Vulture/Voucher 2012

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Thank You Charles Krauthammer, Or, Manly Rubric Presents

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Nowhere in the known universe has a force as intense been measured as Charles Krauthammer’s clenched sensibilities Thursday night. Heavens above, the Vice President’s demeanor! Joe must have been studying Jack Nicholson! The Right-O-Sphere at large loved this “zinger” and passed it around delightedly, without realizing bringing their horror fantasy to fruition would fall to the likes of me. I don’t usually feel grateful to Charles Krauthammer, but for implying that Joe opened a bunch of hatchet on Paul Ryan just by laughing, I thank you, Charles. Let’s go out for a drink at the next debate. I promise not even to hint at a smile when the President says, “Oh Rmoney, I’m home!” lest you crumble to pieces on the spot.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/13/12 at 02:20 PM
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Friday, October 12, 2012

They Call Me MISTER Fibbs

Rynocchio

Harumph harumph harumph! Where is the respect for prevaricating congresscritter Mister Paul Ryan? Harumphs Charles the Krauthammer in Tucker’s Teenage Funhouse (where, speaking of Krauthammers, I was distracted by the kidz’ reprint of those photos of Wat Charlie’s Gettin’, the Tuckerface superimposed thereon, and the neonazi who pops up and is supported in the comments section, because even though he is a neonazi, freakin’ mooslins!)

But back to conservatives’ demand for proper demeanor for their real boy, Rynocchio. Goodness knows he takes himself seriously, enough to object to TIME’s effort to embarrass him by publishing the wonderfully ludicrous photos he posed for, demand that Biden Call Him Mister, and whine that Biden interrupted his stream of falsehoods, and what’s more, couldn’t keep a straight face while Mr. Paul Ryan was talking!  A portion of the MSM are obediently taking up Mr. Paul Ryan’s dropped tear-stained hankie today, but let’s harbor a hope that perhaps the sight of Little Lord FlauntaLie being confronted on his untruthiness will resonate with some of those Undecideds our country is depending on to get some kind of clue.

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/12/12 at 10:33 AM
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2012 VP Debate Transcript Part 2

The second part of the transcript is after the fold.

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Posted by YAFB on 10/12/12 at 08:23 AM
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Thursday, October 11, 2012

Let’s Do This Thing: Joe Vs Granny-Starver VP Debate Liveblog

You Bet We Will Call You A Liar

You know there’s never going to be a better night than tonight to crack open a beer and insulate it in in a koozie with Fightin’ Joe’s visage emblazoned thereupon. If only it were possible for anxiety prone Joebots to crawl into a full-body koozie till it was over. Or at least don a head-koozie like the little Aynist’s up there, fashioned before the Republicans had cornered the market on tin-foil skull-coverings—hough the lining may very well be metallic and crinkly, much like its original wearer.

Below the fold, the YouTube livestream, so you need never leave the warmth and comfort of our Roasty den to follow along. If you are so inclined, though, the long-suffering Guardian writers are liveblogging and streaming here, nomenclature-superabled ZEGScoiner Charlie Pierce will be twittering here.

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Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/11/12 at 07:45 PM
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Categories: ImagesNewsPoliticsElection '12Vulture/Voucher 2012Paul Ryan

So Letting Mitt Be Mitt Happened

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People in apartments, count your blessings, like the red-and-white taxis that take you to the ER! Don’t worry about dying in your apartments of no Obamacare, because the hospitals and the taxpayers and charities and so on just won’t let you! So go ahead and have your heart attacks and do not worry about the hospitals sending you bills that will cause you to have the second heart attacks you might have not ever had if you were covered for preventive care.

See? Mitt does care about the 47%, even though they don’t live in proper houses with lawns and car payments and so forth.‘Cos people like that would never be irresponsible enough to not choose an insurance plan, you know, the way they choose their car.

Why bless your thoracic contents, Gov. Rmoney.  You’re back.

**Ed. Note: yes, we’re liveblogging it. You had to ask?

Posted by Mrs. Polly on 10/11/12 at 06:15 PM
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Categories: ImagesPoliticsElection '12MittensVulture/Voucher 2012

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Return of the Etch-A-Sketch

His campaign warned us that Romney would start rewriting his positions like an Etch-A-Sketch—if you have around 20 minutes, here’s a recap of some of Mitt’s Greatest Flip-flop Hits:

So what about his recent waffles about women’s reproductive health and the NDAA?  Well, it seems like conservatives at this point have accepted that Mitt will say whatever it takes to get elected—it’s a feature, not a bug.

“What!?” you may, interrobangically, interject.  “Surely that would be terrible hypocrisy.”

Yes. Yes it would.  If this be hypocrisy, I recommend rubbing their noses in it.  And it doesn’t hurt to remind the moderates that newly-minted Moderate Mitt is trying to appeal to that when you don’t know where someone really stands—there’s no reason not to assume the worst.

 

 

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 10/10/12 at 10:13 PM
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Romney Still Firmly in the Uncanny Valley: Exploiting the Dead for Political Gain

As part of the Romney Family’s reboot of the Mittbot’s campaign, he’s been trying to go all “real Mitt” and demonstrate that he can relate to specimens of Homo sapiens by choking up on cue on the stump as he recounts tales of his encounters with the inferior classes.

Surprise. It’s not working out so well.

The mother of Glen Doherty, a Navy SEAL who was one of four Americans killed in the Sept. 11 attack in Libya, told a Boston TV station that GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney shouldn’t politicize her son’s death.

Romney told an Iowa campaign audience Tuesday about a chance encounter with a Navy SEAL during a Christmas party in San Diego, although he did not invoke Doherty by name. Romney owns a home in the California area and Doherty was stationed there, serving in the military. Romney cited the SEAL’s dedication to the Middle East and his commitment to foreign service as a way to draw a contrast with President Barack Obama’s response in the region, which Romney has criticized as lacking in leadership.
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After Romney’s remarks, Barbara Doherty told Boston’s WHDH 7News that the GOP nominee shouldn’t invoke her son that way again.

“I don’t trust Romney,” she said. “He shouldn’t make my son’s death part of his political agenda. It’s wrong to use these brave young men, who wanted freedom for all, to degrade Obama.”

This is borne out by the memories of a friend of Glen Doherty:

Romney was visibly emotional during the story, and the video of the speech was repeated throughout the day on network and cable news.

But one of Glen Doherty’s best friends remembered Doherty’s impression of this meeting much differently.

Elf Ellefsen met Glen Doherty skiing in Utah when he was 19, and the two men remained friends for more than 20 years.

“A guy living life wise beyond his years. Always trying to be progressive as well as do the right thing. Always challenging himself to his greatest ability,” Ellefsen remembered.

He last saw Doherty a week before the final mission to Libya. “I stayed in his house (in California), we paddled out in the ocean together, spent some good quality time.”

Ellefsen said Doherty recalled meeting Mitt Romney years ago, but the account was much different from what the Presidential candidate retold in Iowa.

According to Ellefsen, Romney introduced himself to Doherty four separate times during the gathering.

“He said it was very comical,” Ellefsen said, “Mitt Romney approached him ultimately four times, using this private gathering as a political venture to further his image. He kept introducing himself as Mitt Romney, a political figure. The same introduction, the same opening line. Glen believed it to be very insincere and stale.”

Ellefsen said Doherty remembered Romney as robotic.

“He said it was pathetic and comical to have the same person come up to you within only a half hour, have this person reintroduce himself to you, having absolutely no idea whatsoever that he just did this 20 minutes ago, and did not even recognize Glen’s face.”

Ellefsen described Glen Doherty as a humble, non-political guy, and said it was ironic for him to be used during a presidential campaign.

“Whether it be Republican, Democrat, Green Party, Libertarian, it doesn’t make a difference. Because this guy is using our great friend, our humble, and honorable great friend…who is truly larger than life…He has become part of the soapbox routine for politics in a presidential race.”

Ellefsen said he understands why people would want to link themselves with Doherty. “Of all people to tie yourself to for advancement in life, it’s not surprising that Romney or anybody else would want to tie themselves to Glen Doherty. Because he was incredible. And I can honestly say beyond a shadow of a doubt, he was the greatest person I have ever met in my life.”

I asked Ellefsen what he thought of his friend’s story being used on the political stump:

“Honestly it does make me sick. Glen would definitely not approve of it. He probably wouldn’t do much about it. He probably wouldn’t say a whole lot about it. I think Glen would feel, more than anything, almost embarrassed for Romney. I think he would feel pity for him.”

Even in death, Glen Doherty’s evidently a better person than I am. As for Mitt ...

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Posted by YAFB on 10/10/12 at 01:33 PM
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There just ain’t enough pearls to go round (now with a little more)

There’s less than a month to go till the election, and there’s barely room to fit your butt on the fainting couches in some quarters as the MSM derails from its narrative of the moment and doles out yet another gross indignity to the man who would be king.

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Tour some of the Borg sites if you want to enjoy the sudden resurrection of their yearning for SOME RESPECT, DAMMIT!!!! for public figures.

Meanwhile, I’m looking forward to the end of this silly week—at worst, for the poll-obsessed, we should have MOAR DATA, and some of the outliers and sample sets from the immediate debate aftermath and a holiday weekend should be diluted by more substantive things to set everyone’s hair alight, woefully misinterpret, and keep the horserace narrative alive into the final stretch. And of course, there’s the hope that ole handsome Joe Biden will gallop to the rescue and serve up the mancrush red meat that some of the daftest public bedwetters I’ve ever witnessed before going back to ignoring them again so obviously crave and turn this thing around. Or not. Whatever.

In any case, his opponent, hottie Dauphin of the Damned Paul Ryan, is evidently feeling the heat. Both he and the campaign, flying in the face of gleeful predictions from the Borg that he’ll wipe the floor with the geriatric hairplug-studded gaffe machine, have been trying desperately to play down expectations for his performance. Though, since we’re talking the Romney campaign here, they’re simultaneously playing up expectations that the understuffed suit of a granny starver will deliver another gamechanger and finish this thing, since if O’Biden doesn’t stride manfully across the stage and deliver the eyewatering wedgie of a lifetime, Ryan WINS IT’S ALL OVER. I think that’s called a spread bet.

Ryan’s even channeled Queen Ann Of The Fainting Couch and issued his own preemptive strike:

Ryan: Dems’ Strategy Is To “Call Us Liars”
Paul Ryan said that Democrats’s strategy through the election is “to call us liars for a month” in an interview with Michigan radio host Frank Beckmann Monday. The day after Wednesday’s presidential debate, the Obama campaign released an ad saying Romney had not told the truth during the debate.

“It seems pretty clear that their new strategy is basically just call us liars, to descend down into a mud pit and hopefully with enough mudslinging back and forth and distortion, people will get demoralized and then they can win by default; sort of a choice of the lesser or two evils,” Ryan said.

There’s one course of action Ryan and Romney could adopt to avoid this “new strategy,” but that’s obviously never going to happen. Maybe Joe’s dug out the thesaurus since the l-word is so offensive to the Romney camp’s delicate sensibilities—they’re so unused to the help answering back—or maybe he’ll find other more subtle but no less devastating ways to convey the message.

read the whole post »

Posted by YAFB on 10/10/12 at 08:18 AM
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Tuesday, October 09, 2012

Don’t Worry About a Class War, They Don’t Have Class Here

I certainly don’t think I was alone in cringing when Mitt Romney discussed his five sons’ being lousy little liars when they were small.   I said to myself, “Self, that wasn’t a nice thing for a father to say.”  But anyway, you know who thought that was a great line? Apparently, Romney’s sons. Here’s Josh Romney saying Obama is just like Mitt’s lying little chips off the old block:

Oh wait, he actually just compared the president to an obstinate child? The president of the United States? Huh. Not especially classy.

I could say he’s just trying to be like his dear old dad, but it seems like dear old mom has some pretty choice things to say, too:

Mitt Romney’s wife, Ann, equated President Obama’s campaign to a petulant child during an interview Tuesday after being asked about charges from the president’s campaign that her husband had “lied” during last week’s debate.

“I mean, lied about what? This is something he’s been saying all along. This is what he believes.  This is his policy, these are his statements,” Ann Romney said in an interview set to air Wednesday on Fox News. “I mean, lie — it’s sort of like someone that’s, you know, in the sandbox that like lost the game and they’re just going to kick sand in someone’s face and say, ‘you liar.’ I mean, it’s like they lost, and so now they just are going to say, OK, the game, we didn’t like the game. So to me, it’s poor sportsmanship.

Delightful. As in, completely tasteless.  The far simpler reason for President Obama to call Romney a liar is the constant lying he does.  Hint: Ann, no matter how many times your husband repeats a thing, if it isn’t true, it does not become true by repetition.  And don’t get me started about “poor sportsmanship” when Mitt Romney is a guy who cheats at games with his own family.  That’s just drawing attention to yourselves, dear.

Oh well, I’m not sure why I’m particularly annoyed by what she has to say. I should take a page from Mitt’s book and pay her no mind.

And yes, I know people do frown at criticizing a candidate’s family, and it’s just not done and all that. Well, stuff it. Romney’s campaign has gathered around the family to “humanize” the candidate and soften his edges.  How are they doing?  Don’t they seem warm and fuzzy, now?

Posted by Vixen Strangely on 10/09/12 at 08:43 PM
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Categories: PoliticsElection '12MittensVulture/Voucher 2012

Saturday, October 06, 2012

Romney Targets Big Bird

A bit of silliness but too good not to share.  Via Crooks & Liars

The serious side, though,  is that this really could happen to virtually all domestic spending if Romney & Ryan had their druthers.

Posted by marindenver on 10/06/12 at 12:44 PM
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Friday, October 05, 2012

Romney Abandons Abandonment of the 47%

The wheels fell off Mitt Romney’s Etch A Sketch last night when he appeared on ace racebaiter Sean Hannity‘s show to denounce Mitt Romney for denouncing 47% of Americans a while back as shiftless scroungers not worthy of his time and effort.

This is Mitt Romney doubling down on September 17:

I believe the point I was made is that the president starts off with a large number of the voters, 47, 48, 49 percent, something like that. These are people who are in his camp and, uh, they will vote for him almost no matter what. ...  I point out I recognize that among those that pay no tax, approximately 47 percent of Americans, I’m not likely to be highly successful with the message of lowering taxes. ... And so I then focus on those individuals who I believe are most likely to be able to be pulled into my camp and help me win the 51 or 50.1 percent that I need to become the next President.

Romney said that his remarks were “not elegantly stated,” but added that he won’t back down from them. “It’s a message which I’m going to carry and continue to carry,” he said.

This is Mitt Romney yesterday, not backing down:

“Well, clearly in a campaign with hundreds if not thousands of question and answer sessions, now and then you’re going to say something that doesn’t come out right. In this case I said something that’s just completely wrong.”

This will have come as news to the likes of Mary Matalin, Hannity himself, and the hordes of other rightwingers who’ve been joyfully applauding and amplifying Romney’s secret spiel to super-rich sots:

“There are makers and takers, there are producers and there are parasites,” she said. “Americans can distinguish between those who have produced and paid in through no fault of their own and because of Obama’s horrible policies who cannot get a job or are underemployed. That’s what the campaign is about.”

But Mitt’s running for office, for Pete’s sake!

Erick Erickson and the denizens of RedState, Breitbart.com and all points right are currently desperately scouring their health plans to see whether they cover epistemic whiplash and acute cases of egg on face.

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Posted by YAFB on 10/05/12 at 07:56 AM
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Thursday, October 04, 2012

Big Bird, Big Government

Working the graveyard shift is a mixed blessing.  I’m sorry I missed out on the entertaining live-blogging of the debate, but I did have an opportunity to not only hear the debate, but to read some of the post-debate dissection of the debate…

Attention! Your attention, please! A newsflash has this moment arrived from the Sesame Front. The forces of Republicanism in 2012 have won a glorious victory. I am authorized to say that the war against PBS is within measurable distance of its end.

The general consensus among media types is that Mitt Romney “won” the first debate in the 2012 campaign, but my takeaway is that his victory will turn out to be a Pyrrhic one.

Mitt never really delivered any telling blows against President Obama in this general snoozefest of a debate.  Mitt avoided talking about specific points in his tax plan.  Indeed, he avoided specificity on most topics.  The fact checkers will be parsing the debate performances of both candidates, while the public spaces out about the facts and figures.  Romney’s “victory” was due to a largely passive performance on the part of the president… hopefully this was a rope-a-dope tactic on the president’s part, a gambit to make Mitt underestimate him before landing some devastating blows during the foreign policy portion of the debates.

Now, for the main reason why I think that Mitt’s vague “victory” was hollow- the one feature of Romney’s performance that will capture the imagination of wags was his declaration of love for Big Bird (who is just the right height), though said love would best be described as creepy and stalkerish, seeing that Mitt wants to cut funding for PBS, the “home” of Big Bird.  Already, the meme-generators are hard at work generating facetious images of Mitt.  Some of these images are pretty damn devastating.  Who the hell is going to remember Mitt’s evasive generalizations about his fiscal policies once the social media wags start pushing the Big Bird narrative?

Poor Mitt, he may have won a doubleplusgood victory against Barack Obama in debate round one, but he lost the meme war against Big Bird.  It won’t be long before one of Mitt’s team members tells Wolf Blitzer, “We have always been at war with Sesame Street.”

Posted by Big Bad Bald Bastard on 10/04/12 at 06:48 AM
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Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Next up in Oogity-Boogity

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They can’t believe they’re losing to this guy! After the Daily Caller presented a “bombshell” Obama video that’s been on the Internet for five years yesterday to general yawns outside the echo chamber, today another wingnut fart-huffer went back five more years to unearth snippets of a speech the president gave at a MLK memorial celebration at a church. Ta-duh!

Rich people are all for nonviolence. Why wouldn’t they be? They’ve got what they want.

Which is sorta, you know, true. Future President Obama goes on to say:

The spirit of empathy condemns not only the use of firehoses and attack dogs to keep people down but also accountants and tax loopholes to keep people down. I’m not saying that what Enron executives did to their employees is the moral equivalent of what Bull Connor did to black folks, but I’ll tell you what, the employees at Enron feel violated. When a company town sees its plant closing because some distant executives made some decision despite the wage concessions, despite the tax breaks, and they see their entire economy collapsing, they feel violence . . .

I’m not sure this is the exact message they’d like to juxtapose with images of Willard M. Romney, Vulture Capitalist of Bain, but you go to war with the bombshells you have, I guess. It’s like they’ve watched Limbaugh screech and jiggle about the evil and dangers of parsnips for four solid years and expect everyone to scream at the sight of a pallid, carrot-shaped root vegetable. But instead everyone kind of shrugs or laughs.

[X-posted at Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 10/03/12 at 04:34 PM
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Sunday, September 30, 2012

Desperado Hottie McStudMunster goes for his guns

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Back in ‘08, gun and ammo wholesalers cunningly spread the meme that if elected president, dusky peacenik/wannabe murderous dictator for life Barack Obama would be comin’ fer yer guns, so BETTER STOCK UP RIGHT AWAY. As things panned out, although it provided a handy additional stimulus to the American economy, that didn’t happen.

Gamechanging alleged hottie wunderkind prospective VP Paul Ryan hasn’t exactly set anybody’s hair on fire except his and Mitt’s handlers and spinners so far. With a few days to go to the first presidential debate, and a few more to the VP one, Ryan’s currently damping down widespread expectations among the borg that he’s gonna ZING! Joe Biden into a quivering blob of hairplug-studded jelly:

GOP vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan said Sunday he’s not counting on gaffes from Vice President Joe Biden when they debate on October 11.

“I don’t think he will. You know he doesn’t do that in debates. The gaffes - he’s kind of legendary for this - that’s not in these kind of situations,” Ryan said on “Fox News Sunday.” “He’s a very disciplined person when he speaks in these kinds of situations. He doesn’t produce gaffes in these moments. Those are when he’s off the cuff.”
As for his own debate preparation, Ryan said he’s not worrying about coming up with creative lines - he’s just going to be himself.

“I’m not really a line guy. I’m more of a gut guy,” Ryan said. “I believe in what I believe. I do what I do. And I really believe in the policies we’re providing, that we’re pursuing. And at the end of the day, I’m just going to go in there and be me.”

Ryan has been preparing with former Solicitor General Ted Olson, who is playing the part of Biden in mock debates.

Ryan said Biden has excellent debate skills, so his plan is not to try to rattle Biden, but to simply lay out the Romney-Ryan vision for America.

Nevertheless, during this tense run-up to the debates, if any tactic can be identified in the Rich Bastard/Granny Starver 2012 campaign at the moment, as Bette observes, it looks like they’ve decided they need to go hell for leather for the crucial outdoorsperson demographic to clinch this thing, so this last week Ryan decided it’s time to fulfil his early promise and basically steal Palin’s favorite lines:

“I might add that in small towns we don’t quite know what to make of a candidate who lavishes praise on working people when they are listening and then talks about how bitterly they cling to their religion and guns when those people aren’t,” she said.

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Posted by YAFB on 09/30/12 at 11:30 AM
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Doctor Romney, I Presume?

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Mitt Romney’s quest for a “defining moment” took a sharp-turn off-road this week.  In an effort to reconnect with the 47% of “your tired, your weak, your longing to be free of Lyme disease,” Mitt promised the State of Virginia, specifically, that he will find a way to deliver them from the ravages of the deer tick, in a campaign mailer delivered this week.

The mailer (see below: credit: The Weekly Standard) declares the disease a “massive epidemic threatening Virginia” and says that the Republican presidential nominee and his running mate Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) will do more to fight the spread of the disease by “improving synergy” between agencies and “increasing awareness” among the public.  It is a little-known fact that the disease, carried by tiny ticks that ride on whitetail deer, flourish in environments, such as Virginia’s, where “interdepartmental synergies” are particularly sub-par due to the failures of the Obama administration.

Unlike his opponent, Barack Obama, who rattles on continuously about jobs and boring stuff that affects everyone, Candidate Romney cares deeply about the .00002 percent of the population of battleground states afflicted by Lyme disease, where the tick-borne scourge threatens whole communities of TEA Party activists who conscientiously keep their health insurance up to date and never mooch off the taxpayers.

The mailer’s text is reprinted below, compliments of Huffington Post:

It’s a disease that begins with small bug…

But Lyme Disease has quickly become the most common vector-borne disease in the United States, devastating our families and our pets.

It’s a serious problem - that demands immediate attention.

As president, Mitt Romney will ensure that real action is taken to get control of this epidemic that is wreaking havoc on Northern Virginians.

IMPROVE SYNERGY
Ensure that government agencies have an open line of communication and work with patients, researchers, doctors, and businesses in an objective, comprehensive manner.

INCREASE AWARENESS
Work with federal and state health agencies to support Lyme Disease awareness efforts to help prevent further spread of the disease.

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Who says this guy’s a cold fish?

P.S.  The more I think about it, the surer I am that one of Romney’s “debate zingers” is going to be about Lyme disease.  POTUS better bone up on this trending topic in a hurry.

Posted by Bette Noir on 09/30/12 at 08:54 AM
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