Sarah Palin caresses Todd with her magical Quittin’ Mittens.
Todd “First Dude” Palin dropped out of the Iron Dog. There’s like a gazillion jokes in there, but nothing will be funnier than the FaceDisgracebook note Sarah (or maybe Piper) will write about it, so let’s all kill some time watching this until it happens. BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT IT WILL! AND SHE WILL BLAME CARTOONS, LATE NIGHT CHILD MOLESTERS, REFRIGERATOR MAGNETS, TELEPROMPTERS, HOPEY, CHANGEY, AND/OR THE DEMOCRAT PARTY!!!
UPDATE: The ADN has updated their story and apparently the QUITTING (*snort!*) was due to a back injury or, as Ex-Half-Governor Iquitarod calls it, “broken parts”...
Admit it: We were all worried when Obama chose the gaffe-prone Biden for the VP slot:
VANCOUVER - Former U.S. Olympians Peggy Fleming and Vonetta Flowers were slightly injured Sunday in a collision involving the van they were riding in as part of Vice President Joe Biden’s motorcade, Biden’s office said.
Luckily, Fleming and Flowers survived the latest Biden gaffe and were seen enjoying the games while seated near the Vice President and Second Lady after the incident.
I sure hope the rumors aren’t true about Hillary Clinton retiring and Biden taking over the State Department in a second Obama administration. Secretary of State Clinton, your country needs you: That next Biden gaffe could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.
At the risk of replicating NRO’s epic football prediction flame-out, I’m going to go out on a limb and pick today’s winners. (Unlike NRO’s Miller, I can only be wrong about two games.)
AFC Championship Game
New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts
Winner: Colts, 24-21
Sorry, Jets fans. You’ve had a great run with promising young hottie Sanchez, and you’ve got a shut-down corner in Darrelle Revis. But not even Revis can cover both Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark. Plus, there’s Peyton Manning. I’ll be rooting for the J-E-T-S Jets, but I think Indy will win it.
NFC Championship Game
Minnesota Vikings at New Orleans Saints
Winner: Saints, 30-27
I’m rooting for the Saints, but it’s tough to pick this game—there are so many intangibles. I give the Saints a slight edge because my old Gator hero Percy Harvin, the Vikings’ Rookie of the Year, has been questionable all week due to migraines, which also plagued him at Florida. He’s like a racehorse, that dude. When he’s on, he’s ON. But he’s fragile. And the Vikes need him at 100% to prevail against a great Saints team.
Looks like we might actually have a game now between the Vikings and the horrible, horrible Cowboys.* A welcome relief after yesterday’s two duds. More importantly, we’ve got the Jets against the Chargers for the late game. Not sure how many football fans we have around these parts, but here’s an open thread. Have at it. GO JETS!
Gorging on holiday bowl games, I couldn’t help but notice a trend: Coaches fired or on the hot seat for hurting players’ fee-fees. Mike Leach at Texas Tech got shit-canned because he made player Adam James sit in a tool shed or something, which Leach denies. I have no idea what actually transpired, but James’ father is the über-smarmy Craig James, so I tend to believe Leach’s version.
Then Kansas coach Mark Mangino got the boot for being abusive:
Former Kansas wide receiver Raymond Brown, a senior last season, said Mangino would often “say personal, hurtful, embarrassing things in front of people.”
Fer chrissake. I bet he never called any of them fat slobs.
Jim Leavitt, coach of the USF Bulls, is currently under investigation for smacking a player around. The player’s father and several others were pushing the story, which they’ve backed off from somewhat, but it remains a major controversy and threatens the career and reputation of the guy who built the USF program.
The legendary coach at my alma mater, Urban Meyer, hasn’t been accused of abusing players, but he has revealed himself to be somewhat of a head case this drama-filled week. Dealing with overgrown babies in the program is undoubtedly one of stressors that goes along with getting paid $4M a year to coach the Gators.
Poor Meyer would probably be painting sand dollars in a padded room if it weren’t for the great Tim Tebow, who I’m certain not only never gave Meyer a moment’s worry but could talk Satan into wearing John 3:16 on his eye black and selling Vegas to fund a Filipino orphanage.
Anyway, I’m wondering if Bear Bryant would make it in today’s college football emo-fest. The Junction Boys would probably hire Gloria Allred and sue the poor bastard.
*Credit for the phrase “emo-pants” goes to John Cole
Well, one good thing came out of the defeat of Touchdown Jeebus and the Mighty Gators by Alabama: It prompted noted piggy-eyed MSNBC asshole Joe Scarborough to finally drop all pretenses of being a Floridian.
We have enough embarrassing wingnuts here, including Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and Matt Drudge. May the Tide wash all vestiges of Morning Joe across the Gulf of Mexico, up the Black Warrior River and north to Tuscaloosa!
Taiwanese news channel previews next year’s hottest ticket in ultraviolent gaming.*
*I had a funny game title in mind, but Kevin McCallum at Independent Online has already claimed the movie rights to “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant,” which defies improvement.
Palin had announced on Twitter that she would be running the 5K race, organized by the Benton-Franklin Chapter of the Red Cross.
However, she didn’t finish the race, opting to leave the course early to avoid more crowds at the end. About 40 minutes into the run, people gathered at the finish line to get more pictures of Palin started to learn that she was gone.
America, there is nothing this proud, patriotic gal can’t quit and she will prove such a thing by quitting everything until the end of time. Also.
First, ESPN fired Rush Limbaugh from a prime football analyst spot for being a race-baiting jackass. Then the NFL punted El Flushbowl from a prospective owner’s group—again for being a race-baiting jackass (only this time in a general rather than specific way).
The man’s lifelong dreams were dashed. Understandably bitter, El Flushbowl retreated to his Fortress ofCat and denounced the league as an “outpost of racism and liberalism.” Can he even bear to watch football anymore?
Now, to add insult to injury, the NFL sponsors this “NFL Rush” program for kids. That’s right: NFL. Rush.
Maybe the program was in existence prior to the league’s spiking the ownership deal. I dunno. But still.
And, they illustrate the NFL Rush site with photos of African Americans enjoying the game the NFL reduced to ashes for poor Rush. That’s Obama’s America for you, sports fans.
Why don’t they just give Rush a nice paper cut and pour some lemon juice on it? Bastards.
