Monday, September 12, 2011

Investigative reporter Howard Decker’s done it this time. He’s asking the question only the strong of stomach would dare:

WHAT IF!

You know they were young and pretty.
You know they were in Hawaii at the exact same time.
You know they both can drive to the net.

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 09/12/11 at 12:30 PM
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Saturday, September 03, 2011

When oh when will we know She is kicking the Kenyan out of Our White House?

How much longer are the Flock Teaser’s* longing-engorged followers going to have to wait? At the sentence “I have a plan,” starbursts nearly covered the already sodden earth at Trial Balloon Field. Never has it been so correct to say that the rest of a speech was anticlimactic.

Rationalization Alley tunes up here. Ace of Spades not feeling the screech here.

*H/T Mr. Polly

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 09/03/11 at 03:22 PM
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Thursday, September 01, 2011

Actor and activist Don Cheadle wants you to know that Nature has just about had it with your shit.

[STRONG LANGUAGE AT THE END]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/01/11 at 03:10 PM
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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

From the recently and tragically defunct Family Circus of Values comes this wee bit o’ perfect titled The Impossible:

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 08/30/11 at 10:09 PM
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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Inanity Jane usually blue-ribbons in buffoonery, but after Minnesota Bats gobbled her way to glory, the Alaskquatch was obliged to seek solace among her supporters, who roundly proclaimed her the winningest woman who ever never entered such a meaningless contest anyway.

Special H/T to C4P’s Kelsey for providing more Palin photos than any parodist could possibly handle. (For strong swimmers only: don’t leave the dinghy unless you love polka dot toesies.)

**Update** Truly disturbing photo evidence of the pernicious effects of Palinhuffing on the Young:

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 08/14/11 at 02:45 PM
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Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Kwittin’ Image is shocked that someone else is trying every way she knows how—apparently a larger repertoire than previously thought—to soak up all that lovely cholesterol-laden attention meant for She Who Lies (Dreaming).

I don’t know, I was just trying to stake the tomatoes, and I looked up into the sky, and lo! The Polly Signal had been lit!

Consider this an adjunct to Strange’s perceptive meditation on cornpone American festivals of hooha and flimflammery below, and comment there.  Also, Marcus’s Sub is speaking, right now! ONE TERM PRESIDENT! THE CROPS ARE GROWING!

And for any candidate trying to survive a state fair: tell them you’re trying to cut down, and go for the fried butter instead.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 08/13/11 at 02:36 PM
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Thursday, July 28, 2011

We kept Bush 2 from being a 3 term president! [h/t Litlebritdifrnt  & via MSNBC.com - Fun starts about 1:50]:

Say it with me: Fucking Presidential Term Limits. How do they work?

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 07/28/11 at 10:08 PM
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Friday, July 22, 2011

Conservatives In Skirts! Kilts, to be precise. Goodness knows I love a Scotsman, but have you noticed how frequently, when screenwriters wish to shorthand that a character is a buffoon, they have him don a breezy tartan kneeduster?

First up, the nobbly knees of negative nabobism exemplified by aging boy hoaxter, creepy sexual harasser and reverse Borat James O’Keefe, here impersonating “an IRA gunman” in his latest tomfoolery whereby he demonstrates that whatever crazies enter government offices, civil servants try to remain civil.

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 07/22/11 at 06:14 PM
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Thursday, July 21, 2011

Uncle Tom. Sellout. Oreo.

These are the hurtful words not used by Debbie Wasserman-Schultz against her fellow Floridian, but some flat-topped dolt named Allen West is smearing Allen West with these and worse: he’s trying to make Allen West into some sort of race-card-pulling goofball:

And you know, I’m the threat because I’m the guy that got off their 21st-century plantation, and they cannot afford to have a strong voice such as mine out there, reverberating and resonating across this country.”

No, Allen; all that reverberating and resonating is the sound of wingnutry bouncing around inside your poor battered brainpan.  Somebody shoot off a gun next to his head get that man some barrels of sand smelling salts!

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 07/21/11 at 11:27 PM
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When last we checked in with the redoubtable Allen West, the Tea Party’s favorite war criminal was reacting to Debbie Wasserman-Shultz’s fairly mundane rebuke of an unnamed but recogniseable nincompoop as if, as they* say, she’d fired a gun next to his head.

All right, so the irascible defrocked Lieutenant Colonel and the feisty DNC chair have some history. But surely the still wet-behind-the-spleen freshman regretted his embarrassingly unprofessional outburst and emailed Rep. Wasserman-Schultz some “if you were offended” boilerplate nonpology?

Oh ho ho, does a honey-badger wear an ascot?

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 07/21/11 at 10:33 AM
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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Some days the noise and the bullshit and the cowards who dwell in the WWW make me curse AlGore.

But then some genius lobs a little brilliance into the place and I hasten down to the temple of ClintonGoreSoros and set fire to another virgin.

Who is Objectivist Morrissey?
While steamingly out of my mind, I decided to write 24 posts in 24 hours at my regular blog. One of the posts involved some goofy speculation about a Bizarro-world Morrissey who is a devotee of Objectivism. I found the concept too amusing to give up, and the idea of a parallel universe in which The Smiths were forging Rearden Metal wouldn’t go away easily.

A sample:

Moocher, moocher I was only joking when I said,
I didn’t want you well and truly dead.
Moocher, moocher I was only joking when I said,
Your body shouldn’t be filled up with hot lead.

And now I know how Howard Roark felt,
Now I know how Howard Roark felt
As the flames rose, past his upturned nose
As he razed where the moochers now dwelt.

Brought to you by the fast and furiously funny Big Bad Bald Bastard.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 07/17/11 at 10:26 PM
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Metropolitan Police commissioner Paul Stephenson walks before they make him run [h/t Allan]:

Dear God, thank you for allowing us to witness VoldeMurdoch’s long overdue pantsing. In slow motion.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 07/17/11 at 04:40 PM
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Friday, July 08, 2011

What could be more vermiform than the repulsive former News Of The World editor Paul McMullen, or more wonderful than watching him shrivel under avenging investigator Hugh Grant’s withering attack?

If McMullen doesn’t take Grant’s gem of a parting shot to heart, Central Casting could always find a place for him exemplifying stock poltroons and swindlers. Perhaps Grant could put in a call for him.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 07/08/11 at 03:15 PM
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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Those attending the premiere of 1/2 Gov. Snowflake’s cinematic hagiography at the Corn Syrup Dispensary in Pella tonight could be forgiven for “spending a penny” or two, if not from desperation as the film reached the ninety minute mark with no sign of wrapping up, then from anticipation of The Malign Sarah’s after-film remarks: where better for her to make The Announcement!

They were not disappointed, either: although the Grisly Mama walked back her eldest daughter’s earlier indiscretion (running? me? not so much) like a pro, she did thank people for working for her! Game Set, QED!

Well folks, THAT was your clue. She is definitely running for the Presidency. You don’t tell your grassroots people to go pound shoeleather, thank them for helping Bannon put on a nice production and organize for the Iowa Caucuses, then turn around and say, “.....NAAAAAAAH, I’M HAVING MY PERIOD”.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 06/28/11 at 10:03 PM
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At some ludicrous hour tomorrow morning, Ms. YAFB and I will set out on a week-long vacation to the socialist paradise of Ikealand. The only feasible flight was via Ryanair, so if we don’t make it back, this will be my last post. Be wonderful to each other.

Note: Some strong language. Go especially easy with the snippets of the second song the clip seques into if you’re at work with those of a sensitive disposition.

Posted by YAFB on 06/28/11 at 07:38 AM
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