Saturday, July 02, 2011

On a sesame-seed bun…


Remember this absurd Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild person? The fanciest schmanciest PUMA ever?

Well, she’s still sucking (peeled) sour grapes, and she likes the cut of this Huntsman fellow’s jib!

“He’s white the real deal,” Forester said of Huntsman in an interview. “He is a genuine fiscal conservative. He’s not doctrinaire. He sticks to what he believes in. He’s just a pragmatic, non-ideological, let’s-roll-up-our-sleeves-and-get-it-done kind of American. I really think he’s fabulously white.”

See, Lady Lynn is still pissed off about the 2008 primary thing:

Forester was once a prominent fundraiser for Hillary Clinton in 2008, but then drew attention when she later supported Senator John McCain against Obama.

She said she is still registered as a Democrat, but considers herself independent and won’t support the party as long as Obama is president.

“America needs a white president who understands the special sauce of what it is that makes this country great,” she said. [Hint: it’s Thousand Island dressing! And white people!—ed.] “The fact of his personal story of being half black and all that is a wonderful, inspiriting story. But it doesn’t qualify him to be president.”

Yeah, stupid, stupid America! Always electing some shiftless, unqualified half-black guy because of his “wonderful, inspiriting story.” We really ought to rethink that land owner requirement for voting so wise folks like Lady Lynn could run things.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 07/02/11 at 06:35 AM

Monday, June 20, 2011

First as farce, then as farce with extra fart-sauce

Remember that silly-ass PUMA thing a few years ago? That negligible contingent of nose-cutting face-spiters who claimed to be “18 million strong”? That tiny but vocal group of nincompoops who joined hands with GOP ratfuckers in an attempt to throw the election to McCain-Palin because they were miffed when Obama won the primary?

Around three years ago, PUMA spokeskitties were being booked wall-to-wall on Fox News to exploit hard feelings over the Democratic primary. They predicted Obama would lose in 2008 because he’d alienated women. They were dead wrong.

Not only did Obama win handily, he did substantially better among female voters than John Kerry had four years earlier (56% vs. 51%). This despite John McCain’s cynical bid to use Sarah Palin’s lady parts as bait for women’s votes.

But being 100% wrong and wholly ineffectual is no obstacle to continued media attention, particularly in wingnut press outlets when there are rats to be humped in anticipation of the next election. So today a few PUMAs resurfaced on the Daily Caller to predict that somehow the primary butt-hurt that failed to materialize to stop Obama in 2008 has traveled forward in time to ruin the Kenyan’s reelection bid:

“After 2008 [Clinton voters] were basically told get over it, and they haven’t gotten over it,” Amy Siskind, president of the feminist advocacy group The New Agenda, told The Daily Caller.

Actually, “Clinton voters” did get over it, as evidenced by the election results. Siskind and her fellow PUMAs are rather pathetically still rending their garments, but who cares? Another blast from the past:

“Barack Obama wasn’t the women’s candidate in 2008 and he is not the women’s president midway through 2011,” Diane Mantouvalos, a 2008 Clinton supporter and co-founder of HireHeels.com (“a forum of power chics for Hillary”) noted.

It’s always Groundhog Day in PUMAville. But unless Palin or Bachmann end up on the GOP ticket (and perhaps even if they do), I doubt they’ll enjoy the same levels of wingnut attention they received last time around. Even people who think Bill Kristol is a foreign policy savant aren’t that dumb. Are they? Hmmm. We’ll see.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 06/20/11 at 05:14 PM

Thursday, April 28, 2011

The shame of it all


President Obama was born in Hawaii. Hawaii is a state in the United States of America. Obama is over 35 years old. He’s constitutionally qualified to be president. He won the election. That should have been the end of the story about Obama’s eligibility.

But there is something about this particular president that an alarming number of people find so unacceptable that they are willing to entertain absurd fantasies and believe obvious lies to avoid admitting the truth: that Barack Obama is the President of the United States.

Why? Because he’s black. There really is no other explanation for it as far as I’m concerned. If anyone has another plausible explanation, I’m all ears, but what the fuck else could it be about?

Even though I have always believed this birther bullshit is about race, I’ve spent months laughing at the birther morons. Reacting with amusement and scorn rather than anger and sadness is partially a function of how I deal with shit in general. But in this case, it’s at least in part attributable to the fact that I’m a white chick and thus entitled to the privileges thereunto appertaining.

Now I think maybe my reaction was inappropriate or at least insufficient. This video (via Angry Black Lady) is what changed my mind:

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 04/28/11 at 10:08 AM

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Who are you gonna believe, HER or your lyin’ ears?


It the cultists at the Conservatives4Palin site weren’t trying to inflict great harm by elevating a blithering nincompoop to a position of great power, their attempts to spin Madam Malaprop’s frequent gaffes into axioms would inspire pity. Here’s a hilarious—and yet sad!—example addressing Palin’s Libya gaffe:

The headline over at Mediaite is “Sarah Palin Claims Libya Intervention Costing Americans $600 Million A Day.” If this were true, surely Mediaite could produce a quote from Palin saying that “the Libya intervention is costing American taxpayers $600 million a day.” Of course, Frances Martel, the left-wing radical [LULZ!—ed.] who wrote the blog post at issue, is unable to produce such a quote because Governor Palin never said it. Here’s what Palin actually said:

Yeah, that’s a good question and that’s the 600 million dollars a day question that is being asked now. Because that is the cost incurred by Americans as we support the no fly zone, which of course the no fly zone intervention or enactment is turning into more than that.

Martel must be too much of an extremist [snicker—ed.] to understand that “$600 million dollars a day question” is just an expression. When she said the “cost incurred by Americans,” she was referring to the “$600 million” that American taxpayers are on the hook for thus far in the intervention. If Palin had really wanted to claim that the intervention was costing us $600 million a day, she would have said “because that is the cost incurred by Americans everyday.”

Yep, “$600 million dollars a day question” is a very common expression. I think there was even a TV show by that name back in the 50s or something. And “squirmish” is a very common pronunciation of “skirmish,” since it evolved from a Middle English form with a silent “w.” Duh, everyone knows that.

If Palin told these folks to eat turds on saltines as a cure for male pattern baldness, they’d not only eagerly swallow their own butt-nuggets, they’d demand that Palin be made Surgeon General for being the most important woman scientist since Madame Curie.

Should Palin either decide not to run in 2012 or get shoved aside by the GOP money boys who actually want to win, the Cult of Palin meltdown will make the PUMA histrionics of aught-eight look like an exercise in good sportsmanship and team spirit. It’s gonna get ugly, y’all.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 03/30/11 at 09:50 AM

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Google (and This Hate-Filled Anti-PUMA Blog) Honors Centennial of International Women’s Day

...or, as I like to call it, “My Holiday from Misogyny.”

More here.

And — as a bonus act of Enlightened Gender Egalitarianism — I’ve included Hillary Clinton’s video tribute below the fold, ‘cause when it comes to standing up for Human Rights, she’s the nazz.

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 03/08/11 at 09:57 AM

Categories: NewsPoliticsPUMAsYouTubidity

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Help! Help! She’s being repressed!

Shorter incognito PUMA Amy Siskind at HuffPo:

Kathleen Parker got fired from CNN’s Parker Spitzer because of her lady parts!

Parker’s departure can’t be explained by the fact that she was a painfully bad co-host with little TV experience on a really suckish program? Nope:

How dare the male producers at CNN assume the woman is the problem? How dare the media cover this matter with sexist undertones and words?

Well, whatever Ms. Parker does next, and surely she shall land because she sure can write, I’m hoping some good will come of this. I’m hoping this experience has served as an awaking, and now, Parker will become our advocate in raising awareness of and eradicating sexism.

In the mean time: Kathleen Parker, I’ve got your back! Your dismissal was an act of sexism. I, for one, will NOT be watching In the Arena. And I’d encourage women and enlightened men to do the same and share this with others who want to end sexism!

I’ve long considered Parker a MoDo-class hack, but I doubt she’ll be craven or desperate enough to jump on Siskind’s rickety bandwagon. As Siskind describes at length, Parker has used the utterances of her (Siskind’s) silly, irrelevant organization as a strawPUMA to bash actual feminist organizations in the past.

It weird how completely the erstwhile PUMAs have merged with the teabaggers: They’ve swapped the object of their brainless idolatry from Hillary Clinton to Sarah Palin, and they’re just as quick as a ‘bagger to claim victimhood on flimsy grounds. They were teabaggers in cat suits all along. 

Posted by Betty Cracker on 03/02/11 at 01:25 PM

Tuesday, February 08, 2011



~~for six long years, he had a secret sorrow~~

$315 Million for the most eagerly anticipated media coupling since Olbermann and Current TV! Perhaps Peter Daou’s decision to sue Arianna after a six-year delay in which he gave her no indication of unhappiness, but simply posted innumerable Huffpo articles complaining interminably, dolefully, of the misdeeds of Barack Obama, wasn’t such a dick move after all! You go on, Peter! If anybody can wear her Serene AOLness down, you can! What a business model you had there!

Was there ever a plan to pay the writers? Just asking.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 02/08/11 at 08:24 PM

Categories: ImagesPoliticsOur Stupid MediaPolisnarkPUMAs

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Bored With Bears Xmas Spectacular: Rudolph The Firebagging Reindeer

Whatever those bear/kitteh/pig things are, nobody can hope to approach the perfection of Kevin K’s immortal Manic Progressive slap down, though Zandar’s response is pretty terrific. I hope a fresh, seasonal offering will be acceptable, accompanied by a reductio-ad-absurdum sauce.

**Youtube Link for the Xtranormally impaired!**

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 12/21/10 at 10:10 PM

Categories: LGBTMessylaneousPoliticsManic ProgressivesNuttersPUMAsSkull HampersYouTubidity

Monday, December 13, 2010

Great Apologies We’ll Never Live To See.

It Isn't All About Me After All!

Once there was an elfin princess, who issued edicts and did No Wrong. She was so beloved that whenever she went on the TV to engage with her lessers, the lessers couldn’t help but agree--especially when she did the editing.  When lesser citizens committed offenses, they were obliged,(with a push from a newly-hired damage-control consultant), to stand before a ring of microphones and read off an index card, in their best monotone, “If any persons may have taken offense at what I done, I am truly sorry” (known in certain districts as the Republican Apology),and then resign their seats.

But when the princess decided to turn one of her enemies, a short mournful basset-hound, into an eye-popping minstrel, a cry went up. She merely issued the standard apology only to persons who were genuinely offended, airily implying that the really genuinely offended were innocent, well-meaning independent princesses at the center of a storm of fauxrage. Sadly, this did not help her, but did help the enemy basset-hound win the seat she had wanted him to lose.

So then, the princess issued an edict to her subjects to kill legislation of which she disapproved, because it did not help enough of them (she, in her position, didn’t need help herself).  She excoriated anybody who was for it, even a dear old Socialist, because he was not as noble as she.  She even lent her fair countenance and sparkly coronet to a grotesque wizard who promised to destroy the legislation for her. Sadly, it didn’t work, the legislation passed, and she lost her tiara for nothing. But she was not discouraged! Even when the populace wondered at how she could sell a list of their names to herself, and not at least cut herself a decent discount, still she was not discouraged.

So then, the princess found more legislation she didn’t like, and this time, she was supremely angry. It seemed the legislation was written by some guy (or it was his fault, anyway) who was running things instead of who she thought should be running things just the way she ran things, and he was running them into the ground and she’d never liked him, ever, EVAR. She hated this legislation because it gave too much to rich people like herself,so although it also gave more to poor people, she decided this legislation should be killed and the crummy guy she didn’t like should be primaried. And so she lit torches and passed them out to her subjects, and they fanned out across the land to engage in discourse with the general populace, using the princess’s tried and true methods for success. And then they burned the Internet all down, and we lived happily ever after THE END.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 12/13/10 at 02:32 PM

Monday, November 29, 2010

Shorter HillBuzz

Shorter HillBuzz:

The TSA (Team Soros/Alinsky) is intentionally ruining the sperms of white, successful, straight patriots with DEADLY BALL RADIATION so that liberals, Islam and homosexuals can take over America.

read the whole post »

Posted by Kevin K. on 11/29/10 at 09:59 PM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryPUMAsSkull Hampers

Saturday, November 20, 2010

BREAKING NEWS: Taylor Marsh is wrong! Again!


Help me, y’all: I just can’t quit Marsh, even though criticizing her “analysis” is akin to firing a spear gun into a transparent barrel occupied by a single, exceptionally slow, doormat-sized flounder. It’s hardly sporting, so I promise to try to stop looking. After today:

It’s frustrating to be the only one pointing to facts regarding Sarah Palin on this one, especially since my politics are on the exact opposite side as hers. However, everyone from Joe to Mika to Aaron Sorkin to everyone on the Left keeps saying what a comeuppance to Sarah it was that Lisa Murkowski & Alaskans refudiated Sarah Palin by voting against Joe Miller in the general election.

It’s not Palin’s fault that Murkowski pulled a Lieberman in the general after she was soundly defeated in the primaries by Miller. It’s also not Palin’s fault that Joe Miller turned out to be a frickin’ idiot, tweeting arrogantly before he’d won the general that he appreciated being welcome in DC. Or the fact that Miller hired bodyguards that ended up in a scandal because his peeps handcuffed a reporter without any cause.

Oh, but it is her fault, Ms. Marsh. This is how it works: You’re supposed to vet the candidates you endorse. That’s always true but it is particularly so when you are instrumental to their rise rather than endorsing an already established candidate. Everybody else in Alaska seems to have realized Miller was an asshole, including former employers.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/20/10 at 02:23 PM

Friday, November 19, 2010

The Associated Press FIXED

The Associated Press:

Conservative blogger Kevin DuJan is psyched.


Conservative blogger Kevin DuJan is psychedo.

Posted by Kevin K. on 11/19/10 at 08:28 AM

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Year of the Asshole


2010 as the Year of the Woman didn’t work out too well, to the shock of dunderheaded nitwit Amy Siskind of The New Agenda, who was naïve enough to believe if we ladies just ignored that silly old reproductive rights bugaboo, Republicans would shower us with legislative power and civil protections. As Siskind’s fellow travelers of the PUMA persuasion are fond of saying (with 100% less justification), WE TOLD YOU SO!

But all is not lost for identity politics mavens looking to the GOP for succor—the party appears poised to unleash an unprecedented number of assholes in pursuit of the 2012 nomination. Not that featuring boatloads of assholes on a GOP presidential slate is unusual—we’re talking about the Republican Party here. To paraphrase John Stuart Mill, not all Republicans are assholes, but nearly all assholes are Republicans.

Still, by any past measure, a list of possible contenders that includes Rick Santorum, John Bolton, Joe Scarborough, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin and Donald Trump is a remarkable achievement for Asshole-Americans and demonstrates just how far we’ve come as a country.

Note: I’ve excluded contenders like Romney, Pawlenty, Thune, Huckabee, et al, who, while they’re probably assholes too, aren’t primarily known for their resemblance to the southern termination point of the colon. That’s an opinion, which is, as we know, as ubiquitous as assholes…

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/18/10 at 12:40 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah PalinPolisnarkPUMAs

Sunday, November 07, 2010


Useless and unwieldy object Mark Penn on terrorism [h/t YAFB, via RawrStory]:

“Remember, President Clinton reconnected through Oklahoma, right?” Penn said, appearing on MSNBC’s Hardball on Thursday. “And the president right now seems removed. It wasn’t until that speech [after the bombing] that [Clinton] really clicked with the American public. Obama needs a similar—a similar kind of ... Yeah.”

Yeah. You’re a freak.

I’ve concluded it is impossible snark about this. Every time you read it, you get stuck in a Dude/Seriously?/WTF? loop for 15 minutes. So here’s a stupid, hastily constructed Blingee. It depicts a human-shaped lamprey who probably thinks President Kennedy’s assassination was great for Robert’s career.

I’m going back to bed.

Mark Penn Barbecue

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 11/07/10 at 02:12 AM

Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaElection '10Hillary ClintonPUMAs

Friday, November 05, 2010

Hell yes, Pelosi should stay!—UPDATED—


Nancy Pelosi may stay on in Congress and run for minority leader. Failed-quarterback-turned Blue Dog Congressman Heath Shuler says he may challenge her if she does.

Him and what army? The Blue Dogs got their asses handed to them Tuesday. The Democrats in the next Congress will be fewer but more liberal.

Zandar has the story, and to reiterate what I said at his place, the Blue Dogs want Pelosi out because the GOP-Tea-Fox borg has spent tens of millions of dollars demonizing her—using every sexist stereotype in the book and countless homophobic dog-whistles about “San Francisco liberals.”

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 11/05/10 at 08:23 AM

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