Faced with the looming prospect of an 18th consecutive losing season, beleaguered Pirates management has once again dipped its bucket into the nearly-empty talent well of the Bucs’ Indianapolis Indians farm club. Having previously called-up pitcher Brad Lincoln and outfielder Jose Tabata with a fanfare that dwarfed their on-field impact—and as yet unable to coax consistent production out of heavy-hitting third-base phenom Pedro Alvarez—the team is putting all its chips on rookie hurler Pope Benedict XVI.
Despite a mottled minor league career and an ERA that’s creeped as high as 9.51, the Pope has sparked excitement among a long-suffering fan base that’s starved for even a feeble blip in the Pirates’ flat-lined fortunes. “He’s 83 years old, so I’m not looking for him to whiff a lot of batters,” observed tailgater Mark Henschel. “But he baffles the lefties, and he’s got a sinker that looks jut like an inside curve, but transubstantiates like a bitch about ten feet in front of the plate. Also, I’ve seen him project a blinding glow from his forehead that throws off even monster humanist sluggers. I don’t figure him to carry any games, but as a change-up guy he brings a lot to the party.”
The Pope will don the Jolly Roger for his debut performance at PNC Park tonight against the Cincinnati Reds.
I’m rooting for Oranje for my Dutch brother-in-law, but a win by either of these teams will be fine with me (I fell in love with Spain when I visited there). It’s been a very enjoyable Cup overall. Just looking forward to a great match to close it out.
Just got back from watching the US World Cup victory over Algeria in a packed local Brooklyn pub with my Dutch brother-in-law. He’s now in a car headed to the airport with my wife’s sister and my adorable niece. Thanks so much to Betty Cracker and StrangeAppar8us, two of the best and funniest polibloggers on the planet Earth, for holding down the fort while I was jammed up with fun family affairs and living in what was essentially Brooklyn’s smallest hostel for six days. Normal blogging from me will resume at some point tomorrow.
Attorneys for disgraced gridiron great O.J. Simpson return to court Friday, arguing that the judge at his 2008 armed robbery trial in Las Vegas did not adequately guard against the looming shadow of his notorious past.
From The Field, one of the greatest (the greatest?) sports-related smackdowns in poliblogosphere history:
The other “Progressives Against Obama” member I’ll take to the woodshed today is radio and TV host Cenk Uygur, for whom the Kagan nomination likewise is not really about Kagan but about Obama himself. He writes:
“My problem with her is my problem with Obama. Cheney and Bush moved the ball 80 yards down-field (sic, as anyone who knows the NFL spells it downfield, without hyphen), whether that was on executive power, warrantless wiretapping, pre-emptive wars or just about any other issue you can think of. And Obama’s bold and brilliant response is to move the ball 10 yards in the opposite direction. Not good enough. Not remotely good enough…
“He is never going to throw the ball down the field. If you like two yard pick-ups by a running-back going straight up the middle, you’ll love Obama. It’s the Eddie George presidency. What he doesn’t seem to get is that the other side is eventually going to get the ball back and then it won’t seem like a major accomplishment that we went from our own two-yard line to our own twelve-yard line. It’ll be viewed as a tremendous disappointment.”
Actually, Mr. Uygur, you ought to get to know the games of football and of politics before nominating yourself as head coach or quarterback. You should at least know the rules of the game. In football, moving the ball ten yards downfield is precisely good enough. It is called gaining a first down, that which allows your team to remain in possession of the ball and keep battling downfield toward touchdowns and field goals, while denying the opposing team time on the clock to do so.
The name-dropping of running back Eddie George is also revealing as to just how greatly Uygur’s comparison fails epicly: Eddie George, at Ohio State University, won the Heisman Trophy in 1995, and he rushed for more than 10,000 yards in only eight years in the NFL (presidents, by law, can’t last more than eight) and George helped bring his middling team to the Super Bowl in just four years, one first down at a time. In his first season with the Houston Oilers-cum-Tennessee Titans franchise (when George earned the NFL’s Rookie of the Year title), the team won just eight games to eight losses. By 1999, the Titans had 13 wins to three losses and went to the Super Bowl.
What got them there? First downs and ball possession, largely thanks to Eddie George: That team won by running the ball up the field three or four yards per play.
NOTE: It’s a beautiful day today in NYC and I want to stay off of the computer before I head off to another Kentucky Derby party, so I’m cheating and reposting my Derby entry from last year (with a few additions). Enjoy.—KK
Here’s a collection of random (and mostly short) video performances of the song “My Old Kentucky Home,” ranging from interesting to cute to weird, to celebrate this festive day. Consider this an open thread to chat about the Kentucky Derby or whatever else you want. Cheers.
Sarah Palin caresses Todd with her magical Quittin’ Mittens.
Todd “First Dude” Palin dropped out of the Iron Dog. There’s like a gazillion jokes in there, but nothing will be funnier than the FaceDisgracebook note Sarah (or maybe Piper) will write about it, so let’s all kill some time watching this until it happens. BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT IT WILL! AND SHE WILL BLAME CARTOONS, LATE NIGHT CHILD MOLESTERS, REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS, TELEPROMPTERS, HOPEY, CHANGEY, AND/OR THE DEMOCRAT PARTY!!!
UPDATE: The ADN has updated their story and apparently the QUITTING (*snort!*) was due to a back injury or, as Ex-Half-Governor Iquitarod calls it, “broken parts”...
Admit it: We were all worried when Obama chose the gaffe-prone Biden for the VP slot:
VANCOUVER - Former U.S. Olympians Peggy Fleming and Vonetta Flowers were slightly injured Sunday in a collision involving the van they were riding in as part of Vice President Joe Biden’s motorcade, Biden’s office said.
Luckily, Fleming and Flowers survived the latest Biden gaffe and were seen enjoying the games while seated near the Vice President and Second Lady after the incident.
I sure hope the rumors aren’t true about Hillary Clinton retiring and Biden taking over the State Department in a second Obama administration. Secretary of State Clinton, your country needs you: That next Biden gaffe could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.
At the risk of replicating NRO’s epic football prediction flame-out, I’m going to go out on a limb and pick today’s winners. (Unlike NRO’s Miller, I can only be wrong about two games.)
AFC Championship Game
New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts
Winner: Colts, 24-21
Sorry, Jets fans. You’ve had a great run with promising young hottie Sanchez, and you’ve got a shut-down corner in Darrelle Revis. But not even Revis can cover both Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark. Plus, there’s Peyton Manning. I’ll be rooting for the J-E-T-S Jets, but I think Indy will win it.
NFC Championship Game
Minnesota Vikings at New Orleans Saints
Winner: Saints, 30-27
I’m rooting for the Saints, but it’s tough to pick this game—there are so many intangibles. I give the Saints a slight edge because my old Gator hero Percy Harvin, the Vikings’ Rookie of the Year, has been questionable all week due to migraines, which also plagued him at Florida. He’s like a racehorse, that dude. When he’s on, he’s ON. But he’s fragile. And the Vikes need him at 100% to prevail against a great Saints team.
Looks like we might actually have a game now between the Vikings and the horrible, horrible Cowboys.* A welcome relief after yesterday’s two duds. More importantly, we’ve got the Jets against the Chargers for the late game. Not sure how many football fans we have around these parts, but here’s an open thread. Have at it. GO JETS!
