Thursday, August 26, 2010

They haz a meme

Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin will speak at the Lincoln Memorial this Saturday on the anniversary of the date when Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech at that very same spot.

It’s totally a coincidence that Beck scheduled his “Restoring Honor” rally on that date and at that place. He’s just trying to reclaim the civil rights movement. Black people don’t own MLK, you know.

Now, MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech is perhaps the most inspiring, soaring rhetoric ever produced in the history of this country. That makes it a tough act to follow, even 47 years later.

Are Beck and Palin up to the challenge? Let’s compare and contrast:

I dunno. Somehow I think MLK will still kinda own that venue—even after Saturday.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/26/10 at 08:30 AM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryOur Stupid MediaYouTubidity

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Baked Alaska and Floriduh

I think Tbogg is onto something here. Citing Palin’s hand-picked protégé Joe Miller’s relentless pimping of his rugged outdoorsy-ness, moose-bloodlust, etc., Tbogg says:

We get it. You’re an outdoorsman and you’re all macho and shit with your manscaped beard, but, seriously, after the last couple of years of listening to that babbling snowbilly grifter natter on about your Alabama-with-a-snowpack hellstate, we’re kinda of Alaska’d out about the Great White North and we wish you guys would just take our tax dollars and shut the fuck up about your bullshit last frontier self-sufficiency.

Yep.  And yet, I pity the Alaskans not named Joe W. Miller and Sarah Palin, for they are being stereotyped by the Snowflake Snooki Moose-Killin’, Salmon-Slayin’ Minstrel Show.

I know what it’s like to have your state thrust onto the national political stage because of the antics of a handful of dumbasses. No one who lived in Florida during the 2000 election recount will ever forget the shame of “Floriduh”—the officials staring at hanging chads in slack-jawed amazement, the Condo Commandos accidentally voting for Pat Buchanan, etc.

I feel your pain, Alaska.

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/25/10 at 12:50 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '08Election '10NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryYouTubidity

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Palin Tweets Last-Minute Support for Her AK, AZ and FL Primary Picks

Or maybe not. But whatever it is that’s keeping her away from her Blackberry today, I’m sure she hopes that all good Americans will go to the polls and vote for the Teabagger/RINO/Sociopath of Sarah’s choice.

John McCain, Joe Miller, Paul Gosar, Allen West and Pam Bondi (Did I miss anyone?) are all in play today. I’ll be monitoring the AK returns, since I have to be up all night anyway.

For sheer krazy-on-krazy action, Quayle vs. Gorman is worth watching, even though Sarah—surprisingly—doesn’t have a horse in that nutjob-rich race. 

Should be a fun night.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/24/10 at 04:41 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

The Biblical Foundations of America, Such As They Are

I get tired of hearing that the Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution are rooted in Judeo-Christian law, and Betty’s post on Erick al-Amriki convinced me to finally publish my Quick-Scan Bible-America Concordance:

1 And God spoke all these words:

2 “I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

3 “You shall have no other gods before [a] me.

4 “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.

7 “You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the alien within your gates. 11 For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

13 “You shall not murder.

14 “You shall not commit adultery.

15 “You shall not steal.

16 “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Yep, that’s it—America and God share prohibitions against Murder, Theft and Perjury, and all the rest is a) safety tips for stress-free nomadic living and b) God demanding Evian water, BLUE-ONLY M&Ms and 10% of T-shirt sales.

Suck it, Sarah. America isn’t based on Biblical Law; Biblical Law is based on cave paintings. Anyway, Hammurabi did it better—and way ahead of the Jews.

Thanks, Babylon. America is ever in your debt.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/24/10 at 12:20 PM

Categories: PoliticsNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggeryWar In Error

Monday, August 23, 2010

Teabagger Fallback Election Strategery: Blackmail the Winner

This is rich. Palin’s hand-picked henchrube Clint Didier got blown out of the recent Washington State All-Party Top-Two Primary for US Senate candidates. The winners were sitting Dem Senator Patty Murray and GOP suit mannequin and two-time gubernatorial loser Dino Rossi. Footballer-turned-farmer Didier came in a distant third with 13% of the vote. 

In a genteel, We-the-People-Have-Spoken universe, Didier might have congratulated his fellow Republican and thrown his support behind Rossi’s uphill challenge to the Liberal incumbent. But, as Sarah herself has shown, defeat at the polls isn’t the end—it merely means you’re over the target and taking flack. Real winners know that crushing defeat is a back-handed compliment, and a smile is just a frown turned upside-down.

Instead, Didier called a press conference to announce that he would refuse to endorse Rossi unless Rossi capitulated to the following (insane) demands:

1) Introduce the “Sanctity of Life” Act that U.S. Rep. Ron Paul introduced in the House. The bill would allow local jurisdictions to pass anti-abortion laws without interference from federal courts.

2) Sign a pledge that he won’t support any additional taxes or increases in new taxes.

3) Pledge to vote no on any bill that increases federal spending.

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/23/10 at 08:40 PM

Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Satya Knows Because Fox News Told Him So

Manning the barricades at the (not)Ground Zero Rally, was an Indian gentleman wearing a Gandhi T-shirt. I found him arguing heatedly with a couple of young men, also from the great subcontinent, who, after this encounter, turned to me and said, “I hope you’re putting this up on YouTube.” Your servant, guys!

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 08/23/10 at 11:46 AM

Categories: New York CityManhattanNewsPoliticsNuttersTeabaggeryRelijunYouTubidity

Sarah Palin Impersonates Elected Official in Campaign Robocall

Hi, this is Governor Sarah Palin

Yeah, and I’m David Caruso, star of NYPD Blue.

Sarah quits the gig, but flashes the title when she’s endorsing her pals or parking in the handicap space at Target. Nice deal.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/23/10 at 10:32 AM

Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

A Lovely Day For An Auto-Da-Fé: The Not the Ground Zero Rally Against Not the Ground Zero Mosque

say, MoHAMed's star isn't yellow!
Bottom line: This was your Joe-Basic Tea Party rally, minus most of the Gadsden flags and plus EXTRA anger and different costumery.  It was, shall we say, intimate; there were fewer people, it seemed, than the last Tea Party rally in Manhattan, and that one didn’t fill up the space allotted it, either.  The rain was only sporadic until after Pamela Gellar’s Mosquetastic Hyster-0-Rama exploitation fantasy concluded, so the unimpressive crowd can’t be blamed on that.

read the whole post »

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 08/23/10 at 03:04 AM

Categories: ImagesNew York CityManhattanNewsPoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggeryRelijun

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Tomorrow’s shorters, today

After seeing ReaLAMEricans driven to a frenzy by the combination of brown skin and an Under Armour beanie, it occurred to me it’s going to be a busy week for the leading lice of the fReichtard movement.

They will of course say something about this footage. And if you think it will be “Oh my God, I’m so ashamed that I ever had anything to do with these people,” you have not been paying attention.

So, in the interest of saving time, here are 13 pre-shorters of the shit the fRighties will fling over the next few days.

They are both 100% the product of my imagination and 100% accurate:

1. The fact that this gentleman denied he’s a Muslim when no one asked if he was a Muslim proves he’s a Muslim.

2. Saaay, what’s a brown guy doing in New York City, anyway?

3. It’s a shame the Muslims insist on inciting ReaLAMEricans to attack random brown people who probably don’t deserve it.

4. Once again the Democrat-controlled LameStreamMedia seeks to stifle our rights by not editing out the bits of this tape we don’t want people to see.

5. I didn’t watch the film but based on what a friend told me about it liberals are once again making a big deal about nothing.

6. It’s obvious the one or two people who appear to be misbehaving, and the man they appear to be harassing are all liberal moles.

7. Dear Brown People: We’re angry and upset so you’ll have to stay indoors until we calm down. P.S. We’re not racist.

8. I felt sorry for the man until he used the “F” word. He’s lucky he wasn’t killed by those brave patriots.

9. What did he expect? He’s brown and wearing a weird hat.

10. Check his counter tops!!

11. For all the protesters knew the guy was lying when he said he isn’t Muslim, so it was their duty to go after him.

12. Once upon a time the Democratic party was full of racists so the stuff that happens in this tape doesn’t count.

13. LOL, libtards are sooooo sensitive. They should sack up like us manly studs on the right. P.S. Stop the Ground 0 911 Mosque, it hurts my feewings.1 Mosque, it hurts my feewings.

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 08/22/10 at 08:48 PM

Categories: New York CityPoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggery

Alaska’s Joe Miller: Riding the Tea Party Waive

From Joe Miller’s US Senate campaign site, an invitation to quit, forswear, dispense with, renounce, forgo, relinquish or forfeit campaign signage in the parking lot at Sears:

If you can’t get up that early, or if you have any leftover signs from the morning event, you can surrender your political placards to Joe outside the Sleep Gallery at 4:30.

UPDATE 12:20PM: These events have been removed from Joe’s Google schedule, although that does not necessarily mean that Rumproast is all-powerful.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/22/10 at 09:06 AM

Categories: PoliticsElection '10NuttersTeabaggery

Saturday, August 21, 2010

America’s Most Entertaining Psycho Grudge: Simpson/Flanders or Palin/Murkowski?

Homer Simpson hates his relentlessly pre-Rapturous neighbor Ned Flanders so much that even when an accident reduced Homer’s brain capacity to a single functioning cell, it was able to spell out the words “Kill Flanders” on an ICU monitor. 

That’s where Sarah Palin seems to be at with her multi-generational vendetta against Alaska’s Republican Murkowski dynasty. In 2002, newly-elected Alaska Governor Frank Murkowski snubbed the ambitious Wasilla mayor by appointing his own daughter Lisa to fill the state’s empty US Senate seat. As a political sop, he appointed Palin to the Alaska Oil and Gas Commission, a position from which she would eventually resign. In 2006, the ascendant Palin defeated a by-then-disgraced Murkowski in the Republican gubernatorial primary, subsequently winning and then resigning the Governorship in what is now perceived as her classic pattern of Preemptive Auto-Impeachment.

Two years earlier, in 2004, Palin had declined to run against the younger Murkowski for the first full term of her appointed Senate seat, citing family reasons—i.e., not wanting her family to watch her get shucked and sheaved by a powerful Father/Daughter political combine. After Palin’s unsuccessful 2008 run for Miss Veepoverse, some of her supporters hoped she would use the mystical Cloak of Unearned Importance bequeathed to her by an aging, befuddled John McCain to win and resign Lisa Murkowski’s office in 2010. Instead, she backed plaid-shirted Tea Party fave Joe Miller—because what’s the point of running for office when you control the Universe from a bear-skin-draped Zamboni in your Arctic Fortress of Nebbitude?

Cut to the chase: Most polls had Murkowski with a comfortable lead of 30 points or so over Miller, until Tea Party Express announced an unpublished mystery poll indicating that the gap had astonishingly closed to about 10 points in a matter of weeks. Cue Sarah’s Friday Facebook emission asking for $30,000 in last-minute contributions to Miller’s campaign, coupled with a same-day Tea Party Express mass-email from Todd Palin calling for a $150,000 “money-bomb” for Miller in advance of the Tuesday primary.

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/21/10 at 01:34 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsElection '10NuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Friday, August 20, 2010

Bitter Slurpee clingers


Pantload at NRO:

Slurpees? Really?

Maybe it’s me, but there’s just something about Obama’s new metaphor that strikes me as unhelpful to his condescension problem.

“We put on our boots and walked into the ditch — it’s muddy and hot and dusty and bugs everywhere — and we’re pushing,” Mr. Obama said of the efforts of the White House and its Democratic partners in Congress.

“And we’re slipping and sliding and sweating, and the other side, the Republicans, they’re standing there with their Slurpees watching us,” Mr. Obama said, building up to the punch line, which he has been refining (minus the Slurpees) for several months. “Finally we get this car to level ground. Finally we’re ready to move forward, go down that road once again to American prosperity, and what happens? They want the keys back.”

“Well, you can’t have the keys back,” he said to cheers in Milwaukee on Monday. “You don’t know how to drive. You got us into the ditch.”

It’s definitely you, Pantload. 

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/20/10 at 10:34 AM

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Palin on Schlessinger: Winners Never Quit, and Quitters Never Stop Making Excuses for Quitting

Sarah defends “Dr.” Laura, just long enough to rationalize her own chickenshit flight from elected office:

I, and obviously many others, have been “shackled” too by people who play games with false accusations, threats, frivolous lawsuits, misreporting, etc., in an effort to silence those with whom they disagree. That’s why I tend to defend people who call it like they see it while others stop at nothing to shut them up. I learned this valuable lesson when the partisan obstructionists in my state tried to shackle, bankrupt, and destroy my family and supporters, and my record, with endless frivolous litigation when I returned from the Vice Presidential campaign trail. In order to shake off the shackles they wanted to paralyze us with, I handed the reins to another, much like Dr. Laura is doing, so that these obstructionists who hated a Commonsense Conservative agenda wouldn’t win. I didn’t retreat; I reloaded in order to fight for what is right on a fairer battlefield. So, more power to someone with good intentions who refuses to be shackled by their detractors when they are falsely accused of being racist.

“Shackles”? Really? Is Sarah angling for an Image Award, or a singing part in the big-screen remake of Roots?

[H/T Mrs. Polly for undisclosed mnemonic services]

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 08/19/10 at 06:05 PM

Categories: NewsPoliticsBedwettersNuttersSarah PalinTeabaggery

Who will counter the cankle of divisive assholes?


The attempt to establish a Muslimfrei zone around Ground Zero isn’t about 9/11. The wingnut solicitude for “Dr.” Laura’s supposedly lost First Amendment rights isn’t about “Dr.” Laura’s right to repeat racial slurs on the radio.

Fox News’ relentless pimping of the New Black Panther Party non-story isn’t about voter intimidation. Arizona’s anti-immigration law isn’t about illegal immigration. Breitbart’s Shirley Sherrod smear wasn’t about “reverse racism.”

The persistent suggestions from multiple quarters on the right that President Obama isn’t a Christian or an American aren’t about his religion or nationality. And the Prop 8 campaign wasn’t about protecting straight marriage.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 08/19/10 at 08:11 AM

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

David Harsanyi Doesn’t Get What The Conversation Is About

David Harsanyi, a syndicated columnist who writes for the Denver Post, starts his column today by asking the question “Is it bigoted to criticize religion?” and then proceeds to miss the point entirely.

There are those who continue to make the facile claim that any protest over Park51 is a display in un-American intolerance and contempt for the Constitution. This position treats criticism of faith — religious institutions and symbols included — as tantamount to “bigotry.”

Given that there remains overwhelming opposition to the ground zero mosque, this viewpoint would mean that 70 percent of Americans are impulsively hostile to freedom of religion and irrationally narrow-minded.

Do you see what you did there, David?  First you set up the straw men by labeling criticism of the proposed Islamic community center “bigotry”, then you blithely referred to it as the “ground zero mosque” thus accepting the false premise that the argument is over a mosque being built on top of ground zero!  Which it, um, isn’t and isn’t.  But we’re now all ready to condemn the mean spiritedness that proclaims 70 percent of Americans are impulsively hostile to freedom of religion, irrationally narrow-minded and bigots to boot!

You then go on to compare the apple of the ginned up outrage over something that’s not what it’s being reported to be as *equivalent* to the oranges of community protests against Wal-Mart stores and a protest march by gays against the passing of Prop 8 that originated at a Mormon Temple in Westwood, CA.

And applying public pressure in an effort to shut down a project is as American as protesting the arrival of a new Wal-Mart. Religious institutions, as far as I can tell, are not exempted from these disputes.

In 2008, thousands of gay-rights activists protested the Mormon temple in Westwood, Calif., for its role in passing Proposition 8 — the ban on same-sex marriage. This grew into a national protest to undermine the influence of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — even though not every Mormon was involved.

Let’s start with the simple one.  Wal-Mart, regardless of what its management may or may not believe, is not a church or a religion.  Freedom to worship Wal-Mart is optional but not constitutionally protected.  As a business enterprise it is subject to boycott by consumers who disagree with its labor policies and tendency to bulldoze existing small businesses into extinction.  So far the company’s still around and still making profits.  More power to it.

read the whole post »

Posted by marindenver on 08/18/10 at 06:06 PM

Categories: LGBTPoliticsBedwettersNuttersTeabaggeryRelijunSkull Hampers

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