Saturday, February 08, 2014

GOP Rebranding Update: Wolverine Edition


Well, it’s my time of the month to take a reading on how the Grand Old Party is doing with its rebranding efforts.  They’ve been at it for a little over a year now so I don’t think it unreasonable to expect some quantifiable progress.

Last month we saw a Lady Republican, of all things, delivering the Republican response to the President’s annual State of the Union address.  It was a very nice roundup of all the very nice plans that the GOP has to make America wonderful again, if we all vote for them.  The Lady Republican didn’t go into detail [Libruls might steal their ideas] but asked us to take it on faith—vote first, find out later. 

One big plus was that the Lady Republican turned out to be a natural at “controlling the message.”  She didn’t say anything stupid, obnoxious or hateful the whole time she was on-air. She didn’t actually say anything smart, attractive or inclusive, either, but I still think the GOP gets to count the speech as a great leap forward given recent past performances.  Now the Lady Republican can go concentrate on her ethics investigation just like one of the guys.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 02/08/14 at 11:47 AM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryRelijun

Thursday, February 06, 2014

Boehner, Mary and Joseph!


Here’s one for the ages:

Rep. Patrick Tiberi (R-OH), a longtime ally of Boehner, summed up the Speaker’s current predicament well to The Washington Post’s Robert Costa on Wednesday . . . :

“Right now, Jesus himself couldn’t be the speaker and get 218 Republicans behind something, so I think Speaker Boehner is trying his best to come up with a plan that can get close to that. Whatever we move, there will be critics everywhere, but at the end of the day we still have to govern.”

Well, Rep. Tiberi, “at the end of the day” you’re right.  So, when exactly, can we expect this “governing” to commence?

Whatever . . . all we know is that if some heathen Liberal had offered up this analogy, there’d be holy hell to pay.  Nevertheless, it’s an intriguing notion—“what would Jesus do” with this Congress?

I suspect that it might start out something like that time that he drove the moneychangers from the temple court.  Cleaning the place out should be the first order of business then, with what’s left, perhaps a few relevant lessons, from the greatest hits, just to remind the clueless what they’re supposed to be doing . . .

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Posted by Bette Noir on 02/06/14 at 04:21 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '14NuttersRelijun

Friday, January 24, 2014

GOP Declares 2014 Year of Lady Outreach


(h/t to Down With Tyranny for the stunning portrait above)

Well! it’s that magical time of year when Republicans hole up with the RNC to plot their next moves and this year should be a doozy because . . . REBRAND!

Apparently, Republicans have weighed their many options—Blacks? Latinos? Gays? Poors? Millenials?—and decided that 2014 will be The Year Of The Lady under the GOP Big Top.  In keeping with that theme, one of the very first orders of business for this year’s Republican Retreat was to eradicate the notion that there ever was/is or will be a Republican War on Women.

And anyone who thinks there ever was is most likely a Liebrul slut who mistakes Republican core principles for misogyny.  Transvaginal ultrasounds, IRS rape audits and forcing women to buy special lady insurance are simply conservative approaches for saving women from their pathetic dependence on Uncle Sugar to regulate their uncontrollable libidos or being lured into servitude by Democrat welfare checks.

To that end, Republicans have proposed the following resolution for 2014, on which they will vote, today:


RESOLVED, The Republican National Committee condemns the Democrats’ deceptive “war on women” rhetoric;

RESOLVED, The Republican National Committee will support Republican pro-life candidates who fight back against Democratic deceptive “war on women” rhetoric by pointing out the extreme positions on abortion held by Democratic opponents;

RESOLVED, The Republican National Committee will not support the strategy of Republican pro-life candidates who stay silent in the face of such deceptive rhetoric; and,

RESOLVED, The Republican National Committee urges all Republican pro-life candidates, consultants, and other national Republican Political Action Committees to reject a strategy of silence on the abortion issue when candidates are attacked with “war on women” rhetoric.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 01/24/14 at 01:07 PM

Categories: PoliticsBqhatevwrElection '14NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryRelijun

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Constitution: 3 States: 0


This week Oklahoma, Pennsylvania and North Carolina became the latest states to run headlong into the brick wall otherwise known as the US Constitution.  Increasingly, state legislators who don’t care for the way things are headed, in the country, have taken to writing their own laws, amending their state constitutions and proposing ballot initiatives to protect their political, social policy and ideological comfort zones.

Evidently, judging by the number of such actions, out in the states, quite a few states are uncomfortable with the powers-that-be, inspiring state executives and legislators to frequently bandy about concepts like state’s rights, nullification, secession, impeachment and the most recent addition to the Extreme Playbook, the Second Amendment Solution.

Fortunately, the framers of our constitution foresaw that leading a vibrant, young nation might sometimes devolve into an exercise in herding cats and they prudently built that framework of very stern stuff.  Our constitution has survived some very trying times and ultimately, those tests have strengthened it and repeatedly strengthened our resolve to uphold the core principles that make us the global model of Democracy.

As with most foundational documents, though, ours are open to interpretation and argument and, in some cases, amendment but, ultimately such instruments must pass a rigorous testing of their essential constitutionality before becoming part of the fabric of American law.  Thus the framers attempted to protect citizens against the self interests, regional imperatives and transient political agendas of their elected representatives.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 01/18/14 at 12:21 PM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsNuttersRelijun

Saturday, January 04, 2014

YOLO, Mr. Meacham. YOLO


Oh, dear! sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and quote The Beatles:

All the lonely people
where do they all belong?

From a mother’s perspective, the one pictured above belongs in therapy. 

Young Trestin Meacham has tried many, many ways, in his relatively short life, to get attention.  The internet is dotted with the potholes of his abandoned bloggery; in 2012 he ran for the Utah State Senate on the Constitution Party ticket and $100.00 in campaign donations; and, when that failed, he created the Constitutional Heroarchy of Kherutistan, online, complete with flag, history, it’s own currency—Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, to be exact.

But only this week, did Trestin Meacham achieve his dream of “going viral” by declaring a hunger strike until Utah gays stop getting married.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 01/04/14 at 01:01 PM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryRelijun

Saturday, December 28, 2013

2014 OH NOES! Parade


Sad news coming to us, today, from the Homo-phobo-sphere, where an outbreak of spontaneously-combusting hair and exploding heads is taking quite a toll.  2013 has been something of an annus horribilis for anti-gay activists who have had their dreams of perpetual hetero-supremacy dashed by Obama’s legions of radical-leftist-activist judges [some of whom were appointed by Dubya and must have “turned”] proclaiming that “equal means equal.”

Up to now, the homophobe reaction has been oddly muted and limited to isolated breath-holding, foot-stomping and refusals to bake cakes or arrange flowers for gay weddings.  But now, the march of deviants has gone “a bridge too far” in their attempt to subvert that iconic celebration of American heterodoxy—The Rose Bowl Parade.

The theme of this year’s Rose Bowl Parade is Dreams Come True and, in keeping with that theme, the AIDS Healthcare Foundation has built a wedding cake shaped float atop which a gay couple will solemnize their wedding vows during the parade.

And, suddenly, A BOYCOTT!! is in order and San Diego community organizer, Karen Grube, tells us why:

Now gay activists want to destroy the Rose Parade by performing a Gay Wedding on one of the floats. I guess that’s what they mean by ‘Dreams Come True’ or is it nightmares?


Gay marriage is illegal in over 30 states, why would they promote something that is blatantly illegal?  That’s just stupid.

Except, well . . . it’s not illegal in your state—the Rose Bowl Parade state—Karen.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 12/28/13 at 11:28 AM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsBqhatevwrRelijun

Friday, December 27, 2013

A Pope And A Republican Walk Into A Bar . . .


I grew up in a blue-collar steel-town in the Rust Belt, schooled by nuns, during the papacy of “The Good Pope” of Vatican II—John XXIII, and the presidency of John Fitzgerald Kennedy, the first Catholic President of the United States.  It doesn’t get more Catholic than that.

Those were the days, my friend . . . change was in the air.  And little Catholic school girls, like myself, were growing into natural liberals. We were the children of American Dreamers and veterans who had fought to make the world safe for Democracy.  Nothing would hold us back from making the world a better place for all God’s children to live.

So, imagine my surprise when, as a young adult, it became increasingly clear to me that the Church that had been partially responsible for shaping my political beliefs was becoming more and more conservative—and Republican, as I watched.

As time went by and Americans actually talked about issues like abortion, contraception and same sex-marriage, the clergy, anxious to protect their own social policy agenda from the attack of modernity, found natural allies in the GOP’s growing base on the Religious Right.

It was a marriage made in heaven.  Mature, hard-working, mostly white people with conservative social and economic values were welcome under the GOP Big Top.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 12/27/13 at 01:45 PM

Categories: PoliticsPaul RyanRelijun

Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Free Market Giveth, And the Free Market Taketh Away


Thank God it’s Thursday and American Culture has finally spit up a hairball that will effectively distract us all from real problems like expiring unemployment benefits, minimum wage and Republicans newest threat to blow up the global economy if they can’t have their Canadian pipeline.

Evidently the crusty old patriarch of the Duck Dynasty had a few colorful thoughts to share with a GQ interviewer recently (WTFGQ?) on the illogic of being gay and the “good times there are not forgotten” cheerfulness of Louisiana’s black tenant farmers in pre-civil-rights days:

“I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person,” Robertson is quoted in GQ. “Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field…. They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues.”

I’m thinking Duck Daddy went to the wrong nightclubs and somehow missed “strange fruit” season on the Bayou. 

Anyway, what he had to say about gays was pretty inflammatory, too, with the usual references to sin, hellfire and bestiality.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 12/19/13 at 04:35 PM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsBedwettersRelijun

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Ferme la Bush!


Well, it was bound to happen . . . Republicans have found a new way to distract America from Obamacare getting fixed by spreading the Too Stupid for Prime Time whopper that President Obama is closing the US embassy to the Vatican as retribution for Catholic resistance to certain employer mandates in the ACA. 

Conservative media has lit up like a Hannukah bush.  Drudge shrieks “Obama’s call to close Vatican embassy is ‘slap in the face’ to Roman Catholics”; WND opines “OBAMA ‘INSULTS’ CATHOLICS IN VATICAN-EMBASSY SHUTDOWN”; and the ever thoughtful dead-heads at Breitbart, seeing right to the heart of the matter report:

. . . the Obama administration is trying to diminish and discredit the Vatican’s role in the world because it’s pro-life, pro-family, and pro-religious freedom values is at odds with the Regime’s pro-abortion, pro-gay marriage stance.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 11/28/13 at 08:42 AM

Categories: Knee SlappersPoliticsElection '16NuttersRelijun

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Creepers


[Note to Roasters: By the time this is published many of the links in this post may have 404d.  The subject of the post is doing some pretty extensive damage control on his own links so I’ve tried to provide alternatives with clips from original.]

Every once in a while, on a Sunday, I’m moved to check up on what the God-botherers are up to, just for the hell it.  It just so happens that this week the hot story along those lines has to do with one Justin Lookadoo (I know?) whose current “ministry” is as a motivational speaker for high-schoolers [and any other age group that can cough up his speaker’s fee].

From what I can tell, the cool thing about being a Christian motivational speaker is that you don’t need any qualifications outside of being a Christian to make a full-time job of it.  Lookadoo couldn’t peddle his public speaking skills to bankers, for example, because he doesn’t know squat about high yield funds or T-Bonds.

But no-one has any problem signing him up to entertain 4th period hump-day assemblies because he, like his audience, was a teenager, attended high school and he’s Christian and that’ll do the kids some good, right?

Granted, in public schools, guys like Lookadoo have to “hide their light under a bushel” because . . . separation of church and state.  But, Texas, which is different, in many ways, is sort of relaxed about such quibbles.

And, so it is that Justin Lookadoo found himself before an auditorium full of teenagers at a high school in Richardson, TX, this week, just like thousands of other school speaking engagements he’s done over the years. 

Except that this one broke bad and went viral.  The kids in the audience started critiquing Lookadoo on Twitter and to say that they “pwned” him is something of an understatement.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 11/17/13 at 01:00 PM

Categories: CrittersPoliticsNuttersWar On WomenRelijun

Friday, November 08, 2013

El Cucuy Gonna Getcha, If You Don’t Watch Out


Apparently, Ted Cruz is feeling a little insecure these days what with his highly publicized catalog of freshman fiascoes and the fact that dear old Dad, Senor Crazypants, is upstaging him at every turn, lately.

The most recent sign that Cruz is making a course adjustment was news, last week, coming out of a closed-door Republican luncheon, that Cruz has promised to “not actively campaign against” his Senate colleagues or “help raise money for their primary opponents.”

What a guy!

So. What does a megalomaniac do when he’s not getting enough attention? well, this one goes out to his own backyard and barks at the president in a typically Cruz-ian display of tastelessness and deplorably bad timing.

Days away from the 50th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination in Dallas, TX, Cruz decides that it would be appropriate to publicly warn President Obama against coming to Dallas:

President Obama should take his broken promises tour elsewhere so Texans can continue focusing on the solutions that have allowed our state to become and remain the nation’s economic and job creation powerhouse.

No wonder some Tejanos refer to Ted Cruz as El Cu-cuy—the boogeyman.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 11/08/13 at 12:45 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '16NuttersTeabaggeryRelijun

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Papa Don’t Preach!


We’ve all recognized for some time now that Cruz et fils is a slightly creepy sideshow especially when both the senator and Papi share the same stage and the same awkward adoring glances. 

It started out innocently enough, proud father sharing some triumphal moments around election time.  And the occasional human interest backgrounder interview in which Cruz, Sr. shared a few memorable anecdotes from “daddy’s little prodigy’s” past.

Like how Cruz, Sr. introduced his precocious middle-schooler to Austrian School libertarian economics and ultraconservative interpretations of US history at the Free Enterprise Education Center (FEEC).  And how Teddy and a few of his little friends from FEEC created a group known as the Constitutional Corroborators who toured local Rotary luncheons to dazzle diners with their compendious knowledge of free enterprise and the US Constitution.


We’re almost a year into Cruz Jr’s reign of terror in the US Senate, though, and Cruz, Sr seems to just be hitting his stride, warming up for the Big Push.  If things go according to plan, Cruz & Cruz could get a whole lot creepier.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 10/31/13 at 12:37 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '16NuttersTeabaggeryRelijun

Saturday, October 12, 2013

No, Wait, Wait—Everyone Actually *LOVES* Ted Cruz!!

It’s true! Because wouldn’t you know it, the straw poll at the 2013 Values Voters’ Summit had him as the big winner, should he be thinking about a White House run in 2016 (and you know he is thinking about it dontcha?). And this was after he said some of the most gee-gosh-darn things, too.

You know what? On second thought, maybe it’s because he has said the most gee-gosh-darn things. You know, like joking that the president was going to disappear him and that hecklers were probably paid OFA shills. Because obviously. Nothing succeeds like flaming paranoia. (Unless you are appealing to the fringe, in which case paranoia is best known as “fitting in”.) And amongst the values voters, that enlightened bastion of Godwinning for Goobers, Homophobia for Herp-Derps, and Bible-Banging for Bigots, he actually has a crowd in which he doesn’t stand out. Good going, Ted.

Now, you might have gotten a different impression from more old-school Republican politicians like NY Rep. Peter King (who is a likely contender against Cruz should there even be a 2016 GOP primary with debates an’ all that). He doesn’t like what Cruz is laying down even a little, because by doom saying against Obamacare he kind of is making it look like a quite a reasonable system by comparison of his fantasy-world (inherited from the Sr. Cruz, because the Rev. does believe in death panels) with the affordable care reality. And for what it’s worth, many Democrats find themselves in the odd position of agreeing with Rep. King, because they, too, think Cruz has done quite a lot for making the ACA popular.

So there you go. Honestly, I think I am beginning to have a kind of hate-love thing for him. He could be my new Santorum. Anything is possible.

(X-Posted at Strangely Blogged.)

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 10/12/13 at 11:59 PM

Categories: PoliticsBqhatevwrElection '16Health CareNuttersTeabaggeryRelijunSkull Hampers

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Robertson Warns of Homicidal Gays


If you’re going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair . . . and don’t shake hands with anyone, especially in the Castro.  Today, on the 700 Club, Christian Capitalista Pat Robertson exposed a little known local habit of the denizens of the World’s Gayest City—infecting people with AIDS via poison rings.

As Robertson explained to a caller:

You know what they do in San Francisco? Some in the gay community there, they want to get people so if they got the stuff they’ll have a ring, you shake hands, and the ring’s got a little thing where you cut your finger. Really. It’s that kind of vicious stuff, which would be the equivalent of murder.

See, as Robertson knows, his unwary flock are probably expecting gays to put aside aside their homicidal rage and enjoy triumphs like SCOTUS striking down DOMA and Prop 8, and same-sex wedding bells ringing from sea to shining sea.  But nooooo, rapacious homos are still murdering straighties with gay abandon.

Some of the Christians at Christian Broadcast Network [shake that little money-maker, Uncle Pat] saw fit to edit Robertson’s homophobic paranoia out of the online version of the program but not before it aired on cable television.  Right Wing Watch was there to catch and send it—in all of its unChristian hatefulness—down the intertubes to glory.

The whole episode is causing me to wonder when, exactly, Uncle Pat ran out of God-stuff to talk about on his TV ministry? or is this 21st century God-stuff? and also, do actual people really watch this moronic grifter and think of it as a religious experience? and, finally, do people still give Robertson money???

On a more anthropological note, I’d simply like to reassure Robertson and his followers that, as a gay woman, it has been simply ages since I’ve seen a poison ring in the Castro [that’s so ‘70s].  But you still might want to give gayz with iPhones a wide berth because GAY LASER DEATH RAY!!1! . . . [there’s an app for that].

UPDATE via Right Wing Watch:

Robertson issued a non-apology to The Atlantic, saying that he “regret[s] that my remarks had been misunderstood, but this often happens because people do not listen to the context of remarks which are being said.”

Of course, unlike CBN, we provided the entire exchange:

I was asked by a viewer whether she had a right to leave her church because she had been asked to transport an elderly man who had AIDS and about whose condition she had not been informed. My advice was that the risk of contagion in those circumstances was quite low and that she should continue to attend the church and not worry about the incident.

In my own experience, our organization sponsored a meeting years ago in San Francisco where trained security officers warned me about shaking hands because, in those days, certain AIDS-infected activists were deliberately trying to infect people like me by virtue of rings which would cut fingers and transfer blood.

I regret that my remarks had been misunderstood, but this often happens because people do not listen to the context of remarks which are being said. In no wise [sic] were my remarks meant as an indictment of the homosexual community or, for that fact, to those infected with this dreadful disease.


Posted by Bette Noir on 08/27/13 at 02:02 PM

Categories: PoliticsBqhatevwrNuttersRelijun

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Sunday Joke:  A Muslim, A Beauty Queen and Jesus Walk Into A FoxNews Interview . . . .

This has to be one of the funniest, most telling, FoxNews clips I’ve seen since Karl Rove’s election night freakout last year.

Reza Aslan is a scholar with a number of popular books on religion to his credit.  His latest is a book about Jesus’ life and times titled ZealotZealot has created quite a hubbub amongst the books-about-Jesus-audience, who are upset, to say the least, about some of Aslan’s premises and conclusions.  Amazon Reviews is burning up with some old-time religion hate.  That’s predictable.

Down through the ages lots and lots of religion scholars and enthusiasts have weighed in on the sparse facts of Jesus’ life and come to varying conclusions.  Those writers have come in every shape, color and religious background.  It’s an interesting topic to some. Admittedly, I haven’t read the book, I’ve only listened to interviews, but none of what I’ve heard of Aslan’s ideas sound like revolutionary departures from what’s always been kicking around on the subject.

I’m also old enough to remember the fuss that surrounded the debut of Jesus Christ, Superstar on Broadway.  For a short while, it was an apocalyptic event (which certainly didn’t hurt ticket sales) and eventually the show, deemed blasphemous by some, was permitted to make millions of dollars in performances and license fees forever and ever, amen.  Because, as we all know, from the Dominionists, Jesus is a free market fan.

The thing that is astonishing about this Fox incident is that it takes over nine minutes of airtime for this veteran FoxNews correspondent to wrap her mind around the idea that a Muslim has written a book about Jesus.  She projects, without overtly saying it—“how dare you?”  That’s really the whole [only] point of the long-ish segment.

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Posted by Bette Noir on 07/28/13 at 10:49 AM

Categories: PoliticsBqhatevwrNuttersRelijunTelevision

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