Oh, you thought that just because co-blogger Gil Mann brilliantly exposed Lady Lynn’s cheeky attempt to employ William Butler Yeats as an “edginess” condiment in the latest revenge soufflé she’s whipped up in response to being denied an ambassadorship in a Hillary Clinton Administration, we were, like, done with that subject?
You thought just because the great TBogg weighed in, noting that Lady Lynn was “sensing revolution in the air and wary that a ride in tumbrel might make her ass look big,” there was nothing new to add?
Well, you’re right: Gil and TBogg thoroughly covered both the literary pretentiousness and ratfucking angles. But as I had already Photoshopped an illustration for a post that would have been weak sauce compared to their efforts—before pecuniary considerations compelled me to shelve the project (thus sparing me the indignity of suffering by comparison)—I will instead use this image to draw your attention to Gil and TBogg’s superior products on the topic. And to provide an open thread. You’re welcome.
“We look forward to watching Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich suck up to Trump with a big bowl of popcorn,” Huntsman spokesman Tim Miller told Yahoo News.
Somewhat awkward sentence construction since it’s not clear whether Huntsman and Miller will share the popcorn or if Mittens and Newt will present it as an offering to Trump. But in either case, kudos to Miller for treating the invitation with the seriousness it deserves. To its credit, the Paul campaign declined with extreme prejudice:
“The selection of a reality television personality to host a presidential debate that voters nationwide will be watching is beneath the office of the Presidency and flies in the face of that office’s history and dignity…Mr. Trump’s participation will contribute to an unwanted circus-like atmosphere,” campaign chairman Jesse Benton said.
What of the others? Well, Gingrich is meeting with Trump today, so evidently he doesn’t regard the short-fingered vulgarian* as politically toxic. Romney has met with Trump in the past and seems craven enough to remove the rings in Pam Geller’s hot tub with his tongue if that’s what it takes to bag the nomination. By virtue of her status as an actual elected official, Bachmann is even more of a national disgrace than Trump. And Santorum is merely a naughty word, so what does he have to lose?
My guess is the remaining candidates show up. As pundits have noted ad nauseam, this year’s GOP nomination race represents a fusion of politics and reality TV. So how can Trump be beneath their dignity? Huntsman and Paul pretend he is, but they’ve participated in the serial clown car pile-ups we’ve witnessed thus far without denouncing the liars and phonies with whom they’ve shared the stage. So pardon me if I find their sudden squeamishness a little precious.
GOP flame-out Rick Perry launches a Christine O’Donnell-like ad strategy designed to convince voters that he’s not a witch a slick debater but rather a regular paint chip-snacker just like the base:
I don’t think it will work. Sure, Perry is dumber than a coffee can of recycled Brillo pads, but if the Stupid-American community is seeking substantive representation in the wake of Sarah Palin’s demurral, they’ll go for the aggressive moronitude of Michele Bachmann, who announced this week that a Bachmann Administration would shutter the US Embassy in Iran. Truly we are living in the Golden Age of Stupid.
What kind of prissy, thin-skinned jackass would rat out a teenager for a critical tweet about a public official? Kansas Governor Sam Brownback’s spokeswoman Sherriene Jones-Sontag, that’s who:
A Kansas teenager got in some trouble with her school for comments she posted on her Twitter account — in which she claimed to have trashed Gov. Sam Brownback (R) to his face during a field trip.
Emma Sullivan, an 18-year old high school senior, was at an event in Topeka this past Monday for Kansas Youth in Government, which was addressed by Brownback. During the event, Sullivan posted to her Twitter account:
“Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot”
Sullivan was engaging in a bit of hyperbole there, as she apparently did not actually confront the governor. No matter—it’s the thought that counts:
But as it turns out, Brownback’s office watches Twitter for comments about him. Brownback spokeswoman Sherriene Jones-Sontag told the event organizers about the comment, “so that they were aware what their students were saying in regards to the governor’s appearance,” the Wichita Eagle reports, also adding: “We monitor social media so we can see what Kansans are thinking and saying about the governor and his policies.”
Yeah, they monitor it so they can run shrieking to the principal’s office to get a high school girl in trouble, a reaction that would have earned tattletale Jones-Sontag a swirlie if she’d gone to my high school:
Brownback’s office flagged the tweet to the event organizers, who in turn passed the complaint on to Sullivan’s school. This got her called to the principal’s office:
The principal “laid into me about how this was unacceptable and an embarrassment,” Sullivan said. “He said I had created this huge controversy and everyone was up in arms about it … and now he had to do damage control.
“I’m mainly shocked that they would even see that tweet and be concerned about me,” she said. “I just honestly feel they’re making a lot bigger deal out of it than it actually was.”
You’re right, Ms. Sullivan: They are making a bigger deal out of it than it actually was:
Sullivan said the principal ordered her to write letters of apology to Brownback, the school’s Youth in Government sponsor, the district’s social studies coordinator and others.
Au contraire, Ms. Sullivan: It is they who owe you an apology—the governor for employing a hysterical tattletale and the principal for failing to grasp a basic tenet of free speech, which holds that an 18-year-old high schooler is at least as entitled to express her opinions using social media as a giant “corporate person” is entitled to engage in free speech via bushels of money to buy off crooked politicians.
It seems Brownback is aptly named, since he’s apparently unable to hold his fudge in the face of sarcasm from a high school student, and the principal is a useless toady. I hope Ms. Sullivan tells the school officials to cram it.
UPDATE: Comrade Mary in comments identifies the “random Irishman” as the multi-talented Denis Ryan, a Halifax investment banker, entrepreneur, musician and all-around funny guy. Ryan apparently stands by the sentiments expressed, and we thank him for introducing us to the word “fuckshites.”
His powers of New York crowd-worming were unequaled, and I almost lost him at the October 5 rally. Pausing only to high-five small ecstatic children, he nearly ditched me, but thanks to the NYPD and their crowd-control driftnets, I finally drew even with him.
“Oh, Captain America, I’m so honored to meet you!” I trilled.
He turned. “I’m the King of America,” he informed me. “Oh, pardon me!” I said. “Would you mind describing your monarchy?”
“I’d love to stay and chat, but unfortunately, I’m on a mission right now,” he said apologetically. And with that, and before I could get a picture of him from the front, he melted into the masses, but I just knew I’d see him again. And sure enough, here he is on YouTube, along with his pal, WhateverMan.
Oh there is more to tell, Roasters, so much more. And I’ve oodles of photos to post, which I will, I promise, as soon as I recuperate from the ennervating effects of all that earnestness. And having a food cart roll over my foot. No damage, but a nice Viet Nam vet who was sitting on the sidelines with his 9/11 pamphlets and all told me I was likely to get gangrene, so until tomorrow I’ll be icing my toes. I have to speak to the King of America about this!
Well, not really. He’s just wrong as usual, this time combining his uniquely wrong insights about both politics and poetry to accidentally imply that New Jersey’s portly guv is The Beast.
Kristol, who as you may recall was instrumental in foisting kooky bumpkin Sarah Palin on an unsuspecting world, looked upon the current GOP field on display during this week’s debate and was appalled by its kookery and mediocrity. In an editorial entitled “Yikes,” Kristol wrote:
Reading the reactions of thoughtful commentators after the stage emptied, talking with conservative policy types and GOP political operatives later last evening and this morning, we know we’re not alone. Most won’t express publicly just how horrified—or at least how demoralized—they are.
[snip]
The e-mails flooding into our inbox during the evening were less guarded. Early on, we received this missive from a bright young conservative: “I’m watching my first GOP debate…and WE SOUND LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE!!!!” As the evening went on, the craziness receded, and the demoralized comments we received stressed the mediocrity of the field rather than its wackiness.
Not admiring your stitch-work, eh Dr. Frankenstein? My heart. It bleeds for you. Not.
Rumproast wasn’t the only blog to note that yesterday marked the anniversary of John McCain’s most damaging, cynical political act in a career notable for such degradations: Sarah Palin cult site Conservatives4Palin also noted that yesterday was the third anniversary of Snowflake Snooki’s debut speech in the blameless city of Dayton, Ohio.
One C4P operative even created the tag “Sarah Palin Day” to make a sort of official holiday of it, and the solemn event was marked there with several essays to sanctify the occasion. As an inveterate gawker at political silliness and a collector of mangled metaphors and stupefying similes, I was in hog heaven perusing the C4P offerings, which included an essay entitled “Why I’m Still Mad About 2008.” It contained this odd sentence:
Blaming Sarah Palin for blowing it in 2008, is like blaming your dog for not meowing loud enough.
Oookay then. Aside from a few grammatical quibbles, I’m not sure we can improve on that sentence, so let’s just let it stand in all its glory. The end.
Remember Rumproast favorite Vastleft? No? See here. Anyhoo, he produces a highly amusing cartoon series, a recent edition of which was a big hit in certain circles.
Today, Jonathan Bernstein over at Salon provided a detailed explanation of what’s wrong-headed about Vastleft’s doodle. Bernstein used a lot of words. I’ll keep it simple:
In the end, every civilization dies of stupid, and America will be no exception. I’ve long suspected this, of course, but the point was driven home to me this morning by an email forward I received containing the comments of several wingnut relatives / friends.
First, a little back-story: These are middle-class people who, although they live better than 99% of the inhabitants of the planet are, like me, hurting in this endless economic shitpile and truly worried that things could go all Mad Max if it gets any worse.
These are not stupid people (despite the title of this post and allusion to death-by-stupid above). They can walk in a rainstorm without drowning. They hold responsible jobs. They’re conventionally educated to varying degrees. They’re warm, funny and generous to boot.
But the shit they believe makes me want to want to reverse-engineer the motor on my shop vac to create a high-capacity bourbon-bong for my exclusive use. The email in question concerns President Obama’s presser during the debt ceiling debacle and the response on the Senate floor by Florida’s wingnut pin-up squish Marco Rubio.
