Tuesday, December 13, 2011

How are you celebrating National Cocoa Day?

I’m gonna have some hot chocolate and act like a huge ass.

Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) on 12/13/11 at 09:55 AM
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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

That, from a guy who’s said this. My work here is done.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 10/25/11 at 01:48 PM
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Monday, October 24, 2011

Oh wait, everybody already knew that.  Never mind.

And if you actually had any doubts but wanted more proof you only have to look as far as his new book.  Or maybe, you’d, you know, rather not.

So I’m happy to report that TPM has ever so kindly waded into that swamp for us and fetched out (carefully bagged and sealed we hope) 12 of the seamiest examples.

I guess a shorter Pat would run along the lines of:

Racist old white men like me will soon die off and the good old days of segregation and subjugation of women and minorities will be gone.  And you’ll all be poorer for it as cab drivers will probably start giving rides to black men.  Leading to the now total destruction of Judeo-Christian values.

Pat’s got a long history of outrageous racist/sexist/classist/homophobic/you name it statements.  Feel free to share your favorite hits in comments so they can be adequately heaped with derision.  Or discuss:  Why in dog’s name does MSNBC still have this ignoramus on its list of *credible* commentators?

Posted by marindenver on 10/24/11 at 03:30 PM
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Saturday, October 08, 2011

As near as I can tell, it’s because — you know — that’s what we do.

This is a piece of Beck’s titanically uplifting message to the 2011 Values Voter Summit.

I’m not sure which is more distracting — the terrible audio sync on this clip, or the fact that a millionaire can’t seem to get shirts with pressed collars.

As for the over-the-top paranoia and cloying victimhood, well, these days that’s so much a part of Beck’s franchise brand I’m surprised it doesn’t come in a styrofoam box.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 10/08/11 at 06:42 PM
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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Not only did he circle-dance with bearded hat-men, but he even lit their candle-thingy to summon Satan.

Too bad for them that Perry’s God has a kooky agenda of His own.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/27/11 at 09:12 PM
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Saturday, September 24, 2011

Well, not really. He’s just wrong as usual, this time combining his uniquely wrong insights about both politics and poetry to accidentally imply that New Jersey’s portly guv is The Beast.

Kristol, who as you may recall was instrumental in foisting kooky bumpkin Sarah Palin on an unsuspecting world, looked upon the current GOP field on display during this week’s debate and was appalled by its kookery and mediocrity. In an editorial entitled “Yikes,” Kristol wrote:

Reading the reactions of thoughtful commentators after the stage emptied, talking with conservative policy types and GOP political operatives later last evening and this morning, we know we’re not alone. Most won’t express publicly just how horrified—or at least how demoralized—they are.

[snip]

The e-mails flooding into our inbox during the evening were less guarded. Early on, we received this missive from a bright young conservative: “I’m watching my first GOP debate…and WE SOUND LIKE CRAZY PEOPLE!!!!” As the evening went on, the craziness receded, and the demoralized comments we received stressed the mediocrity of the field rather than its wackiness.

Not admiring your stitch-work, eh Dr. Frankenstein? My heart. It bleeds for you. Not.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/24/11 at 10:00 AM
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Saturday, September 03, 2011

Sweet Jesus, I hate the goddamned internet…

Continued below the fold…

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/03/11 at 11:59 AM
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Friday, September 02, 2011

Frothy Mixture is frothy:

Kudos to the student who tried to school Frothy, but he’s not interested in evidence.

[H/T: Sully]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/02/11 at 10:25 AM
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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Rumproast wasn’t the only blog to note that yesterday marked the anniversary of John McCain’s most damaging, cynical political act in a career notable for such degradations: Sarah Palin cult site Conservatives4Palin also noted that yesterday was the third anniversary of Snowflake Snooki’s debut speech in the blameless city of Dayton, Ohio.

One C4P operative even created the tag “Sarah Palin Day” to make a sort of official holiday of it, and the solemn event was marked there with several essays to sanctify the occasion. As an inveterate gawker at political silliness and a collector of mangled metaphors and stupefying similes, I was in hog heaven perusing the C4P offerings, which included an essay entitled “Why I’m Still Mad About 2008.” It contained this odd sentence:

Blaming Sarah Palin for blowing it in 2008, is like blaming your dog for not meowing loud enough.

Oookay then. Aside from a few grammatical quibbles, I’m not sure we can improve on that sentence, so let’s just let it stand in all its glory. The end.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/30/11 at 08:11 AM
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Friday, August 26, 2011

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I’ll say it now, bigots are fucking morons. Exhibit #9826(W) comes to us by way of (surprise) Texas [via TWO]:

In a case causing rising controversy in the US, a judge has told a Texan man he cannot leave his children in the care of the man he married.

Inter-state tension continues as the marriage between William Flowers and Jim Evans fails to be properly recognised in the second-largest US state.

Flowers had been married to a woman previously and fathered three children with her before they divorced in 2004. At the time, it was agreed she would keep custody of the children.

Over six years on, in early 2011, Flowers married Jim Evans in Connecticut, and began proceedings to claim custody.

Evans didn’t get custody, but that’s not the problem [I disagree, but no matter. - ed]. The judge in the case has ruled that Evans can’t leave the children with anyone “not related by blood or adoption,” which specifically excludes his husband.

TPM provides more details:

Judge Charley E. Prine, Jr. “issued a ruling which included an injunction applicable only to William. It prohibits him from leaving his children alone with any male to whom the kids are not related by ‘blood* or adoption,’”

But because bigots are fucking idiots, Prine forgot he was also creating a little thing called precedent. At a minimum it creates an opportunity to make divorce and custody proceedings 100% uglier. A former husband can argue that based on this ruling, mom can’t leave the children alone with a new boyfriend. Ditto a new husband until he formally adopts the kids. A former wife can argue that it is discrimination to only apply the ruling to men, and by the way, tell my ex-husband he can’t leave my kids alone with his girlfriend.

And why stop there? Once you argue that children shouldn’t be left alone with non-relatives it’s just a short step to arguing the kids should only be alone with relatives. My advice to parents in Texas: Hire a reputable genealogist and hope like hell you’re at least the 10th cousin twice removed of your babysitter, day care provider, kid’s teachers, football coaches ...

Or you could move to a state where fuckheads don’t run the show.

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 08/26/11 at 08:07 AM
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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Weepy pre-operative transemite* Glenn Beck opened his “Restoring Courage” thingie in Israel this afternoon with a hokey monologue punctuated by interfaith musical interludes that seemed more like a cheap bit of biblical theme-park hucksterism than the planet course-altering event promised.

Not to worry: Beck pre-spun the event yesterday by claiming that it would prevent the planet’s destruction even if no one showed up and it received no media attention.

So far, Beck has screwed up at least two “facts” from the bible: 1) God first allegedly revealed himself to mankind in the Garden of Eden rather than Jerusalem, and 2) God supposedly wrote the 10 Commandments on the tablets with flames from his fingertips rather than Moses chiseling the words as Beck claimed. Still waiting for the pillar of fire. Media Matters is on it.

Will this sad crazy person go away now? Probably not.

*H/T to co-blogger StrangeAppar8us for that brilliant phrasing.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/24/11 at 10:48 AM
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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

[Image: The colossal, one-of-a-kind “Rick Perry Mezuzah” next to the mezuzah of a normally-endowed, non-Texan Jew.]

Everything’s bigger in Texas. And that goes quadruple-plus for the humble doorway mezuzah:

Recently in June of this year (2011) Texas did something unique in passing a special law explicitly permitting the display of a Mezuzah up to 25 inches tall. This law overrides the authority of the Condo boards to ban Mezuzahs. This has come to be known as the Mezuzah Law.

After the bill was passed by the Texas legislature, the only question was whether Governor Rick Perry would sign it into law. When he did, we came up with the idea of commissioning a large, Texas style Mezuzah in his honor. We called up our friends at CJ Art in Israel and asked them to make us a very large Mezuzah from Jerusalem stone.

In order to push the envelope a bit we told them to make it 26” tall - one inch taller than is protected by the Texas law. They loved the idea and got right to work on it. It arrived in our store in Los Angeles only a few days before Governor Perry announced his presidential campaign. What timing!

There’s only one, and it’s a thousand bucks plus the cost of the scroll. However, rumor has it that the “Rick Perry Rodeo Roundup Tefillin & Phylacteries” set will be value-priced for the merely-observant or Orthodox ‘Roaster-on-a-budget.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/23/11 at 01:31 PM
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Monday, August 22, 2011

Pre-operative transemite Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Courage” tour in Israel isn’t getting the warm, gooey US media-love that last year’s “Restoring Honor” event in DC attracted. Not only that, but the Israelis aren’t exactly thrilled that he’s there, either.

The domestic attention received by Beck’s visit appeared to be largely negative, with Israeli-Arab Parliamentarian Ahmed Tibi calling him “a bizarre, conservative, neo-fascist comedian who is motivated by a hatred of Islam,” according to an article in the Jerusalem Post last Thursday. The next day, the weekend edition of Israel’s largest daily Yediot Aharonoth published an article dripping with sarcasm and smirk, describing Beck’s visit to the West Bank settlement of Itamar, where he toured the house where five members of a settler family were murdered this past March. In the article, Beck is described as a sort of hapless charlatan crying on cue and traipsing through the West Bank in an armored convoy suitable for a head of state. The left-wing Israeli organization Peace Now announced Sunday that it will be holding a protest on Wednesday afternoon, ahead of Beck’s penultimate rally on later that night.

Having gotten the boot from Fox and wrung as many fake tears as he could from the mummified husks of the Founding Fathers, Beck is seeking ever-larger crosses on which to crucify himself. Unfortunately, no one can see him bleeding on radio, and only the hardest of the hard-core would pay good money to watch him work out his demons here.

Here’s hoping he never appoints himself the spokesperson for the Armenian Genocide, ‘cause those folks got enough problems already.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/22/11 at 12:05 PM
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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Are a threat to America.

Or something. I’ve watched the clip three times and I’m still not certain Rick is speaking English [via Truth Wins Out]:

Watching Rick Santorum try to do things, not any specific things in particular, just things, is like watching a particularly pathetic trainwreck.
...
Recently, Santorum decided to explain how gay marriage isn’t as good as straight marriage by standing in a grocery store and telling everybody that napkins aren’t paper towels, no matter how much you try to use them as paper towels. You get it? Napkins are QUEERS, you guys. And paper towels are BRAWNY, which means they’re heterosexual, because the dude on that package doesn’t look gay at all.

The entire clip is worth watching, but FF to 2:16 if you must have your daily shot of Santorum.

My theory? Every time someone clicks on Dan Savage’s Spreading Santorum, Rick sheds a brain cell.

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 08/10/11 at 10:08 PM
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Saturday, August 06, 2011

You can’t say we didn’t warn him. Why bother braving the weeks of totally not-caused-by-anthropogenic-climate-change record 100+degree weather, when you can livestream the second-funniest undeclared candidate in America, Governor Rick Perry, and his whole eye-rolling, tongue-speaking, Statue-of-Liberty-hating, church-and-state-humping Obama ghost dance for Teabrains right here?

The schedule is unhelpful and vague, but He of the Wax-and-Wear Hair is scheduled to speak about mid-day. If he’s not just ushering or picking up trash in the stands, because he doesn’t even know what his role is!  Commitmentphobia; it happens to Jeebus, too!

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 08/06/11 at 11:39 AM
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