.

Since tomorrow is probably going to be wall-to-wall blogging about Glenn Beck’s Rubestock Festival in DC, I decided to skip Joe Biden’s convention speech and fast-forward to that fleeting Golden Hour of Wediditude that divided the Waning Light of the Bush Era from the Suffocating Nightfall of Palinism…if only for half a news-cycle.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/27/10 at 05:02 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenElection '08YouTubidity

Thursday, August 26, 2010

My Treasured Denver Memories, Day 2

Two years ago tonight, I wasn’t on Rumproast, so I can only conclude I was shaving the cats, out stealing yard signs or teaching my weekly ACORN class in Physical Intimidation & Document Forgery. But had I known Hillary Clinton was about to deliver the most impassioned endorsement of Barack Obama by any respected public figure, ever, I’d have popped a tape in the VCR and set the Signal Decoder to “Orange.”

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/26/10 at 03:44 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenHillary ClintonYouTubidity

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Please, sir, can I have some more?

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Nothing sends wingnuts into an ear-splitting snit faster than a perceived slight to Ronald Reagan, whom they place at the right hand of Baby Jeebus for being somewhat less embarrassing in retrospect than either Bush. Jay Nordlinger over at NRO is reduced to insensate babbling by a remark from Vice President Biden:

It’s not often you hear Ronald Reagan bad-mouthed these days, even by people who hated him when he was alive and working. According to the pool reporter, Biden “pledged that if politicians will do what’s in the country’s best interest, America’s best days are ahead.” Biden then said, “That’s not Ronald Reagan sunshine in America. That’s literally, literally true.”

Sunshine in America, morning in America — whatever. (Maybe Biden was thinking of the “shining city on a hill,” too?) Nice to see that the Gipper can still get under their skin a little bit.

It’s pretty clear to me Biden meant “sunshine” in the “don’t pump sunshine up my skirt” sense, or, to employ another idiom, “don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.” But unlike Nordlinger, I don’t labor under an L. Ron Hubbard-sized portrait of Reagan and pine for a fresh round of Gipper golden showers. I guess that makes it easier to grasp the point of the remark.

Nordlinger goes on:

A final thing: Speaking to this insider group, Biden referred to the president as “Barack”: “Barack and I sat in on” this meeting. A tad bit condescending, I think. I wonder what he calls Obama one on one. Cheney, I believe, called George W. Bush “sir.”

I’m going to take a wild guess here and surmise that Biden calls the president “Barack.” And if Cheney did indeed call The Shrub “sir,” the patronization that dripped from the honorific would have been thick and sticky enough to seal a thousand gushing oil wellheads.

Nordlinger’s prissy parsing is another welcome sign that they got nuthin’. Nice to see that Joe can still get under their skin a little bit.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/19/10 at 07:45 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenBedwettersBushCoNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid Media

Sunday, June 13, 2010

MoDo Misunderstands Irony

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Shorter Maureen Dowd:

If you’d just care more about us I wouldn’t have to compare you to Nixon!

Srsly, how does this woman rate a syndicated column and a spot at the N.Y. Times?  She devotes a full column to whining about how Joe Biden is so nice to the press (and after they were so mean to him in the past) and he even gave them a party (not that that counts for anything because they’re all too professional to tire swing be influenced by that or anything) but cranky Obama barely gives them the time of day JUST LIKE NIXON (oh, except for the numerous one-on-one interviews with EVERYONE BUT HER) but that’s not the point.  He will ruin himself, simply ruin himself, in Washington if he doesn’t start pandering to her the Washington press as it is.

I hope, truly hope, that Barack is reading this AS I WRITE and taking it to heart.

Posted by marindenver on 06/13/10 at 04:15 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenOur Stupid Media

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

It’s a big fucking apology, man

I don’t know what’s wrong with kids today. Remember Joe Biden’s “It’s a big fuckin’ deal, man!” during the health care bill signing ceremony? I found it kinda endearing.

But some prissy little bastard in Kentucky (who describes himself as “A Concerned Christian Youth of Today’s America”) took offense and wrote an “open letter” to the veep. Here are a few excerpts:

Today is a sad day for my fellow Americans and me when such a powerful figure, such as yourself, could so loosely use the “F” word on national television. I know you have to understand the powerful influence you hold on children’s lives across the nation. As a junior in a public school in eastern Kentucky, it is hard enough to try to escape or get through the school day without hearing such perverse words from my own peers. However, to hear such a prominent man who helps hold our country in his hands blatantly use such a word makes me worry about my country’s morals and values.

[snip]

Many may say, I am so young what do I know? I know that I have grown up in a wonderful country that has tremendously changed throughout the years. Although I love the changes America has gone through with freedom, it frightens me to think of how weak Her morals and values are beginning to become. Vice-President Biden, you owe your fellow Americans, or at least its youth, an apology for the use of such an inappropriate word. I, for one, refuse to think that this is what has become of the English Language, especially when there are more powerful words and ways to get one’s point across.

Genuine good guy that he is, Biden actually sent a letter of apology to the squeamish little shit, saying, “I should have expressed my excitement in a more appropriate manner.”

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Posted by Betty Cracker on 05/19/10 at 06:56 AM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenBedwettersBushCoOur Stupid Media

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Video: President Obama’s Eulogy Honoring the Coal Miners Killed in West Virginia

The memorial service was very moving, and Obama’s appearance and eulogy were very well received in WV.  I thought I heard someone yell “We love you, Obama” shortly after he finished. Yep [link updated with video/audio].

UPDATE: Photo of Obama walking out of the service with Linda Davis, the grandmother of deceased miner Cory Davis…

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Posted by Kevin K. on 04/25/10 at 05:30 PM
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Categories: NewsPoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenYouTubidity

Sunday, March 28, 2010

So *That’s* Where They Got the Noise For the Smoke Monster!

Scroll to 1:30 and tell me just exactly what the Brown-Haired Guy Who Isn’t Steve Doocy is doing in this clip.  I’m not exactly sure what it is, but I’m pretty damn sure it’s illegal.

Posted by Kevin K. on 03/28/10 at 10:41 PM
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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

What Joe (Maybe) Said

Crank ‘em up. It’s mushy, but Biden either says “This is a big fucking deal” or “You broke my heart, Fredo” or “Today Marx stands vindicated by History.”

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 03/23/10 at 11:28 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaJoe BidenHealth CareYouTubidity

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