Relijun

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Thank God Easter Only Comes Once a Year

There’s so much seasonal WTF in this clip from FilmOn TV Networks (via Battlecam TV) which is going viral.

There’s a fairly graphic trailer near the beginning for their stunt at the weekend, when they plan to crucify a guy identified by a usually reliable source (Daily Mail) as Robert Garrison, “a 30-year-old sado-masochist from Florida,” so presumably as long they’ve found some card-carrying sadists to do the nailing, everybody’s cool with that.

Then there’s the increasingly tetchy mobile unit interview between Joe Fioranelli of FilmOn TV and David Phelps—which, for the by now no doubt growing increasingly nervous, I’ll excerpt below, but sounds like it’s an outtake from SNL.

As the scene begins, Phelps—who starts off the interview as grumpy as Hell, and doesn’t get any sweeter as it progresses—kicks off with the charming opener, “I’m David Phelps. And God hates fags. If you hear nothing else I say, I need that message to get out.” Then Fiorelli cites biblical reasons for some skepticism about Jesus’ heterosexuality, which doesn’t go any way toward making make him Phelps’ BFF.

Phelps: This is a mockery. It’s been a mockery from the very beginning. Is this what you plan for your mock crucifixion as well?
Fioranelli: It’s not a mock crucifixion, we’re actually crucifying the guy. I mean, he is actually gay.
Phelps: Do you have any idea, do you have any idea what it is to receive the payment for your sins from a wrathful, an angry God? Romans 12 says He will pile it on your head like hot coals from a fire. ... May God bring His wrath in a way that all will know it comes from Him.

Things don’t get any better from there on in for Phelps as he makes a bid to abandon the interview, and the fate that awaits him may have made him pray for a visitation from a nice cozy bushel of hot coals. Whatever, he will verily have been in no doubt that It hath come from Him, who moveth in mysterious ways.

For at this point (at 1:30 for the impatient), yea, a 500-pound stark naked ex-wrestler MC by the name of Billy the Fridge emerges from the closet (imagery!) where he’s been waiting and lurches ominously toward Phelps.

Phelps: What do you want?

Now, in the circumstances, most of us might agree that’s not the sort of leading question you want to be asking. Never mind, since Billy ignores it anyway.

Billy the Fridge: THE LEVIATHAN! WE WILL GET YOU! LEVIATHAN! THE LEVIATHAN! WE WILL GET YOU!

At this point Phelps makes an extremely rapid getaway through the door, with Billy in hot, hot pursuit. Over to the Mail again:

An eye-witness later claimed that he saw Phelps being pursued down the street outside the mobile studio by a naked fat man.

Rob Cutler, from Topeka, Kansas, where the church is based, said: ‘I was amazed, first I see David run out of a motor home and the next thing I know he’s been sat on by this giant naked man who is screaming “who’s your daddy now Davey?”’

The way the Phelpses have been bailing out of the hitherto lucrative family cult over the past few years, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that Davey—his cherry now well and truly popped, possibly along with some vital organs—and Billy are an item. Happy Easter.

Posted by YAFB on 03/28/13 at 07:27 PM
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Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Cue the Lions

I’ve been fascinated by some of the overwrought “revolution!” language that the usual Christian right trolls are using regarding the case against Prop 8 being considered by SCOTUS. It’s not that I’m comfortable that the pendulum has swung so far that there’s little resistance to marriage equality—it’s that I just don’t see that many people be invested enough to start a civil war over it. Regular folks just aren’t thinking about gay folks getting married all the time. It doesn’t really impact them because, well, it just doesn’t. Gay people getting married doesn’t raise anyone’s taxes or take away any right that any has previously enjoyed.

Which is why I find this analogy from NOM’s president, Brian Brown, so especially creepy:

I think we’re going to win these cases. But say the worst happens and we lose in a broad way – that means that the Court somehow does a Roe, aRoe v. Wade, on marriage and says that all these state constitutional amendments are overturned, gay marriage is now a constitutional right – well, we’re going to press forward on a Federal Marriage Amendment. We’ve always supported a Federal Marriage Amendment, and there’s a lot of misconceptions about it. Some people try and argue, ‘Well, this is against federalism.’ No, our founders gave us a system where we can amend the Constitution. We shouldn’t have to do this, we shouldn’t have to worry about activist judges, you know, making up out of thin air a constitutional right that obviously none of our founders found there and no one found there until quite recently. But if we do, for us, the Federal Marriage Amendment is a way that people can stand up and say, ‘Enough is enough.’ We need a solution in this country, we cannot be, as Lincoln said, half slave, half free. We can’t have a country on key moral questions where we’re just, where we don’t have a solution. And if the Court forces a solution, the way we’ll amend that is through the Federal Marriage Amendment.

“Half slave, half free.” I can kind of understand wanting to do a Lincoln quote-pull because Lincoln, you know, was kind of a big deal. It’s just funny that Brown seems to think that people living in the states where marriage equality is recognized would be morally the people living in the “slave states”.  Because those poor beset-upon long-suffering religious people would lack the freedom to…

To…

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Posted by Vixen Strangely on 03/27/13 at 09:43 AM
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Categories: LGBTPoliticsBedwettersBqhatevwrNuttersRelijun

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Oklahoma is Just Raising Questions in the Classroom

By which I mean, questioning the foundation of several centuries worth of scientific inquiry by providing students with the option of a “Build Your Own Bullshit” Bar at the old studiatorium we used to consider a classroom.

Here’s the gist:

In biology class, public school students can’t generally argue that dinosaurs and people ran around Earth at the same time, at least not without risking a big fat F. But that could soon change for kids in Oklahoma: On Tuesday, the Oklahoma Common Education committee is expected to consider a House bill that would forbid teachers from penalizing students who turn in papers attempting to debunk almost universally accepted scientific theories such as biological evolution and anthropogenic (human-driven) climate change.

Gus Blackwell, the Republican state representative who introduced the bill, insists that his legislation has nothing to do with religion; it simply encourages scientific exploration. “I proposed this bill because there are teachers and students who may be afraid of going against what they see in their textbooks,” says Blackwell, who previously spent 20 years working for the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma. “A student has the freedom to write a paper that points out that highly complex life may not be explained by chance mutations.”

HB 1674 is the latest in an ongoing series of “academic freedom” bills aimed at watering down the teaching of science on highly charged topics. Instead of requiring that teachers and textbooks include creationism—see the bill proposed by Missouri state Rep. Rick Brattin—HB 1674’scrafters say it merely encourages teachers and students to question, as the bill puts it, the “scientific strengths and scientific weaknesses” of topics that “cause controversy,” including “biological evolution, the chemical origins of life, global warming, and human cloning.”

If someone wants their kid to be a nice little coddled egg or shit-fed mushroom, why is it so difficult to just homeschool the little larva without trying to impose one’s vast ignorance on everyone else’s brat? I mean, really! Making up stuff as you go along is to science as drinking cleaning fluids found under mother’s sink is to eating. In other words—that’s just wrong, son. The freeedom to write a paper claiming that the earth is held up by an infinite number of turtles is the freedom to step out in traffic—just because you can, doesn’t make it right. To understand science is to be able to ably defend your propostition because it has been tested and you understand what the tests meant and what the results meant. Parroting back the bullshit you were raised with is no more science than a dog shaking hands means that the canine in question is attempting to introduce itself into human society—except that a dog, at least, might expect a treat. Or petting. But a child who parrots nonsense and expects an A for failing to be educated isn’t introducing hirself to science. That child is rejecting it. And is no more educated than a child who rejects spelling or claims 2x2=a million.

Making bullshit a law doesn’t make it anything more than bullshit. They might as well call ice cream a vegetable.

(X-Posted at Strangely Blogged)

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 02/24/13 at 01:00 AM
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Categories: Geek SpeakMessylaneousPoliticsBedwettersBqhatevwrNuttersTeabaggeryRelijunSkull Hampers

Monday, February 11, 2013

Bye Bye Benny!

Wow, this just in! Pope Benedict will be stepping down at the end of the month.  It’s somewhat appropriate the Pope choose the day before Mardi Gras to step down, because he is, as I wrote two years ago, one of those insufferable “All Ash Wednesday, No Fat Tuesday” Catholics, much like professional scolds Ross Douthat and Kathryn Jean Lopez

Tragically, my first choice for the Papacy, a beloved figure from a country with a population that is 80% Roman Catholic died this weekend.  My second choice for the Papacy, the Monsignor of The Church of the Holy Spook would only get confused by the smoke emanating from the Vatican and wander off looking to score some hash.

So, who to elect pope?  Personally, I think the Roman Catholic Church should elevate one of the cardinals of Brazil to the Papacy.  Brazil is the world’s most populous Roman Catholic country, and has a diverse and forward-thinking population.  The past thirty years has seen the Roman Catholic Church take a hard rightward lurch as a mini “Counter Reformation” in response to the changes ushered in by the Second Vatican Council.  As Thunder put it in the comments on that long-ago post, the Roman Catholic Church in Latin America has maintained a tradition of actually helping the poor.  Tellingly, Benedict, while still Cardinal Ratzinger, condemned Liberation Theology.  Perhaps a Brazilian pope would bring a more progressive vision to the Holy See.  Mainly, I think nominating a Brazilian pope would be a great idea so we could have a pope who appears on the Vatican balcony in a Speedo.  Isn’t about time we had a sexy pope again?

Cross posted at my eponymous blog.

Posted by Big Bad Bald Bastard on 02/11/13 at 07:29 AM
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Categories: Relijun

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Holy Bill Donohue! Batman

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Seeing as how it’s the Sabbath, and all, I felt it was appropriate to respond to the Catholic League‘s resident blowhard, Bill Donohue’s latest brain fart

Given Obama’s ideology, perhaps it would make more sense for him to swear on Das Kapital.

[hyuk,hyuk,hyuk] For those of you who are not familiar with Donohue’s ouevre [and why should you be?] this latest statement is classic Donohue.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 01/13/13 at 12:27 PM
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Categories: PoliticsRelijun

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand.  (Yeats)

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Over the years, I have developed a few cardinal rules, for myself, about writing.  Number One is: never write when your head is spinning—that includes alcohol-induced head-spinning, sensory overload and bouts of cognitive dissonance.  This rule means that I will rarely be the one to “break a big scoop” but, by the same token it, it has saved me from making a collossal ass of myself on quite a few occasions (other times, not so much).

Last Friday’s events made my head spin mightily and the public reactions of some of my “fellow Murkins” created a force-field that kept it spinning.

Like the college kid that lost his place-kicker position at the University of Alabama for this infantile tweet over the President cutting into a broadcast of the National Bloodsport to address a national tragedy:

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He was joined by 50-or-so other similarly-challenged oafs who evidently get a hard-on over saying the N-word.

And there were all of the other kinds of unhelpful American Exceptionals scoring points for their own constricted agenda:

Mike Huckabee, first out of the gate with his opinion that this tragedy resulted from not enough prayer in schools and was “amened” by Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association.

On Sunday, Pastor Sam Morris told his flock, in Tennessee, that sending kids to “government schools” is the problem.

Morris insisted that “humanism” in schools taught Lanza that he was God and “he can just go blow away anybody he wants.”

When I got in high school, man, I started learning all this kingdom, phylum stuff, all this junk about evolution. And I want to tell you what evolution teaches — here’s the bottom line — that you’re an animal. That’s what it teaches. So, you’re an animal, you can act like an animal. Amen.

So, here you are, you’re an animal and you’re a god! So, what are we going to teach you about in school? Well, we can teach you about sex, we can teach you how to rebel to you parents, we can teach you how to be a homo! But we’re definitely not going to teach you about the word of God! Amen.

Focus on the Family’s James Dobson opined that homosexuals and abortion are to blame.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Planet Xanax) feels that there are not enough guns in America’s classrooms.

TEA Party Nation warns that sex in the media, teacher’s unions and the federal bureaucracy are to blame and recommend home-schooling as a solution.

The only outfit that is eerily silent on the issue is the National Rifle Association, the very organization that has spent millions turning the idea of gun ownership into the holy grail of Democracy.  They must know what exceedingly thin and crackly ice they skate on.

I don’t know what the answer is . . . but, as a parent and grandparent I know the heart-stopping, ice-in-the-veins feeling when my own child was in mortal danger.  I know that even as a 60+ year old woman who doesn’t exercise enough, I could lift a car off my grand-daughter if need be.  There are some things that are so primal that our human minds will only admit those things that make perfect sense in such situations and screen out the rest of the noise.

It is time for sane parents who want to protect their children and make those children feel safe in their homes, in their schools, in their neighborhoods to drown out the voices of the yahoos, the politicians and lobbyists who tell us all of the reasons why we can’t do that.  And I mean ALL children.  Not just children in affluent neighborhoods but also the children who are held back, educationally, because they are afraid to go to school.

No one can persuade me that this country is the greatest country on Earth as long as there is one child who is afraid to go to school.

We need to search out the sane voices because they are certainly out there.

Charles Pierce has written a very sane case for the Free Market Profiteers’ role in this problem.  And by now, probably most of you have read the viral article entitled I am Adam Lanza’s Mother, written by a mother coping with her own 13-year-old son’s mental illness and the lack of resources, outside of incarceration, for people like her to keep her son and herself safe.

I listened to an interview on NPR, in the car, yesterday, in which an urban school counselor made the case, as diplomatically as possible, that shootings are so common in her school’s neighborhood that ten-year-olds can identify a weapon’s make by its sound.

But those shootings rarely make headlines.

Truancy is a real problem in her school, she said, because children have to walk through a “war zone” to get there.

Sanity really can prevail—here’s proof from this morning’s news:

Cerberus Capital Management, a private equity firm that owns a stake in Bushmaster, the gun manufacturer that produced the rifle used in the massacre of students and teachers at an elementary school in Connecticut, announced early Tuesday that it intends to sell that investment.

Over the past six years, Cerberus has amassed a holding company called the Freedom Group, which has purchased some of the biggest names in American gun manufacturing, including Bushmaster. The firm’s decision to sell off the interests in firearms companies and return the capital to its investors underscores how Friday’s shooting—which took the lives of 20 children—has reinvigorated the national debate on gun control, not just for activists, but also for investors.

Posted by Bette Noir on 12/18/12 at 11:44 AM
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Categories: PoliticsRelijun

Monday, December 17, 2012

You Know, I Used to Think Mike Huckabee Might Run For President Again

I don’t anymore, and this sort of ignorance is exactly why:

What the hell is “taxpayer-funded abortion pills”? Taxpayer dollars don’t fund any kind of abortions under the Hyde Amendment.  Now, because he is ignorant, he might have the singularly stupid idea not unpopular with   fundies that birth control pills are abortifacients—they are not. They are contraceptives in the sense that they prevent conception, which in turn means they actually prevent abortions. And yes, those are provided by government dollars under Title X and without co-pay as a part of insurance plans under the ACA. But even somewhat anti-science, also strong social conservative LA Gov. Bobby Jindal just recently published an op-ed endorsing over-the-counter birth control.  Now, of course Jindal’s op-ed is for the purpose of divorcing the birth control issue from government altogether so tax dollars are not even second or third hand involved—but at least he isn’t calling them “abortion pills”.

But listen again, and this is a very short clip, but packed dense with Kulturkampf dummkopf-ery, he is talking about things we “used to call disorders”, that we “now call normal”—whatever could that be?  I am pretty well-persuaded by my general knowledge about Huckabee’s bullshit that he’s talking about LGBT* people. It’s sinful that gay and trans folk are treated as regular human beings, he’s saying. That’s what I think he was getting at.

I know I’ve said this before, but really, ginormously hump a bunch of Mike Huckabee. But this time, I think I mean, there ain’t no poll numbers in 2016 gonna support no kind of Mike Huckabee. He is reinforcing his FOX Mushroom Farm cred, but really at the expense of anything in the way of political viability.  And if that is the way he feels, well—

Good. Happy death of political career to you. “Godspeed” you to irrelevance. Happy trails. And don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split ya, because that is probably some kind of sodomy, and stuff. And I care about Huckabee just enough to want to preserve his ass from understanding just how sinful he really is as a gluttonous grasping hypocrite so he’ll continue providing me with glurgy blogfodder. Forever and ever. Amen.

(X-Posted at Strangely Blogged.)

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 12/17/12 at 11:10 PM
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Categories: LGBTMessylaneousPoliticsBedwettersNuttersWar On WomenRelijunSkull Hampers

Monday, December 10, 2012

Only Eleven Snarking Days Left Until Blitzmas

The Truth is both sad and inescapable: our sagacious forebears left us only two devices by which to reliably divine our future as a collective species—(1) a wonky paleolithic calendar so wobbly and complex it runs out of dates before the end of time, and (2) a Stone Age alarm clock that scares Anglo Saxons and only goes off on weekends.

As we feared, both the Mayan calendar and Stonehenge concur that this year’s Christmas is going to be indefinitely postponed. This year, don’t bother watching It’s A Wonderful Life, just drink buckets of plum wine and go caroling nude.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 12/10/12 at 06:56 PM
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Categories: BoozeMessylaneousNewsPoliticsBedwettersNuttersRelijunSkull Hampers

Monday, December 03, 2012

Wingnuttistan in Total Freakout Over White House 54 TREES!!11!!11

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“First Lady Michelle Obama seemed excited over the abundant greenery, saying in her holiday address, ‘We have 54 trees in the White House—54. That’s a lot of trees.’ “

Prompting the usual suspects to enter melt down mode.  Not only, does the White House have 54 trees, notes Winebox Annie Althouse but the first lady “decorously” refrained from CALLING THEM CHRISTMAS TREES!  Double play!  Dig at the big spending, lobster eating Michelle Obama and a gratuitous “war on Christmas” jab for good measure. 

Yes, the Obama’s are going to let the country slide over the fiscal cliff.  They’ll be riding all those Christmas trees while the rest of us just try to grab a branch or two.  It’s always fauxrage day over something in Wingnut Land.

Posted by marindenver on 12/03/12 at 07:00 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersElection '12NuttersTeabaggeryRelijun

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Bryan Fischer Reports: “Greens” Are Hurting God’s Feelings

On Thursday, Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association met with Calvin Beisner of the Cornwall Alliance for the Stewardship of Creation to further explore the Christian Dominionist basis for America’s energy policy; that goes something like this:  Planet Earth, as we know it is full of strange and wonderful resources—like oil, coal and gas—to make human life on Earth as close to edenic as possible; all we have to do is find ‘em and use ‘em.  Think of it as God’s perpetual Easter Egg Hunt.  And when humans are reluctant to join in the frackalicious fun and Drill, Baby! Drill! well, it’s just rude after God went to all the trouble to kick off that Carboniferous Period just so we’d have lots of fossil fuel. 

Some godless folks call this “protecting the environment.”  “As if,” say the Dominionists.  That’s God’s job—plus, He gave Noah his Word that he wouldn’t destroy the Earth again.  That makes “Greens” pagan nature worshippers who think they know more than God; and the Environmental Protection Agency is their temple to Babylon, the ancient god of weather.  ExxonMobil, the Scaife Family Foundations and the Kochs, of course, tend to agree.

This might seem like just another wacky communique from Planet Xanax but the growing symbiosis between the Republican Party, their corporate sponsors and radical Christian Dominionist theology makes the Climate Change Denial Consortium a force to be reckoned with.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 12/01/12 at 12:05 PM
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Categories: PoliticsBedwettersNuttersRelijun

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Just a Little More Robertson, if I may?

I have bittersweet feelings, as an atheist, about the Thanksgiving season, because it is the gateway to Christmastown. I have things to be thankful about (Obama winning the election, the dying out of Rush Limbaugh’s audience, the tendency of major events to show science is, like, a real thing, not a hobby people in lab coats do for shits’n'grins, Y’know, like how global warming is real, or how contraception means “not conceiving”—those kinds of things.)

Anyway, I do sort of hate Christmas, and yet, I don’t begrudge believers their thing. No, seriously. If they pay homage to the Christ within their fellow humans by providing those near and dear to them with gifts, or sing songs, or make any kind of merry—I am totally down with the merry-making. I and merry-making have been one for the longest. I am a wassailing fool.  I am a gift-wrapping, toe-tapping, high-spending, season-ending, bell-ringing, hotdish-bringing you-know-what of an atheist. I celebrate. I am not stealing or co-opting your joy. I have the spirit, you know?

But there’s this little thing with the all-Xmas radio channels and the in-store Xmas Musak. So many, many of my peeps are retail folks. So many, many of them are living with “Rum, tum, tum tum.” ringing in their ears, and regardless of belief, that regular aural assault on the eardrums of fala-lala-la is not healthy. It’s been used as a form of psyops by no less than Sheriff Arpaio..  As a member of student choirs since I was very young, I was exposed to a kind of SERE training against overt aural Xmas Ear Assault behaviors by the major retail establishments.  But I know full well what they are and how they demoralize retail workers while trying to send Christmas telegraphs to regular folks—all about the same thing: the need for too muchnesss, and the availability of right jolly old elves who serve the Christmas spirit,

Me, I think the Christmas spirit is that thing you have when you aren’t even doing Christmas stuff,  And I believe a Christmas is done best when it’s commercialized least—which is why I stand with Black Friday protestors, and support people espousing Small Business Saturday.

Your milage may vary. But I say just a little less “jingle” might better serve the better Kringles of our human nature.  I am for the Matthew gospel of the season—more than the buy it now button of our culture.  And I think its the outcasts and weirdos who espouse it better than some of the Christmas Warriors..

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 11/24/12 at 12:05 AM
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Friday, November 23, 2012

Pat Robertson’s Ministery of Disinformation

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There, now.  That’s over—the annual American Festival of Family Dysfunction that we like to call “Thanksgiving.”  The day when American families of all sizes and backgrounds come together, whether they like it or not, to reaffirm their understanding that democracy, even at the lowest common denominator—the Family Unit—is a colorfully messy and overwrought business that leads to gorging and pathological excesses.

Our national holiday for giving thanks has necessarily turned into a four day Jamboree of Capitalism and Retail Mania signifying just how damned exceptional Americans truly are.  Here’s hoping that all of you Thankful drank hearty, ate huge American over-sized portions of traditional-food-that-is-bad-for-you-unless-you’re-a-cowboy-or-farm-hand-or Michael Phelps-who-burns-12K-calories/day and are now prepared for the traditional Black Friday hangover cure of standing in long lines in the fresh air outside Big Box stores, for the opportunity to scarf up retailer-rigged bargains on junk from China (just don’t cross that Walmart picket line).

One of the less talked about benefits of Thanksgiving reunions is, of course, the chance to catch-up with that notorious experiment-in-genetics-gone-horribly-wrong that every family harbors (come on, admit it) and usually welcomes back to its bosom ONCE per year.  This is the relative who shows up with a battery-operated dancing roast turkey on his/her head, an already opened litre of vodka in a brown bag and who arrives demented and/or drunk or gets there remarkably quickly.  This is also the guest who is not too lily-livered to broach the subjects of politics, religion, race, queers or family history hot buttons to get the conversational ball rolling.

Trust me, this is all going somewhere relevant, because the very first thing that I read this morning, Black Friday 2012, was a bit about Crazy Uncle Pat Robertson admitting he got a few things wrong about this years predictions after his January Summit Meeting with The Lord.  My first reaction to reading that item was “how long will this monstrous chucklehead receive national media attention for his racist, bigoted, xenophobic chats with God and his Magic 8 Ball? 

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Posted by Bette Noir on 11/23/12 at 09:07 AM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12NuttersRelijun

Monday, November 05, 2012

Endorsing Mitt Romney?

This post isn’t really intended to be a troll of you fine Roasters—clearly, I wouldn’t seriously suggest a literal endorsement of Les Mittserables in the least, but I did want to expand on Betty’s “How Low Will they Go?” post and especially Big Bad Bald Bastard’s comment regarding David Frum’s actual endorsement of a person who, to the very best I can estimate, we have only about a 47% chance of guessing at any time how he will act on any given issue. That’s well within a practical margin of error of a coin flip, no?  That makes him the Schroedinger’s Candidate for the purposes of this election—and if one of our economic problems is uncertainty, I don’t like the looks of Mitt for either our short-term or our long-term problems.

But let’s seriously examine what a Romney presidency really means in a situation where the US Congress is likewise GOP-controlled, supposing that people actually did knuckle under and vote for Count Mittula out of a kind of Stockholm Syndrome

The Teabaggers already have progress tied up in the basement, and if we don’t vote for Romney, they’ll start beating it with wet ropes! Or dry ropes! Or copies of Atlas Shrugged! It could get ugly! Oh noes!

I’m not in the mood to negotiate with hostage-takers just yet (what do I look like, the Reagan Administration?) Now, if you were to ask me, this would actually be more of a stellar argument against having a GOP-controlled anything. I would vote for Obama to particularly spite those bastards, and vote against any Republican just on the general principle that you can’t do me like that. After all, there are some GOP Senate candidates that are actually advertising on the hopes of Obama having coat tails, and a divided government becoming the hot, bipartisan thing. Fuck all that.  (Actually, as a Smark going back a handful of years, screw a bunch of Linda McMahon.) Even if you don’t love Obama—I’d say the best thing is for people to vote for Democrats because Republicans in charge of the House have seriously sucked. Their suckage is not about a failure of the White House. Their suckage is about thinking legislating ladyparts creates jobs because Jesus. Mitt Romney is not the guy who can fix that. Why? Because he at least half the time pretends to believe it—if he doesn’t actually believe it.  It’s hard to say.

So what is left for the people who want to endorse Romney to rely on? His business acumen? Seriously? As if that creates jobs! It didn’t when he was governor of Massachusetts and it’s dubious that it did when he was CEO of Bain. His job was to make money as the Bainiac-in-Chief, and as the Head Manager in Charge of The People’s Republic of “Taxamachusetts” (where he earned the title Governor FeeFee) he didn’t exactly earn plenty of points for either bipartisanship or fiscal awesomeness. Actually, in his only elected position, his veteoes were overruled by the majority Democratic state legislature more often than not, (No wonder he spent the half of his term that he spent thinking about being a part of the 2008 GOP presidential primary instead of being MA Governor bad-mouthing Massachusetts altogether, amirite?) And then there’s his record on civil rights. Which is so bad compared to what he promised when he ran for MA Senate against liberal lion Ted Kennedy, you know?

See, despite the wishful thinking of the Log Cabin Republicans,  Mitt would be a garbage disaster for LGBT* people, because he gave money to NOM, for one thing. and he didn’t realize that gay couples might want to raise families for another.  If anyone thinks he would stand up against bullies against LGBT folks, well, he’s okay with acknowledging the LGBT folks, except for the B and the T . Or really being, you know, helpful towards them.  (What can I personally say about that? Um, as a former teen who is bisexual and was bullied, I can from experience say more education and acknowledgement about and of bisexuality might be helpful.) And I don’t think you need to read “binders full” about women to know he doesn’t stand in your corner if you are a feminist.  Or just a woman, in general.

So what it comes down to, for me, is that, even leaving aside all Obama’s accomplishments and the ways in which (understanding foreign policy, macroeconomics, not being a mouthbreathing tool amongst other nations’ leaders) he’s simply superior, Romney is manifestly not the guy for the job. A serial lying bigoted know-little can’t understand why the job is even important, let along behave is if it was something more than the penultimate Big Deal on his CV. So I am manifestly not endorsing Mitt Romney.  Not to talk up Obama, which I could, forever! But to point out that whenever I see someone who supports Romney, I think so much less of that person. Uck. Him.  Such a lying sack.  After the Election—good riddance!

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 11/05/12 at 11:24 PM
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Friday, October 19, 2012

Toodles, D’Souza! A Scandal We All Can Enjoy

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Yes, that is Sir Thomas More over the shoulder of randy smugstudly Dinesh D’Souza, who just didn’t know that affiancing yourself to your next before filing to divorce your ex is only cute when Henry VIII does it:

“I had no idea that it is considered wrong in Christian circles to be engaged prior to being divorced, even though in a state of separation and in divorce proceedings,” said D’Souza. “Obviously I would not have introduced Denise as my fiancé at a Christian apologetics conference if I had thought or known I was doing something wrong”.

And even Henry didn’t hit on other monarch’s wives, whether or not he’d axed the last angry queen. Henry also had the sense not to parade Anne Boleyn around the Vatican. He made up a new religion instead, which is a route we heartily recommend to Dinesh, whose talent for making things up is unquestionable.

King’s College promptly accepted the resignation they had D’Souza write, so that he could “take care of his personal and family needs,” which is darn snarky for a Christian college board, so well played, and enjoy not having to pay your do-nothing president any more millions!

New bride Denise Odie Joseph II (not a typo~~she got married in December 2011, so hey, she is a new bride!) is just as sweet as you’d expect her to be.
 

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Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/19/12 at 01:22 PM
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Categories: ImagesKnee SlappersMessylaneousPoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryOur Stupid MediaRelijun

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Romney Takes Wrong Turn on Quest to Find His “Inner Human Being”

Mitt Romney’s quest to get in touch with his “inner human being” is starting to have comedic results.  Take his recent forays back into the dark realm of “wimmins issues” . . . on Tuesday, Romney gobsmacked the realm with his new positions on abortion and contraception.  In case you missed it, he’s now for them, or at least not as much against them.  Ladies, don’t be distressed if you’re confused—you’re meant to be.  At least until after the election . . . when all things will be revealed, issuing forth from quiet rooms filled with leather furniture, Cuban cigars and Napoleon.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 10/10/12 at 07:31 AM
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Categories: PoliticsBarack ObamaElection '12MittensHealth CarePaul RyanRelijun

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