Brent Bozell is still cocky after his recent attention-getting media masterstroke of suggesting that describing President Obama as “a skinny ghetto crackhead” might be a valid campaigning tactic:
“How long do you think Sean Hannity’s show would last if four times in one sentence he made a comment about the president of the United States and said that he looked like a skinny ghetto crackhead?” Bozell asked.
“Which by the way, you might want to say that Barack Obama does,” Bozell opined.
Not bad for a pup who cut his teeth at the Parents Television Council, decrying the decline of decency in television programming.
A couple of days ago, Bozell persuaded me of the case for introducing a V-chip into online written media—preferably implanted in the region of his amygdala—with a PG-13 tour de force of projection. His thesis?
Clearly, Romney is the opponent that Barack Obama and the liberal establishment want nominated.
Journalists have mercilessly savaged every single conservative alternative to Romney who’s ascended to the top of the polls: Palin, Bachman, Cain, Perry and Gingrich. It’s too bad for them that the results from the Iowa caucuses threw off their bold predictions that the Romney juggernaut would achieve lift off in Des Moines, Iowa. Yet Romney won by only eight votes over, surprising, Rick Santorum. This means one thing only: Senator, step up to the guillotine.
I’m not sure whether we at Rumproast Towers count as a branch of the “liberal establishment”—and many would no doubt vehemently argue against our bona fides—but speaking for myself, the prospect of Romney as nominee leaves me lukewarm—which is apparently considerably warmer than his stock among a large swathe of the Republican electorate. Sure, he embodies highly mockable qualities of tonedeafness and entitlement that promise days of entertainment ahead.
But the problem with this GOP primary campaign is that it’s frontloaded all the fun into the first 20 minutes of the horror comedy hour, and all that’s in prospect is the tedious unraveling of the plot, leavened by the scant pleasure of pointing and laughing at the disarray and infighting among the GOP ranks as they awkwardly line up behind the eventual nominee before stabbing him in the back in the final scene. It’s a poor scriptwriter who kills off the most outrageous caricatures among the cast before the first ad break.
FINALLY DISCOVERED: the “it” that both sides have long been rumored to do. From comments at The Daily Caller:
The only reason Mitt looked like the winner is because most of the questions were directed to him or to the other candidates to respond to him. It was an ABC love fest for Mitt. Only made me more determined not to vote for him.
You were looking to see it that way, apparently, because others did not view it that way at all. You’re now “more determined not to vote” for Romney now because of this debate and because you perceived the questions to be more directed at him? That doesn’t even make sense. You obviously never were going to vote for him and if he is the candidate and you aren’t going to support him, that would indicate that you love Obama and want him re-elected.
Backbiting, demands for purity, assumption that disagreement masks a nefarious agenda… who does that remind me of? It’s right on the tip of my tongue… no no no, don’t tell me, it’ll come to—OH RIGHT.
They’ve taken our He’s So Fine and they’re My Sweet Lording it all over the place! Well, no, that’s an imperfect analogy insofar as He’s So Fine isn’t so off-putting as to make the casual observer think “the Chiffons seem okay on the issues in general but God, what assholes.” Maybe this is what I’m going for:
Still not quite a one to one comparison, but it works a little better in that the Democrats, represented by Joe Satriani, offer a product that’s middle-of-the-road, unpalatable mush, but at least they’ve got some technical acumen; the other guys are horrible but we have to accept they’re a force to be reckoned with, what with all these white people around to buy what they’re selling.
Either way it’s a stretch, but hey, what harm could possibly come from using a poor analogy on the internet? Point is they’re stealing our act, working our side of the street, biting our style. And I dunno about you, but I for one have had… (checks calender) In about ten months I for one will have had just about enough!
Yep—I am, like you, all too happy to let this play out, but heed my words, liberals: our first order of business after the general election should be to sue conservatives for copyright infringement. Sure, it’s fun when they’re yelling at each other, caucusing desultorily, and eventually lining up behind their party’s uninspiring standard-bearer in grim resignation, but what’s next? Respecting women? Not spewing bigotry? Pretending to give a damn about the poor and downtrodden? We’ll be toast at the ballot box!
Not on my watch. We, my comrades in arms, WE are the ones who pretend to give a damn about the poor and downtrodden! Liberalism: accept no substitutes.
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 01/08/12 at 08:23 PM
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I’m guessing this not-entirely-sucky jobs report wasn’t well received in the Romney suite at the Hotel Fancidania in New Hampshire. The GOP at every level—from presidential contenders to sitting members of Congress to governors to state legislators to city councilmen to school board members—have placed every chip on the “Socialist Obama Destroyed the US Economy” square at the Election Casino.
Now, plenty can still go wrong, and truth be told, almost all of it is out of our control. But what in the sweet name of fuck will the Republicans do if the economy continues to traitorously improve while an unholy amalgamation of Hugo Chavez, Fidel Castro and Robert Mugabe sits in the Oval Office?
This was much on the minds of the commenters at NRO’s The Corner this morning. One Cornerite put it thusly:
This needs to be a real warning to the GOP candidates. Between this and the small sample I see in my business, the economy is getting better. Companies are starting to spend more money. So is the GOP smart enough to change their tune from “Obama has destroyed the economy” to something else? What does the message change to? Typical voters are very short sighted, so if, in their opinion, the economy is stronger, why should they change horses?
Well, duh—there’s always god, gays and guns. Throw in a dash of ooga-booga, and you’re at 60 million votes right there.
But yeah, this could be a problem. I suspect that in their secret heart of hearts, they’re rooting for a collapse of the Euro. You know, to save America.
Yeah, that’s a great idea! Your department is everything its name promises, sir. I may have found one eensy-weensy flaw in this otherwise brilliant plan, though: audio/video recording equipment exists, and may well be used on the campaign trail.
Okay, so between the out-of-control infighting and the inability to understand that just because you like someone doesn’t mean he’s not a black hole of charisma… seriously, who leaked our playbook?
Oh man, I’m all “are we there yet?” about November just imagining Jindal and Romney having a Poindexter-off. Have you heard the clip of Romney making that joke about Obama “giving jobs to people who give him the green” or whatever? I realize it’s a long shot, but I love knowing there are forces within the GOP trying to elevate someone who comes off as an even bigger dipshit.
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 01/05/12 at 08:50 PM
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It’s communion wafer versus Ritz in the cracker battle of the century! But I kid my pasty brothers, y’all white people are OK, you just talk funny and those chinos make your ass look fat.
Anyway, since the media has to act like Man on Dog poses a legitimate threat to Dog on Car for a few days, let’s all hope some blood gets drawn (apologies for the violent imagery, but it’s clearly meant metaphorically—Romney doesn’t have anything we would recognize as a circulatory system). See below for how to pop the requisite amount of popcorn.
Santorum’s close-enough-to-count-as-a-victory speech after the jump.
You really need the stammer to get the full flavor of panderrific flacidity—seriously, this cat exudes the raw sexuality of a 1950s grade-school PSA—but I can’t find embeddable audio. Quoth the Replican’t:
He’s in Hawaii right now. We’re out in the cold and the rain and the wind because we care about America, he’s out there. He just finished his 90th round of golf.
Hee hee, this jagoff’s gonna try to go the “my patriotism’s bigger” route, because y’know, it’s still 2005, and Bush has yet to cause a tunnel collapse in that particular passageway.
Who’s getting elevated this week, is it Santorum’s turn yet? Whatever, drop the act and line the fuck up behind this twerp, GOP, you know you’re gonna eventually. I’d say I feel your pain, but Mitt Romney makes John Kerry look like Snake Plisskin.
Yes, I realize Democratic consultants and strategists are hard at work figuring out a way to lose to the Plastic Colon, and while that’s certainly cause for concern, remember the old saying: “You can put lipstick on the piggy bank from Toy Story, but it’s still just a polyurethane knick-knack, no matter how much Bob Shrum insists it’s a wildly electable boar.” Pretty sure that’s how it goes, I barfed all over my copy of Bartlett’s when I heard Romney use golfing as code for elitism.
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/31/11 at 11:09 AM
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The good folks at Balloon Juice have been righteously mocking Andrew Sullivan and other professional contrarians who rashly jumped on the Ron Paul bandwagon when the old kook’s campaign suddenly gained a pulse in Iowa. Sully walked back his endorsement after being hammered for issuing it to a candidate with such a troubling history of publishing racist, homophobic rants. But he’s still lamely attempting a post-hoc justification by citing random un-offended black folk and posting inane Paul supporter comments such as this one linked by Mr. Cole:
“I voted for Obama in 2008 but we need a change. Dr Paul is consistent and honest, which is very hard to find. He is not just telling us what we have heard before,” - Samantha Dunn, a 28-year-old teacher in Iowa, to the Daily Telegraph.
This is the kind of shit that makes me want to snort Wild Turkey with a Neti pot. It’s not just the sheer tonnage of stupid packed into those three sentences; it’s the horrific realization that these are the people who will decide the 2012 election.
What are you out of touch with this morning? And before you say that referring to 11:30 a.m. as “morning” paints me as out of touch with the struggles of the working-class common man, you should know that I’ve been out and about earning my keep since 7. On Rollerblades, just like the working-class common man.
I AM THE 99 PERCENT SURE I’M GONNA GET FLATTENED BY AN SUV
Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/30/11 at 12:26 PM
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I don’t know if I’m alone in this, but the brief period between the Christmas holiday celebrations and the full-on bacchanalian blitzkrieg that is Hogmanay in these climes always seems like an unreal limbo.
Maybe it’s because I work from home, but every weekday seems like Sunday, the skinny newspapers that do appear are pared down to the important issues, like coverage of bloatered knobs in drag hunting varmints with hounds, and my lackadaisical first world-problem lassitude as I pick my way around the not-yet-stowed or yet-to-be-delivered Christmas gifts and the debris of a dozen meals and beer sessions cluttering the kitchen to try to muster the enthusiasm to do some work is not improved by yet another round of 90 mph gales and darkness at noon, with the ever-present threat of a random power cut to scupper the plans of the day.
Buffeted and dazed, I cast around the Web, while I still can, in search of illumination and comfort, and am buoyed by one less than seasonably generous thought. Every day when I wake up, I thank the Lord I’m not a Republican:
A USA Today editorial was published last week under the byline of Willard M. Romney, son of American Motors Corporation CEO, Michigan governor, GOP presidential candidate and Nixon-appointed HUD Secretary George Romney. The late George Romney’s privileged princeling, who went on to rake in hundreds of millions of dollars at Bain Capital, chose “entitlement” as his topic. Here’s an excerpt:
In less than a year, the American people will go to the polls and choose a new president. A matter of great moment is at stake in this election. The question we will decide is this: Will the United States be an Entitlement Society or an Opportunity Society?
In an Entitlement Society, government provides every citizen the same or similar rewards, regardless of education, effort and willingness to innovate, pioneer or take risk. In an Opportunity Society, free people living under a limited government choose whether or not to pursue education, engage in hard work, and pursue the passion of their ideas and dreams. If they succeed, they merit the rewards they are able to enjoy.
Hahahaha! All you dumb poors could be wearing Armani suits and clenching thousand dollar bills in your perfectly straight, white teeth too if you weren’t uneducated, shiftless, unimaginative pricks who think you’re “entitled” to shitty healthcare and a $1,100-a-month government check when you retire from a lifetime of backbreaking labor.
Your cruel wish to abolish tax code provisions like the carried interest loophole that allows Romney to pay a maximum of 15% taxes on his Bain Capital earnings rather than the heftier percentage paid by cops, teachers and firefighters is class warfare of the worst sort. Ungrateful peasants.
But seriously, folks, it looks like the Republicans are going to nominate Richie Rich, so we’ll be treated to future lectures on “entitlement” from this entitled scion. It will be like a compulsory education on discretion by the Kardashians. Huzzah.
The other 49 states are now humiliating Texas by giving it furtive, pitying glances when they think it’s not looking. The one-two punch of stupid delivered by George W. Bush and Rick Perry has probably knocked Texas’ presidential prospects to the mat for at least a generation.
So now the GOP will almost certainly nominate Mittens. Hopefully the Democrats have already put out casting calls for all the laid-off workers whose jobs Bain Capital shipped to China.
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