Peggy Noonan, who literally called bullshit on McCain for choosing Sarah Palin as his running mate right before The Speech, is now a convert. Why? Palin put Noonan in danger of soiling her granny panties in the same way St. Ronnie did a couple of decades back: Palin is just so gosh darned American:
Much has been said about her speech, but a few points. “The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick” is pure American and goes straight into Bartlett’s. This is the authentic sound of the American mama, of every mother you know at school who joins the board, reads the books, heads the committee, and gets the show on the road. These women make large portions of America work.
She has the power of the normal. There is something so normal about her, so “You’ve met this person before and you like her.”
Speak for yourself, Pegs. I have met this woman before, but I don’t like her. She’s not the one who reads the books – she’s the one who tries to get them banned, or, failing that, tries to shit-can the librarian who won’t knuckle under.
She’s one of the many power-mad mombies who elbow their way to the top of the trash heap that is most small-town PTA organizations and then go on to intimidate city councils and run roughshod over school boards in an eternal quest to stamp communities with their particular brand of morality.
She’s the braying jackass who insists on giving Genesis equal time with Charles Darwin in biology class and wants to make sure no 3rd grader is ever corrupted by Heather and Her Two Mommies and that no middle-school student takes in the subversive message of The Catcher in the Rye. She’s Beulah from Field of Dreams:
BEULAH: Your husband plowed under his corn and built a baseball field. The weirdo.
ANNIE: At least he is not a book-burner, you Nazi cow.
BEULAH: At least I’m not married to the biggest horse’s ass in three counties.
ANNIE: All right, Beulah, do you want to step outside?
BEULAH: Fine!
ANNIE: All right, I’ve got a better idea. Let’s take a vote. Who’s for Eva Braun? Who wants to burn books? Who wants to spit on the Constitution of the United States of America? Anybody? All right. Now, who’s for the Bill of Rights? Who thinks freedom is a pretty darn good thing? Come on! Let’s see those hands! Who thinks we have to stand up to the kind of censorship they had under Stalin? All right. There you go. America, I love you. I’m proud of you.
Yeah, I’m in the PTA, and I know the Beulah-Palin type alright. True story: each year, my kid’s elementary school takes a yearbook photo in which all of the kids come together on a field wearing shirts of some pre-determined color to form a message or picture, which is photographed from high atop the school. One year it was an American flag (my kid was part of a red stripe). One year it was the school’s initials.
And one year – about three years ago—the principal proposed that the kids form a peace sign. This came up during a PTA meeting, and our own contingent of Sarah Palins flipped out. A slap in the face to our troops! A political message against our glorious leader, George W. Bush! A capitulation to Osama bin Laden himself! It was unbelievable.
The poor principal, backed up by a few moms (including yours truly), tried to explain that peace wasn’t exactly a controversial subject. But the Palins and Beulahs wouldn’t budge. Rather than sit in undersized elementary school cafeteria chairs and argue about it all night, the principal and teachers proposed that the students form the school mascot – a dolphin – instead. In that year’s photo, it looks like an amoeba.
So yeah, I know Palin, alright. And the thought of her being an erratic 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency scares the living shit out of me.
UPDATE: Barack Obama on The O’Reilly Factor tonight (8PM ET). I caught his quick press conference after he completed taping the show and he was on fire, so I think it should be good. I’ll post a video of the presser if I can find a video of it.
Here you go…
Video (and related article) here if the embed doesn’t work for you.
Governor Palin and I have something in common – and it’s not just our lady plumbing. We were both raised under the influence of a particularly cuckoo strain of Christianity. It didn’t take in my case, perhaps because my exposure was intermittent, occurring only when my mom flaked out and fled for the ashram or took an EST course or something, leaving my poor siblings and me in the care of her Southern Baptist missionary parents.
But Palin continues to drink the cuckoo Kool-aid, as evidenced by these excerpts from a speech she gave in June to a graduating group at her family’s church:
While describing her family, Palin told students about her oldest son, 19-year-old Track, who is set to be deployed to Iraq this month with the U.S. Army. She urged students to pray “that our leaders—that our national leaders—are sending [soldiers] out on a task that is from God.”
“That’s what we have to make sure that we are praying for: that there is a plan and that that plan is God’s plan.”
About God’s role in her work as governor:
“I can do my part in working really, really hard to get a natural gas pipeline, about a $30 billion project that’s going to create a lot of jobs for Alaska. … [but] I think God’s will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built, so pray for that,” she said. “I can do my job there in developing our natural resources, in doing things like getting the roads paved and making sure our troopers have their cop cars and their uniforms and their guns, and making sure our public schools are funded. But really that stuff doesn’t do any good if the people of Alaska’s hearts aren’t right with God.”
It wasn’t all serious, though. At one point during the address, Palin praised the graduating class as “a bunch of cool-looking Christians.” Then she picked out one student in the crowd and said with a smile, “Ben, I don’t know you well enough yet, but looking at you, I’m thinking, people are going to interested in Jesus Christ through you because of the way you look - this red-headed Sasquatch for Jesus. You look good!”
Apparently, this speech was posted on the church’s website (I get a 404 when I try to access it at the MSNBC site, but you can view the scary details here), but McCain’s campaign didn’t know about it. Hmmm.
In addition to Palin’s biblical bigfoot reference, her pastor seems to have outdone Jeremiah Wright:
A review of recorded sermons by Ed Kalnins, the senior pastor of Wasilla Assembly of God since 1999, offers a provocative and, for some, eyebrow-raising sketch of Palin’s longtime spiritual home.
The church runs a number of ministries providing help to poor neighborhoods, care for children in need, and general community services. But Pastor Kalnins has also preached that critics of President Bush will be banished to hell; questioned whether people who voted for Sen. John Kerry in 2004 would be accepted to heaven; charged that the 9/11 terrorist attacks and war in Iraq were part of a war “contending for your faith;” and said that Jesus “operated from that position of war mode.”
So, how will it play? The Palin pick seems to have galvanized the theocrats who were tepid about McCain. Will it scare away the independents McCain needs to win? In a sane world, picking a clueless, inexperienced, unvetted scandal machine would doom a ticket that was already tethered to the albatross of an historically unpopular incumbent, an economy in shambles and a wholly unnecessary, ruinous war.
So why is it even remotely close? Because it was always going to be incredibly difficult to elect a black man in this country. Let’s be honest about this – if Barack Obama were the exact same candidate except that—instead of a black man, he was a white man named Ben Overton or something—he’d have a 20 point lead in the polls right now and would be cruising to a landslide victory. There was an excellent post about the race factor at the Driftglass blog last week. If you didn’t see it, I encourage you to read the whole thing. Here’s an excerpt:
…100 years from now, the Tale of Election 2008 will be the story of several million ignorant, white, working-class voters – both Democrats and Independents (the Republicans are a lost cause who will remain an unashamedly morally bankrupt open-sewer for at least another 30 years) and which way they turned.
If the Republican brand wasn’t so thoroughly trashed right now, there’s no doubt in my mind which way they’d turn—to the guy who looks more like them. It’s not 1960. We’ve come along way. But we’re not a post-racial society, not by a long shot. This was brought home to me vividly a few months ago when I was visiting my hometown (it’s just down the road from a little place called Rosewood – perhaps you’ve heard of it), and one of my relatives spotted the Obama sticker on my car and asked if I were really going to vote for “that coon.” In the ensuing rather heated conversation, I learned that this relative used the word “coon” in deference to my tender sensibilities, since I’d asked him previously to refrain from using the “n” word in my presence.
People like him will never vote for Obama, of course, no matter how horrendously bad for their personal interests continued GOP misrule would be. And fortunately, he and his ilk are dinosaurs lumbering toward the tar pit. But my fellow Democrats, let’s not be lulled into a false sense of security, no matter how much crazy continues to spill out of the Palin volcano. Crazy is normal to a whole lot of people, as are red-headed sasquatches for Jesus.
I barely pay attention to Flowbee‘s Fortress of Fucknuttery anymore because it’s plunged deep into the level of relentless loathsome douchebaggery and consequential irrelevancy reserved for the likes of Emperor Misha (I swear, he calls himself Emperor) from Anti-Iditarod Rottwanker and that midget thing from South Africa, but Sadly, No! is still on the case and found (surprise!) an “amazing mix or racism and stupidity.” When I checked out SusanSubHUMAN’s (surprise!) offensive and inaccurate post I was delighted to see my favorite PUMA poet Patrick Henry (previous examples here and here) was still unspooling his literary genius in the comment threads at Flowbee‘s place o’ disgrace. Please enjoy his latest:
“CHICKEN OPPORTUNITY” by Patrick Henry
Well…
That just really Proves that YOBAMA is an OPPORTUNIST…
like they been saying he is…
He Saw the
CHICKEN OPPORTUNITY…
and
He TOOK it..
He possibly sent JOE BIDEN
in first
to create
a Distraction…
Proving
that He
can be
a POLICY maker..
His POLICY…
Turn Your Back and
Your CHICKEN is Mine..
Guess
we know
we better
be lockin up the HEN house..
I guess Darragh McCainphy and her merry band o’ de-clawed dimwits have decided that the PUMA brand has been irreparably damaged, because now she’s forming “The New Democratic Party,” which represents ... oh, the fuck if I know…
We are NOT Republicans, though millions of us will vote McCain/Palin in November.
Our Platform is the Platform of the TRUE Democratic Party
* Healthcare for All
* Equal Rights for women, LGBT, and people of color
* Reproductive Rights
* Worker Protections
* Envmtl Protections
* Fair Immigration Policy
* Help for working class college students
* Good public schools
WE MUST PREVENT A REPUBLICAN TAKEOVER OF THE ELECTORATE.
I was having a discussion with icebergwedge on the phone yesterday and we were trying to decided who’s dumber, PUMAs or nutters? Personally, I’m stumped.
And how many times will this Alaskan be referred to as “exotic”?
p.s. Hillary Clinton supporters, John McCain would like you to notice that his anti-choice, Pat-Buchanan-lovin’ VP pick has a “vagina.” Please make a note of that.
You think that because I loved Hillary Clinton, gave money to Hillary Clinton, stood in the freezing rain for two hours to see her speak, put a sticker on my car, wore my pin around town, and supported Hillary Clinton to the very end, that I will vote for you.
You think I will forget every single one of my personal and political values just because there’s a vagina on your pro-war, anti-woman, anti-science ticket.
The selection of Palin strikes me as a “stunt” nomination and an admission that even in the misty recesses of former prisoner of war John McCain’s mind, he knows that he is truly fucked. Therefore the campaign seems to be hunting for the PUMA vote; the PUMA being a mythical creature with the body of a middle-aged woman and the head of an idiot.
We used to do these “Alter This” challenges at my old blog Catch.com and a few of them were pretty successful (our Alter This of Michelle Malkin’s In Defense of Internment got a ton of traffic). Here’s a fairly simple Alter This. Photoshop the PUMA PAC “We Are the Ones” logo below and email it to bringit|at|rumproast.com and we’ll post the best ones at some point tomorrow. I may also turn on the ability to embed images (hosted elsewhere) in the comments if I get enough requests. Anyone can participate. Get to it.
I didn’t see this hit the blogs very hard yet and we can all use a chuckle after the previous post. Plus I know I’m not alone when it comes to really wanting to see The Daily Show‘s convention coverage start tonight.
Jon Stewart ripped the cable news networks Monday as a “brutish, slow-witted beast” and castigated Fox News in particular as “an appendage of the Republican Party.”
Wearing a gray T-shirt, khaki pants and a healthy stubble, the “Daily Show” host told reporters at a University of Denver breakfast that Fox’s “fair and balanced” slogan is an insult “to people with brains” and that only “Fox News Sunday” host Chris Wallace “saves that network from slapping on a bumper sticker. . . . Barack Obama could cure cancer and they’d figure out a way to frame it as an economic disaster.”
“I’m stunned to see Karl Rove on a news network as an analyst,” he said of the Bush White House aide turned Fox commentator. Stewart, who voted for John Kerry in 2004, said he didn’t see CNN’s James Carville, the former Bill Clinton aide, in the same category because “I don’t think he’s being passed off as a sage.” [...]
Stewart, who is doing his nightly show from both conventions, declared his love for newspapers as a better source of political coverage but said they are fighting “a losing battle because they’re getting overshadowed.” He pronounced the network evening newscasts “obsolete” because of the growing speed of news.
The Comedy Central funnyman touched a nerve when he criticized journalists for having off-the-record dinners with politicians, such as a barbecue in March at John McCain’s Arizona ranch. “That colors your vision of them so clearly and so profoundly,” he said. [...]
Asked if McCain, a frequent “Daily Show” guest, ever complained about his treatment, Stewart said the senator understands his role: “He knows we’re there to introduce him to 20-year-olds smoking out of apple bongs.”
Good cripes, just when you think it can’t get any worse with these deranged, lowlife and, at times, incredibly racist PUMAs, look what I found on YouTube....
Here’s a trailer for a “motion picture” called The Lost Michelle Obama Tapes that was uploaded on August 4th:
At the very end of the trailer, the host, a squeaky behatted fartnozzle, interviews a diminutive pointy CHUD posing as an Obama supporter who is complaining about the use of blackface in the movie and professing that the filmmakers should “never work in this town again.” (I agree and you’ll see why in a bit.)
Here’s the graphic that proceeds the trailer:
This is what it says:
THE FOLLOWING PREVIEW IS RATED PI FOR
POLITICALLY INCORRECT
BY THE P.U.M.A. MEMBER AFFILIATES OF AMERICA
(MCCAIN IN ‘08—HILLARY IN ‘12)
Cut to nearly three weeks later (this Sunday) and The Lost Michelle Obama Tapes finally made its premiere on YouTube. Here’s the intro graphic:
It features two little cute PUMA paw prints and the small print at the bottom reads: “P.U.M.A. MEMBER AFFILIATES OF AMERICA”
Now let’s fast-forward to the end of the “motion picture” and look at the ending credits:
It’s a little blurry, but it reads:
Member of the Tribe Productions and Typical White People Productions are proud members of PumaPAC
Just got back from our Union Station rally in front of the MSNBC tent. We STOLE the show! Chris Matthews was there; David Shuster was there — Riverdaughter was leading the charge and had everyone chanting No We Won’t!, What does democracy look like? This is what democracy looks like! Sexist Pig (to Chris Matthews himself!) HILLARY! Will post photos as they come up.
Look for us on your evening news, Conflucians. We got ourselves a posse and went down to Union Station in front of the MSNBC kiosk. We protested and shouted slogans (in NPR-speak) and completely drowned out the Obamaphiles.
We had a lot of support from passersby. I was very encouraged that there were many sympathetic people. I don’t think the Obama people knew what hit them. They’ve had such a free ride for so long. No one challenged them. no one was skeptical. They have been handled with kid gloves like pampered little brats. But in the face of all of the people they’ve been calling stupid, old women, they seemed oddly subdued.
Chris Matthews made an appearance and stood there silently while some of us finally got a chance to tell him how we felt to his face. The coward waited until we left before he came down from the stage to talk to the crowd.
Let’s see how that played out…
And here’s our pal Cristi “Fatloss Forever” Adkins (previous posts about Cristi here and here), PUMA/Just Say No Deal leader and Clintons4McCain founder, talking to what must be a hologram of the “coward”:
[hat tip to gimmeabreak for the Matthews video tip]
MORE: “Post-rational.” I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again ... I luvs me some Rachel Maddow…
“I’m not winning anyone over. I’m talking about how to win an argument.” My new motto. Roar.
PeteyPUMApants will be doing the PUMA Pounce Radio show live from the PUMA Den in Denver in a few short minutes. His SPECIAL guest will be the utterly fabulous Pumatollah of Granola!!! Make sure you pounce on the radio show, you frisky PUMAs!!!
Sunday evening, a few dozen [Clinton-turned-McCain voters] gathered in a former garage-turned-café a few minutes and light-years away from downtown Denver for the premiere of a new anti-Obama documentary, “The Audacity of Democracy.” Participants included PUMA founder Will Bower - part of a pro-Clinton group that visited McCain headquarters shortly after she conceded in June - and Andy Martin, a conservative activist and author of an anti-Obama book who has been credited by supporters of the Democrat’s campaign as the original source of the false rumor that he is a Muslim.
Nearly all of those interviewed said they planned to vote for the Republican ticket in the fall. Some insisted Clinton might still stage a convention floor coup and win the nomination Wednesday; others said they believed McCain might tap her as VP of a unity ticket
Reports that Clinton was planning to ask her delegates to support Obama were greeted by some there with angry disbelief. “Have you heard it from her mouth? Have you? Have you? Did her campaign say it on the record?” demanded a woman in a black pro-Hillary t-shirt. “Yeah, I didn’t think so,” she said, and walked away.
